Ash, Like The Tree
Author's note: Again, I'm sorry if I kept you waiting. I was having a little trouble putting together what was mine and what was left of the collaboration in this chapter. I now have a pretty solid idea where this is heading and where I'm ending it so bear with me. I haven't checked this for typos, I will in the morning, so you'll have to excuse me for those. Also, this is the first time I've written about House as a character, I hope I'm not that off. And, by the way, since this story is entirely mine now (well, House MD obviously isn't but you get the point) I had a change of heart about Ash's age. She was based on my four-year old cousin but considering how precocious she is (my cousin) you could do well picturing her as about five or six, though I won't actually write the change in the story, she's still four there. Well, enjoy and comment!
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
6.
They drove to the hospital, and Chase parked in his usual spot. The security guard looked a bit confused, seeing him walking holding hands with a four year old girl, but he said hello and Chase replied with a smile and that was it. They headed straight into Cuddy's office. She was sitting in her desk, talking on the phone, but waved him in through the glass doors with a smile. She kept nodding her head at the phone for a while, then muttered an instruction and hung up – only then did she raise her head and looked up.
"Dr. Chase! I was not expecting you till next Monday," she said. Chase bit his tongue, cursing House inwardly. He could be at home sleeping, and he could've used the next day to finish up on Ash's room and the rest… God, why did he still feel so tired?
"Dr. Cuddy, this is my niece, Ash. I… I haven't gotten around to finding a day care so…"
"Oh, don't worry about it. We have a day care in the hospital, I'm sure there'll be no trouble signing her up." She bent down to look at Ash, who had hidden behind Chase at the mention of her name. Cuddy waved, and Ash slowly showed her head and waved back. "How old are you, sweetie?" she asked. Ash hesitated for a moment, then answered, looking at the floor.
"Four," she said. "But I'll be five soon."
"Four? I've got a daughter who's four. Maybe you can meet her someday." She showed Ash to the corner Rachel sometimes played in when she came to work with her, and she quickly started running her hands through some storybooks. Cuddy turned back to Chase.
"She looks like you… How is she taking everything? I mean, with the move and all…"
"I… I don't know," Chase admitted, feeling his face starting to tingle. "I mean, she looks all right, and she seems happy and she plays and talks to me, but… I think that she forgets. I'm sure if she really understands."
"Yes… it will probably take her time. If you need any help, I can give you my sitter's number. Don't worry, you'll do fine."
"Thank you." Chase looked down. He knew she wanted to ask him about himself, but he was relieved that she understood he wasn't really up for it. He fiddled uncomfortably with the paperweight on the desk, and looked up.
"Have you been to see House yet?" Cuddy asked, her voice of business returning.
"I was going to see him right now. I'm worried about the schedule, I don't know if I'll be able to keep up the hours like before…"
"House is not going to like it… but talk to him. If he doesn't budge we can still work something out for you."
"Thank you very much," he said, and stood.
"Don't worry about it. I know how hard it is."
Chase smiled, remembering when Cuddy had just adopted Rachel.
"Do you think you could keep an eye on her while I go talk to House?" he turned, and saw Ash was still on the corner, painting a bright yellow tree in one of the colouring sheets.
"Sure" he stood up and told Ash he would be right back, and left the room when she nodded. He was walking away from the glass doors when he heard her voice, fainter now.
"It's Ash like the tree… Do you have a piano?" He smiled and took the elevator to the diagnostics office.
i-i-i-i
He arrived to find House in the rest of the team right in the middle of a differential, board squiggled and empty coffee mugs lining the table. He walked in without knocking.
"Chase!" Masters said, her face bright, and immediately everyone else turned towards him. He stopped, still underneath the doorframe. Foreman stood and patted him in the shoulder.
"Welcome back, nice to see you," he said, and Chase nodded thanks, then proceed to find a seat. He placed his hands on the back of the chair, but before he could pull it back House slammed his cane on it.
"Have people no manners now?" he said, turned towards him. "We're in the middle of something here." Chase looked away.
"What, do you want be to go back out and knock the door?" he said, not in the mood for jokes. He pushed the cane away and sat down, pulling a file and flicking it open. "You wanted me here, so I'm here." House frowned, and looked behind at the glass window, then behind the table.
"What are you looking for?" asked Masters. House turned towards Chase again.
"Where's the kid?" he asked. Chase stared back in silence.
"What kid?" said Foreman.
"Chase has a kid now," House explained, before Chase had a chance. "She's four, isn't she? You've left her in the closet or is she here?"
"She's not here?"
"What kid? Your sister's? " Foreman asked, a bit wide-eyed at the information. "She's living with you now?"
"Yeah" Chase said, and then leaned over towards his boss. "House, I need to talk to you about –"
"Wow" It was Taub's turn, now. "Didn't picture you with a kid…" Chase grinned. It was an image he was getting used to.
"So are you back for real?" Foreman asked
"I already talked to Cuddy. I'll start on Monday, if you'll take me. I'm just here to talk to House and…"
"Is that right? Because if I remember correctly, I said you had to be here in time for the seminary… And that was three days ago," House replied, then sent Foreman and the others to order more tests on the patient. Chase dropped his shoulders, sighing.
"Well, I don't see my replacement," he said.
"Oh, he called in sick today. But you'll like him. Really funny guy. He can lick his own elbow."
"House… If you're firing me, I'd appreciate it if you'd just do it; I've got to get back home." He looked anxiously at his watch. House was silent for a while, then he smiled, just for an instant. Chase sighed with relief.
"Thank you," he said, and he got up to leave.
"Oh, come on, it's not like I pay you that much. In fact, with your new schedule, you may go a little hungry."
"No… I mean for the call." There was no sign of acknowledgement. "At the airport? What did you tell them?" he asked. House did not look up from his file.
"Oh, you'll never know" He answered.
"See you on Monday, House."
i-i-i-i
He arrived on Monday early, and no one was in at the office. They had solved their case over the weekend so there was no rush to be there on time. He had managed to get Ash on the hospital day-care, with Cuddy's help. She had been in a similar place in Cape Town when Claire went to school so he hoped it wasn't too hard on her. Cuddy had given him a few baby sitter's numbers as well as some school advice, when he returned for Ash after seeing House, and they even arranged for a play date with Rachel in the future. Ash had not interacted with kids her own age since the accident, so that would be a change for her. They had spent the weekend giving some final touches to Ash's bedroom, but for the last two days Chase had woken up to find Ash lying in bed next to him. He suspected she was having nightmares, and he didn't make her leave, he had nightmares too.
She didn't shed a tear when he walked away from the day-care that morning, but she didn't look her usual cheerful either. He started making the coffee, and taking a look at patient's files while it dripped on his mug. The white board stood in the corner, House's handwriting spiralled all over it with symptoms and possible conditions, the one they had already ruled out crossed out several times, but the condition it had turned out to be was none of the possibilities.
"Hey" said Martha, pushing the glass doors open and stepping inside, her voice as cheery as always.
"Hi," he answered, looking up from a file.
"So...how are things?" Chase sighed. He wondered if he would've gotten all those questions if Claire had died without children. He was getting tired of it, but Masters didn't seem very comfortable either. She probably just felt like it was the right thing to ask.
"I think they're as well as can be expected" he replied, as vague an answer as he could make it.
"I mean, it must be hard..." she pressed on. Chase looked at her, a bit annoyed, but she didn't appear to be asking out of plain curiosity. She just looked...worried.
"It's just… very different. Everything is different now." He left it at that, as he saw House and the rest of the team approaching the conference room. The banter of a possible diagnosis of the new patient was refreshing. It had been a while, so it took a bit more effort for Chase to catch up. He'd been expecting more intrusion from House, but he made no comments, and though he was sure it would not last for long he felt relieved. He could still do this, he could still have the life he'd had before… He stopped his thought right there, as Claire popped into his head and suddenly he wasn't sure anymore. Her life had seemed better.
i-i-i-i-i
House sat in his office, and the computer screen obscured pretty much everyone in the corridor, but suddenly, from the corner of the glass doors, a face peeked inside. It was a young girl, no older than five, and he could see her because she was kneeling almost down to the floor, her head tilted so her hair fell in a mess over her face, curly and copper red. When she met his eyes she giggled, and pulled right away. He stood in time to see her running somewhat unsteadily in the slippery hospital corridors. Did he know her? She'd looked so familiar...
He walked to the door, and opened it just enough to look out to the hallway.
"Hey!" he said, but she kept walking slowly ahead, and there was just no way he was chasing after her. "Hey, redhead!" he called, louder, and now she stopped, and turned to look back at him. "Yes, you! Come here." The girl approached slowly, hesitating. House could see her more closely now, and the faint resemblance he had suspected was a lot more obvious. Yes, this was her. 'What's your name?" he asked. The girl stared at him with a frown, and she was silent for a while, before finally considering appropriate to answer.
"Ash..." she said, with a slight raise in her voice that made it seem like she wasn't so sure, almost like a question. House scoffed.
"What a ridiculous name," he said. The girl did not seemed put off at all.
"It's Ash like the tree," she clarified, "not what's left in the chimney." She said it like it would make all the difference, and then eyed him curiously. Her accent confirmed his doubts, but still he found it a little strange, then he remembered where Chase had gone. Her small hand touched his cane, and he pulled back. She frowned again.
"Are you a doctor?" she asked.
"Yes" he answered. "I work with your uncle." The girl's eyes widened.
"How do you know who my uncle is? Are you his mean boss?" So this kid knew who he was. Probably Chase had warned her about him. It wouldn't be surprising.
"I'm the one and only," he said, chuckling. "And your uncle isn't here. Aren't you supposed to be in day-care or something?"
"It's bo-ring" she said, in singsong, and looked down at her shoes, the bright yellow boots she had chosen over the weekend. House chuckled.
"What? You don't like finger painting and building blocks? I find it fascinating," He was surprised when she shook her head.
"No you don't…" she said, with a chuckle. "They said there that I speak funny, also."
"Well, you do speak a little funny."
"I don't!" She crossed her arms. House laughed.
"Yes you do. But funny's cool." Now she brightened up.
"You think so?"
"Yeah, well," he chuckled again, and shrugged. "Could be, couldn't it?"
"I guess... so?" She shook her head, then looked up at him again as if she'd just realised she'd been tricked. Then she shook it again, and dismissed that thought. She took another step towards the office. "Do you have a piano?" she asked. House held the door for a moment, peered around to make sure no one was looking, then opened it to let her in.
i-i-i-i-i
Chase was already getting the hang of being back to work, even though it had not been long. He had been sent to search the patient's home and was now returning with a sample of mold and a couple of cleaning supplies to test in the lab, while Taub went on to get a more detailed family history. He was alone for that moment, and he enjoyed it, it was much better than the awkward silences he found himself stuck in when the others were around, because they wanted to ask questions and didn't know how, or thought maybe random topics or conversations would upset him, or worse, steered it so that he would tell them. That would pass, he knew, like it had passed when he and Cameron broke up, but still he felt different. He'd been angry before, now the anger had faded to the background, though it had not entirely disappeared. He felt guilty, and sad, and concerned, but the rage did not surge like before. He was over anger, he'd convinced himself of it, he wasn't going to punch at someone for an innocent jibe or explode into shouts or slam his fists at the wall, all of that no longer felt like an out. He only wished they could all go back to normal like when they didn't know he even had a sister, so that maybe he would too.
The hospital was freakishly silent as he carried the test results back to the diagnostics office. They were inconclusive, but then again he hadn't expected it to be that easy. The elevator door opened, and he was surprised to find both lights were off in the diagnostic medicine department. That was weird, he would have expected to see House, or even the rest of the team waiting, but the office was deserted. Does that mean he's done for the day? It was past six already… But even if he wasn't, the deal with Cuddy only had him working up to six, so he left the results on the table and grabbed his messenger bag from the floor. He headed downstairs to the day-care. He felt a bit guilty for not going round at lunch to say hi like he said he would, and hoped the day had gone just fine. The middle aged nurse on the entrance greeted him with a smile, but slightly nervous eyes.
"Dr. Chase, hello" She looked a bit confused, and Chase wondered if there was a special protocol for the day-care he wasn't following.
"Hi, I'm here to pick up Ash." He noticed most of the teachers were already gone, and few kids remained as well.
"Ash? Uh, she..." The nurse trailed off, refusing to look him in the eye. Chase dropped his nice guy tone when he spoke to her again.
"She, what? She's not here?"
"Dr. House took her, about forty minutes ago." She blurted out nervously, and looked to the floor. "He said you'd sent him, I figured..." Chase looked at the ceiling, balling his fists and forgetting all his previous reflections about rage. He had actually thought House would leave him alone, at least for a while, but now he had gone ahead and taken Ash. Rage was there, all right. How had he done it? He didn't even know what she looked like…
"You figured what?" His voice rose higher now. "Don't you know Dr. House? He lies! He'd say anything. Do you know where he is?" The nurse shook her head no. Chase knew Ash was safe with House, but he still felt mad, angrier than he knew was reasonable and he didn't quite understand it himself, he just felt it.
"He went down that corridor and turned left," Another nurse said, apparently listening in on his conversation. Chase looked down. What was down there? There were restrooms, a little further down was the cafeteria… Hell, he could be anywhere. He turned his back on the nurse, and went down where she had pointed, walking aimlessly for a few metres, and then he heard the music.
Three soft notes, short and high pitched, rang through the air like a precious child's music box, followed by two slightly lower ones, and then the first three again, in a slow succession, on and on, and peaking in the highest, brightest, most beautiful of tones. Chase froze in the middle of the dark, empty hallway, and held his breath, listening closely. It was a piano. And the music… He knew that song. He broke into a run, and opened the door to the chapel. House looked up at him, a finger across his mouth, and Ash's face was obscured behind a giant piano.
The sequence was repeated, lower now, the main notes the same and the undertone slowly gathering force, taking over, gathering speed, and then a loud, dark and heart wrenching melody burst, Chase shivered and felt the hair at the back of his neck rise, it was glorious, and it was sad and it ran through him, and when it faded away and the first tune came back he felt shaky, but a clear image had formed in his mind. Yes, he knew the song. Again it was rising, and he saw a wide plain, rain falling down on a scorched earth, a dark blue night and grass waving in the wind, a cloud coming down from a sky full of stars. He saw Claire's face when she was Ash's age, crying, and smiling at the same time, and dunes, waving dunes and drums, he could hear the drums. It was happy again, and brighter and brighter, building towards an end, and then the end was there and he was certain. It was still a piano and somehow it sounded like drums, a quick dancing tune and he felt his face pulling as he smiled, he could almost hear the voices that he knew broke into song in the original piece. He saw dawn coming as the music faded, a red dawn, a huge yellow sun, and moments later the bluest of skies.
Somehow he found the use of his legs again, and he finished his path and came to House's side, but before he could see her House pushed him away, pointing to his face. Chase raised a hand to his cheek, only then he realised he'd been crying. He wiped his face dry and then stepped forwards, and Ash beamed when she saw him. God, why was she so much like her? She ran her hands over the keys and looked up to House.
"Yes, I missed a couple, but…"
"It was perfect," said Chase, in a hushed voice. House scrunched his face.
"Well, the pace was a little off at the start…" he said.
"You were doing the same pace!" said Ash, turning to House, in a high pitched voice. "I was following you…"
"No, I was following you, you were the one who knew the song," said House.
"It was beautiful, Ash," said Chase, and rounded the bench and touched her shoulder. She stood and grabbed his shirt.
"Your boss can play the piano!" she said, excited. "And he's not mean at all!" Chase chuckled, and held Ash's hand. House stared at him, raising his eyebrows, and then looked down at Ash.
"Now, where would you be getting that horrible idea?" he asked. Ash turned back to Chase.
"Well, he said… Oh! I'm sorry!"
"It's all right. We're going home now…"
"Your boss said he's got a piano at home. Can we go there?"
"Uh, I don't think…" Chase looked at House, sure he was going to say the same thing right away, but then saw with shock and dread that he didn't.
"Yeah, she seems to be under the impression that my name is Yourboss," he said, and bent down, picking up his cane. "It's House, by the way."
"House is not a name," she said, crossing her arms like she'd caught him on a joke.
"Neither is Ash," he said.
"Yes it is! It's a tree name!"
"And mine's a house name! As in House…"
"There are no house names, it would be silly."
"Sure there are house names! Flat… Condominium. Cabin. Cottage. Semidetached…"
"You're making those up."
"I'm not! There's also…"
"House!" Chase butted in. "We really need to go now."
"See? My name is House…"
"Ash, come on…" He pulled Ash's hand and started for the chapel door, but he turned back before he left, while House still was only taking steps out between the rows of benches. "And House, don't take her out of day care again." House scoffed.
"She managed to do that all on her own, don't pull me into it…"
"House. Just… please? Goodbye."
Ash was silent, sitting in the car, while Chase tried every radio station for one that she wouldn't shake her head to. God, he was so tired… He gave up, and switched the volume off as he got on the expressway, and though he thought for a moment to start a conversation, what could he really say to an almost-five-year old girl? Claire had told stories, she'd been brilliant at it… She could spin a tale about anything, he remembered that, but he'd always been useless in that respect. When Claire was little, he'd played games with her; they'd build giant paths out of discarded toilet paper rolls and throw marbles down from them. It had been fun for a while, and then she'd decided it wasn't fun anymore. They'd watch movies together. Claire had seen her favourites so many times the VHS tapes had worn down and would no longer play.
"Your mum loved The Lion King best of all when she was young," he muttered. "She watched it so many times it broke down. She loved that part, the part of the song, when Simba comes back to be king." He hoped to see her brighten up, but instead she turned away to face the window. "Ash?"
"Is that why you were crying?" she asked. Chase felt his face draining of all blood, and he squeezed the steering wheel till his knuckles shone white. His first impulse was to deny it, or to lie and say they were tears of joy, because she played so beautifully, but he could not bring himself to it. "I saw you when you came in. Your boss told me I shouldn't say, but…"
"Ash… you know that I miss your mum very much, don't you?"
"Yes."
"That song reminded me a lot of her, and us… when were younger and we still… But it's all right. Everything's fine, you don't… you don't have to worry about it."
"But… why were you upset?"
"I wasn't upset…"
"But you were crying… And you were mad at your boss."
"I was mad at him because of something else… I'm not mad anymore, so it's all right… Do you want to order pizza when we get home? It's a little late and I don't think…" He tried desperately to steer the topic, but apparently she noticed more than he gave her credit. There was no easy way out now.
"Why are you mad at my mum?" she asked, and Chase felt that for a second he could not draw a breath. How could she know that? Had he been that obvious? Had he shouted in his sleep? He thought he was over the anger, he thought he'd left it behind, it wasn't fair it crept back on him like this. He turned to Ash, and saw that she had two dark red marks over each cheekbones, the same marks she had when she was about to cry.
"I'm not… I'm not mad at your mum, I just wish… I miss her, that's all…"
"Then why didn't you come and visit us if you missed her?" she said, sniffing. Chase felt anxious, he was suddenly hot and his face felt like it was on fire. "Why do you only miss her now?"
"Ash… Your mum was really mad at me, too, before she died, and she never wanted me – "
"But…. But she said you were nice and that you were a doctor and that you cured people because you were really good… Why would she be mad at you?"
"Ash, I don't think you understand –" He stopped, because she screamed then, an incredibly loud and high-pitched scream like the one you'd expect from someone about to be mugged, but he had no time to say anything, because when he raised his eyes he saw the flickering high lights of the car coming from the other lane, and he cursed himself in that instant for the distraction, for his own anger because he knew he had no right to be angry, for the guilt and shame he hid away, for not even considering atoning, for knowing that his chance for real forgiveness was gone, for wasting his chance and for ignoring the possibility of a different life, a gift, a door, that had been open for him but now was closed again. Then he felt the impact, as they crashed head-on, left headlights colliding with each other, and both cars spun around in the opposite direction. He slammed against his seatbelt, but it was loose enough that his head hit the wheel before the airbag exploded in his face and pushed him so hard into his seat he felt he would sink right through.
A/N: Thank you for reading! I'm evil, I know. I already have what comes next written... or about half of it anyway. Just so you know, reviews would be a great incentive for quicker updating! Hahaha that's an evil laugh. Comments, reviews and suggestions are all very welcome! Oh, and by the way, the song I'm referring to is This Land, by Hans Zimmer, soundtrack for the Lion King. I mentioned it a few paragraphs below the cut here but thought I'd let you know anyway. Listen to it those of you who don't know it, and those that don't remember, it will immediately come back. It's an amazing song, an amazing movie, simply the best!