Liz POV

It was no surprise when, just before lunch, Alex and Carolyn walked into my morgue.

In fact, the only real surprise was that it took them as long as it did.

Lupo had caught me at a weak moment this morning, and I hadn't been able to mask my emotions as quickly as I would've liked. He knew that I was upset about something, and my vague deflection was an amateurish attempt at best.

A good detective like him wouldn't buy it for a second.

And he hadn't.

And then he'd likely gone and done exactly as I'd expected.

He'd told the others.

Either Bobby or Mike or Alex or Carolyn…it didn't matter which one. As soon as he told one, they would all know.

That was the downside to having friends.

They could read me, even when I didn't want to be read.

And they wanted to help me, even when I didn't want to be helped.

So even though I'd known that anywhere from one to four of the aforementioned friends would descend upon my morgue at some point today, the fact that Alex and Carolyn showed up didn't make me happy.

It made me nervous.

Because I wasn't ready to admit to them the things that were going through my head, and they were both too damn perceptive for me to lie.

So I decided to attempt a good stall tactic instead.

"Social call or business?" I asked them when they came into the room, forcing myself to be pleasant.

They were, after all, my friends. My best friends.

And just because I was trying to keep something secret from them didn't mean that I should be rude.

Besides, it did make me feel good to know that they cared.

But I wasn't sure if they would be able to understand.

I mean, look at them. Look at their husbands.

Had either of them ever had a moment of doubt in their respective spouse?

It was unlikely.

Although maybe I wasn't giving either of them enough credit.

I watched them as they looked at each other.

"There's no need to fabricate an excuse," I said with a sigh. "I know why you're here."

"You do?" Alex asked innocently.

"Sure. Lupo talked to you."

"Lupo?"

It was apparently Carolyn's turn to pretend to be clueless.

"Oh for God's sake," I said as I set down my scalpel and pulled off my gloves. "Just ask."

"Don't be mad at Lupo. He was just concerned."

"I know. I knew when he left here that it was only a matter of time. Let me guess. Bobby and Mike are with Danny, right?"

They at least had the good sense to look embarrassed.

"It's nothing," I said firmly.

"So you don't need us for anything."

"No."

"No looking into something…"

"Nope."

"No friend to listen…"

And there she had me.

Because I'd been stewing down here with no one but the cadavers to hear my insecurities.

"This has really gotten blown out of proportion," I said. I sat down in one of the chairs and waved for them to take a seat as well. "It's really not that big of a deal. I guess my reticence to talk about it has made it seem more important than it is."

They waited patiently while I battled with myself, and then decided to bite the bullet.

"Do you remember the case with Kathy Jarrow?"

"Yes," Alex replied quickly. "It was Bobby's first case back after his suspension."

Right. Dissention had run rampant back then.

Alex and Bobby were arguing.

Me and Danny were on the skids…it had not been a good time.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

"IAB started an inquiry into Danny's involvement on that case."

"Involvement?"

"He's being accused of sleeping with a murder suspect during an ongoing investigation. Sleeping with Kathy."

I watched Alex's face to see her reaction.

What was I looking for?

A sign that maybe she knew something I didn't?

Denial or acknowledgement?

I was disappointed in myself for not being sure…for not trusting Danny at his word.

He'd said that nothing had happened.

Back then he'd said that.

This time around, I hadn't asked because, well…because that would make it seem like I hadn't believed him then.

"And you think there's some truth to the allegation?" Carolyn asked me in surprise. "Or are you just upset that his reputation might take a hit?"

"Uh…both actually."

"I've got to ask," Alex said. "And not to make light of the personal aspect of this, but what brought this on anyway? Why is anyone looking into his old cases?"

"He's being considered for the position of Chief of Ds," I told them proudly. And I was proud of him. He'd worked long and hard, and even just being considered was an honor, especially since he'd stopped playing their games a while ago.

"That's great," Alex replied. "Does he want it?"

"He's not sure. But a committee was assigned to vet the candidates, and after looking into some of his old cases, they requested an inquiry from IAB."

"So something sparked their interest," Carolyn said, looking at Alex.

"I don't know what it would be," she said. "Nothing in the file would indicate any kind of improper relationship."

"Because you didn't write it down?" I asked her. "Or because you didn't think it existed?"

"They were old friends," Alex said. "I did think that she was pushing the friendship angle to make him keep us at bay, but Liz, you can't really think that he would…"

"Why not? We were struggling at the time. You remember," I said.

"What does he say about it?"

"I asked him back then. After the case. He told me that nothing happened. Of course, we were trying to work things out between us at the time."

"And now?"

"Now I haven't asked again. He's having his life examined. How would it make him feel to realize that his own wife isn't sure of his story?"

"You need to talk to him," Alex said. "Tell him how you're feeling about it. You have to know that he's picked up on your mood already."

She had a point.

"It's only going to make it worse if you don't talk about it. Trust me. I know," Carolyn said.

I looked at her and raised my eyebrow questioningly.

"Did you read some of those text messages that Mike got from Rhonda Hagen? And that was someone he did have sex with. Those messages were explicit in recalling some of their times together, and then she pretended as though they'd been together recently. After Mike and I had started dating. So yeah, I know a lot about jealousy and how it makes you feel a little guilty that maybe you don't completely trust him…the only thing that helped was talking it out. Because then I realized how he felt about the whole thing, too, and by talking to him, it took all of the guesswork and miscommunication out of the equation."

I hadn't really considered what that case had done to her and Mike. I mean, I knew that it had to be tough, but I'd only thought about it in an abstract way. Not in any kind of specifics.

And maybe it wasn't exactly like this…okay, it definitely wasn't exactly like this.

In fact, what she'd gone through was worse.

But she was still right.

"Besides," she added. "He's probably more worried about what you're thinking than about anything this IAB investigation will turn up."

"Okay," I said with a nod. "You're right. I'll talk to him."

Alex POV

We left Liz after nearly an hour of talking, and I'm happy to say that her mood had improved considerably.

I didn't believe for a second that Danny had slept with Kathy.

Even if he and Liz were fighting at the time, he wouldn't have stooped so low as to sleep with a woman whose husband was missing. That would've just been wrong on too many levels, and while I haven't always been a Ross fan, I did think that he had a healthy set of morals.

I was very curious as to what had started the IAB inquiry in the first place, and I was anxious to find out what Bobby and Mike had learned from talking with the captain.

"What do you think?" Carolyn asked me as we got into the car.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "But it makes me feel like I'm waiting to see what happens next."

"Me, too," she agreed. "Because it'll be something."

IAB didn't just do random investigations and the idea that the vetting process had sparked it was unfounded.

Someone else started the ball rolling.

The questions were who and why.

I let my mind wander over the morning's events as I drove us back to the office.

As much as I'd tried to mask it, Carolyn's question from earlier had shaken me.

Why did you do it?

Many, many people over the years had asked me that very same question.

My party-line answer was that it was the right thing to do.

My sister wanted a child, but couldn't have one. I could have one, but didn't want one.

It was a win-win situation.

And even though those facts were true, it wasn't why I'd done it.

Not ultimately, anyway.

Only two people knew the honest answer, and Cathy wasn't one of them.

It was just me and Bobby.

And for a long time, it had just been me.

I wasn't sure if I could tell Carolyn or not.

I wanted to. I felt honored that she had opened up to me, and wanted to share her most personal feelings.

And I was disappointed in myself that I hadn't been able to immediately reciprocate.

The very first question she'd asked I'd had to put on the brakes.

And true, she'd asked the most difficult one of all. I would've pretty much answered any other question.

But that one…it would just have to wait, at least for awhile if not forever.

"About earlier," she said quietly when I parked in front of the office. "I don't want you to feel pressured to answer."

It was almost eerie how she knew what I was thinking about.

Bobby did it to me all of the time, but I was used to him.

Although, I guess our conversation had been kind of the breakthrough type, and it was only normal that she was rehashing it in her mind, just as I was replaying it in mine.

Which also meant that she was probably thinking about her sister.

"How old would she be?" I asked her.

And maybe it wasn't fair of me to continue asking her questions when I wouldn't answer hers, but I also thought that maybe it would help her to talk about Shaina.

Because sometimes, it was just nice to have someone ask about a lost loved one.

If she'd been keeping her memories locked up, then maybe it was time to let them out.

Good advice all the way around, Alex, I told myself derisively.

"Forty," she told me.

Forty. Just like Cathy.

I wondered what Cathy was doing right now.

Hopefully, she was sleeping in her hotel room. I'd have to check in with her later.

"What did she do?"

"She…um…she was a teacher. A high school English teacher."

We sat quietly together in the car while I worked up the nerve to tell her, but then Carolyn startled me by touching me on the arm. I must have really been zoned out.

"Really, it's okay," she said. "I was curious, that's all. If it's too personal, then I understand. We can let it go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. "But you know you're going to have to tell me something else. I mean, you do owe me a good story about Bobby."

I barked out a laugh as we got out of the car.

I did owe her, although her Mike story obviously wasn't a secret. He must have known that she would tell me, or else she wouldn't have brought it up when I was on the phone with Bobby.

Because her first loyalty was to him, and I could understand that.

Obviously.

I wracked my brain for a good not-so-secret story to share with her as we climbed the steps and entered the lobby.

There, inside, lounging against the back wall, were two men in suits. And something about them was wrong.

"Alex Goren?" one of them called out. They both stood up from the wall, and one of them began to reach into his jacket.

Call me paranoid or crazy or whatever…but call Carolyn the same thing because she and I both had our weapons drawn and pointed at the two men within a second of entering the lobby.

They drew theirs as well, so the four of us faced off against each other.

"What do you want?" I shouted.

"Put your guns down," one man said.

"You first," Carolyn told them.

"I'm going to show you my ID," the other man said as he slowly reached into his pocket. He pulled out a badge and held it up to us. "NYPD. IAB. Are you Alex Goren?"

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," I muttered as I shoved my gun back into its holster. "IAB has taken to stalking now? You couldn't just call me to set up an interview?"

"Do you always draw down on men standing in your office building?" the other guy retorted. "That has to be bad for business."

I rolled my eyes at him and looked at Carolyn, who by this point had put her gun away, too.

"Maybe if you weren't lurking in the shadows, and then reaching under your jacket…" she snapped to them.

I had a feeling that her heart was pounding as hard as mine. It was surely the byproduct of recently being on a hit list, but still…they were acting suspicious.

"We're sorry for startling you," the first guy said. "If you have a few minutes, we'd just like to ask you some questions. Can we go up to your office?"

"That's pretty presumptuous of you," Carolyn said. She was clearly still irritated, and I liked to see her showing some temper rather than keeping it inside. "Maybe you should schedule an appointment like everyone else."

"No, it's fine," I told her. "We can talk right here. How long will it take me to tell you guys that you're wasting department time and resources by pursuing these petty and ridiculous allegations?"

"Petty? I don't think that there's anything petty about murder."

"Murder?" I asked in surprise. The lobby doors opened, and a couple of tenants came into the building.

"Please, Mrs. Goren. Let's go up to your office and discuss this in private."

"After you," I said, gesturing toward the elevator. The two men went ahead of me, and I looked at Carolyn.

"Call Bobby," I said quietly. "Find out where they are, and get them back here. I don't like this at all."

TBC...