When I first met Tori, something changed; I don't know what, but I do know why. She smiled at me when she shook my hand, I smiled back and I knew, I just knew that she was going to care like no one else ever had the courage to.

The first months of being a senior were hard, not only because of the difficulty of the classes or the stress, but because leaving high school meant that I would have to be on my own, be an adult. I wasn't a kid anymore, and it scared me because I didn't have my parents to guide me anymore. Things got worse, of course; my Borderline Personality Disorder was escalating and I stopped taking my Bi-polar medication.

I had a plan to kill myself at the end of the year because even though I knew my friends cared about me, they didn't know what was really going on, I had them fooled that everything was okay, and they believed me. I had five months to go until the end of year, so I played it out like I was fine, but Tori, she knew… she actually knew that I wasn't. I don't know how, and I don't care. And for the longest time, I didn't want anyone to care because I knew that they wouldn't understand, and then she came along and she understood, and I let her care.

The day after graduation, I walked three miles in the pouring rain with one objective; to thank her for everything. By the time I got to her house, the sun was setting. I rang her doorbell, she answered and that was it. I opened my mouth to thank her, but I kissed her instead. God knows what the hell possessed me to do that, but I'm glad I did.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that my whole body felt like it was on fire, because it wasn't. I was freezing, my hands were rough, I was drenched and smelled like a forest, as she explained it. But all it took was that one kiss to launch myself into a strangely inviting black hole of uncertainty. But I'm going to tell you this, scientists are wrong. Black holes do come to an end; you just keep getting sucked into another one.

I run a hand through my hair as I blink the sleep out of my eyes. Sitting up in my bed, I reach over and turn on the radio as the beginning of a song fills the room. I listen for a while before taking a shower and crawling back into bed.

When I wake up, I let my mind travel somewhere else.

If someone told when I was fourteen that my Dad and baby sister would die in a car accident, my Mom would abandon me and I would fall in love with Tori Vega because of it, I think I would have killed them and threw their body into the ocean. But now, I'm laughing because every single thing that made me smile, everything that kept me sane was destroyed, except for Tori. And even I don't have her anymore.

A few hours earlier…

"Hey." I say into the phone with a nervous laugh.

"Hey, Jade."

"So, why'd you call? I mean… not that you can't, I was just… just, you know, wondering."

She laughs.

"Why are you so nervous?"

"I'm not."

"…Jade."

"I don't know, okay? It's just… I was talking with my Mom a few minutes ago and she said some things."

"Go on…"

I lick my lips as I tightly close my eyes. "I will, but first I want to know why you called."

"Oh, okay. Well… I wanted to talk to you because… I miss you. Cat gave this interesting… talk about you and I and how we are supposed to be together because we're the only people who completely understand one another. But besides that, we need each other… I don't know how to explain it but when we're not together it's like the world is falling apart. And I know you're in England with your Mom, but I want you to come back to LA. I love you, Jade."

This isn't happening; this isn't want I want her to say. I just have to tell her this can't happen; she thinks it's the only right thing, that I'm the only right thing, but she's wrong.

"God, Tori… I'm sorry. I can't do this. Like I said, I was talking to my Mom earlier and she said that we may love each other, and in certain ways we're right for each other, but it's love like this that tears us apart. We were already broken, Tori… and this, us, isn't fixing anything. It's making it worse."

"I-"

"No. Don't try to deny it because you know it's true, right? We rely so much on the other, and that's why we can't be together."

"But… Jade, I don't want to leave you. I need you."

I bite my lip as the words spill out of her mouth. She's so broken, it's seems as though she's unfixable.

"Sometimes it's better to say goodbye." I hang up before I have to hear her say anything again, because I know if she said the right thing, I'd take her back in a heartbeat.

I sigh as I go downstairs to tell my Mom what happened. When I reach the living room, she's sitting on the couch reading fifty shades of grey.

"Uh, Mom?"

"Huh? What? When did you get there?" She says with a nervous laugh as she pushes the book under a pillow. My left eye twitches as I try to not vomit all over the ugly shag carpeting.

"Never mind that…" I mutter. "Anyways, I talked to Tori earlier…"

"What did you say?"

"I told her that we rely too much on each other so that's why we can't be together." I look down at my feet as I shift my weight. "I did the right thing, right?"

She's standing by me now, her arm over my shoulder and my head resting on hers'.

"I think so, yes. And, I know it's hard but you'll both be okay."

I look up at her, tears in the corners of my eyes. "How do you know?"

"I don't. But you two do." She says as we walk into the kitchen. She flashes me an apologetic smile and starts to make coffee. It's now that I realize that this time, Tori and I might not have the answer.

Tori's POV

We rely so much on the other, and that's why we can't be together.

We were already broken, Tori… and this, us, isn't fixing anything… it's making it worse.

Our love is tearing us apart.

There's this point in life where you realize when you did something that is going to affect you forever; and now I know that that thing, was falling in love with Jade. I don't regret it, not one bit; I just wish it wouldn't have lead us down such a destructive path.

It's now that I'm starting to see that there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and if it's one that I'll have to fight for the rest of my life, I wonder if it's worth it. Of course, I might not ever find out.

"Shit." I whisper as I turn onto my street. Instead of pulling into the driveway, I keep driving, I just keep driving. By the time I get to where I wanted to go, it's the middle of the night. I pull to the ledge of the cliff, get out of the car and go sit close to the edge.

Jade and I used to come here all the time; barely anyone knows about it, so it was nice to come here and get away. And for a second, for a millisecond even, I think about what it would be like to free fall. I laugh because I realize that I'm already falling, I'm just waiting to land. But I'm not sure if I'll ever land, or even if I want to; because falling feels good in ways I never thought possible.

There's always happiness in sadness, because happiness is everywhere, but you can't look for it, you have to let it find you. That's what I did, Jade found me and I'm thankful for that. Now all I have to do is wait, and maybe happiness will come out of the shadows for a while. And I know that someday, somewhere in happiness I'll find clarity; and that's just what I need.

I take one last look over the city that is Los Angeles, stand and head back to my car. When I get home, I check my messages; three from Cat, one from Beck and one from my Mom. Most were just asking how I was doing, but the one from my Mom read:

Hey honey. Your Father and I really miss you and Trina so, we're going to come back home in a few days. Hope you're not too busy for your parents :)

I smile when I text back.

Of course not, I'd love to see you guys :)

I haven't seen my parents or Trina in at least five months, so I'm glad they decided to come to LA. And even though this thought makes me smile, I just wish Jade was here to share this glimpse of happiness with me.

Chapter six: Demolished. Again, I'm sorry this took so long. I get out of school at 2:50, practice starts at 3:10 and goes until six; and then when I get home, I have to do my homework. As you see, I have a lot on my plate, but I really don't want it to get in the way of my updating, so I'm sorry about that.

Jade took her Moms' advice and told Tori that they can't be together. Tori's sad, of course but realizes that she will find happiness, rather it is in Jade or not.

Coming up for the last chapter: Will depression, loss, and pain all come together to form clarity, or will they prove to be too strong?