The next morning I suddenly developed a excruciating stomach ache. Georg wanted to call a doctor but I told him that it would not be necessary as it was probably something I ate. I told him to get the children ready for church and that I would rest while they were away. I felt a little guilty for lying to him but I just couldn't bring myself to go to church.
I made a miraculous recovery by the afternoon. It was decided we would go into town and do some shopping. Georg elected to stay at home to get caught up on business matters that had piled up while we were away.
I took the girls to shop for gifts while the boys went shopping on their own. We decided to have lunch at a small café near the abbey. While waiting to be seated I watched as two woman stared at us from a table in the corner. I watched as one woman, about in her forties pointed at me while the other woman, maybe her daughter, whispered something in her. I shook my head as we were seated. I don't know why they find us, or should I say me, so interesting. I guess some people in town still don't agree with Georgs choice in a wife. If they only knew that it was Georg who had wanted to marry me not the other way around. Everyone still is under the assumption that I am with child and that is why Georg married me. If they only knew, I thought to myself. Oh well I guess I should just ignore them.
The next week is spent in preparation of Christmas. St Nicholas day arrives and the children are up bright and early to see what they have received. Candy, small presents and yes some have found coal due to some misbehavior. It is a reminder to them to be on their best behavior as there is only 3 weeks until Christmas. Georg lights the Advent wreath as we sing. The next two Sundays my mysterious illness appears and then I am fine by the afternoon. Georg is concerned and wants me to visit the doctor. I tell him I will go after the holiday.
Georg and I have been spending more time together. We take long walks in the evening and sit by the fire. I slowly find myself needing him to be close to me. When he kisses me I respond more easily. I find when he deepens the kiss I am no longer afraid instead I feel a need for more. He makes me want him closer to me than ever before. We still have not been together as man and wife. I know Georg wants me but he says he will wait until I am ready. What if I am never ready? What kind of marriage can we have? I have never missed my mother more. I have no one to talk to about this.
Christmas Eve is fast approaching. I put the children to bed and as I hear them say their prayers Martina asks that her new Mother be well enough to attend Christmas Eve mass. She tells God that is the only thing she wants for Christmas. My eyes fill with tears. How can I possibly not go? How could I not grant her prayer?
The children are overjoyed when I arrive dressed and ready for church. Georg takes my hand as we enter the church. Martina asks me to take her to the Nativity scene. I go the railing by the alter. I look at the nativity and my eyes focus on the baby in the manger , his arms outstretched, as if reaching for me. I find myself staring and I feel my heart begin to melt. I begin to let go of my anger. How can one be angry at a baby. I begin now to understand. God did not betray me. God found my true calling in life. I am the one who wanted to be a nun. I thought by giving myself to him that I would be fulfilling his wish. I was wrong. He had other plans for me. Yes, God did close a door but he also opened a window. He brought me a family that loves me and that I love. Love, it hits me. This is what I feel now, not only for the children, but for Georg. All these weeks with him have given this to me. I realize for the first time that I am in love. I ask Martina to wait while I go to confession. I confess my sins but also confess my love for my husband.
I take Martina and go to find Georg. I must tell him, no show him, that I love him. I reach him and he smiles when he sees me.
" There you are we were looking for you" he says as he takes my hand. " Where were you?
I squeeze his hand " I had some unfinished business to take care of" He looks at me questioningly.
" I'll explain later "as I reach to him and kiss him on the cheek. This is the first time I have ever initiated a kiss and he is pleasantly surprised. We head home to open our gifts.
We put the children to bed and go to our room. As Georg readies himself for bed I change into the nightgown I had worn on our wedding night but forgo the dressing gown. Georg comes out of the bathroom and stops as he looks at me. I am nervous but confidant. I go to him and take his hand in mine.
I begin to explain my revelation to him. He listens never letting go of my hand.
" I know now that God brought you to me. He gave me to you and you to me so that you could love again and so that I could know what it is to be loved and to love someone in return.
" I love you" I say waiting for his reaction. He pulls me to him and holds me.
" I love you Maria, with all my heart" he reaches down and kisses me, gently on the lips. Something is happening to me. I feel so warm but I shudder at the same time. I feel a desire yet to be fulfilled. I wrap my arms around him as he lifts me up. He carries me to the bed and slowly lays me down. He sits next to me and kisses me again. He whispers " are you ready" as his lips go to my ear. I say nothing. I answer him by kissing him deeply. I hear him say my name over and over as our kiss deepens even more. He slowly takes his lips from mine and kisses my neck working his way down to my shoulder. I feel his lips on my breast. My mind is reeling. He removes his clothes and then he removes my nightgown. I am a little shy but excited at the same time. The feeling of his body next to mine causes me to moan. His warmth covers me as his hands and lips touch every part of my heated body. I feel him against me. He touches me and I gasp. I feel him closer to me.
He looks into my eyes as if asking to go on. I look at him and whisper "I trust you"
That is all the answer he needs. I feel him against me and gasp as he fulfills me. He stops as he hears me gasp. " Did I hurt you" he asks kissing me gently. I do not say anything only hold him closer. I feel him slowly move within me. I feel no pain this time only pleasure. Pleasure like I have never known. He looks into my eyes as I feel my body react to his movements. I cry out as my body convulses in waves. I watch as his eyes close then I feel him fill me. His body relaxes as he rests his head on my breast. Our hearts begin to slow down. I run my fingers through his hair as he lifts his head up.
" I love you" he says as he slowly moves from within me. He pulls me next to him and wraps his arms around me. From that day forward we decided that we would celebrate our anniversary on Christmas Eve, the night that we truly became husband and wife.