Chapter Six

A Favor

A week of stealing glances, of cleaning his mind, of practically living in the forest. It was excruciating for every moment he was alone for her face would be there behind his lids. He relished it as the best source of liberation.

He was there in the shadows of the night watching her. Though he couldn't project his emotions to her over their distance he hoped that her awareness of him was comforting.

She laid near the stream on a blanket, a pile of college brochures sprawled out in front of her. She lazily flipped through them taking less interest in every one that she picked up. Frequently her beautiful eyes would flicker to the forest, never landing on him but she was looking. That warmed him.

Clad in her ratty jeans and green shirt that was a size too big she crossed her ankles, resting her head on her palm. Her hair spilled over her shoulders brushing the ground. Jasper observed every facet of her knowing that the threatening clouds were about to take her away from him. She would be gone before the rain, Alice or Edward would make her go inside.

He imagined himself lying there with her. He would feel the silkiness of her tresses, her translucent skin, he would carefully kiss her neck. He may have pulled her over him and left the brochures to be forgotten as they enjoyed each other. Only the rain and her dislike for it would stop him.

Hearing an approach he immediately smelled books and soap. Carlisle.

"Hello," he greeted quietly as he went over her tennis shoes. There was a hole in the sole of her heel. He didn't agree with Alice's torture methods but Bella did need a pair of new shoes. He would have to make a mental note to buy her a replica. He wouldn't force her into anything posh, that wasn't her.

Carlisle sat beside him looking upon him with his air of fatherly duty. It was only right as Carlisle was the father he didn't have, nor was he used to having. "Lying is never a good idea son," he said just as softly, no one had the hope of hearing.

"We're not ready. We haven't decided how to tell him."

"The longer time passes the more it will hurt."

Irritated he turned to him. "What would you say?"

He became silent for a long while, a crack of thunder sounding. He saw Edward exiting the house to fetch her.

"I think you're holding back because you're troubled."

"I made my peace with the chance that Edward may kill me."

"I do not think that's what you fear..."

Bella went in the house not a second too late, the downpour began but he hardly felt it. "What is it then?"

"You - and Bella too - are greatly worried that you won't receive your brother's forgiveness."

As Carlisle had said it Jasper recognized it to be true. It rung clear in him but he made no outward notice of it. He cupped his hands gathering the rain and parted his fingers slowly to let it seep through the cracks.

He looked to him. "I love her, Carlisle. Truly I do."

"I believe you."

"Give us a little longer... For Bella's sake if anything."

"This is your battle but fight quickly and fight fair."

"Thank you."

"Charlie is working late so Bella will be staying here tonight. Edward and I will hunt." Carlisle stared at him meaningfully. "Don't let your scents mingle, least of all in Edward's bedroom."

The message was clear. Jasper wasn't to go into Edward's room but to get his time with her he could meet her elsewhere. It was obvious but perhaps there was something in his face that he didn't realize that caused Carlisle to say it. "Certainly."

He squeezed his shoulder and left him there. alone. He conciliated himself by silently vowing that the wouldn't be alone for long. Soon him and Bella would be together. Patience was virtue, right?

***

She laid on the couch her head in Edward's lap. With one hand he combed his fingers through her hair and with the other he read a brochure on Dartmouth. She closed her eyes begging herself not to lose to her anxiety. She couldn't afford to lose her cool again, not when her and Edward had an unspoken agreement not to discuss what happened.

He plainly wanted to, she would watch the contemplated and borderline painful look he would give. He said sorry and she stopped him and the guilt that flared at his apology, he had no idea she ran into Jasper's arms. That had been that, they didn't talk about it.

However, his insisting on colleges was beginning to wear. Bella sighed in warning but was paid no mind.

"Dartmouth is by far the best one."

"That has nothing to do with the large sum of cash you bribed to get me in there, does it?"

"Bribe is a bad word, persuasive would be more appropriate, and of course it has nothing to do with that. If you found another you liked then you can go there."

"I don't want to go to college."

"This is a human experience -"

"That I don't care about experiencing -"

"You will."

"You all went to college hundreds of times," she pointed out.

"Carlisle is the only one that can be said to have gone to college hundreds of times and I'm not certain that's the correct number. Listen Bella, this is something you should do. You may like it."

"You're just holding off the inevitable."

"It's not inevitable," he said cuttingly.

Like a punch in the gut she realized that perhaps he didn't love her, not nearly enough. If he truly loved her he would want to keep her, and he apparently didn't. He didn't care about her beliefs, what she wanted, he was determined to keep her a fragile human.

She could see their life, her getting older and him seventeen forever. She wouldn't date, she wouldn't marry, and she would never see Jacob Black again. Her life was planned out by someone who didn't love her like she needed to be loved. She was being dictated like a child.

Like a child. She wasn't a child. She didn't want that life. She would rather have no life at all.

Carlisle came in giving her a kind smile she felt she didn't deserve. No matter how unhappy she was she didn't want to hurt Edward. Edward was doing what he thought was right, and he was stubborn. He would never want to make her miserable.

She sat up and he kissed her lips. He left with his father promising to be back in the morning, that he would be there before she woke. She smiled and pretended.

She curled herself into the couch, her arms wrapped around her legs. She thought of what she wanted. More than anything the world could have offered she wanted Jasper. She could see her life with him as clearly as she had seen her life with Edward.

With Jasper she could see herself married, a vampire, by his side as an equal. They would live forever with each other and with their family. It would be wonderful, sweet. It was so tantalizing that she could almost taste it.

Even as a vampire she could see Jacob. Jasper wouldn't approve but he would never stop her. Whatever made her happy. He trusted her choices.

A light breeze brushed past her as he walked in from the pouring rain. He was soaked naturally, his clothes hugging him. She could see through his white shirt, the smoothness of his chest, his stomach, the muscles in his arms. When she became aware that she was staring quite inappropriately at him she averted her gaze, red staining her cheeks.

He knelt beside the couch and took her chin between his fingertips turning her face to his. He was grinning ear to ear.

"Bella, if I could blush I would do so quite often in your presence."

She smiled, that one being the singular authentic smile she gave the whole day. She licked her lips in a nervous gesture - watchful that she didn't bite her lip. It caught Jasper's attention and hastily kissed her. He held his lips there, becoming increasingly gentle.

"I can't control myself around you, Bella."

"I'm not worried about that."

"You should be," he touched her mouth, "you'll smell like me now... I promised Carlisle..."

"It doesn't matter."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because the smell will be gone by the time Edward gets back. Jasper, I want to ask you for a favor. I want to go to La Push. Will you take me?"

He stiffened, his hand a claw on the armrest. "To see the dog?"

"I know you don't support this, but he's my friend. I want to see him." There was a desperate edge in her tone and she knew that he was in the torrent of it all. It wasn't reasonable but she had no power over it, and she had to go. Jacob was her best friend. She wasn't ending that because she was a human with an over-protective vampire boyfriend.

To her surprise he nodded. Though she had already settled that he would never keep her from the thing she wanted she didn't expect it would be so easy. No argument, nothing.

"Okay, I'll take you, but keep your cell on you and call me when you need me."

"I will," she said with bliss. She threw her arms over his neck hugging him tightly. "Thank you, Jasper."

He exhaled, "anything for you, Bella. I trust you and if you trust him then I will try too." He stood then and carried her to the garage.

Yet again on his bike they sped out and away. She rested her head against his shoulder blade and closed her eyes, feeling each movement he made, every tendon of his muscles.

Jasper slowed to a stop at the border and shut the engine off. She released him for him to move off the bike and she scooted forward. Jasper lifted her helmet off, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. He leaned in and gently kissed her.

"Be careful, Bella," he said.

"I will be," she promised.

He placed the helmet back on to her head and stepped away. She turned the key, jumped, revved, and accelerated, watching him vanish in her review mirror. She forced her eyes back on the road, it speeding beneath her, and she hoped with all of her might that Edward wouldn't cause a fight if he heard it in his mind, or noticed that Jasper's bike was missing.

Another weight of guilt settled. Edward was insistent that he was selfish, but it was her that was selfish. She was selfish for not being happy with him, but for wanting his brother. She was so selfish that she risked further discord in the Cullen family for talking her way into seeing their enemy, to be with one of those members that wasn't her boyfriend.

Vampires and werewolves weren't the monsters. She was. She was the worst monster there was. She knowingly hurt people. She couldn't stop either. She didn't even care what Edward thought or if he would get angry - which he surely would.

Like the monster inside of her the beast purred and she pushed the bike to seventy miles an hour. She wouldn't stop.

Jasper once told her he was undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind. How little did he know...

A/N: Please be aware that this story is about the secret Jasper and Bella are keeping and the difficulties of it. If you're wanting them to tell Edward and "get it over with" then you may want to stop reading this story, it isn't for you.