Chapter 5

*Back to Natalia's POV*

I woke up and found my phone on the table next to me. I took it and saw that the time was 10:00 AM. I bet Logan was already gone by now. I scrolled through my Instagram notifications; there were over a hundred of them. They were mostly comments, but there were some likes. There were things like "stay strong" and "hang in there" and I was wondering what this was all about.

I went to my profile to see a picture of Logan sitting on the side of my hospital bed, my hand in his. He wasn't looking at the camera, he was looking at me. Right then, I knew that it was my sister who had posted it. Katelyn always does things she knows I wouldn't want her to.

The caption of the picture read, "Please pray for my sister who isn't in a good place right now. She tried to take her own life and I don't even know why, she never told me anything was wrong. This is her in the hospital with our new friend Logan; he's really worried about her. ~Katelyn. #prayfornatalia #rushers #staystrong"

I felt a tear slip down my face as I read the caption of this picture. I thought about deleting it, but I decided that I'd keep it up. Katelyn and Ciara only ever mean well. I love them so much, and I feel really bad for doing this when I know that they need me.

I decided to try to smile and take a picture of myself to post. I captioned it, "I've made some really stupid mistakes in my life. I haven't always let people in, and I haven't always done what's best for me. Look where I am now…I realize that I can't do this to myself, but sometimes it's just so hard not to.

"Some of you may think that I was just trying to get attention, but I really wasn't. I really did want to end my life. But now I know that I really mean something, and you guys have helped me through it as well-thank you for all the encouraging comments on the photo my sister posted. Thank you AlexaVega for finding me last night and making sure I was alright; I really do owe you my life.

"I am so, so sorry for all I've done. I hope you can forgive me. ~Natalia. #tryingtostaystrong #weallhaveourscars #ijustwantobelieveinme" I pushed the check mark button and uploaded the photo. Within the next few minutes I got likes, replies, and followers. I even got a reply from Alexa. It said, "Check your contacts;)"

I was puzzled and confused for a moment, but I closed out Instagram and went to the contacts on my phone. As I was scrolling through it I noticed six new names and numbers that hadn't been there before. The first one I saw was "Alexa(:" I felt myself smile. They gave me their numbers.

I didn't want to sound desperate or needy, but I clicked on the contact that said "Logan3" and typed a message: Hey, how are you? - Natalia

Instantly I got a reply: I'm just fine sweetheart, how do you feel? - xx Logan

I felt butterflies in my stomach and a flutter in my heart. He's just so amazing I don't know what to do with myself. I stared at the message for a few seconds with a goofy grin and then replied: I feel little better, thanks. Where r u guys? – N.

Close your eyes;) – L.

What? – N.

Just do it - L.

I was a bit confused by Logan's command but followed through and closed my eyes anyway. I heard the door open and some footsteps. Again with footsteps. I felt someone place a sweet kiss to my cheek and then heard them say, "You open them now," into my ear. It was Logan.

I opened my eyes to see all of the guys, Alexa, and Dustin standing in the room. "Hey Natalia, how you feeling?" Los asked me with a huge grin on his face. It made me smile.

"Wow Carlos, for one you didn't make a girl cry," I heard James say with a laugh. "By the way, hey Natalia," James said walking up to me and giving me a hug. "I was worried about you," he said as he pulled away.

"Hi James," I said in a weak voice, but with a smile. "And I'm doing better Los," I said looking to him. I didn't have to say a word to Logan, he knew I was happy to see him. I felt him firmly gripping my hand in his like he was afraid to let go. I looked over at him and smiled, he gave my hand a squeeze.

Then Kendall walked up to me and gave me a hug. There was a look in his green eyes that I couldn't place. I didn't know if it was relief, sadness, or fear. "This cover girl did it because she was stupid and didn't listen to her cover guys," I told him referring to when he was holding me after they found me.

"Can you promise me you'll never do it again?" he pleaded looking me in the eyes.

"I can try," I said.

"That's all I can ask of you then," he said leaning down and kissing my forehead in an effort to comfort me, and possibly even himself.

He stepped back and we all just exchanged glances and smiles during an awkward silence. Then I realized there was one person who I really wanted a hug from but didn't get it. "Come here Dustin!" I said holding my arm out as best I could without messing with the IVs.

Dustin walked up to me and gave me a hug, "It's nice to finally meet you," he said with a smile.

"It's nice to finally meet you," I said. "I was a fan of yours before Big Time Rush. I loved and still love Heffron Drive," I said smiling.

"Glad to hear," he said with a smile.

"By the way," I said. "How come all of you are still here? I mean don't you have a show tonight in Dallas?"

"We postponed it," Logan said.

"Lover-boy couldn't leave your side," Kendall said with a laugh, playfully punching Logan in the arm.

"You guys didn't have to do that for me," I said. I closed my eyes to stop tears that I felt coming on. I squeezed them tightly shut and I felt my grip on Logan's hand tighten.

"Are you alright Natalia?" Logan asked sitting down next to me. His voice was filled with concern and I felt him caress my softly. He began to play with my hair, and I understood exactly why Kendall called him "lover boy."

I shook my head unable to answer him verbally. I wasn't okay; I didn't understand why they were doing all they were for me. I bet every other Rusher hates me now for a rescheduling of the whole tour. I took deep breaths in and out to try to control my emotions then I said through some quiet sobs, well more like choked out, "When can I go home?"

"The doctor said this afternoon," Logan said with a sweet and understanding voice. Wow, he really did care about me; I just want to know why. I tried to prop myself up but couldn't, so Logan helped me with the buttons on the side of the bed. I scooted over a little and allowed him to sit on the bed with me; mainly because I wanted to cuddle with him. Only a Rusher…

Logan wrapped his arms around me as best he could trying not to mess with my IVs and other things. I lay my head on his shoulder in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. Everyone was still in the room and they decided to sit in the chairs and on the floors. We all sat in a relaxing sound of silence for a little while and I felt myself drifting off to sleep as I heard Logan quietly humming to the tune of "You're Not Alone."

I don't know what it was about him, but I feel safe with him. I mean I don't even know Logan for god's sake and I already think I'm in love with him. Wait-I already was. I'm so confused and sick at the moment. What type of medication do they have me on? Morphine? Antidepressants? Antipsychotics?

Soon a doctor walked in. It wasn't Dr. Chaffman, it was a female doctor. Her tag said "Dr. Grey" which made me feel like this was a dream because of the whole coincidence with the Grey's Anatomy name. I shook my head to rid myself of a dizzy feeling and the thoughts that this might not be real.

She didn't realize how many people were in here, and as she was stepping over people we all couldn't help but laugh. "We all wanted to make sure she was okay," I heard Alexa say.

"That's very nice," Dr. Grey said, "But can I ask you to leave for a little while, while I talk to Natalia?" Everyone got up and left the room except for Logan, which the Dr. didn't seem fazed about; I don't think she cared he was there. Dr. Grey checked my vitals and then began to say, "So Natalia, you can go home now.

"But you need to be careful in a general sense. You're very weak and on strong medications. When you check out the nurse will give you more information on pharmacies and the prescriptions we've prescribed for you. You're very, very lucky you survived this. I'll have a nurse come in and take out these IVs."

With that the doctor left and Logan and I were momentarily alone. "When do you have to leave?" I asked Logan suddenly.

"Honestly, I don't know. Our manager is being very…understanding I guess you could say. He's not rushing us," Logan replied. I found myself giggling at the last part of what he said. "What?" he asked me with a smile.

"You aren't being rushed," I said with a wink.

He rolled his eyes, "Only my Rushers," he said shaking his head.

"Well you have to expect that," I said.

"You're adorable," Logan told me as he started to stretch and get up. Logan went over to the small dresser across the room from the bed and opened the drawer. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt; my sisters must've brought me some clothes. A nurse came in and took my IVs out and left me to change clothes.

Logan handed me the clothes and I took them into the bathroom to change. I came out and folded the gown I'd been wearing and left it on the bed. "Are you ready?" Logan asked watching me look around the room in a confused daze. I nod, "Then let's get you out of here," he said taking my hand.

We walked out of the room and to the front desk where we checked out and then out to the parking lot. "How am I getting home?" I asked curiously. "It's too far to walk."

"I rented a car for while we're here," Logan said. "Come on, it's this way," he took my hand and led me across the parking lot. We stopped in front of a Camaro. Logan unlocked it and opened the passenger door for me. I got in and buckled my seatbelt.

"Do you know how to get to my house?" I asked him as he shut the door and put the key in the ignition.

"Yeah, your sister Ciara gave me your address," he said. He pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main street. We were stuck at a red light already. "Do you want to listen to any music?" Logan asked looking at me.

"Driver controls the radio," I said quietly leaning against the window. Logan put a hand on my knee and caressed it with his thumb. I looked over at him and he smiled. I placed my hand in his. He made me feel so much better.

"Alright," he said in a quiet voice and turned on the radio. The volume wasn't loud; the music was more like background music. I think the song that was playing was Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors." We continued our drive to my house.

When we pulled into my driveway I finally spoke for the first time since we'd first left about twenty-five minutes ago. "Where are you staying?" I said in a worried voice.

"The Marriot," he answered turning the car off and opening his door. He got out and ran around the car to open my door for me. "It's not very far from here," he said giving me his hand and helping me out of the car.

"I know, I'm glad you're so close," I said.

Logan and I made or way to the front porch and I hesitantly reached to open the door. "What's wrong?" Logan asked me.

"My parents are home," I say gesturing my head to the driveway ad how Logan had parked next to a beaten up and battered truck. "They hate me," I said.

Logan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug, "It'll be okay," he said rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I'm here for you and the girls, and I know somehow that we'll get you out of here."

"I worry about Katelyn and Ciara's futures more than mine," I said.

"Which is why we need to find proof enough to get them out of the house legally away from your parents," he said.

"Don't worry, we'll have it. Just wait until you see the inside of my house," I said feeling ashamed. My parents hate me, they hurt the girls, my house is a mess, and I tried to kill myself; why would Logan want to help me? I guess I'm just scared and paranoid about what mom and dad will say about my little stunt.

I opened the door and led Logan inside. I tried to go straight to my room but I felt something take a firm, harsh grasp of the wrist on my hurt arm. I let a scream at the top of my lungs which made Logan jump. "What the hell is wrong with you?!" Logan yelled as he pushed my father against the wall.

"Wrong with me? There's something wrong with that attention seeking bitch! You should've have let her die," I heard him reply. "Money doesn't grow on trees boy, I have to work for a living. Now get the hell out of my house!"

"You have no right to talk to me like that! And if you ever touch her or one of the girls again, I swear I'll put your ass in jail!" Logan screamed. Since then I had run into the living room and hid in the doorway. I continued to hear the two of them arguing and a tear fell down my face.

I finally decided I'd heard enough of this. "Dad! Stop it, please just stop fighting!" I said in sobs.

"Shut the fuck up!" he said pointing at me.

"No!" I yelled back. "Just stop this!" He ran towards me and slapped me in the face causing me to lose my balance and hit the wall.

"You bastard!" I heard Logan yell.

"What did you call me?" my dad said turning to him and hitting him in the face. Logan fell to the floor knocked out cold. "Go to your room and don't come out," my dad said turning to me.

"No! What did you do? Why did you hurt him?" I screamed. I dropped to the floor and tended to my fallen angel. Honest to god this went better than I thought it would. I, with the help of Katelyn and Ciara, got Logan to my room. I went into the kitchen and got some alcohol and cotton swabs to clean the blood from his upper lip.

"What happened?" Logan asked trying to sit up.

I pushed him back, "You tried to be my knight in shining armor and got your ass kicked by my drunken dad," I said. His hand reached up to his mouth. "That's going to be sore," I said.

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to take care of you," he said.

"We can take care of each other then," I told him.

"Well right now, it's my turn to take care of you," he said. "Why don't you lie down and get some rest darling?" Logan stood up and pulled back the covers. I climbed in bed and pulled the covers close to me. "Do you need anything?"

"Not right now, thank you Logan," I said.

"Alright," he said walking towards my bedroom door.

"Wait," I said.

He turned around, "Yes?"

"Will you lay down with me for a little while?"

"Sure," he said with a warm smile. I pulled the covers back so that he could climb into bed next to me. "Alright, come here," he said with his arms opened wide. I scooted closer to him and lay my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms protectively around me.

"Thank you," I told him again.

"You already said that," he said with a grin.

"I mean it. Thank you for everything. I don't know where my sisters or I would be right now if I'd never known about you. I don't know if I'd be alive without you," I said.

"I wouldn't feel alive without you," Logan said placing a kiss to the top of my head. "I love you," he told me.

"I-I…" I couldn't tell him that I love him back.

"Shh," he said playing with my hair. "Try and rest. Close your eyes," he said. I listened to him and closed my eyes. I found myself wrapping my arm around his torso and snuggling closer into him. Before falling asleep several thoughts went racing through my mind.

Why had I been so brave earlier? I'd never stood up to my dad. It seems that I can be different and what everyone expects of me when something isn't about me. Whenever I think about myself I feel disgusted and afraid. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Again-what medication do they have me on? And finally I found rest.

Logan who was holding me started humming quietly the tune to one of their songs, but I didn't make out which one it was because I was drifting off to sleep. I'm not sure if I dreamed, everything was a blur. All I know is that after blackness consumed me, I felt a little better.