We raced into the woods, me panting like a sick dog. When Fili had mentioned the trolls had gotten Bilbo, he forgot to mention how far it was. I kept glaring at Thorin. This whole situation could be under the category as his fault. Yet he refused to meet my glare.
We were finally close enough to hear a desperate Kili shout,
"I said, drop him!" I inwardly cringed when I heard a sudden grunt as the troll must've taken him quite literally. As they landed in a pile of limbs and groans, Thorin and company broke through the dense forest and into the troll's clearing. There was instant fighting and chaos, but I tried to keep my distance. I knew if I tried to fight, I would only cause a hindrance, probably by ending up hurting myself instead of doing something useful. I crouched down and yanked Bilbo up, pulling him after me. Badger gave a whoop of relief when he saw us.
"Master Bilbo, are you alright?" asked Badger, patting his friend to make sure.
"Yes, quite," replied Bilbo, swatting Badger's hands away.
"Miss Dixie, we have to help them!" whined Badger, starting to make towards the mass of weapons. I grabbed his collar and yanked him back.
"Badger, honestly, I'm your friend and all, but you hardly look like fighting material, and well, you kind of need that in this situation," I hissed, pointing at the fight. He grumbled.
"But what about the ponies?" whispered Bilbo, pointing at the terrified animals, rearing in fright.
"The dwarves will get them when they're done," I whispered back.
"Or we could rescue them now and cause a diversion!" smiled Badger. Bilbo must've caught on because suddenly the two hobbits raced after the ponies.
"Badger, Bilbo! Get your asses back here!" I cried out. I immediately slapped myself when I realized a troll had heard me and followed my line of sight, seeing Badger and Bilbo scamper to the ponies. I covered my eyes and whimpered when I saw him lumber after them, quickly grabbing a shrieking Bilbo, but Badger thankfully dodging his other hand and leaping into the bushes.
"Oi!" cried the troll, removing his other hand to let another troll grab his other limbs.
"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip 'is off!" he threatened, pulling Bilbo harder. His worried look had me bighting the inside of my cheek until the point of drawing blood. I watched Thorin's reaction, and sighed in relief when he begrudgingly sunk his sword in the ground, the rest of the company following suit, a shared look of alarm passing through the company as they realized we were suddenly in deep shit.
I crept along the forest floor, careful to not make a sound. While the trolls had discussed how to cook the dwarves, I had realized it was either me or Badger who was going to help the dwarves, and because I hadn't seen Badger since he dived into the bushes, I took that as my cue to fuck some shit up.
I had finally ended up right behind the dwarves, all stuffed in burlap sacks in their underclothes, weaponless. If we weren't in this situation, I would find this incredibly amusing. But all I could feel right now was a deep passion of hate towards the stubborn dwarf king. I crept behind Thorin who was glaring at the trolls, and saw Bilbo cocking his head towards them as he listened to them insult each other.
"Bilbo!" I hissed. He immediately turned his head to follow the voice, and his face lit up when he saw me.
"Miss Dixie!" he smiled. The rest of the company turned to see me and said a welcoming as well.
"Shhhh!" I put a finger to my lips, afraid to warn the trolls of my company. They got the hint, looking frightened and ashamed.
"What are you doing here?" spat Thorin, glaring at me.
"Oh, you know, I was cooking a turkey and wanted to see if you guys wanted to join me," I rolled my eyes sarcastically.
"Now's not the time to be sarcastic, girl," he growled. I resisted the urge to slap him.
"Then stop being an idiot and tell me how I can help!" I hissed.
"I would never accept help from a child like you," he snarled.
"Yeah, I know. Like the time you decided to ignore my advice about moving on, and look where that got you!" I pounded the ground.
"Thorin, let the lass help," pleaded Oin, staring at Thorin expectantly. Thorin glared at Oin.
"Uncle, please, now's not the time to be picky," joined in Fili. I smiled, knowing I had won this argument. Thorin muttered a curse.
"Fine, you want to help? Untie me!" he spat, wriggling around in his sack.
"Then stop dancing like a worm on hot asphalt!" I spat. "And where are your bonds anyways?" I questioned, realizing I could see no ropes.
"You'll have to reach inside the sack, my hands are tied by my waist," he answered impatiently. I suddenly blushed.
"Oh, um, can't I untie someone else then and have them do it?" I asked, my face turning beet red.
"You wanted to help, now do it," he barked. I sighed.
"Jesus, you're old enough to be my dad, I better get a fucking medal for this," I muttered as my hand crept along the edge of the sack and under. My face was hot enough now that I'm pretty sure if the trolls knew about it, they'd use it to cook the dwarves. Thorin was doing a great job of ignoring me, twisting his head away and locking his jaw. My hand would occasionally slip across his chest and I would squeak a sorry. I began to move my hand around, looking for the bond when I slipped and my hand punched him under the sack.
"Girl!" He barked painfully. I blushed when I realized I had just unintentionally punched Thorin in the groin.
"Not my fault the ground is slippery. Take it as your punishment for not listening to me, and you can apologize to your gonads later," I spat embarrassed. He hissed another insult at me and I growled,
"Careful, Thorin, I can always do it again, purposefully." He immediately shut up. I finally reached his bonds and twisted the knot.
"Jesus, trolls are good tiers. They'd be some wicked boy scouts," I muttered.
"Work faster," Thorin growled in my ear. I ground my teeth together.
"Look, Thorin, when your hand's blindly untying someone free two inches away from their family jewels, then you have my permission to do whatever the hell you want, but I don't have x-ray vision, so I'm sorry, but you just have to wait," I said back, rolling my eyes. He flung his head back impatiently. Bilbo suddenly turned to look at us and his face turned bright red when he saw my hands.
"What on Middle-Earth are you doing Miss Dixie?" he asked, his face turning bright red.
"Trying to make an heir," I said sarcastically.
"But Miss Dixie, we are in trouble and…"
"Are you serious right now, Bilbo? Are you serious? Thorin here'd have to be the last man on earth for me to even shake hands with," I spat. Thorin glared at me.
"But you're doing a lot more than shaking hands," trailed off Bilbo.
"Bilbo, my dear, it's called, sarcasm!" I practically screamed. Bilbo blushed and suddenly turned around again to whisper,
"Oh, Miss Dixie, I have a plan."
"Oh, well then, just sit around and twiddle your thumbs," I smiled, blowing a strand of hair from my face.
"But miss Dixie, my thumbs, they are tied away from each other," he frowned.
"Dammit, you know what Bilbo? Don't even listen to me even more, go do your plan!" I hissed, glaring at him. Bilbo frowned, confused, but rolled over and thrust himself up, hopping in my way to obscure the trolls view from me when he addressed them.
"What in Durin's name is that hobbit doing?" asked Thorin, who began to twist around again.
"He's saving your ass, and stop moving, or you're going to get a punch in your happy place again," I snapped, finally freeing his bonds from his wrist. I whipped my hands from under the sack, brushing them against my jeans.
"Thank you," he growled. My eyes widened. Had Thorin just apologized? I had to test my luck.
"Um, sorry, what was that?" I asked, tilting my head closer to him.
"Don't push it, girl" he glared again, watching as Bilbo suddenly shouted.
"The secret to cooking dwarf is, to…skin them first!" Thorin's eyes widened and he snapped:
"Traitor!" I rolled my eyes. If the dwarves would only shut up for a minute, they would realize Bilbo was actually trying to help. It may have not been clearly seen, but he was buying me and Thorin time.
"What a load of rubbish!" Cackled the troll in the apron, "I've eaten plenty o dwarves with their skin on!" He fired back, glaring at Bilbo.
"He's right, nothing wrong with a bit o raw dwarf!" leered the stupidest one, leaning down to yank up a mumbling Bombur who wriggled in his sack frightened, staring at the open mouth of the troll. I glared at Bilbo to hurry his ass up and help before he quickly stammered:
"No! Not that one, he's, he's infected! He has parasites, in his, in his tubes!" The troll squealed in fright, dropping a relieved Bombur who landed unfortunately on a very angry Oin.
"In fact they're all infected," frowned Bilbo encouragingly. "I honestly wouldn't risk it, I really wouldn't."
"Parasites? Did he say parasites?" snapped Oin, glaring at Bilbo. Kili nodded, joining in with Oin.
"We don't have parasites, you have parasites!" Kili shot back.
"For the love of God," I slapped a hand to my forehead. They were going to get us killed. Thorin must've felt the same way because he suddenly kicked Oin in the back, glaring at his sharply before looking back at the trolls.
"I, I have parasites as big as me arm," tried Oin cautiously.
"My parasites are the biggest!" shouted Kili, who began to move around like a possessed snake. I smiled and giggled a little.
The trolls shot nervous glances to each other, obviously debating on what should happen next.
"Well what do you suppose we do then? Let 'em all go?" asked the dwarf in the apron, watching Bilbo.
"Well," he cocked his head.
"You don't think I know what yer up to? This little ferret's taking us for fools!" thundered the troll.
"Fools?" spat the trolls.
"Ferret?" glared Bilbo. I slapped my hand into my forehead again. By the time this journey was over I was going to have a huge print on my forehead from all this shit.
"The dawn will take you all!" boomed a voice. The trolls and the dwarves all turned to the voice, seeing Gandalf as he cleared from the brush to stand atop the great boulder blocking the sun.
"Who's that?" asked a troll, pointing to the wizard.
"No idea," muttered the other turning the spit.
"Can we eat him too?" asked the first, smiling wickedly, before Gandalf pounded his staff across the boulder, causing a great crack to form while the boulder slid in two, unveiling the sun and shining it across the trolls. They screamed in agony at the blinding light as their skin instantly turned to rock, shaping and twisting to stay in their still form. I smiled widely as the sudden creaking and cracking of rock was silenced and as the dwarves began to cheer wildly at seeing Gandalf. Before I could relax, I saw Badger leap from the brush next to Gandalf.
"Miss Dixie! Look who I found!" He smiled proudly. My forehead welcomed my hand this time.
The dwarves were all dressed and repacking their weapons as they walked around the group, patting each other's shoulder in welcoming and reunion.
"So tell me Miss Dixie, what were you and our uncle attempting when the trolls were debating on how to cook us?" asked an amused voice. I turned to see a grinning Kili with his arms crossed to an amused Fili.
"I was untying him," I blushed.
"Sure didn't look like it," added Fili, who winked at his brother.
"Guys, your uncle's old enough to be my dad!" I snarled, glaring at them both. "And he hates me, which is mutual, that shit's for desperate measures," I added.
"Well you certainly weren't sporting that argument when you were doing Durin knows what," winked Kili back. I threw my hands up in the air.
"Fine! We were assessing our love for each other and decided at that moment our lust was burning so hotly, we had to consummate our love and tame our shared desire as our hearts were finally entwined and could now beat as one, as well as our souls," I smiled breathlessly. Fili and Kili instantly blushed, staring at me with wide eyes.
"Do you little shits honestly believe me?" I asked, my mouth hanging open.
"Well you were…" began Kili.
"Just shut up, just stop right there. I was untying your uncle, and his bonds were under the sack that I had to slip my hand under to untie him. We were not getting weird like rabbits in the summer, we were trying to help you asshole from being eaten!" I snapped. Fili and Kili blushed even more, looking ashamed.
"Oh, I'm sorry guys; I didn't mean to snap…" I started, before Kili and Fili instantly enveloped me in a bone crushing hug.
"No competition then!" laughed Fili playfully, dragging me away, before Kili followed after, grabbing my other arm.
"You still have me, brother," smiled Kili.
"You're hardly a threat brother, after all, you have no beard," said Fili, grinning wickedly at his brother. I glared at Fili, but was still entertained.
"I'll have you know, many ladies I know prefer a man with no beard!" I chuckled, playfully pulling on one of Fili's mustache braids. Fili frowned.
"But sorry for you boys, my heart is take," I sighed, my hand fluttering over my chest dramatically. They glared at me.
"By whom?" hissed Fili. I giggled and tried to turn away but Kili grabbed my arm.
"Who?" he challenged again.
"Richard Armitage!" I flung my hands in the air and raced away, laughing when I saw them share a worried glance.
I'm such a troll.
Author's Note: I'd say I'm sorry to Thorin, but he's such an asshole. And we all know Dixie was probably really glad she finally got some payback against our majestic son of a bitch. Poor Bilbo, having to turn around and see what was going on there! Our little Hobbit's just so innocent 3 And finally, FILI AND KILI! They're so cute :3 Lucky Dixie. So that's it for today, tell my what you guys thought, and please review! I really need to see what you guys think of the story so far and maybe some of your guys' own thoughts of what should happen next, so if you have an idea, feel free to tell me and I'll consider it Have a beautiful day!