Letters to No One
Author: ColleenMcPinto
Rating: T
Pairing: B&B
Spoilers: The Beginning in the End.
Summary: B&B write letters in their year apart.
A/N: First off, thank you so much everyone who's reviewed this story and is staying with it. I had the idea for the letters since the night of the finale. It just took disciplining myself enough to do some research and finally sit down and write some stuff out. Most of the letters are totally organic. I think of one key phrase that ends up somewhere in one of the paragraphs, but other than that I've just been sitting down and typing without thinking too much. That idea applies to all but this chapter. Last night hubby & I watch "Marley & Me" and I actually got rather depressed. Then I started thinking about Letters and had this little epiphany of sorts. Many of you are asking that the letters finally be sent, but I didn't want it to just be, they finally get the courage up. I don't think that's true to B&B character. Whenever something big happens, there's a catalyst. Well, for this story, "Marley & Me" was the catalyst. There is some bad language in this chapter, just to warn you. Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Please continue! Reviews are my crack.
Day 34
He was angry, hurt, frustrated, and lonely. It was the end of a week and a half long mission and it ended badly. He really thought he was prepared for anything, he was an Army Ranger for Christ sake, but he was wrong. He shut down his email, turned off the computer, sat down at his desk and wrote.
Bones,
I don't even know where to begin. I really never thought I'd be at a loss for words… and yet here I am.
I had a shitty week. Actually, it was longer than a week... a shitty past 12 days. We had a mission, a bad one. My kids took out 14 men in 12 days. For most it was their first time. It was horrible. Then, after the end of this long, horrible mission, I get back and check my email. At first, I'm ecstatic. I have mail from Cam, Parker, and even Sweets. I read Parker's first, naturally. He's such an amazing kid, so resilient; I really can't believe he's mine. But you don't get to know what's going on with him – you don't deserve that right now. Hell, maybe you already know what's happening in his life. Maybe you guys are pen pals – since you seem to be keeping in contact with everyone who isn't named Seeley Booth.
Cam tells me you're discovering some new theory of evolution or something. Well, bully for you I still believe in the Big Bang Theory. She also tells me that Angela and Hodgins are going to fly to Jakarta that next time you get to go use the archaeology museum there. Oh, and Sweets says it's super awesome how you're taking care of Daisy, and that he's glad she's holding up well. He's doing well himself, even had a date with a nice podiatrist.
Dammit, Bones. I can understand talking with Angela – and Hodgins by extension. I mean, you talk to Angela about everything. I even get Cam; you two are actually really great friends now – who would have thought? But Sweets? Even Sweets gets an email? I just don't understand. I don't know what I did to deserve this. You told me you were going away to try and gain a new perspective, and to take a step back from the murders and the way they made you feel. But I get this news, that you're communicating with everyone but me, your partner, and it feels like you needed a break from me, from us. I know I scared you that night, and I probably scared you even more showing up at your place the night before I left for Ft. Meade… but Bones, fear is an emotion. You can't just shut those out. You need to feel that sometimes. Especially that kind of fear! That's the good kind. It's not the kind you get when you're trapped underground in a car and don't know whether you're going to live or die, it's the kind you get when something new happens in your life and you're not sure what's going to happen next.
You know Bones, I'm really glad I wrote this out. I guess I'm not angry, just disappointed. I had one of the worst weeks of my life. I had to watch these kids that I trained take a human life… 14 times. I had to tell them they are great and it was a good thing that they did. I had to calm their fears and pat their backs when the anxiety got so bad that they got sick afterward. I had to lie to them, the same way I was lied to, and tell them it gets easier. It doesn't get easier Bones, it gets harder. I really thought coming back here would be OK. I thought I'd be fine, but I'm not. I'm a mess here, I miss my real kid, I miss my job, and most of all I miss my partner, my best friend. I think all the time that I wish I could just talk to you, really tell you what's been going on in my head because as much as you hate psychology, you give amazing advice on how to deal. I don't call or write because I think you need your space… then I find out you don't need space from everyone, just me. It hurts Bones, and it's disappointing. I'm sorry I scared you and made you feel too much, but Bones I think it's time that you grew up.
Booth.
He folded the letter, placed it in an envelope and addressed it to the National Research Centre of Archaeology in Jakarta. He figured she would eventually get it there. Then he quickly ran to the post office on base before he could change his mind about mailing it. As he walked slowly back to his living quarters he thought about what he just did, and hoped he wouldn't have one more regret when he finally got word back from her… if he ever got word back.