Your Tired Eyes
Chapter Six: Secrets
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Tyler P.O.V.
It's dark. It's still dark when I wake up. Jeremy and I are buried beneath a blanket that I presume he had placed over us. Spending the night – was not something I did, and I was sure my father would penalize me for it once I got home, which I was in no rush to get to.
Sitting up, I blink blindly trying to make out forms in the dark. Jeremy is asleep, facing upwards, his pale skin vibrating almost in the dark. It strikes me how different this is than the Secret Keeper. How different it is from anything.
Breathing in deeply, I lean over him, and whisper the words I was too spineless to say before, "I care about you, Gilbert."
I'm caught off guard when he smirks, and weakly, "You think I don't know that, Lockwood?" he asks, opening his eyes slightly.
I scoff, and then smile, "Go back to sleep, Gilbert."
-
"Shit," I mutter, watching the numbers of the clock change. "I hate you, Gilbert. I hate you."
Jeremy chuckles, lightly, and then says, "I didn't ask you to stay the night."
"Shit," I mutter, "Shit shit shit. How the hell do I get out of here?"
"Stop panicking, first of all," Jeremy says, "We're already late. So – climb out the window."
"What? You room is on the second floor."
"There's a tree," Jeremy says, "Man up, Lockwood."
I shoot him a dirty look, "You're making me walk to school?"
Jeremy rolls his eyes, "Or we could go explain to my aunt Jenna that we had sex last night, and that you decided to spend the night."
"I hate you," I repeat, and Jeremy grins.
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Jeremy P.O.V.
I am happy. I am happy and I haven't been happy in weeks, months even. But Tyler is being nice – well, as nice as Tyler can get, and God, do I want to ditch school and just spend the day with him; which sounds incredibly cliché, but I didn't care at the moment.
"What're you so happy about?" Aunt Jenna asks during the car-ride to school, glancing at me.
I shrug.
-
I catch a glimpse of Tyler while I'm in the hallway trying to get to second period; he is heading out of the main office, with a pink tardy slip in his hand. I tried my best to turn my laugh into a hacking cough, but he noticed me, and smirked.
"Keep laughing, Gilbert," he says, his voice low, as he passes by me.
Five minutes later, as I'm in study hell, my cell phone vibrates in my pants. Ducking my head, I read the text, from an unknown cell phone which says You know who this is. West entrance, 10 mins.
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I get a pass from my study teacher, to the nurse, after a fake a headache. She rolls her eyes, this isn't new. When I was into the drug scene I got these 'headaches' all the time. She didn't seem to care. Scribbling her name on the pass, she hands it to me and tells me to get an aspirin and head back.
Half sprinting-half walking, I make it to the west entrance. It's a rather gloomy part of the school, and it's a door no one uses anymore. Tyler stands with his hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall under the stairwell. "Took you long enough," Tyler says the picture of nonchalance.
I roll my eyes, "Any reason you were forty minutes late for school?"
Tyler smirks, "My dad caught me walking."
"Ouch."
"I told him I was at Matt's. He didn't believe me, but whatever, Matt's used to covering for me." Tyler's seemingly had enough small talk, and takes the opportunity to grab me, and slam me against the wall he was previously leaning against.
"You are the most testosterone-driven person I've ever met."
"I'll pretend you meant that as a compliment," Tyler replies, tilting my head up and kissing me.
I break away from him, "You just asked me here so that we could fuck? Really, Tyler?" I ask, and I guess he can sense the underlying anger in my voice
Tyler doesn't seem to respond to emotion well, so he rolls his eyes, "Dude, what's your problem?"
"Why does this have to be a secret?"
"Are you serious?" Tyler asks, and the tone of his voice suggests that he really doesn't understand why I would be upset, at all about this.
"I thought you said you were done denying it," I say.
He scoffs, "God – why can't you just let this be easy? Why do you have to get so -,"
I cut him off, "Emotional? I have emotions," I reply and it seems like we've taken one step forward and two steps back. Here we are, discussing the same thing, every time.
"You think I don't? Jeremy – god damn it – there are some things I can't do. Going public with this is one of them."
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Because it's true-,"
"I'm not listening to this again. You keep saying that you're not doing this. Well I'm not doing this, Tyler. I refuse to become one of your fuck buddies – okay? So go find Mandy or Jennifer or who the hell ever and you do whatever the hell you want with them. But you don't do this to me. Not after all this. I'm not going back to this, Tyler. I'm not," I say, beginning to walk – rather, run – in the opposite direction.
Even from a distance I can hear Tyler's string of swears.
Tyler P.O.V.
I find Jeremy afterschool, he gives me a disparaging look, and a, "Go away, Tyler."
But I'm tired. I'm just as tired as he is, and I'm not going to go away. "You think I don't want this just as much as you do?" I ask him, "You think I like hiding? You think I like lying and pretending and secrets? I don't. But if my dad…," I trail off, "He'd disown me, Jeremy. He would literally disown me."
"That's not my problem. I don't have to deal with it, and I don't have to deal with you," Jeremy says, and then he sighs, leans against his locker, and whispers, "Damn it. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I just – I'm scared, Tyler. And I don't know how to -," Jeremy stops to talk another deep breath; "I don't know how to do this, Tyler. Not if you're not it with me. What's the point?"
I look at him; he is a confused kid, he is young, and of course he is scared. He is lost. I'm lost. I sigh, and then say, "I like you, Jeremy. I like you more than I've ever liked anybody. And this? This isn't a walk in the park for me, either."
"Fine," Jeremy says, finally, and shuts his locker.
"Fine?"
"This can be easy. I'll let it be easy, for now. I'll stop talking about going public with this, and we'll stop fighting."
"Somehow I think we'll find something to fight about."
Jeremy smirks.
-
Jeremy and I go the lake afterschool, realizing that the fact that everybody knows everybody is a downside of living in a small town. Everyone talks; and I can't have people talking about this.
Jeremy takes a seat along the edge of the grassy ground just above the lake, and this takes me back to that night – "I like you," – wincing, I recall it.
"Just gonna stand there, Tyler?" Jeremy asks, glancing back at me.
I sit next to him. We are quiet, for minutes to come, until Jeremy says, "Dad used to bring me here – before the car crash. Obviously, before. I always took it for granted. Took him for granted."
I don't know what to say about this, my dad is a jackass, but he is alive. Both of my parents are alive, and Jeremy's are dead. Jeremy is confused and young and broken, and I don't know how to deal with this.
I don't know how to deal with death, or silent tears, so I just watch him – and he is crying now, trying desperately to hold back tears, I can tell, but to no avail.
"Shit," Jeremy whispers, and there is a sob in his voice, "Sorry, I didn't – I didn't mean to -,"
"Don't. Don't apologize," I say, and then I hug him, and it is slightly awkward, but I can deal with it if it means Jeremy will stop crying. I break apart from him for a brief moment and brush my lips against his, "I'm here for you. It's okay."
And things are good. But I know they won't remain this way; I always do something to fuck good things up.
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Sorry this chapter was a little short, but I really hope you guys liked it! I like writing happy Jeremy/Tyler, but more drama's coming up of course
Review please, loves! ;)