If Lavi is playing a prank on him, it isn't funny. How the hell can gluing his eyes shut be funny?
It's also not funny that he saw fit to bash Allen's head in with Ozuchi Kozuchi- that's just cruel and wrong and as soon as Allen can open his eyes he's going to give the redhead a stern lecture on what's funny and what isn't.
His left side is also burning like hellfire and he isn't sure how that could be Lavi's fault, unless he burned him with the fire seal. Even if he didn't, he's still gonna blame Lavi.
He frowns, reaches his right hand across to scratch at the itch taking over his side; before he can, his hand is slapped away and he whimpers, not really feeling up to the abuse.
This doesn't deter the abuser, however, who grabs his shoulder and shakes it lightly; he tries to shrug it off, futilely grabbing for the tendrils of sleep that had started to escape him before giving up and sighing.
As he wakes up more he hears someone calling his name; it sounds a million miles away, and even if the person had been shouting it sounds like its being strained through water. He frowns, tries concentrating on the voice until it becomes clearer and he realizes it's Lenalee.
Not Lavi then, though he thought Lenalee wouldn't ever be mean enough to glue his eyes shut and bash his head in for no reason for other than enjoyment.
He lifts his right hand, rubs at his eye furiously as he makes an affirmative sound to quell her worried voice. His arm feels heavy for some reason, as if his blood is actually syrup. This makes it hard to lift his head up and after the second attempt he gives up, cracking open his eyes.
The one thing he can be thankful for is that its dim and cool where they are, so it doesn't sting too bad when he opens his eyes all the way. Above him, Lenalee looks worried and distraught, hands clenched in her skirt, and this is when he realizes he's shirtless. And that he had been bitten by a twenty foot viper.
He closes his eyes for a long moment before opening them again, and struggles valiantly against heavy limbs and his burning side to sit up. He only manages to prop himself up on his elbow before yawning and settling for it. This is when he realizes his wrist is broken, in a cheap splint that is only managing to keep him from bending it horrifically.
When he looks around the room, avoiding Lenalee's worried face strategically, he sees his sword beside him and realizes he's still invocated. He also sees Adjoa standing near the door and Nyabo over by the far wall, hunched in on herself. The snake is curled up beside her, unmoving- maybe sleeping. It's not like Allen is going to kick it to find out or anything, so his eyes slide around the room once again and he doesn't see Kanda anywhere.
"Where's Kanda?" He blurts out, then colors in embarrassment because that is not really the first thing he should ask.
Lenalee actually giggles a little at that, even though her face is still strained, so he regrets his kind of obsessive question a little less.
"He's talking to the doctor about some stuff," She says, hand going to push him back down. He complies because she's a strong woman and he's not stupid enough to fight against her when she was obviously ready to kick his ass thirty seconds ago.
Apparently she's still ready to kick his ass, because as soon as he's laying down her face turns stony and the gentle hand on his shoulder pushes hard all of a sudden, crushing his shoulder into the floor.
"Now that you're awake, Allen Walker, can you tell me why in the hell you jumped in front of a deadly poisonous viper when Kanda could have so obviously dodged it?"
"Um," He says, mouth open a bit as he stares at her with a cross of a sheepish expression and a horrified, scared look.
Her face doesn't soften at all at his expression; instead, it changes from fury to worry, which is much worse in Allen's opinion.
"Do you realize," Here her voice shakes, and if her hand wasn't merging his shoulder with the ground he would have reached out to her and held her hand. As it is, he feels horrible and stupid and inadequate and a failure as a friend whenever Lenalee brings out that expression, which is probably the intended affect anyway. "That we had to give you all three of the anti-venom shots because the viper was so big at the time? Do you realize that you could have died if the doctor had gotten here twenty minutes later?"
And then, the cincher: "Do you realize how worried we were about you?!"
Her free hand goes to wipe at her eyes, face turned away as not to let Allen see the tears, and Allen wonders how Cross can live with making all those women cry after he leaves them because he feels like the absolute scum of the earth at the moment.
"Lenalee…" He says softly, looking up at her pitifully. She sends him a sharp glance, eyes still shining.
"Don't you dare say anything, Allen." She whispers furiously, fingers clenching impossibly harder on his shoulder. "You're still selfish and stupid and apparently you still don't trust us to stand by your side and fight."
She sniffs quietly, glaring at him. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Cross always said, which is so undeniably true he doesn't even object to the fact that it came out of his master's mouth.
"When will you get that we're your friends and we'll always help you, Allen? That we can take care of ourselves and that you don't have to come riding to our rescue?" She finishes, finally letting go of his shoulder. Her hand clenches in her lap again and Allen takes the opportunity to slide his hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze.
She doesn't move to acknowledge it, instead glaring down at what Allen realizes is his bloody bandages.
He surveys them too, sees the dark red spread over two spots in particular- one over the center of his chest and the other just below his navel. He doesn't even want to think about his back but is forced to acknowledge it when he tries to prop himself up again, feels the skin stretch over his shoulder blades unpleasantly.
It takes a few minutes for him to sort out the words in his head, in which he doesn't let go of Lenalee's hand. When he does, his voice is quiet and mournful, truthful.
"I do trust you," He starts, "And I know you're my friends, and that I can be selfish."
He pauses, rolls the next words around his mouth like sweet candy. "It's just that I want to protect what's- what's mine, really."
Looking down, he feels Lenalee's eyes on him- softened but still hard, still angry. When he looks up the tears have drained from her eyes and she's moved one hand to rest above his, which is a good as sign as any.
"I'm sorry. I really am. I just- am stupid sometimes."
This earns him a small smile from Lenalee. "Kanda will be happy to hear you finally admit it than."
Allen cracks open a smile, sees it warm up Lenalee a bit. "Which is why I will never admit it in front of him."
Lenalee lightly slaps his shoulder before getting up, brushing off her skirt. Her face is still strained, eyes still dark with anger, but at least her smile is more genuine.
"I think he won't care either way," Lenalee says, and then her smile turns a bit sharper- Allen doesn't like that smile, not at all. "Because he's angrier at you than I am, and you know I went easy on you just now. He won't."
Allen resists the urge to say 'you went EASY on me?' in favor of letting a thick bunch of emotions clog his throat. Not good emotions, either- strained fear and apprehension and nervousness and it all triples when the door creaks open and Kanda steps inside, shadows touching the corners of his face just so Allen can't see his expression.
Lenalee sends him a tight, malicious smile at the expression on his face and walks towards the door, touches Kanda's arm as she moves out it. The Japanese exorcist nods at her and moves forward, possibly towards where Allen is laying.
He panics, pushes himself up further to maybe make excuses because if anything Kanda is not a damsel in distress and Allen is not his knight in shining armor. Kanda will probably kick his head in for even 'saving' him so actively.
But then Kanda just passes him, doesn't even look at him and strides to the window as if he was the only one in the room. He doesn't even give Nyabo a second glance, who flinches when he walks passed her.
Allen remains silent, feeling just as he did with Lenalee- horrible and stupid and inadequate and a failure, and Kanda didn't even say anything.
It's just his expression- disappointment and anger, as if he was the one who had made a stupid decision.
The worst thing is that Allen can't find anything to say and by the time the doctor comes in with Lenalee he has closed his eyes, feigning sleep.
-------------------------
This is what happens after Allen had gotten bitten:
After being flung into the side of a building (where he had fell on his wrist funny, which explains the fracture), Kanda had turned around and seen the snake- before either he or Lenalee could take action the girl had made one low, almost imperceptible note and it had fallen, a great big coil of a thing crashing to the earth.
This is when Lenalee had gone to Allen, shooting him with both her and Allen's shots while Kanda had grabbed the flute from the girl's hands, who had gone almost catatonic staring at her pet.
After finding Adjoa and getting to a safe place with a quick doctor, the girl had then told him that her viper- who she called Themba- had never struck out without being 'told' to before. Had never actually injected venom in anyone because the situation never called for it. Well, except for the monsters that kept attacking them which opened a whole new can of questions.
Nyabo and Themba had also been the reason there was a suspiciously small number of AKUMA in the area, which their team had found odd but ignored, coming to the conclusion that they were just waiting for the exorcists to seed the innocence out. The fact that Nyabo, a girl with an untrained innocence, had taken out numerous AKUMA without even knowing what they were speaks volumes about her and her skills.
At any rate, the girl, frightened by not having complete control of the viper, had agreed to come to headquarters to discuss becoming an exorcist.
Which had brought them to where they were now, sitting in a large carriage with Timcampy circling around the snake, who was ignoring it completely. Nyabo was silent, now that Adjoa had left as their translator.
The worst thing- worst than the scared girl beside him, still hunched in on herself, worst than Lenalee's still wet-eyed glares, worst than the pain in his side, was Kanda.
Kanda, who wouldn't even look at him and had such a look of finality and righteous fury on his face that Allen couldn't even open his mouth open around the boy without feeling like he was going to choke.
Throughout the ride, Allen wished that he could have at least said sorry to the man.
--------------
They briefly explain their mission report- well, Allen and Lenalee do. Kanda sits there and fumes.
After he says that the viper had bit him because he had been distracted, Komui gives him a dubious and suspicious look. It passes once Allen apologizes profusely for it and tells him that Nyabo is waiting in the observation room, viper fast asleep around her neck
"Thank you for your hard work." Komui says in parting, waving them out the door. "I'll notify you in a few days about your next mission, Kanda."
Kanda nods silently, brings his eyes to look directly at Komui. Allen thinks that they might be talking about whatever he and Komui talk about and turns to leave, feeling his stomach turn.
He doesn't get far out the door when Kanda grabs his hand and jerks it, and the slam of the door is all the warning he gets before he is being pulled to where Kanda wants him to go. Which is actually not a bad place to be, he thinks.
"Kanda-"
"Shut the fuck up." Kanda snarls, and he glances over his shoulder- Allen stares at the furious look and goes to talk again- maybe to say something that needs to be said, for once not thrown away- but Kanda's lips thin out more and his jaw clenches. "Shut up or I'll kill you."
Allen snaps his mouth closed, looks back at Lenalee and smiles at her bewildered expression before he let's himself be dragged along. Trying not to mind the warm grip Kanda has on his wrist, the unbroken one. He thinks that Kanda has always been warm, even if he was a cold person. He couldn't think of a place that could hold Kanda without him being pissed off about the weather.
It's five minutes and what he realizes is half the way to their destination when he realizes they are going to the west tower. "Kanda-"
"I told you to be quiet." He hisses, and his mouth falls shut again.
When they reach the tower, Kanda whips open the door and it makes a loud bang against the stone walls. He almost flinches but doesn't, but instead clenches his left hand- the one in Kanda's grip- and realizes it's numb.
"Kanda-"
Kanda finally snarls and turns around, and it's a second to late when Allen realizes that the other boy is mad enough to actually try and hurt him, even if he's injured, and he's slammed against the wall, hard enough that he actually cries out when his head impacts the stone.
"What the fuck was that?" Kanda says, eyes drilling straight into his. Allen stares back, even if his head is screaming at him, and opens his mouth to retort.
"No." Kanda cuts him off, and grabs his right wrist none too gently; wincing, Allen still stares straight again, brows furrowed, trying to figure out what Kanda is talking about. "What the fuck was that screw up on the goddamn mission?"
Allen feels his throat tighten, and tries not to swallow. "I-"
"Don't make up some bullshit excuse, either." Kanda interrupts before he can, eyes narrowed.
He frowns at that, mouth opening than closing, because he doesn't know what to say.
Finally: "I thought you were going to die."
"I don't die." Kanda says, finality in his tone. As if he knows that he won't ever die. He's so confident, Allen thinks.
This, he realize, pisses him off- more than the mistreatment of women, his master's debts, and the destruction of his home. It burns him up, and he clenches his fists, even if he they're being held captive by Kanda.
"You're human, Kanda." He says, angrily. "You can die."
"I won't." Kanda says simply, eyes burning. Allen scowls in his face and Kanda scowls back, unconsciously pressing his fingers into the fracture. He doesn't flinch this time.
"And you won't ever do that again." Said with finality, and Allen- doesn't really know what to say to that because Kanda is a stubborn idiot and he really wants to punch him for being so stupid.
"But I will." He spits, before either of them can move. "And I'll do it again and again and whenever the hell I want!"
Kanda stalls for a second- presses his palm, again, into the curve of his broken wrist- but doesn't stop staring at him. He doesn't see anything particular in his face, he guesses, besides anger. When he speaks, his tone is deadly- as if he's talking to someone he's going to kill. "You will not, or I'll kill you."
"I will even if you kill me." Allen snaps, and presses forward. Then, his tone a little more pleading, asks. "Why won't you believe me, Kanda? Jesus!"
Kanda stares at him with something akin to resentment and confusion and- Allen can't decide what it is. But Kanda looks so angry when he replies that he expects to be hit any second. "This thing you have won't be worth anything on the battlefield. I stand alone and I always will."
The other exorcist actually slides his eyes to the side and scowls, then looks back at him again. "Don't be a fucking idiot."
He can't think of what to say to that- that, which is just basically Kanda rejecting him even if he knows and even if Allen has tried so hard to show Kanda that he would do anything for him. Anything.
"How can I show you that I actually l-" Allen stumbles on his words, thinks briefly on the word 'trust'. Of all these feelings inside of him that disgust him sometimes. Of not scaring Kanda with all of this. "That I would- That I need you."
"For fuck's sake, Walker, don't be a fucking idiot." Kanda spits out in disgust, picking the worst possible interpretation of his words. He colors, because it's stupid and shameful and it means so much more with Kanda. even if he does need Kanda.
"No! Jesus! Not- not like that-" He splutters, blinking for a long second to try and get rid of his embarrassment. "I- I'd do anything you asked me too, except leave you alone."
It occurs to him that this is the first time he has actually talked face-to-face to Kanda about this- about what he's dubbed his thing but is so much more than that because, sometimes, he can't even name the emotions. They just- they're terrible and welling up within him and he wishes he could show Kanda. Maybe.
Then it hits him, the stupidest and most wonderful idea, that all his feelings can be summed up into three stupid little words, even if they would scare Kanda, even if they were embarrassing, and- just-
"I love y-"
Kanda's hand moves lightning quick to cover his mouth, letting go of his right arm- Allen's head actually hits the wall again and the sound he makes his muffled against Kanda's hand, which tastes like sweat and earth.
"Don't you dare fucking say it." He hisses, pressing into him. Allen's eyes widen at the furious look on his face, and more so at the blush that starts to stain the Japanese boy's cheekbones- Allen takes in a deep breath.
His own hand grabs Kanda's arm, the one holding his mouth, and stubbornly, against the other's surprise, starts saying "I love yo-"
Then the feeling of shock skating down his sides as Kanda's mouth flies over his own and it's- kind of painful, truthfully, because his lip was knocked against his teeth at the force and it's stinging a little- he suspects there might be blood but-
He makes a sound of someone whose just been saved- a low, keeling moan that comes from the depths of him, of gratitude and starvation- and presses his mouth back, closing his eyes.
Kanda is almost pliant in his kissing, the way he presses his bottom lip into his first, then his top; how his mouth is barely open, tongue reaching out and swiping so lightly against his own that it makes him jump, shudder. Every little movement jumps down his spine and settles warm in his belly, even when Kanda grabs his right hand again and presses into the broken bone.
Another sound escapes his throat as Kanda presses the length of his body into his own, and he's already hard, which he is sure Kanda can feel, pressed against his hip. A leg slips between his and he jerks into it, opening his mouth in a gasp, Kanda licking into it, hands still holding him against the wall. The other boy seems barely affected- his body is still rigid and his grip is still tight and his eyes are still that deep, smoldering black. But when he opens his eyes after Kanda rocks back into him, rubbing Allen's dick hard against his leg, he sees it's different- the deep, smoldering eyes Kanda usually have have hatred and anger and power and life, but now his eyes are- deeper, still. He can see desire and disgust and morals being trampled on, and even desperation.
A deep sigh escapes his lips, trailing off into a quick intake of breath when Kanda grinds his hand down the wall, still unwilling to let go and still unwilling to weaken his grip. Kanda presses even harder into him, stealing his breath, breathing hard through his nose as he kisses Allen while Allen so desperately kisses him back.
When Kanda pulls away, it is a surprise to him- it felt so long ago that they were fighting, when Allen was a mix of emotions and Kanda was angry about him almost dying for him. His mouth follows Kanda's, licks at the seam of his lips.
He opened his eyes and Kanda is staring at him, eyes still so dark that Allen couldn't swim out of them for a second- he was stuck, staring, eyes half-lidded and breath coming out in short, hot puffs.
Then Kanda rolls his head forward and rests it against his shoulder, nosing his neck and licking the area under his ear when he goes out to wet his lips.
"Why," Kanda breathes against his skin, and he shivers against the ghost of air. Allen doesn't know what the question is, but there are so many topics it could cover- why are we here, why are we fighting, why are we both cursed, why is this happening, why do you love me.
Allen breathes deeply and rests his head forward, in the crook where neck and shoulder meet; he has seen Kanda's hair do this, curve into this exact place- when Kanda was battling, fighting, eating, and, against the corners of the train compartment, sleeping.
"Because." Allen says simply, answering all the questions that could be. Because we're here, because we are God's messengers, because we were born to fight, because we are human, because I love you and you might like me, and I love you because. Regardless.
Kanda makes a sound deep in his throat, maybe disbelief, sounding like 'why do I ask, he's an idiot bean sprout'. At the exact same moment Allen moves his leg to a more relaxing position, Kanda shifts forward and gasps against his throat while he freezes, thigh pressed against something hard and hot.
"Kanda-"
"Shut up-" Kanda growls, and his fingers flex against his wrists. "I know. Just-"
Kanda rocks forward, rubbing himself on Allen's leg; Allen ends up jerking his hips into the taller boy's, mouth open against Kanda's throat.
"Why did you do this to me." He states, rubbing himself against Allen again and causing Allen to rock forward in tandem, mouth still open on Kanda's neck and leaving a hot imprint of spit. Kanda's voice is strained, especially his next words because Allen jerks his leg at the exact same moment. "I didn't want this."
"Kanda-" He says again, simply, in a voice that already sounds fucked out. "I'll-"
He thinks what he could do for Kanda, who he could be- all the Kanda wanted maybe. He thinks what he should so. He thinks about what he should offer and give to Kanda with all his soul-
Kanda rocks against him again, cock still hard where it rests against his thigh, and he rolls forward and it comes to him- the nights, alone in his room with fingers pumping into him fast and a wet hand gripped around his cock, wishing it was someone else, someone that tastes of sweat and ozone.
"I-" He starts again, and then licks his lips because they have become suddenly dry; halfway through he changes his mind and moves his tongue in a long swipe up Kanda's neck. "I can-"
"What?" Kanda says roughly, impatient, probably trying to calm down- he licks his neck again and the Japanese exorcist shudders, rubbing minutely against him. "What can you do, you idiotic bean sprout?"
"I-" Allen pauses again, because it's- such an embarrassing thing to say and- really, Kanda probably wouldn't want it anyway-
"I can s-suck you," He says fast, only stuttering a bit- something he is quite proud of this because he felt like kissing Kanda had tied his tongue into knots. "I c-can go down on you."
Kanda heads shoots up and his eyes zero in on him, intense, a frown twisting his mouth; his lips are kind of puffy from all the kissing and he can't help it when his eyes draw down to them, even if half the reason he's looking at Kanda's lips is because he can't look into Kanda's eyes.
"I-" He can't help his pausing because he feels so awkward- so embarrassed, because this is Kanda and he's- he's loved (or liked. Or… Or obsessed over) Kanda for a long time- and the opportunity to do this to Kanda, to show him how much he cared-
"I don't care if you want to forget about this in the morning-" Allen starts, eyes sliding back up to look into Kanda's, who are staying intently on his face. "I don't care because- I want too, because it's you."
Allen licks his lips and stares hard into Kanda's eyes, which had followed the movement of his tongue with the careful precision he was known for. "Let me do it, Kanda." He said, eyes heavy. "Please?"
Kanda's stare doesn't move from his face and he licks his lips again, catching the brief flicker of Kanda's eyes watching the movement. Allen moves forward and kisses Kanda lightly, who only returns it after a second.
"Please?" Allen whispers against his lips, breathing his air. "I want too."
Kanda makes a noise in the back of his throat and his hands grind Allen's against the walls again; his mouth shoots forward and smacks against Allen's, who opens it to accept him
By the way Kanda is loosening his grip and lowering his hands, Allen guesses he is warming up to the idea; his knee, previously wedged between Allen's legs, moves and Allen sinks to the floor, mouth going to cover the bulge of Kanda's dick even if his left hand is still held above his head while the other is hanging uselessly at his side, burning.
Kanda makes another sound; a delicious choked moan that is so Kanda and his hand fumbles with his zipper, and Allen helps by pulling Kanda's pants down desperately as soon as he pops open the button.
Allen's is surprised that Kanda isn't wearing any underwear, and he glances up for a split second to see Kanda's face, a flushed color, mouth open. Allen suddenly thinks that he should have known- with the tight pants Kanda's always wearing, there was no underwear line.
Kanda's cock, along with his skin, is flushed, veins running up the underside and a bristle of black, coarse hair resting at the base of it. As far as dicks go Kanda's is fairly normal- from what Allen guesses. All he can think is the glimpse he caught in the bathroom was nothing compared to this.
Slowly inching forward, Allen licks the head, where precum is already oozing out; Kanda jerks forward, breath heavy, and his free hand goes to wrap against Kanda's hip, even if it hurts to bend. The left hand is still in Kanda's grasp, making a fist.
Allen sneaks up to glance at Kanda again and his eyes are squeezed shut, his own free hand braced against the wall. He can't help but notice that Kanda is shaking, slightly, hips moving forward a bit unconsciously. Allen looks back down and focuses on the task in front of him, slightly embarrassed and so, so happy that he's the one making Kanda loose control.
He mouths the tip first, just placing his lips where the head curves into a round end; his tongue darts out to lick it and he tastes a kinda salty-sweet precum; he licks at again, getting more of the taste and Kanda presses forward weakly.
Allen tries to remember what was said in the heavy dark rooms that Cross frequented back when he was training; the smoky advice by small, quiet, demur women who knew that there wasn't too much love in the world.
He takes his mouth off Kanda's cock- Kanda makes another, more disappointed sound- and remembers something about the veins running up the underside. Trying to remember exactly where he had seen the veins when he had been admiring Kanda's cock, he licks the underside widely, running it up agonizingly slow.
Another noise from Kanda above him- a strangled, pitiful moan that Allen swears start from where his own mouth is. He licks slowly to try and find the veins. When he does he places his lips over them and sucks, pressing hard into the length.
Kanda swears this time, and his hips hit hard forward; Allen's head actually bumps against the wall but he tongues the edge of the veins again, licks it in quick precise strokes.
Kanda keeps on jerking his hips, teeth biting into his lips as he struggles to keep his ragged breathing down, moans to a minimum; Allen would have never guessed that Kanda would be the vocal type, the type that would even be able to make such loud noises. He runs his teeth along the vein, very slightly, and is satisfied to hear the choked groan.
Allen's shoulder is starting to hurt from being held up at such an awkward angle, but he doesn't care; his mouth feels like it was made to be around the other boy's cock, and it's such a dirty thought that it has his hips piston forward slightly, trying to rub against thin air.
He looks up once more, and this time his eyes connect with Kanda's. The other boy just looks at him, surveying him, and he makes a sound like he's not sure if he should continue because- it's kind of embarrassing, really, but fuck if it isn't hot-
"Allen." Kanda says simply, his mouth shaping over the unfamiliar words, tongue probably curling over the 'all' and pressing against the 'en'. Kanda's face, if anything, is pinched when he says his name. Maybe in disbelief and 'don't you dare'.
Allen stares back at the other boy, and slowly places his mouth over the tip and sucks lightly; he remembers a woman doing this to Master, hidden behind a flimsy wall with a hole in it. Of Cross throwing back his head and moaning; of how the sound had run straight to his dick and he didn't know what to do because he was thirteen and it felt so weird.
Kanda hangs his head and closes his eyes, the sound caught in his throat as he had pressed his lips shut, tight; they look white from where he is, and he opens his mouth a little wider and slips it over the head, finally, and starts sucking down the length.
It feels… different; Kanda's cock is hot and heavy on his tongue and it slips against the insides of his cheeks, and he can feel every little thing. He didn't know that it would be like this. It- well, the women always seemed to enjoy it, but to him it just feels weird and- he does like it, but- it's just so strange-
He swallows, accidentally, and suddenly Kanda moans, loud and hard, and jerks forward; Allen chokes as the head of his cock hits the back of his throat and he pulls back, coughing.
Kanda strangles out a "Fuck" and glares at him, his whole forearm braced against the wall now.
"What?" Allen says, voice a little rough after he's over his coughing fit. He glares back up at Kanda and wonders how the hell Kanda can still glare at him and act like everything is his fault when he just had his dick shoved down his throat.
"Don't do that." Kanda says, and his face flushes into a deep, red color; his mouth is still pursed. Allen finds the face kind of cute, given the highly inappropriate situation.
"What?" He says, slightly offended; he thought that getting your dick sucked didn't warrant stinginess. He didn't think he had been doing that bad, from the noises Kanda had been trying to hold back.
Kanda glares even harder at his daring question and, between clenched teeth, hisses "That. That… Swallowing thing."
Allen kind of stares at him because he isn't sure what the hell Kanda is talking about- the swallowing thing? Where he had just… swallowed? Ordinarily? Nothing special?
"Um." Allen says innocently, considering what he's doing. That seems to set Kanda off because he moves to pull away, and is only stopped by Allen's hand on his waist and the deep, suffering noise that he makes with his throat.
"No. Wait." He says, quite meekly. "Ah- I- Won't. I'll- try not to, anyway."
Kanda looks at him suspiciously and to avoid the staring Allen moves his mouth forward again and sucks hard on his cock, all that he's able to put into his mouth. When he looks up Kanda's eyes are closed again and his face is pinched, as if trying to hide his arousal.
When he feels like swallowing, he moves back and just licks the tip of Kanda's cock; and almost immediately he moves back down, taking all he can. All of Kanda, until his nose is buried in the thick bristle of hair at the base and he breathes it in, smelling sweat and sex and the delicious, unmistakable scent of Kanda.
And it's just- that, for something like ten or fifteen minutes, hidden from the world beneath Kanda's coat, with wet, sucking noises and heavy breathes. Surprisingly, because from what he had heard from all the girls Cross had had, the man usually didn't come so fast- when he did, it was after a good half an hour. Well. From what he could understand.
But then again, Cross was a sex fiend and Kanda was decidedly- not. And those girls knew what they were doing, anyway.
So, there is no warning, really. Just the clench of Kanda's thighs and a low, deep moan that manages to escape the Japanese man's tightly clenched lips. Then hot liquid hits the back of his throat and he ends up swallowing around Kanda's cock and the other man just shudders hard and weakly thrusts his hips forward, making him cough, and the taste is really unpleasant- how the brothel girls could do this all the time he had no clue-
His free hand comes to press into his own hard dick, and he presses hard; almost comes when he looks up and sees Kanda with half-lidded, serious eyes, watching him as if it were any other day- as if Allen didn't just suck his cock.
Kanda finally lets go of his hand- finally- and it drops to his side uselessly and he takes his mouth off Kanda's softening length with a wet 'pop' and leans back, finally aware of how terribly uncomfortable he is. How his knees are pressed into the cold, hard ground, how his feet are bent awkwardly, how his whole left arm and shoulder is twanging with the cold prickly pain that comes from having blood drained for too long.
He suddenly feels ashamed that he is still hard- how he had remained so when he had just been sucking Kanda off and how he still is, with Kanda's serious eyes staring into him and just standing there, still leaning against the wall and head still hanging.
Allen shifts, trying to hide his erection as best he could, and looks down sheepishly, embarrassment and shame making his face resemble an apple or a tomato or a fruit of some kind.
"Kanda-" He starts, closing his eyes for a long second.
The other exorcist shifts on his feet and Allen hears him pushing off the wall; hears the sound of a zipper being pulled up and feet stepping back.
"Kanda-" He says, more panicked, and looks up to the sight of Kanda looking away, an undecided scowl on his face and body turning.
Kanda doesn't even look at him when he starts walking away; doesn't even say a word or hesitate or stop or anything. He just- walks. Down the hall and around the corner and down the stairs and around corners and down halls and into his room, probably, to hate himself for ever letting such a stupid bean sprout even near him-
Allen feels empty when the tails of Kanda's coat disappears around the corner and he- doesn't feel anything because there is no emotion to describe what he thinks he feels. What he thinks he should feel about Kanda not even looking at him when- and after-
He doesn't know what to think, or what to feel.
Which is why it's so surprising when he licks his lips and tastes what must be either tears or cum or something equally embarrassing. And when a soft moan escapes his throat he closes his eyes and slumps against the wall, legs splayed out in front of him, letting the emptiness well up and over.
God, he thinks. God.
But he doesn't dare pray right now- instead, he just lets the tears screw up his face and his breathing go crazy and just- lets himself go. Because he doesn't know what he should feel and, thus, doesn't know what to do.
Even his head is empty- he honestly can't think past sitting here. He doesn't even want to figure out anything- doesn't want to be anyone but the crying boy in the tower.
By the time he's done being empty there is only exhaustion. He wipes his face with the sleeves of his coat and they come away dark and wet. His dick has gone soft long ago and his body, instead of being numb from being in such an uncomfortable position, is stiff from sitting on the stone floor.
Finally, the thought to go clean up enters his head, so he pushes his sore legs against the ground and slides up the wall, ignoring the feeling of deju vu- of being pressed against the wall only- only what seems like hours ago.
The sound of his footsteps echoing against the cold floor is the only sound ringing against the walls and for the first time since he started crying he feels lonely.