Double Existence
A/N: I'm… not really supposed to be here right now….and my friend was supposed to have helped me upload this sometime soon…But…since I wanted to make a few changes to the chapter, and I've been taking a long time already (gomen) I'm updating this now. It feels like the right time, too. (Furu hopes it wasn't written badly though)
I'm very sorry for taking so long to update this. Lots of things had happened in my RL…and I guess…ah…I got distracted along the way. (bows) Furu is very very sorry. Ah…I hope everyone hasn't forgotten it though? (quite a selfish hope, really…and it is my fault for taking so long, too…butbutbut…). Please tell me you are still reading, if you are. And I promise, with any of my fics…as long as even one person is still reading it (…and it isn't so badly written that no one is reading it anymore…) I will finish it. Even when I can't upload it myself, I will find out a way to update somehow (though it might take a while).
Actually, I have been hesitating on how to continue this story after the climax in the last chapter. With most of the mysteries revealed…it's kinda….hard to create a follow through-transition chapter that isn't too…ah…boring and emotional?…before I can create more build ups with other events…
Events should be picking up pace from here. Ah…and…please tell me if it's badly written, too? (It's not very descriptive this time…because I want to focus more on what Konoka says and her actions, more than the descriptions of the mood around her and what is felt. Her pain is better depicted that way, to let her show how hurt she is herself- then me describing it like the earlier chapters, I think.) However, please tell Furu if I wrote badly? Furu will try to fix it somehow (gomen ne…I'm still not really sure if I can express the angst that well…)
Hint: Please read the chapter explanation (especially important this time!) for better understanding. Also, pay attention to the weather (smiles), that's important, too.
Warning: Konoka is very out of character in this chapter…because Furu believes that there is no "Kono" without "Setsu"…and this is the non-Konoka-like self she would become if she loses her Secchan.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mahou Sensei Negima.
Explanations for All Previous Chapters:
The story begins as Konoka wakes up one day with the feeling of emptiness in her heart…as though her life is missing something. She stumbles into a room, where she sees a discarded hair-band, a wooden sword, and a rubber ball- but she doesn't remember where they came from. She falls asleep, and has a dream of the first time she met Setsuna.
Then in chapter two, Konoka wakes up from the dream- which she had forgotten- and goes for a walk after breakfast, where she has more flashbacks of Setsuna. However, she forgets Setsuna as soon as she wakes up from the memory. In despair and confusion to what she had forgotten, she falls onto the snow, where a mysterious stranger picks her up. Konoka wakes up, only to find that the person had disappeared.
In chapter three, Konoka returned home and is feverish in bed while someone stands outside her room. More flashbacks of the KonoSetsu younger past occurs, and another flash back reveals that Konoka was running away from an Omiai. Konoemon was making Konoka marry in fear that someone would take away her magic- or that her magic would suddenly be triggered from her- and if she is untrained, the explosion of magic would kill her.
Konoemon planned to marry her to a powerful mage- who would be able to take her magic away through true-love's kiss, then return it to her gradually. Konoka refuses to go to the Omiai, and runs away feeling betrayed that Setsuna is making her go. Setsuna runs after and finds Konoka, deciding to solve the issue by kissing Konoka and taking the magic away herself- that way Konoemon wouldn't have to fear that his granddaughter would be killed with a violent release of her own magic- and Konoka wouldn't have to be forced to marry anyone. Without Konoka knowing what Setsuna had done, Setsuna tells Konoka to run away- the half demon deciding to face Konoemon herself and stop him from forcing Konoka to marry.
In chapter four, we return once again to the present, where Konoka is living in a perfect (no-Setsuna) world where everything seems to be revolving around her happiness. However, Konoka begins to notice that the happiness seems fake somehow and that she is missing something (Setsuna). There is yet another flashback- revealing another part of their childhood, and the earlier event from chapter three when Setsuna betrays Konoka by asking her to go to the Omiai.
Chapter five begins with Konoka walking aimlessly in the snow as she is realizing that more and more, her life- in this world where Setsuna apparently doesn't exist- doesn't make sense. While every time before, she forgets the memories, this time, she is able to remember Setsuna…and another flashback occurs as what happened after Setsuna kisses Konoka in chapter three is revealed.
On her way to find Konoemon to stop him from forcing Konoka to marry, Setsuna finds Konoka gravely injured- apparently she was attacked by some people seeking to take her powers. With her powers already taken by Setsuna, Konoka was unable to defend herself. Setsuna carries her home to see if Konoemon could save her- yet it turns out that he could not.
Before Konoka dies, however, Setsuna uses the magic that she had taken from Konoka to return to the past where Konoka was injured. Setsuna saves Konoka, but with the cost of her own life as she releases Konoka's enormous amount of magic (and as she is not a powerful mage- Setsuna is therefore untrained with the magic. As a result Konoemon's fear that Konoka would be destroyed be her own magic- happens on Setsuna instead…as she had taken Konoka's magic).
Setsuna dies- and because she died in the time that she was not supposed to (she had gone back in time to save Konoka), she rewrote her existence, and disappears from the world. However, her last wish as she died was for Konoka to live a happy life- and thus the 'perfect' world that Konoka is living in now was created, where Konoka now living in a magic-less null area where she is protected, and no one remembers Setsuna.
For some reason (not revealed yet) however…Konoka is now able to remember Setsuna…and their past (which did not occur in this timeline). Chapter six thus begins…
Reviews Replies for Chapter Five:
Icha-kun: Thank you for the review. Furu is sorry for taking so long…(bows deeply in gomen). Ah…Secchan died…(but not permanently, hopefully?) I hope this chapter helps clears everything…
Rain54: Thank you for the review! Gomen for taking so long, too. (bows)
Ryuu: Thankies for the review. Ah…if you happen to read this, Furu is sorry for disappearing for so long, too. (has to study for the one final I still have left…and finish some stuffs…and…take care of some things…and I'm not really supposed to go online) Furu will send you an email as soon as I finish the Oneshot though (is still trying for the day before the deadline).
RAGN: Thank you for the review (bows). Again, Furu is sorry for taking so long to update.
1010'jin: Thankies for the review. Ah…hmm…I can't be sure if it will be a happy ending…but it's not that sad, either? Furu is kinda…going for the type of ending that leaves a bittersweet feeling…but still kinda like bliss nonetheless? It might take a while before it ends though.
Rebanex: Thanks for the review. (smiles) I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint, either.
Lee-chan: Thankies for the review. Ah…hehe…but you already read this chapter, ne?
Bishimimou: As always, thank you very much for the review. Oh ah…every part in Furu's fics are written by Furu, unless otherwise stated from the disclaimer. (smiles) I'm glad you liked the intro-part. (I was quite nervous on how it would end up, actually….)
RavenRoth1000: Thankies for the review! And Furu is sorry for taking so long to update, too. (bows)
Aki: Thankies for the review. Ahh! I hope to see you soon sometime? And I hope to be able to read your writings soon, too. You write so wonderfully. (Furu is kinda…being badly distracted by real-life stuffs right now though…)
pigtopus: Thankies for the review. (smiles) I hope to see you in the forums or on DA sometime? (ah, I haven't forgotten about the PM, but I have some rl stuffs to take care of…I'm sorry for taking so long, and though I'm not sure when I can go online next, I promise, Furu will reply to it the next time I go online…ah! And it's because I want to reply to it, too…even though you said I don't need to?).
Tatsuki-san: Thank you for your very, very kind words. Ah….(smiles) Furu will try her best! And I hope I won't disappoint, too.
Shinata-Riyoko: Thankies for the review. Furu is sorry for taking so long. (bows)
bruna-san: Thank you very much for your kind words. (ahh! And your English is not bad at all! I'm very happy to read your nice review).
Re-Hikari: Thanks for the review. Once again, Furu is very sorry for taking so long (bows).
Notes: Konoka's thoughts are in /italics/
Chapter Six: To Re-Write My Life
You who told me to tell you everything…you who told me…you'd be there to support me should I fall. Where are you now?
Don't lie to me.
Slowly, I am becoming a no-one…just waiting, waiting for something I will never find.
Let me drown in loneliness. Let me mourn for the death of my soul. You see…when you left…it was I who had died.
Ne…
Ne, when I leave…will you miss me as much as I miss you?
Because I can promise…when the time comes, you will never find me. Not anymore.
--
Asuna stood, arms crossed before her chest and left foot tapping lightly on the ground as she watched the girl before her wipe away melted snow droplets from her chocolate locks.
"Honestly, Konoka!! What were you thinking, going out all day like that without a single word to any of us? Did you have any idea how worried we were? Or how long it took to find you, just laying there in the snow?"
The red-haired girl paused, reaching to grab a jacket on the bed as the princess finished drying herself with the towel.
"Here, wear this. It'll keep you warm."
The Konoe heiress's head was bowed, and she remained quiet as she changed into dry clothes, then put on the jacket.
Asuna continued admonishing her friend.
"You could have gotten sick! I can't even imagine the things that might've happened to you if we didn't find you on time. How will you explain yourself? You-"
"…Asuna…I'm in love."
The words came out as a whisper, and the taller girl leaned closer, not sure if she had heard correctly.
"Huh?"
Konoka's eyes were hidden beneath her bangs, and she wrapped her arms around herself, trembling as she once again repeated the words- stronger this time- as though she was awed herself by the sudden realization.
"I'm… in love."
The phrase rang sharply into the air, and for a moment the room was silent.
"It's not an excuse, really….but that's all I have to say."
The older girl stood, dumbstruck, while Konoka began to head towards the door. As she reached it, Konoka hesitated for a moment.
"And…I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused, too."
Words having said, she reached forward. The princess's hands were already on the doorknob when Asuna finally shook herself out of the initial shock.
"W-wait!"
Konoka stopped, turning her head back as she watched her friend walk closer. Asuna grinned apologetically as she approached.
"T-That's…that's great."
One hand rubbing a few untied strands of reddish hair on the back of her head, Asuna began fumbling with her thoughts as she searched for what to say.
"I mean…I'm a bit…shocked, I guess…because your declaration was a bit sudden. But…with so many suitors always following you around, there's no doubt that eventually you'd…you'd…So, who's-?"
Her voice trailed off when she saw her friend's troubled, stormy eyes.
"Secchan," the chocolate haired girl whispered.
"Konoka? What's-?"
"Secchan. I wanted to tell her…I love her. Before she left…before she went back in time to save me…I was awake, even though I couldn't say anything. I wanted to tell her…I love her."
Seeing Asuna's puzzled expression, Konoka shook her head.
"I'll…explain more later, Asuna. First, I have to go ask grandfather something."
Asuna frowned.
"But who did you say-?"
"Secchan."
Word having said, Konoka opened the door and left.
--
/It's raining again/ she thought, absentmindedly, as she watched her grandfather scribble a few words onto the documents on his desk. The lamp beside him lit the room dimly, and shadows flickered tauntingly in the corners.
/Funny, how the weather always happens to change according to my mood. Or is it that I just notice it more?/
After a few minutes, the headmaster looked up from his work.
"You wanted to talk to me about something, granddaughter?"
With a nod, she stepped forward. Resting one hand on the chair in front of the headmaster's desk, Konoka remained silent, suddenly unsure of how to begin. She then stood motionless, waiting for the old man to finish stacking his documents into a single pile before looking back up at her.
"Something is bothering you, isn't it? I should have expected this…after your sudden disappearance this evening."
Konoka's eyes widened.
"Gramps, you…knew?"
Konoemon wove his fingers together, looking at her gravely.
"I knew you wouldn't forget for long. But I had hoped-"
Unconsciously, Konoka stumbled closer to the desk, clutching the edge with both of her hands.
"Where is she? What happened to Secchan?"
A roar of thunder. Lightning flashed into the room, painting everything in an unnatural glow of white. The Konoe heiress shivered, iciness rapidly spreading from the bottom of her stomach. All of a sudden, she found herself afraid to hear the answer.
The old man rubbed his beard, his eyes wearily observing his granddaughter's reactions as though he'd expected it this time.
"She doesn't exist. At least…not anymore."
Konoka's face paled, and she inhaled, sharply.
"H-how can that be…?"
"She died, Konoka. She died, going back in time. Died in that timeline. She rewrote the past. Even if you go back in time now, this timeline is no longer the same. You can no longer find her. No one else besides you and I even remember her. She doesn't exist-"
"No!"
Konoka's eyes were wild as they bore into his, and Konoemon was reminded of the raging storm outside.
"You know a way, don't you?! You know how I can find her."
Another blast of thunder, and the lighting flashed once more. As though a switch had been turned off, the chocolate orbs were suddenly empty.
"Please."
Her tone was desperate, as she looked at him, hauntingly.
"Please."
Konoemon sighed.
"Evangeline."
And her eyes were alive once more as she took in the name he had said.
"Eva-chan?"
"Find Evangeline. She might know-"
The headmaster blinked, startled to see that Konoka was already gone before he could finish. Almost immediately after her departure, however, a new presence emerged in the room. Closing his eyes, Konoemon smiled sadly, as he sensed its presence.
"Setsuna-kun."
A shadow appeared behind him, holding a long sword in one hand.
"That time…I underestimated the love between you two. But I hope I didn't overestimate it this time."
The light of the lamp beside him flickered once more, and the shadow disappeared into the darkness.
--
"So where is Konoka-san now?"
Asuna sighed.
"With the headmaster."
Negi began to pace back and forth.
"This- Secchan- person Konoka-san mentioned. Have you ever heard of her before?"
Asuna growled in frustration, before sitting herself onto a chair and rubbing her temples.
"That's the point! I've been friends with Konoka all my life and I've never heard of her name before. And now she suddenly tells me she's hopelessly in love, with- Secchan- who went back in time to save her from some evil minions that were trying to steal her magic."
The young boy paused from his pacing, turning to her when Asuna mentioned the word 'magic'.
The red-haired girl continued. "The only person I know who knows magic is you."
Negi straightened his glasses, frowning as he tried to take in what Asuna was saying.
"Asuna-san. Konoka-san has never left this place, has she?"
As Asuna shook her head, Negi gripped his staff tighter in his hands.
"This place. This mountain…It's like…a null area. No one can use magic here. Not me…not even father, I don't think. And to think that someone had used a time spell? Even else-where, time magic is something heard only in legends. But here? It's…it's- unfathomable."
Asuna rolled her eyes.
"I know! That's why the headmaster chose this exact place to build the school. Konoka doesn't have any magic of her own. She'd be more protected that way, since anyone who comes here wouldn't be able to use magic either. I don't now what's going on, but I don't like it. I don't even think 'Secchan' -"
The sound of footsteps interrupted her speech, and Asuna turned, looking through the window to see Konoka's receding form quickly disappearing into the night.
"Konoka! Where are you going?"
With a loud slam of the door, the duo chased after the princess, with Negi pausing momentarily to summon two umbrellas.
"Konoka!"
--
It took half an hour before they could catch up to her. Asuna grasped her arms tightly, pulling the younger girl back as Konoka continued to try to run.
"What is it, Konoka? You shouldn't be here so late at night. We should go back."
Konoka struggled against her friend's hold.
"I can't! I have to hurry, and find Secchan before-"
"Stop it!" Asuna's eyes narrowed, both of her hands grasping the other girl's shoulders as she shook Konoka roughly.
"I don't care what happened! You're going to get sick like this. I'm taking you back, until we can settle this out."
They were both soaked. Asuna breathed heavily, slightly worn-out by the chase. Her eyes fell onto Konoka's now-limp arms, and the clothes clinging to her skin to make the princess look so very fragile and thin. As Negi handed her an umbrella, the taller girl sighed, feeling sorry for her friend.
"I'm sorry, Konoka. But you worry me when you're like this. We'll go home, okay? And afterwards we will find a way-"
The little mistress bowed her head.
"Have you ever been in love, Asuna?"
The voice was soft, yet clear. Asuna and Negi froze, taken back by the firmness within the otherwise-gentle sound.
"It's like…you become someone else…yet so wholly yourself at the same time. Sometimes when you look at yourself, you'd think…you don't recognize who you are anymore. You'd never felt those things, you'd never thought of being like that before- but it makes such perfect sense and suddenly, you realize exactly who you are."
/Ne, Secchan/
She smiled, bitterly, gazing up into the night sky as the heaven's waters rained down on her.
"You become a walking paradox, both happy and sad. Your heart is always so full…always ready to burst, yet so empty…so…bare…that you're always yearning for something…you want to be something more…you want to become someone for that person, to that person."
Her hands shook as she lifted her palms upwards to feel the wet needles of water pierce into the skin. Asuna rushed forward, attempting to cover her with the umbrella, but Konoka stepped away. Closing her eyes she allowed the rain to fall onto her face, kissing her eyes and caressing her cracked, salty lips.
/I love you./
"I want to see her. I must be with her. I want to see her…if only to see that rise of the chest as she breathes. I want to see her. See that lift of the lips as she smiles. I want to see her, I can't…I can't be without her. You tell me she doesn't exist. Grandfather tells me…she is dead. The person I love is dead…but she's not! She doesn't exist…but she does, but she does because I can see her in my mind, I can feel her here, always here in my heart…and my heart is still beating. Youdon't understand! What do you know about love…and hope… and desperation?! What do you know!!"
Her voice rose, louder and louder as it battled with the noise of the raging storm.
/I love you./
"I lose myself. I want to cry out, my soul is bleeding. Something is tearing me apart and I can't take it. And I go crazy. And it hurts…And it hurts…It hurts…!! I don't want to live. If I exist just for that person…then I can't live if I don't see her each day. Just looking at her is all I need. Or to hear one sentence from her. One word. Tell me she's here. Tell me she's still here, because I know she's here, I feel that she's here somewhere but I can't see her…can't… "
She allowed herself to fall, knees touching the ground yet again that night as she braced herself, hands clutching, clawing at her arms desperately.
/I love you./
"I think of her always. Her voice echoes in my mind. The songs that she likes…the things that she says…everything and anything...I…"
Slowly, the red-haired warrior knelt beside her friend. Drawing the younger girl into a protective embrace, Asuna rocked back and forth, rubbing the princess's back gently.
"Shhh. I'm not sure what is going on, but I'll go with you…okay? And I bet Negi will come with us, too. Wherever you were going. That's what friends are for, right?"
Konoka began to cry, burying herself into the embrace.
"Asuna? I'm sorry."
/Sometimes I think I love you so much that it scares me. You see, Secchan…time is passing, time is running out…and I realize I'm spending more and more of my life without you. Each minute…I die a little more./
--Elsewhere--
"Master! The demon child will appear soon. The villagers are gathering around the sacred stone, waiting to capture her to be sacrificed."
The Elder waved his hands, signaling for the boy before him to run ahead.
"Hurry, lad. With each passing moon, the baby demon ages one year. By the time she reaches the age of the full moon, she will possess enough power to erase the history of the world."
The little boy nodded.
"Yes, Master. But…what is her name? Where will we find her?"
"According to the ancient texts…a forgotten child shall emerge through the time gap created by the unison of the moon and sun. Her name, I believe, is Setsuna. Sakurazaki Setsuna."
--
End.
Next Chapter: Separation by Time
It doesn't matter when the actual date was…because the date I found out is the when future was lost, and the past began. For how long will it be…until waiting becomes too long? As the water flows…our years are drifting apart.
A/N: Chapter initially started and written February 20th.
In memory of L.K.N.