The entire school was called in to the auditorium at noon on He Who Is Not To Be Named Day. Finnelan took her place at the podium, took a deep breath, and asked: "How many students here have seen the scene from Animal House where the fraternity witch does a Yig Snake Daddy medicine dance?"

About half the school raised their hands, as did half the staff.

"Please do not perform the dance at any time from midnight tonight to midnight tomorrow. Furthermore, if you dance at all, under no circumstances should you imply it is in order to placate, appease, delight, or otherwise interact with Yig Snake Daddy. Experts will be present to lead authorized witches in ceremonies to Yig on the multi-use sports pitch. Those who are insufficiently skilled are invited to watch and only watch. Humming or whistling along to the music is allowed though discouraged, but toe-tapping, clapping, or any kind of percussion is to be avoided at all cost."

Amanda raised her hand.

"Yes, Ms. O'Neill?"

"What about air-drumming? Like this." She air-drummed, nodding her head along.

Finnelan consulted the rest of the staff. "For safety purposes, we'll have to say 'no.'"

"Sure thing," Amanda said, winking.

"Spectacular. Now enjoy the rest of your day and try not to catch anything we'll need Nurse Horowitz to fix."

"Frick's sake, somebody help me!" Amanda said one day later, gunning it down the halls with a rattlesnake in hot pursuit behind her. It was seven feet long, not including the oversized rattle, and had a crescent-moon symbol on its forehead. Witches ducked out of her way. "Please? Come on!"

"Gotcha, kid," a goblin said, sticking his broom in the path of the snake. It just slithered around the head without losing speed. "Okay, nevermind."

"I swear I wasn't doing anything! I wasn't even saying 'hey listen to this Y-'" Constanze popped out of her locker, leaping into a hurricanrana and dragging her friend to the ground. "Cons," she gasped, "you're literally killin'-"

Constanze slapped one headphone on the ground and hit play on an MP3 player. "Yig Snake Daddy" by the Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, with maxed out bass, played into the ground.

The snake slithered to a stop, then wriggled around on the ground to the music.

"Holy shit," Amanda said. "Was that some kinna anti-snake superweapon?"

Constanze pulled out a comment card: "More or less."

"Hot damn."

Cons rolled off of her and dragged her off by her collar. The snake lost interest and slithered away back to wherever Yig's mystic assassins go when they're not hunting people who have offended the Serpent Father.

"Wait, wait, where we goin'?" Amanda said, fumbling back to her feet after a few yards of following along by scrambling on all fours.

Constanze, it turned out, had moved her movie setup to a No Snakes Allowed bunker with vibration-canceling padding on the walls and floor, and thus was watching the "Whacking Day" episode of The Simpsons uninterrupted.

"S'real forward-thinkin' of you, watching a pro-snake thing on a day about a thing you hate," Amanda said, eating some Red Vines.

Constanze held up a sign: "I like to foster understanding towards things I don't like."

"Like Akko?"

"It's complicated," read the comment card Constanze held up.

"It's nice of your aunt to help with the thing," Akko said, sidling up to Diana.

"Whatever else may be said of her, she is quite spiritual," Diana said. "Abundantly so on Yig's day. That and she was never the type to turn down eating a truly inadvisable amount of mescaline."

A dozen medicine drummers from several North American tribes were busy placating Yig Snake Daddy in His ineffable slumber; in the middle of their circle were Daryl Cavendish and her twin daughters dance-writhing with their serpent familiars while a good couple of hours into a mother of a trip.

"THE OUROBOROUS HAS TURNED 'ROUND AND THE COILS DECLARE A TRUTH," Daryl said. "THE TIME IS COME TO MAKE A NEW CAVENDISH." She ripped at her clothes.

Akko moved to cover Diana's eyes and laid her hand on Diana's hands.

"Should we stop this?" Akko said.

"No," Diana sighed. "This is how it usually happens with Cavendishes: high as a cloud and honoring some god of fertility or the other."

"You know what? We should be going to your room, far away from here."

"I really agree," Diana said.

"ANY TAKERS?" Daryl said. "HUH? COME ON!"