Diclaimer: Okay, for all you slow people that didn't read this in the first
chapter Digimon isn't mine. If it was, I wouldn't be worrying about paying
for a college edumacation. I would be buying god knows how many manga,
anime, purchasing a nice house in the suburbs, and planning a trip to visit
other countries, while worrying how to pay for my college education, as I
expand my work but that's not going to happen anytime soon, now is it?
You guys have no idea how glad I was when I got reviews. Quick sum: I was feeling down and then the reviews came in that other people have less time than I do to get to class. I was like "Yay! I feel special!" But for the record, we don't get bathroom breaks during class either. It consists of having some teachers giving you detention if you even bother to ask, unless it's an emergency. But someone does suspect the little Mexican girl from the beginning, good observation! Talk about that later!
Okay, so before it happens let's all get together, break out with that fake tear face and 3. . .2. . .1: "Awe, poor Yamato." Good. Now that that's over, let me explain. I decided to be brutal with my writing and kick up my writing "moral" skills, which I won't bother explaining since it has nothing to do with ethics. I figured it was perfect time to experiment with my writing technique (and take a bit out of Love and Shame, an original fic in the works), but it's not for the lighthearted, necessarily. Actually, it's not so brutal either, compared to what else I've read, wrote, seen, and heard. It's the most of a warning as you're going to get. Also, I decided to introduce the rest of the members (and yes I'm aware that they were all boys in the series, but c'mon! Things can change!) of Yamato's band. I decided, because of someone saying "By the way, how does Sonia tie into this? Because I KNOW she does, somehow..." I'm still trying to figure that out, myself. Well, now that I think I'm done, and I will say that since I know if I don't I will just continue this rambling, so I will leave this at that! :::breathes::: YAY FOR SUGAR AND CHILE PICANTE!
Silence in Shame
Chapter 5
Yanni danced around the living room while Yamato sat on the floor, attempting to do his math work as Lu stroked his hair. He tried to ignore Lu's petting the best he could as well as how hot the room was (seeing as he was wearing a long-sleeve shirt as he had been) when Yanni spotted something in the room she hadn't caught before. Both Yamato and Lu followed her gaze as she sprinted across the room with a loud squeal, lifting the new sweater Lu had bought after his old one mysteriously disappeared. She let out an elongated gasp as she turned it inside out, inspecting every quality to it.
"Ooh, eighty percent cotton, 20 percent polyester! Near perfect! A blue color with just a tint of black. The blue isn't really blue, really, but it is a mixture of a bit of white mixed in with black, then dipped into another blue color that was just too light to make it look this dark, yes. But more black was added into the tint, as well as other blue hues. Perfect cover up! The stitching wasn't done by hand, no, not this one, but by sewing machine. Brilliant! Who would ever guess? Better than the foot powered sewing machine that was designed by Isaac Singer in industrial Europe before the twentieth century, but not as authentic. Must love this! If a bit of bleach were to get into the washer, then the color will be ruined. Those people's work will be destroyed, but it won't be, no it won't. We'll keep you safe and away from such harm, we will. Beautiful sweater, very beautiful sweater."
Yanni was continuing her mutterings on the work of the sweater as well as a change in clothing since the nomad when Als stepped into the room, grabbing Yamato's attention. He immediately lowered his head, not wanting to make eye contact. Als crossed the room, ready to get Yanni and throw her out of the room, but Lu stopped her. Yanni stayed with the sweater muttering about changes in the clothes industry through the centuries while Lu glared at Als. Yamato kept his gaze down, not paying attention to the math problem anymore, but hearing what was being said with a prayer on his mind.
"I made a promise and I plan to keep it, Alice. Leave her alone."
"Don't call me that. That's not my name, not anymore. Now," she said, gripping Yamato's hair, pulling it slightly, "he came home late, but don't worry, I got him scared, so he won't do it again."
"What did you tell him?"
"I just told him you had gone to a bar. Isn't that right, Yamato?"
"Yes," he said dully, yanking his hair away from her hand. He didn't look at Lu, but his voice was directed at him. "I swear I won't do it again. I'm sorry. I'll call the next time and ask permission."
Lu kicked him away from both Als and himself.
"Good boy, now get out of my sight."
He didn't wait until Lu got fed up with his being disobedient as he had earlier. He had enough bruises to deal with, he didn't want anymore. He sprinted up the stairs, looking for a way to hide, lying flat on the floor, hoping to hear something that he could use. Something was wrong, he could tell. Als broke the deal they made earlier. Lu wouldn't have just done what he did. He had to figure out what was going on.
"Why did you do say such things?" Lu asked, the annoyance evident in his voice. "Now he's going to think I'm some happy-go-lucky drunk or something along those lines."
"Well, there was no use in making him think that you're not pleased with that video."
"I'm not. I never was."
"He thinks you are," Als said, inching closer to Lu. "And if you even dare think about telling him that you didn't I'll make sure your promise is–"
"Fine. I'll act as though I liked that porn video of yours. But you have to stop with this. I'm sick of forcing that poor kid into doing things he should have a choice to do." Lu put up his hand, instantly stopping Als from speaking. "I know you're going to say that the scars on his body will fade, but what about the psychological ones? What about those? You're making those imprints on his mind through me. What about the others?"
"What about them? And what about Yamato?" she said, calmly. "They're just spots on the earth, no more significant than you or me. So what if he's psychologically scared? When he's in the looney bin, we won't have to worry about getting caught, get it? We'll be in Hawaii or some place exotic by the time the damned cops find out who he was and what happened. And even then, I have connections. With the money we'll be making because of those porn films, there's no way they'll be able to catch us. We'll change everything about ourselves, from our appearance to our . . .well that we can't change, but no one will recognize us. Besides, you can't act like you don't like what you're doing. You know you like it and you love doing it."
"Yes, half of it, but it's only when the person is willing."
"Like Sano or Nicholas?"
Yanni stopped her muttering with the sweater and fell silent. After a few seconds she let out a heavy sigh.
"But," she continued speaking to the sweater. "You aren't as lovely as Egyptian clothing. No, but still as good."
Lu turned his attention to Yanni, then back to Als. It was almost quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Yamato hoped his breathing wouldn't intensify with what he was hearing.
"Keep them out of this. I had nothing to do with that. Everything was fine with Sano until you showed up. But you wanted Nicholas, and your damned obsession with making tons of money from those 'films' made you come to me and turn to which ever boy you wanted to cast. He disappeared and Sano . . . let him be and let his spirit rest."
"Do you wish for me to let Benny's spirit rest in peace, too?"
"Shut up! What the hell do you want me to do to that boy? Ring his neck and take his life away like the others? Or do you want me to—well let me show you! Get your fuckin' camera ready if you like this shit, Als! I'm not going to do it in your stupid little room later on, so get to it now."
"Fuck, Lu! What the hell are you talking about?"
"Yamato, get your ass down here!"
His heart stopped for several seconds. Reluctantly, Yamato scooted back from where he was, hoping to hide the best he could before he began to take a leisure step forward. He grabbed the railing of the stairs, not bothering to cover the scared look on his face. He wasn't sure what was going to come, but he knew it wasn't good.
"Get down here," Lu said with a cold stare toward Als. "You like what I do to this idiot? Well?!"
Als kept an indifferent look as Lu grabbed Yamato by his neck, throwing him on the floor.
"Get the fuck up, useless. Well, Als. You better decide if you need your camera now, cuz I'm not gonna do this later."
Als kept her spot as Lu threw Yamato into the coffee table in the center of the room, pushing him down with his weight as he proceeded to pull down Yamato's pants. Yamato already had the look of fear on his eyes. He shut them closed tight, expecting pain to surge through his backside by penetration, but instead a harsh sting greeted him. He yelled in pain as Lu used his belt as a whip. Soon Lu got irritated with his screams and slapped him with the back of his hand.
"Shut the fuck up you stupid pussy! Well, Als? Is this what you wanted in your stupid films?"
Als stayed silent as Lu grabbed Yamato around the neck, dragging him off the table and pinning him to the ground, brutally placing both his hands behind his back, tying them together tightly enough to stop the circulation of blood. Lu shoved Yamato a second time and slammed him against the coffee table a second time, making him hit his lower back against the corner. He sunk down in pain as Lu left he room, coming back with a broom, looking at the long end sadistically. Oh god no! Yamato's eyes grew wide with fear as he tried to get away as quickly as he could. The long end of the broom came down on his back end, making him fly to the ground, unable to support the force of the impact. Yanni gave out a small scared whimper before she escaped up the stairs. She had been left unconsidered through their little melee.
"Just how far do you think I can stick the broomstick up his tight ass?" Lu asked, uncaringly. "Well, Als? How far? Do you think he'll be able to stand it?"
"Don't!" Yamato yelled, unable to sustain his own fear. The only thing that came was a quick slap from Lu's free hand.
"Shut up! So tell me Als, do you want me to do it? Do you want to satisfy to your selfish, sadistic needs?"
Als blinked slowly, still showing indifference to what was happening. She let out a long, tired sigh as she stared at Lu. "If you want to shove that broom up his ass, by all means do it, but don't damage him. I would prefer you save that until later, though. Just fuck him and get it over with."
"No! I want to know what the hell you want me to do to him! Well?"
"Like hell if I care. It's all up to what the people buying the material want. It's all in how much they are willing to pay."
"Let's see if they'll pay for this, Als."
Lu grabbed Yamato's arm, dragging him into the kitchen, dumping him against the wall as he made his way to the utensils. He took out a carving knife, making sure Als was looking, as placed the sharp end on Yamato's arm, drawing a little blood and cutting the fabric of his shirt. Yamato bit down on his teeth, doing his best to block out the pain that was coming. Als just stared with an odd fascination as Lu dragged the blade down from Yamato's shoulder to his elbow, letting the blood flow out, hitting the floor. He bent his head down toward the cut and licked the blood that was coming out.
"Love it, don't you Als? I can see that hungry look in your eyes. You want more. You want a better show. DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE!"
He placed several more cuts on Yamato's body before he gave up the knife and threw it aside. He then gripped Yamato's hips, forcing his head down as he entered him without a single warning or preparation. He didn't wait for the young boy to become adjusted as he immediately quickened his pace, never ceasing to slow down.
God let this end, let this end, let this end! Yamato thought. He felt his insides tearing as Lu pounded his whole length into him, practically trying to destroy him internally. He kept himself from screaming the best he could, but his terrified grunts escaped him. But no matter how much pain he felt at that moment, he wouldn't let tears escape his eyes. He was finally willing to give up, growing numb to the feelings entering him, as he avoided Als' passive looks. There was no way he would be able to escape it, not today. He could only wince and wish for it to end quickly as he felt blood oozed out from where Lu was breaking him. Please stop this.
Yanni gazed from atop the stairs, watching carefully as she fiddled with the small box in her hands. She looked at the monkey doll that was placed on her shoulder before looking back at the scene before her.
"We must look to write, to write we must look. We have to see to write the truth, monkey buddy, buddy monkey," she whispered to the doll beside her. "No harm in looking. But in playing with the devil and the devil's advocate, all is harmful. The truth shall set thee free."
Lu gave Yamato several more thrusts before pulling out of him, refusing to cum in the boy, knowing that doing so would only further fulfill what Als had intended. He tossed Yamato to the side, causing him to curl up against the wall the best he could. He gave Als a cold stare.
"Clean up the fucking mess if you want that film of yours to actually be distributed. And don't use me as a goddamned alibi to torture him when I'm not here."
With that said, Lu left the room, his temper still flaring. Als, on the other hand, smiled, seemingly pleased with what had been done.
"Stupid dumbass," she muttered, bending down and untying Yamato. "Well, you heard him. Clean up the fucking mess, Yamato. You damaged goods yet?"
Yamato let out a raspy deadly breathe before he swatted Als' hand away. "Get the fuck away from me you lying whore!"
"Pity you feel that way. I was going to help, but now that I remember, I have a meeting with the buyers. Ta much, Yamato."
Yamato stayed on the floor for what seemed like hours before he heard the front door swing open and shut. He laid his head on his arms, feeling pressure on his shoulders from the sudden shift. How big are the bruises going to be this time? He found himself drifting when he heard someone's footsteps in front of him. He looked up, seeing a pair of dark blue pants. His eyes drifted upwards when he spotted those eyes he's grown to thank. It was Yanni.
"Janitor Bismark reporting for duty, what needs cleaning today?" She looked around the room, inspecting it. "No problem, Bossman. I'll have this cleaned in a jiff. Don't worry about a thing. I've seen messes bigger and badder than this. I know just what to do to this mess. Nothing a little windex and scrub-a-dubb can't fix."
With that, she began to clean with her mop and bucket full of water. Yamato let tears run down his eyes when she turned her body. Pulling himself up off the floor to give her the room she needed to clean was difficult. Fire exploded through his body as he inched up. He was finally standing, breathing heavily, when a strong hand grabbed his arm, putting a partially wet towel around his shoulders. Yamato looked up, fear immediately in his eyes.
"I'm not going to do anything to you," Lu said, calmly. He turned to Yanni as he lifted Yamato off the floor. "Thank you for your help."
"No problem Bossman. It's nothing a little windex and scrub-a-dub can't fix. Be done in no time."
Lu carried Yamato to the bathtub that was filled with slightly warm water, dipping him in, hoping he caused as little pain as possible. Yamato decided to gaze at his feet rather than to look at the eyes that caused him horrible fear at that moment.
"I'm really sorry about what I did," Lu said, receiving no reaction at all from Yamato as he began to clean the smaller, younger boy. "I just lost my tempter and took it out on the first person I could think of. I apologize for what I did. I didn't mean to go as far as I had. I hope I didn't hurt you that bad."
No I wasn't hurt that bad, Yamato thought. The apocalypse is happening in my body, but it wasn't that bad. Leave me alone, Lu. Had he had the energy and guts to say so, he would have.
He proceeded to clean the young boy until the blood was off his body, though some was still seeping from the knife wounds on Yamato's body. He reached for the bandages he had set next to him and started to wrap Yamato's body, covering the wounds as gently as he could.
"I know you're probably ignoring me, but I'm being honest in my apologies. I promise I won't hurt you again, in spite of Alice. Did you hear me, Yamato?"
A very small "yes" left Yamato's lips as Lu finished bandaging Yamato's most severe injuries. Yamato felt himself being lifted a second time before he noted he was slipping into a dream-like state of consciousness.
!!!!!!!!!!
:::Dream Sequence:::
Yamato was sitting on the floor under his desk during class, ignoring those around him. His hands were covering his ears and his eyes were shut, his last attempt to silence the world. He was irritated with this teacher's incomprehensible droned lecture. Somehow he was able to tell, though, that it wasn't his teacher, but someone else. Who it was, he could tell, but only slightly.
Who is that? he asked himself.
His opened his eyes, focusing his attention on the drone. No one was surrounding him, yet he was able to hear and sense the other students, each unable to stay still even for a second, each moving to their own accord. The droning voice was still standing out, even through a small ring of laughter that was rising from around him.
I know that voice, but who is it?
The voice was filling Yamato's head, causing him to close his eyes tightly as thought that would help his hearing. His attention well drawn, he couldn't tell if it was female or male. He started to rock back and forth before it began to consume him and drove him into anger, causing him to shoot off the floor. He pointed his finger in the direction where he had last heard the droning voice the loudest.
"Who the hell are you!?"
He opened his eyes, only to see a sea of flowers. It was a large field filled with flowers of every kind imaginable, in every color. He turned round and round, seeing nothing but flowers. It was unreal, maybe surreal even in this state. He took a step forward to start in a journey to see where he was. Before his foot even touched the ground, fire shot out, consuming everything in that direction. Yamato covered his eyes to keep the flame from his eyes as he took a predictable step back. Fire erupted from behind him, blocking him from two sections. The head drove him to run to the only open spot he had. The fire chased after him, not letting him escape from its wrath, consuming everything as it followed him.
He found himself running off a cliff. He fell nearly twenty feet into water as the fire that was above him flew into the air and filled the sky with its rage. The fire began to continue its chase down the hill after him. He hit the water and felt himself sink to the bottom, only seven or ten feet from the top. He looked up as the flames danced above the surface.
So this is the way I'm going to die? I guess I do deserve to die. Everyone will be happy when I'm gone. I'm sorry.
Mat felt someone grab him and pull him out of the water.
"NO. You're not going to die on me! I still need you. I'm not done with you yet."
Who was that? He knew that it was a girl. Yamato was about to look at the person that took him out of the water when something grabbed onto his foot, yanking him into the ocean for a second time. He felt like he had been down for minutes, feeling his lungs tighten from lack of air, but he wasn't hitting the sea floor. He started to struggle, feeling his lungs burning. The thing wrapped itself around his arms and torso, giving him another tug deeper into the water.
Yamato continued to struggle, afraid of drowning, but something was changing. He was breathing, but the panic had seeped in so far that he didn't care whether or not he could breathe. He tried to kick at whatever was taking him into a darkness that was erupting.
The dark isn't safe! I want out! Let me go! I want to live! Help!
A seemingly relaxing hum erupted from whatever was restricting his movements. It was a deep bell sound that filled the water. It was almost telling him to calm down, that everything was going to be okay, but the fear was deeply set. The darkness was engulfing him quickly and his panic quickened. He could see air escaping from him as he opened his mouth to scream.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!" he yelled before he found himself in a classroom.
He looked around, finding himself sitting at a desk. He stood up calmly and walked to the window, noting a bit of unfamiliarity. This wasn't his school. Where was he? Laughing came lightly from behind the classroom door. He walked to it, opening it, seeing the halls completely empty. He walked to the end of the hall, catching a staircase, noting that he was possibly on the second floor.
"He's dead," he heard a woman say. "He died after I taught him the arts. I shouldn't have let him go out and practice them on his own. I should have gone with him, but now he's gone. He's dead. I promised to take care of him and now he's dead! It's my fault. He was so young. It should have been me. He was my responsibility, my pupil, my friend, and I let him die. I should have been the one to die. Not him."
He started to walk down the staircase, wishing to see who was there, hoping. Once at the end, he noted a kid in an odd uniform he had never seen. He was about to walk up to the kid when the child ran down the corridor, disappearing at the end. He took the final step off the stairs only to be consumed by a flash of light as a sharp frightened screech filled every crevice of the halls.
Yamato slowly opened his eyes, his heart pounding against his chest. He got off the bed and started to breathe slowly to steady his heartbeat, not wishing to remember the scream. But it was the only thing that plagued his memory.
!!!!!!!!!!!
"Tai, wake up! You're going to be late!"
Tai muttered something in his half sleep when Hikari pulled the blanket away, throwing ice cubes on him immediately after. Tai didn't move, trying to reach for the blanket.
"Okay, you asked for it."
She grabbed one of the ice cubes from the cup she held in her hand, lifting Tai's underwear to . . . .
"Don't you even dare," Tai muttered, grabbing her hand. "You dare to and I swear I will put some down your bra, Kari."
"Well if you won't wake up one way, there's always the other. Now get up, we're going to be late."
"Late for what?" Tai asked, getting up gradually, thankful he had taken a shower in the night.
"Class? School? Any of that ring a bell?"
"But it's Sunday."
Kari jumped on Tai's bed, landing on his legs. Holding out an envelope. "Exactly. Sonya sent you a letter with some problems about translation and manga, so you better get crackin' so you can write her back without any confusing errors this time."
"And who gave you permission to read my mail?" he asked, yanking the letter out of her grasp.
"It said 'Open Me,' so I did."
Kari ran out the door as Tai flung his pillow at her. Damn her waking me up at. . . what time is it? 7:15. Okay. Wait!
"Kari! It's only 7:15! WHAT THE HELL YOU LITTLE PAIN! I SHOULD KILL YOU!"
In the other room, Kari was laughing as her mother gave her an odd look while she set the table.
"Why is Tai threatening you this time?" she asked.
"Reading a friend's letter and nearly throwing ice down his boxers."
Tai on the other hand, continued to curse his sister's life as he heard his mother laughing. He growled as he opened the letter Sonia had sent her.
Hola, Tai-dye!
I had this weird dream about you last night. (But by the time you get this, it'll be way longer than that!) Anyway, I won't bore you with such a dream, since it didn't make sense anyway. You never e-mailed me, you punk! That's not what I was going to write about, anyway. I managed to save up plenty of money to go to Japan for two weeks, so yes, I'm going to come for a visit, but I haven't really decided when. I am taking my classes right now, so it will have to be either after that or in the summer/winter (northern atmosphere/southern atmosphere). Well if it is after the school session, you damned better put on sun block. I'm going to drag you everywhere that you know. And I don't want you getting sunburned like you did here in Australia. By the way, I developed those pictures already!! You're a dead man, you know that? Anyway, I'm going to make the most out of my visit! It hasn't been fun here without you. My brother's no fun to punk around, he figured out all my tricks. You told him didn't you? I knew I couldn't trust you. So, how are things with your boyfriend? I want to see you guys together and I do want to see a kiss. I can't get his face out of my mind. He's such a cutie. I really hope things are going great for you guys. I hope to meet him when I go over there. You said he was in a band. Tell me if they're going to have a gig. I would like to hear him play very much. If he's anything like Daniel Johns, I'll die! Actually, no one can be like anyone else, but there can be a similarity. I'd love to see him play now. Oh yeah. You're writing is a bit shaky, I wouldn't really read it. How about typing it? Write neater!!! All right, I hope you write back as soon as you can and send me some pictures! I wish to see your friends and/or city. I would send you some, but you've already met everyone I know and you've seen the city I've been staying in for the past year. Laters Tai- Dye.
Your friend,
Sonia
Tai folded the letter, a sad expression on his face. He got dressed before he put a sweater on, walking out the front door, and not answering his mother when she asked what was wrong. I knew my Sunday was going to start out bad. Thank god I took that shower last night. He started his walk to the main streets, hoping to get rid of some of his depressing feeling, but knowing it won't go away anytime soon.
!!!!!!!!!!!
Yamato laced his shoes with great effort trying to ignore the pain in his back. He sighed heavily once he had them on, completely, rubbing some of the tears out of his eyes. He was in Lu's room. He probably didn't want to put me in my own room. How could I have slept in his bed with him next to me without him abusing me? He usually would have taken advantage of me, but why didn't he? I hope Jubi doesn't mind me going over to her home earlier than planned. Practice with his band wasn't for another three hours, but he wanted out. Luckily, Jubilee, their other guitarist, didn't live far from where he was. He exited out of the room and went into his own to get his guitar, one of his few life possessions. He rushed down the stairs, nearly falling once he reached the bottom. He gazed around the room quickly. Yanni was asleep in a catlike pose right next to the door. Lu was sitting on the couch, a book in his hand. Als was nowhere to be found, thankfully.
"I'm going to Jubilee's house to practice with my band. I'll be back before dawn," Yamato said, slowly.
"You better be," was the only reply that came.
He walked out, stepping around Yanni as he did so, and began his walk toward his friend and band mate's house. But even with how empty the streets were, he couldn't help but get an uneasy feeling as he kept his slow pace. Someone he knew was out there walking in time with him. Who it was, he wasn't sure, but he was close to them. A thought started to cross his mind, though it wasn't necessarily wise of him to be thinking such things. I hope it is Taichi. I want to see him again, hold him. That would make me happy for today, if it is just one day. But what if he won't forgive me for what I did? Maybe he won't even want to be near me after he finds out about what happened. He probably won't even want to touch me or let me touch him. Why does this happen to us? It was the same bull in the digital world, damned it! We never got a break! It just won't ever end! Oh well, I guess it's just mean to be that way. Woo-hoo for this crap.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My original plan was to go way beyond this (was going to have this range about 20 pages), but thanks to my lazy ass and my never-ending babysitting days, I'm stuck there! I know I won't get much of a chance to continue since I have to baby sit a kid every hour, practically. Worse is I'm not getting paid! Much worse, there's an irresponsible male in the house, so I'm not getting any help with the little monster that doesn't believe in the words "Stop it and sit still." She's a mini tornado! The rest of the kids, minus three, were at least calm enough to listen! Anyway, I'm irritated, which will get better once my niece's mother gets home. I swear I'm not going to have kids of my own. So, with the fic, I'm going to continue where this one left off in the next chapter, I'll get it out before my classes begin in the fall, if I get a break and get a real summer!
I was feeling bad for what I did to Yamato, but after editing it four times and after watching BeBop and hearing Ed say "All is fair in love and waarrrrrrr," I congratulated myself since I know I could have done far worse with how my imagination works. If I decide to write another chapter like that, I'll give fair warning a chapter ahead of time, but that means I'll have to write two chapters every update, which I can't do right now since my brain is on instadrain (in which everything you think, learn, or every bit of creativity you gain, you loose at least 45% of the material). It's not writer's block. Believe me I know what that is. Before I go through a writer's rambling for three pages, let me say thank you for reading and even more thanks if you read my ramblings, good or bad.
The translation, small list as it may be: Hola-this isn't Holla like "Scream" this is "hola" (pronounced oh-la) as in "Hello" in Spanish.
Now, Please Review if you want. Flame if you want. I just need a laugh.
You guys have no idea how glad I was when I got reviews. Quick sum: I was feeling down and then the reviews came in that other people have less time than I do to get to class. I was like "Yay! I feel special!" But for the record, we don't get bathroom breaks during class either. It consists of having some teachers giving you detention if you even bother to ask, unless it's an emergency. But someone does suspect the little Mexican girl from the beginning, good observation! Talk about that later!
Okay, so before it happens let's all get together, break out with that fake tear face and 3. . .2. . .1: "Awe, poor Yamato." Good. Now that that's over, let me explain. I decided to be brutal with my writing and kick up my writing "moral" skills, which I won't bother explaining since it has nothing to do with ethics. I figured it was perfect time to experiment with my writing technique (and take a bit out of Love and Shame, an original fic in the works), but it's not for the lighthearted, necessarily. Actually, it's not so brutal either, compared to what else I've read, wrote, seen, and heard. It's the most of a warning as you're going to get. Also, I decided to introduce the rest of the members (and yes I'm aware that they were all boys in the series, but c'mon! Things can change!) of Yamato's band. I decided, because of someone saying "By the way, how does Sonia tie into this? Because I KNOW she does, somehow..." I'm still trying to figure that out, myself. Well, now that I think I'm done, and I will say that since I know if I don't I will just continue this rambling, so I will leave this at that! :::breathes::: YAY FOR SUGAR AND CHILE PICANTE!
Silence in Shame
Chapter 5
Yanni danced around the living room while Yamato sat on the floor, attempting to do his math work as Lu stroked his hair. He tried to ignore Lu's petting the best he could as well as how hot the room was (seeing as he was wearing a long-sleeve shirt as he had been) when Yanni spotted something in the room she hadn't caught before. Both Yamato and Lu followed her gaze as she sprinted across the room with a loud squeal, lifting the new sweater Lu had bought after his old one mysteriously disappeared. She let out an elongated gasp as she turned it inside out, inspecting every quality to it.
"Ooh, eighty percent cotton, 20 percent polyester! Near perfect! A blue color with just a tint of black. The blue isn't really blue, really, but it is a mixture of a bit of white mixed in with black, then dipped into another blue color that was just too light to make it look this dark, yes. But more black was added into the tint, as well as other blue hues. Perfect cover up! The stitching wasn't done by hand, no, not this one, but by sewing machine. Brilliant! Who would ever guess? Better than the foot powered sewing machine that was designed by Isaac Singer in industrial Europe before the twentieth century, but not as authentic. Must love this! If a bit of bleach were to get into the washer, then the color will be ruined. Those people's work will be destroyed, but it won't be, no it won't. We'll keep you safe and away from such harm, we will. Beautiful sweater, very beautiful sweater."
Yanni was continuing her mutterings on the work of the sweater as well as a change in clothing since the nomad when Als stepped into the room, grabbing Yamato's attention. He immediately lowered his head, not wanting to make eye contact. Als crossed the room, ready to get Yanni and throw her out of the room, but Lu stopped her. Yanni stayed with the sweater muttering about changes in the clothes industry through the centuries while Lu glared at Als. Yamato kept his gaze down, not paying attention to the math problem anymore, but hearing what was being said with a prayer on his mind.
"I made a promise and I plan to keep it, Alice. Leave her alone."
"Don't call me that. That's not my name, not anymore. Now," she said, gripping Yamato's hair, pulling it slightly, "he came home late, but don't worry, I got him scared, so he won't do it again."
"What did you tell him?"
"I just told him you had gone to a bar. Isn't that right, Yamato?"
"Yes," he said dully, yanking his hair away from her hand. He didn't look at Lu, but his voice was directed at him. "I swear I won't do it again. I'm sorry. I'll call the next time and ask permission."
Lu kicked him away from both Als and himself.
"Good boy, now get out of my sight."
He didn't wait until Lu got fed up with his being disobedient as he had earlier. He had enough bruises to deal with, he didn't want anymore. He sprinted up the stairs, looking for a way to hide, lying flat on the floor, hoping to hear something that he could use. Something was wrong, he could tell. Als broke the deal they made earlier. Lu wouldn't have just done what he did. He had to figure out what was going on.
"Why did you do say such things?" Lu asked, the annoyance evident in his voice. "Now he's going to think I'm some happy-go-lucky drunk or something along those lines."
"Well, there was no use in making him think that you're not pleased with that video."
"I'm not. I never was."
"He thinks you are," Als said, inching closer to Lu. "And if you even dare think about telling him that you didn't I'll make sure your promise is–"
"Fine. I'll act as though I liked that porn video of yours. But you have to stop with this. I'm sick of forcing that poor kid into doing things he should have a choice to do." Lu put up his hand, instantly stopping Als from speaking. "I know you're going to say that the scars on his body will fade, but what about the psychological ones? What about those? You're making those imprints on his mind through me. What about the others?"
"What about them? And what about Yamato?" she said, calmly. "They're just spots on the earth, no more significant than you or me. So what if he's psychologically scared? When he's in the looney bin, we won't have to worry about getting caught, get it? We'll be in Hawaii or some place exotic by the time the damned cops find out who he was and what happened. And even then, I have connections. With the money we'll be making because of those porn films, there's no way they'll be able to catch us. We'll change everything about ourselves, from our appearance to our . . .well that we can't change, but no one will recognize us. Besides, you can't act like you don't like what you're doing. You know you like it and you love doing it."
"Yes, half of it, but it's only when the person is willing."
"Like Sano or Nicholas?"
Yanni stopped her muttering with the sweater and fell silent. After a few seconds she let out a heavy sigh.
"But," she continued speaking to the sweater. "You aren't as lovely as Egyptian clothing. No, but still as good."
Lu turned his attention to Yanni, then back to Als. It was almost quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Yamato hoped his breathing wouldn't intensify with what he was hearing.
"Keep them out of this. I had nothing to do with that. Everything was fine with Sano until you showed up. But you wanted Nicholas, and your damned obsession with making tons of money from those 'films' made you come to me and turn to which ever boy you wanted to cast. He disappeared and Sano . . . let him be and let his spirit rest."
"Do you wish for me to let Benny's spirit rest in peace, too?"
"Shut up! What the hell do you want me to do to that boy? Ring his neck and take his life away like the others? Or do you want me to—well let me show you! Get your fuckin' camera ready if you like this shit, Als! I'm not going to do it in your stupid little room later on, so get to it now."
"Fuck, Lu! What the hell are you talking about?"
"Yamato, get your ass down here!"
His heart stopped for several seconds. Reluctantly, Yamato scooted back from where he was, hoping to hide the best he could before he began to take a leisure step forward. He grabbed the railing of the stairs, not bothering to cover the scared look on his face. He wasn't sure what was going to come, but he knew it wasn't good.
"Get down here," Lu said with a cold stare toward Als. "You like what I do to this idiot? Well?!"
Als kept an indifferent look as Lu grabbed Yamato by his neck, throwing him on the floor.
"Get the fuck up, useless. Well, Als. You better decide if you need your camera now, cuz I'm not gonna do this later."
Als kept her spot as Lu threw Yamato into the coffee table in the center of the room, pushing him down with his weight as he proceeded to pull down Yamato's pants. Yamato already had the look of fear on his eyes. He shut them closed tight, expecting pain to surge through his backside by penetration, but instead a harsh sting greeted him. He yelled in pain as Lu used his belt as a whip. Soon Lu got irritated with his screams and slapped him with the back of his hand.
"Shut the fuck up you stupid pussy! Well, Als? Is this what you wanted in your stupid films?"
Als stayed silent as Lu grabbed Yamato around the neck, dragging him off the table and pinning him to the ground, brutally placing both his hands behind his back, tying them together tightly enough to stop the circulation of blood. Lu shoved Yamato a second time and slammed him against the coffee table a second time, making him hit his lower back against the corner. He sunk down in pain as Lu left he room, coming back with a broom, looking at the long end sadistically. Oh god no! Yamato's eyes grew wide with fear as he tried to get away as quickly as he could. The long end of the broom came down on his back end, making him fly to the ground, unable to support the force of the impact. Yanni gave out a small scared whimper before she escaped up the stairs. She had been left unconsidered through their little melee.
"Just how far do you think I can stick the broomstick up his tight ass?" Lu asked, uncaringly. "Well, Als? How far? Do you think he'll be able to stand it?"
"Don't!" Yamato yelled, unable to sustain his own fear. The only thing that came was a quick slap from Lu's free hand.
"Shut up! So tell me Als, do you want me to do it? Do you want to satisfy to your selfish, sadistic needs?"
Als blinked slowly, still showing indifference to what was happening. She let out a long, tired sigh as she stared at Lu. "If you want to shove that broom up his ass, by all means do it, but don't damage him. I would prefer you save that until later, though. Just fuck him and get it over with."
"No! I want to know what the hell you want me to do to him! Well?"
"Like hell if I care. It's all up to what the people buying the material want. It's all in how much they are willing to pay."
"Let's see if they'll pay for this, Als."
Lu grabbed Yamato's arm, dragging him into the kitchen, dumping him against the wall as he made his way to the utensils. He took out a carving knife, making sure Als was looking, as placed the sharp end on Yamato's arm, drawing a little blood and cutting the fabric of his shirt. Yamato bit down on his teeth, doing his best to block out the pain that was coming. Als just stared with an odd fascination as Lu dragged the blade down from Yamato's shoulder to his elbow, letting the blood flow out, hitting the floor. He bent his head down toward the cut and licked the blood that was coming out.
"Love it, don't you Als? I can see that hungry look in your eyes. You want more. You want a better show. DEAL WITH WHAT YOU HAVE!"
He placed several more cuts on Yamato's body before he gave up the knife and threw it aside. He then gripped Yamato's hips, forcing his head down as he entered him without a single warning or preparation. He didn't wait for the young boy to become adjusted as he immediately quickened his pace, never ceasing to slow down.
God let this end, let this end, let this end! Yamato thought. He felt his insides tearing as Lu pounded his whole length into him, practically trying to destroy him internally. He kept himself from screaming the best he could, but his terrified grunts escaped him. But no matter how much pain he felt at that moment, he wouldn't let tears escape his eyes. He was finally willing to give up, growing numb to the feelings entering him, as he avoided Als' passive looks. There was no way he would be able to escape it, not today. He could only wince and wish for it to end quickly as he felt blood oozed out from where Lu was breaking him. Please stop this.
Yanni gazed from atop the stairs, watching carefully as she fiddled with the small box in her hands. She looked at the monkey doll that was placed on her shoulder before looking back at the scene before her.
"We must look to write, to write we must look. We have to see to write the truth, monkey buddy, buddy monkey," she whispered to the doll beside her. "No harm in looking. But in playing with the devil and the devil's advocate, all is harmful. The truth shall set thee free."
Lu gave Yamato several more thrusts before pulling out of him, refusing to cum in the boy, knowing that doing so would only further fulfill what Als had intended. He tossed Yamato to the side, causing him to curl up against the wall the best he could. He gave Als a cold stare.
"Clean up the fucking mess if you want that film of yours to actually be distributed. And don't use me as a goddamned alibi to torture him when I'm not here."
With that said, Lu left the room, his temper still flaring. Als, on the other hand, smiled, seemingly pleased with what had been done.
"Stupid dumbass," she muttered, bending down and untying Yamato. "Well, you heard him. Clean up the fucking mess, Yamato. You damaged goods yet?"
Yamato let out a raspy deadly breathe before he swatted Als' hand away. "Get the fuck away from me you lying whore!"
"Pity you feel that way. I was going to help, but now that I remember, I have a meeting with the buyers. Ta much, Yamato."
Yamato stayed on the floor for what seemed like hours before he heard the front door swing open and shut. He laid his head on his arms, feeling pressure on his shoulders from the sudden shift. How big are the bruises going to be this time? He found himself drifting when he heard someone's footsteps in front of him. He looked up, seeing a pair of dark blue pants. His eyes drifted upwards when he spotted those eyes he's grown to thank. It was Yanni.
"Janitor Bismark reporting for duty, what needs cleaning today?" She looked around the room, inspecting it. "No problem, Bossman. I'll have this cleaned in a jiff. Don't worry about a thing. I've seen messes bigger and badder than this. I know just what to do to this mess. Nothing a little windex and scrub-a-dubb can't fix."
With that, she began to clean with her mop and bucket full of water. Yamato let tears run down his eyes when she turned her body. Pulling himself up off the floor to give her the room she needed to clean was difficult. Fire exploded through his body as he inched up. He was finally standing, breathing heavily, when a strong hand grabbed his arm, putting a partially wet towel around his shoulders. Yamato looked up, fear immediately in his eyes.
"I'm not going to do anything to you," Lu said, calmly. He turned to Yanni as he lifted Yamato off the floor. "Thank you for your help."
"No problem Bossman. It's nothing a little windex and scrub-a-dub can't fix. Be done in no time."
Lu carried Yamato to the bathtub that was filled with slightly warm water, dipping him in, hoping he caused as little pain as possible. Yamato decided to gaze at his feet rather than to look at the eyes that caused him horrible fear at that moment.
"I'm really sorry about what I did," Lu said, receiving no reaction at all from Yamato as he began to clean the smaller, younger boy. "I just lost my tempter and took it out on the first person I could think of. I apologize for what I did. I didn't mean to go as far as I had. I hope I didn't hurt you that bad."
No I wasn't hurt that bad, Yamato thought. The apocalypse is happening in my body, but it wasn't that bad. Leave me alone, Lu. Had he had the energy and guts to say so, he would have.
He proceeded to clean the young boy until the blood was off his body, though some was still seeping from the knife wounds on Yamato's body. He reached for the bandages he had set next to him and started to wrap Yamato's body, covering the wounds as gently as he could.
"I know you're probably ignoring me, but I'm being honest in my apologies. I promise I won't hurt you again, in spite of Alice. Did you hear me, Yamato?"
A very small "yes" left Yamato's lips as Lu finished bandaging Yamato's most severe injuries. Yamato felt himself being lifted a second time before he noted he was slipping into a dream-like state of consciousness.
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:::Dream Sequence:::
Yamato was sitting on the floor under his desk during class, ignoring those around him. His hands were covering his ears and his eyes were shut, his last attempt to silence the world. He was irritated with this teacher's incomprehensible droned lecture. Somehow he was able to tell, though, that it wasn't his teacher, but someone else. Who it was, he could tell, but only slightly.
Who is that? he asked himself.
His opened his eyes, focusing his attention on the drone. No one was surrounding him, yet he was able to hear and sense the other students, each unable to stay still even for a second, each moving to their own accord. The droning voice was still standing out, even through a small ring of laughter that was rising from around him.
I know that voice, but who is it?
The voice was filling Yamato's head, causing him to close his eyes tightly as thought that would help his hearing. His attention well drawn, he couldn't tell if it was female or male. He started to rock back and forth before it began to consume him and drove him into anger, causing him to shoot off the floor. He pointed his finger in the direction where he had last heard the droning voice the loudest.
"Who the hell are you!?"
He opened his eyes, only to see a sea of flowers. It was a large field filled with flowers of every kind imaginable, in every color. He turned round and round, seeing nothing but flowers. It was unreal, maybe surreal even in this state. He took a step forward to start in a journey to see where he was. Before his foot even touched the ground, fire shot out, consuming everything in that direction. Yamato covered his eyes to keep the flame from his eyes as he took a predictable step back. Fire erupted from behind him, blocking him from two sections. The head drove him to run to the only open spot he had. The fire chased after him, not letting him escape from its wrath, consuming everything as it followed him.
He found himself running off a cliff. He fell nearly twenty feet into water as the fire that was above him flew into the air and filled the sky with its rage. The fire began to continue its chase down the hill after him. He hit the water and felt himself sink to the bottom, only seven or ten feet from the top. He looked up as the flames danced above the surface.
So this is the way I'm going to die? I guess I do deserve to die. Everyone will be happy when I'm gone. I'm sorry.
Mat felt someone grab him and pull him out of the water.
"NO. You're not going to die on me! I still need you. I'm not done with you yet."
Who was that? He knew that it was a girl. Yamato was about to look at the person that took him out of the water when something grabbed onto his foot, yanking him into the ocean for a second time. He felt like he had been down for minutes, feeling his lungs tighten from lack of air, but he wasn't hitting the sea floor. He started to struggle, feeling his lungs burning. The thing wrapped itself around his arms and torso, giving him another tug deeper into the water.
Yamato continued to struggle, afraid of drowning, but something was changing. He was breathing, but the panic had seeped in so far that he didn't care whether or not he could breathe. He tried to kick at whatever was taking him into a darkness that was erupting.
The dark isn't safe! I want out! Let me go! I want to live! Help!
A seemingly relaxing hum erupted from whatever was restricting his movements. It was a deep bell sound that filled the water. It was almost telling him to calm down, that everything was going to be okay, but the fear was deeply set. The darkness was engulfing him quickly and his panic quickened. He could see air escaping from him as he opened his mouth to scream.
"SOMEONE HELP ME!" he yelled before he found himself in a classroom.
He looked around, finding himself sitting at a desk. He stood up calmly and walked to the window, noting a bit of unfamiliarity. This wasn't his school. Where was he? Laughing came lightly from behind the classroom door. He walked to it, opening it, seeing the halls completely empty. He walked to the end of the hall, catching a staircase, noting that he was possibly on the second floor.
"He's dead," he heard a woman say. "He died after I taught him the arts. I shouldn't have let him go out and practice them on his own. I should have gone with him, but now he's gone. He's dead. I promised to take care of him and now he's dead! It's my fault. He was so young. It should have been me. He was my responsibility, my pupil, my friend, and I let him die. I should have been the one to die. Not him."
He started to walk down the staircase, wishing to see who was there, hoping. Once at the end, he noted a kid in an odd uniform he had never seen. He was about to walk up to the kid when the child ran down the corridor, disappearing at the end. He took the final step off the stairs only to be consumed by a flash of light as a sharp frightened screech filled every crevice of the halls.
Yamato slowly opened his eyes, his heart pounding against his chest. He got off the bed and started to breathe slowly to steady his heartbeat, not wishing to remember the scream. But it was the only thing that plagued his memory.
!!!!!!!!!!!
"Tai, wake up! You're going to be late!"
Tai muttered something in his half sleep when Hikari pulled the blanket away, throwing ice cubes on him immediately after. Tai didn't move, trying to reach for the blanket.
"Okay, you asked for it."
She grabbed one of the ice cubes from the cup she held in her hand, lifting Tai's underwear to . . . .
"Don't you even dare," Tai muttered, grabbing her hand. "You dare to and I swear I will put some down your bra, Kari."
"Well if you won't wake up one way, there's always the other. Now get up, we're going to be late."
"Late for what?" Tai asked, getting up gradually, thankful he had taken a shower in the night.
"Class? School? Any of that ring a bell?"
"But it's Sunday."
Kari jumped on Tai's bed, landing on his legs. Holding out an envelope. "Exactly. Sonya sent you a letter with some problems about translation and manga, so you better get crackin' so you can write her back without any confusing errors this time."
"And who gave you permission to read my mail?" he asked, yanking the letter out of her grasp.
"It said 'Open Me,' so I did."
Kari ran out the door as Tai flung his pillow at her. Damn her waking me up at. . . what time is it? 7:15. Okay. Wait!
"Kari! It's only 7:15! WHAT THE HELL YOU LITTLE PAIN! I SHOULD KILL YOU!"
In the other room, Kari was laughing as her mother gave her an odd look while she set the table.
"Why is Tai threatening you this time?" she asked.
"Reading a friend's letter and nearly throwing ice down his boxers."
Tai on the other hand, continued to curse his sister's life as he heard his mother laughing. He growled as he opened the letter Sonia had sent her.
Hola, Tai-dye!
I had this weird dream about you last night. (But by the time you get this, it'll be way longer than that!) Anyway, I won't bore you with such a dream, since it didn't make sense anyway. You never e-mailed me, you punk! That's not what I was going to write about, anyway. I managed to save up plenty of money to go to Japan for two weeks, so yes, I'm going to come for a visit, but I haven't really decided when. I am taking my classes right now, so it will have to be either after that or in the summer/winter (northern atmosphere/southern atmosphere). Well if it is after the school session, you damned better put on sun block. I'm going to drag you everywhere that you know. And I don't want you getting sunburned like you did here in Australia. By the way, I developed those pictures already!! You're a dead man, you know that? Anyway, I'm going to make the most out of my visit! It hasn't been fun here without you. My brother's no fun to punk around, he figured out all my tricks. You told him didn't you? I knew I couldn't trust you. So, how are things with your boyfriend? I want to see you guys together and I do want to see a kiss. I can't get his face out of my mind. He's such a cutie. I really hope things are going great for you guys. I hope to meet him when I go over there. You said he was in a band. Tell me if they're going to have a gig. I would like to hear him play very much. If he's anything like Daniel Johns, I'll die! Actually, no one can be like anyone else, but there can be a similarity. I'd love to see him play now. Oh yeah. You're writing is a bit shaky, I wouldn't really read it. How about typing it? Write neater!!! All right, I hope you write back as soon as you can and send me some pictures! I wish to see your friends and/or city. I would send you some, but you've already met everyone I know and you've seen the city I've been staying in for the past year. Laters Tai- Dye.
Your friend,
Sonia
Tai folded the letter, a sad expression on his face. He got dressed before he put a sweater on, walking out the front door, and not answering his mother when she asked what was wrong. I knew my Sunday was going to start out bad. Thank god I took that shower last night. He started his walk to the main streets, hoping to get rid of some of his depressing feeling, but knowing it won't go away anytime soon.
!!!!!!!!!!!
Yamato laced his shoes with great effort trying to ignore the pain in his back. He sighed heavily once he had them on, completely, rubbing some of the tears out of his eyes. He was in Lu's room. He probably didn't want to put me in my own room. How could I have slept in his bed with him next to me without him abusing me? He usually would have taken advantage of me, but why didn't he? I hope Jubi doesn't mind me going over to her home earlier than planned. Practice with his band wasn't for another three hours, but he wanted out. Luckily, Jubilee, their other guitarist, didn't live far from where he was. He exited out of the room and went into his own to get his guitar, one of his few life possessions. He rushed down the stairs, nearly falling once he reached the bottom. He gazed around the room quickly. Yanni was asleep in a catlike pose right next to the door. Lu was sitting on the couch, a book in his hand. Als was nowhere to be found, thankfully.
"I'm going to Jubilee's house to practice with my band. I'll be back before dawn," Yamato said, slowly.
"You better be," was the only reply that came.
He walked out, stepping around Yanni as he did so, and began his walk toward his friend and band mate's house. But even with how empty the streets were, he couldn't help but get an uneasy feeling as he kept his slow pace. Someone he knew was out there walking in time with him. Who it was, he wasn't sure, but he was close to them. A thought started to cross his mind, though it wasn't necessarily wise of him to be thinking such things. I hope it is Taichi. I want to see him again, hold him. That would make me happy for today, if it is just one day. But what if he won't forgive me for what I did? Maybe he won't even want to be near me after he finds out about what happened. He probably won't even want to touch me or let me touch him. Why does this happen to us? It was the same bull in the digital world, damned it! We never got a break! It just won't ever end! Oh well, I guess it's just mean to be that way. Woo-hoo for this crap.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My original plan was to go way beyond this (was going to have this range about 20 pages), but thanks to my lazy ass and my never-ending babysitting days, I'm stuck there! I know I won't get much of a chance to continue since I have to baby sit a kid every hour, practically. Worse is I'm not getting paid! Much worse, there's an irresponsible male in the house, so I'm not getting any help with the little monster that doesn't believe in the words "Stop it and sit still." She's a mini tornado! The rest of the kids, minus three, were at least calm enough to listen! Anyway, I'm irritated, which will get better once my niece's mother gets home. I swear I'm not going to have kids of my own. So, with the fic, I'm going to continue where this one left off in the next chapter, I'll get it out before my classes begin in the fall, if I get a break and get a real summer!
I was feeling bad for what I did to Yamato, but after editing it four times and after watching BeBop and hearing Ed say "All is fair in love and waarrrrrrr," I congratulated myself since I know I could have done far worse with how my imagination works. If I decide to write another chapter like that, I'll give fair warning a chapter ahead of time, but that means I'll have to write two chapters every update, which I can't do right now since my brain is on instadrain (in which everything you think, learn, or every bit of creativity you gain, you loose at least 45% of the material). It's not writer's block. Believe me I know what that is. Before I go through a writer's rambling for three pages, let me say thank you for reading and even more thanks if you read my ramblings, good or bad.
The translation, small list as it may be: Hola-this isn't Holla like "Scream" this is "hola" (pronounced oh-la) as in "Hello" in Spanish.
Now, Please Review if you want. Flame if you want. I just need a laugh.