Chapter Six – Kakashi's Meeting
Reason #6 – It's a fashion statement.
Kakashi was a light sleeper. It was a gift from his days in the military; he never could fall into one of those heavy slumbers where phones and distractions don't bother one. So when the phone rang at some ungodly hour the next morning - of eight forty nine am, it woke him up. And he wasn't exactly pleasant. You have to understand – he had closed the restaurant last night, and then stayed up with Gai challenging one another to a daikon dicing contest – let's just say he hadn't gotten home until around five am.
He reached an irritated hand out towards his nightstand. It was covered in a tidy, but overflowing array of two Icha Icha Paradise's, a digital alarm clock, a lamp, a phone, a grey humidifier, a few pill bottles, his inhalator, and an epi-pen. Kakashi slammed his hand down on the phone, picked up the receiver and held it up to his unmasked face. "Who is it?"
"Hatake Kakashi?" a smooth voice inquired.
"Who are you?" Kakashi growled. "And why are you bothering me?"
The voice paused. "I'm not sure if you remember me, but this is Uchiha Sasuke," he paused. "We met-"
"Ping pong!" Kakashi chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand on end.
"Fucking nickname," Sasuke muttered. "Don't call me that."
"What can I do for you?" Kakashi sat up in bed and glared at the clock blearily.
"It's about Iruka," Sasuke said.
"Eh?" Kakashi blinked. "What about the lovely Iruka?"
Sasuke snorted. "Itachi is on the prowl."
"Tell me something I don't know," Kakashi sat up and pushed the blankets off and stretched. "Why are you telling me this, though? Isn't he your big brother?"
"I hate Itachi," Sasuke said with feeling.
"Hmm..." Kakashi stood and pushed his toes into a pair of zori he had next to his bed. He did remember Ping Pong saying something vaguely about that last night during dinner.
"Do you want to know what I walked in on yesterday morning?" Sasuke said after a moment.
"Maa..." Kakashi quirked an eyebrow. This must have been during that Tsunade account meeting Iruka had been excited about.
"Yes," Sasuke paused for effect, and then continued. "Iruka was on his knees, between Itachi's legs wearing a dog collar."
"What!" He yelled nearly dropping the phone in the process.
"I thought that might get your attention," Sasuke said and Kakashi had the distinct impression the young man was smirking on the other end of the phone.
"Is this a prank?" Kakashi threatened.
"I have been told countless times that I don't have a sense of humor, Brillo Pad," Sasuke said.
He bristled at the moniker but he was silent and glared at the phone his hand. "Come to the restaurant in one hour. We need to have a meeting."
Kakashi hung up and slammed the phone down angrily. It was time to get serious. Uchiha-san, corporate-overlord was going down!
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
"First official meeting of the brain trust is called to order," Kakashi said, rapping a spoon against the table.
The crowd was gathered in the empty dining room at ANBU. Most everyone was enjoying freshly baked cinnamon rolls that Deidara had just baked. It was technically a staff meeting, but since he was the majority owner of the business, he could call it whatever he wanted.
Kurenai looked over at him in confusion. She was holding some sort of clipboard with boring spreadsheets on it. "What Kakashi?"
"What is the purpose of this?" Asuma laughed.
"The eventual down fall of Uchiha-san, corporate overlord," Kakashi said with a straight face.
Uchiha Sasuke, who was sitting next to him drinking an espresso, smirked over his tiny cup.
"Isn't that a little...dramatic?" Genma laughed from a near by table. He licked some errant cream cheese icing off his chin that had dribbled down when he took a big bite of cinnamon roll.
"I don't think so," Kakashi scratched the back of his head.
"C'mon," Asuma laughed, kicking his feet up on a chair and putting his arms up behind his back in a relaxed slouch. "It's a little bit of overkill, Kakashi."
"Now, sempai..." Yamato laughed from his position a few seats away. He set down his 'Wine Spectator' magazine to actually pay attention during a staff meeting for once.
"I think it's a beautiful sign of love, youthfulness and vitality," Gai said enthusiastically. He even offered a happy thumbs-up sign of approval along with a toothy grin.
Most of the room groaned.
"You say that about everything, Gai. You said that about the cut of yellowfin tuna I brought in yesterday," Kisame pointed out.
"But it was! It was so fresh and vigorous!" Gai nodded his head happily at Kisame.
"It was tuna!" Kisame argued.
"But Kisame!" Gai sulked.
Kakashi smacked the spoon on the table to get the employees attention.
"Yes, the tuna was fresh and vigorous. We can all agree on that," Kakashi said. "Everyone agree?"
There was a smattering of approval from the room and Gai brightened immediately.
"Now, moving on..." Kakashi sighed.
"Can we discus the projected sales and marketing-?" Kurenai started waving her excel spreadsheets around.
"No!" Kakashi barked and banged the spoon on the table.
"The topic at hand is Uchiha-san, Kurenai," He flapped his hand in her general direction. "Get with the program."
The black-haired woman sighed. "Kakashi, what does this have to do with-"
He tutted at her and Asuma chuckled and put an arm around her. Kurenai huffed indignantly, used to the Kakashi's rants during staff meetings, but still not appreciating them. She crossed her arms and glared at the eccentric Executive Chef.
"Fine," Kurenai set her clipboard down. "Is this going to take up the whole meeting?"
Kakashi shrugged. "Maybe?"
"But it just started," She objected, taking a bite of cinnamon roll. "That's just rude."
"Maybe you can offer some feminine perspective?" Asuma suggested.
She grumbled.
"I don't know about that, isn't Deidara more feminine than Kurenai?" Kisame interjected with a sly grin.
"Hey!" Deidara yelped from his seat, his poufy blond hair swaying in anger. "Uhn...I'm not feminine, yeah."
"You're not exactly a bastion of masculinity, are you?" Genma snickered, licking icing off his thumb.
"Wait, I am more womanly than him!" Kurenai slammed her fist down on the table, shaking the wooden bench in anger.
"I think the meeting has gotten away from you, Cyclops," Sasuke commented, looking at Kakashi.
The silver haired man scratched the back of his head. "It always does."
"Brain trust, indeed," Sasuke snorted.
"Now, honey," Asuma put an arm round Kurenai, trying to sooth his wife. "Don't listen to that blond idiot. You're definitely more feminine than him. After all, you're stacked like pancakes."
She looked vaguely mollified at the comment.
Kakashi rapped on the table again with his spoon. "Now, everyone. Can we get back to the topic at hand?"
"What was the topic again, Kakashi?" Aoba asked, sunglasses propped up on his forehead.
He sighed and shot a glower over at Sasuke who was chuckling beside him.
"The downfall of Uchiha-san," He repeated.
"And...who is that?" Aoba frowned.
Kakashi deflated a little. Had no one been paying attention?
"Why, it is the competitor to the hand of my Eternal Rival's Lovely Iruka's fair heart-!" Gai exclaimed.
Kakashi covered up his face when Sasuke turned and gave him a look.
"I am not helping Kakashi get laid," Kiba interjected from where he sat next to Tenten. "He is always making me do the stupidest errands and he doesn't pay me back. He also cut off Akamaru's supply of chicken livers."
"Damnit Kiba," Kakashi pointed the spoon at the youth. "I promoted you!"
"To 'Head Dishwasher'...!" Kiba muttered under his breath loudly. There was petulant look on his tattooed face.
Genma, at a nearby table snickered at the title and Kiba's face reddened in embarrassment.
"Maa...are you complaining, Inuzuka?" Kakashi continued to point the spoon at the youth. "Because the salary increase that went along with that title you're bitching about can easily be-"
"Shut up, Dog-breath!" Tenten slapped Kiba upside the head from where she was sitting beside the busboy and Head Dishwasher and he grimaced at her.
Tenten then gave a beatific smile at the group. "I think it's romantic."
"Romantic?" Genma laughed. "Aren't we talking about Hakate's pervy sex life?"
"A sign of young love and vitality for my Eternal Rival!" Gai enthused with a bright smile. "A sign of-"
"Can it, Gai!" Kisame tossed a wadded up napkin at the smiling chef who began sulking. It landed between his two bushy eyebrows and he began sulking as his tirade was interrupted.
"Ne, we need to focus," Kakashi rapped the spoon on the table. "Does anyone have any ideas?"
"Have you sent him flowers?" Kurenai suggested.
"Yes, of course," He flapped his hand back and forth. "Yesterday."
She nodded in thought. "Chocolates?"
"Too common. I need to step up my game," Kakashi said pointing the spoon at the group. "The competition has brought out the big guns." He turned and pointed to Sasuke. "Ping pong, what are your thoughts?"
Sasuke muttered a curse out under his breath. "My name is Sasuke!" He growled at the group.
Most of the group looked at him and then laughed.
Kakashi tapped the spoon on the table to get their attention. "That's enough out of you lot. Let ping pong have his turn."
The black-haired man straightened his tie and glared at Kakashi. He reached over and tried to take the spoon away from the chef, but the cook foresaw the maneuver and switched hands, holding the spoon away from him. Sasuke leaned back and pretended not to care.
"Itachi is a pervert," Sasuke said with a shrug of his business suit-clad shoulders.
Kiba raised his hand and Tenten slapped the back of his head. He rubbed the back of his head. "What was that for?"
"You don't have to raise your hand, this isn't a classroom," Tenten scoffed.
"But I wanna know who Itachi is?" Kiba asked in confusion, still rubbing the back of his bushy head.
"Hn," Sasuke grunted. "Itachi is Uchiha-san. That's his name."
"Oh," Kiba nodded, still looking confused. "So you know him?"
"He's my brother," Sasuke clarified as he rolled his eyes at Kiba.
"What sort of pervert is he?" Kiba asked curiously.
Tenten groaned and slapped Kiba upside the head again. Inuzuka hadn't learned to dodge and took another hit upside the head. "Dog-breath! What sort of question is that?"
Kakashi rapped the spoon on the table a few times.
"Oi! It's a valid question!" Kiba defended himself, looking peeved at Tenten. "I mean, why are supposedly saving Iruka from this pervy Uchiha-san...when Kakashi is pretty pervy himself? I'm just trying to see the logic, ok?"
The room was silent for a moment and then everyone started to laugh.
"You know, Kakashi...he has you there," Asuma pointed out.
Kakashi folded his arms over his chest. "I'm not that perverted. I resent the implication."
"You've got porn in your jacket right now," Genma commented.
"That's different," Kakashi pouted.
The room broke out into more ribald laughter at their Executive Chef's discomfort and sulking.
"Itachi is into really weird stuff," Sasuke offered after a moment when the laughter died down.
"Like what?" Genma asked, leaning forward, a toothpick stuck in his mouth.
"Egg porn," Sasuke shrugged. "BDSM, tentacles, mpreg, necrophilia, you name it."
There was silence for a few minutes in the room.
"What the hell is egg porn?" Yamato asked curiously from his seat on the other side of Kiba and Tenten.
Kiba laughed and punched the sommelier in the shoulder. "I'll show you some pictures on my phone later, bro. It's sick!"
Yamato blushed slightly. "Oh, it's okay, Kiba. I was just curious. I don't need to. Ano, you don't have to-"
Genma laughed and then pointed at Sasuke. "And how do you know that about your big brother? Kinda pervy, wouldn't you say?"
"I accidently came across his porn stash when I was looking for some old family photos for a school project," Sasuke's face showed a trace of horror.
"Poor Iruka!" Gai cheered exclaimed loudly. "We must save him from Uchiha-san's vigorous, vile and altogether lecherous clutches!"
"Iruka seems very wholesome..." Kakashi nodded. "So nice..."
Sasuke choked back some laugher, "Well, let's be clear. Nice! Nice? Kakashi, do you even know Iruka? He spends eight hours a day writing insurance policies with miniscule loopholes just so rich people can get away with saving more money at the expense the governmental system. I think we can all safely assume that that implies a certain degree of not-niceness."
Kakashi frowned at this insight. "Err..."
Then Sasuke paused for a moment and took another sip of espresso then continued "In fact I can personally guarantee that Umino Iruka is one of the most stubborn, hardheaded and all around most-obstinate men of I have ever met. Get on the wrong side of that and you'll very soon learn just how not-nice he can be."
"Not nice?" Kiba inquired.
"The man likes to play dirty pranks," Sasuke snorted and leaned back in his chair, as if remembering something unpleasant.
Kakashi looked around the table and tapped his spoon a few times. "Does anyone else have any remarks?"
"You could take Iruka to the movies?" Kisame suggested.
"Maybe," he considered. Going to the movies on a date was classic, and pretty much as far from whatever that pervy Uchiha-san would probably come up with. Besides, he could always try to feel up the lovely Iruka in the dark. He grinned. Maybe the movies weren't such a dopey idea.
Kakashi tapped the spoon on the table. "Movies it is. First meeting of the brain trust, adjourned. Thank-you all for attending. See Kurenai for parking validation." He stood; as the black-haired women frowned at him waving various excel spreadsheets in his face.
Sasuke stood and signaled goodbye briefly then left the restaurant, probably heading to work. The other restaurant employees stood and began milling about talking and laughing.
"Kakashi!" Kurenai yelled, "We never discussed the projected sales and marketing reports..!"
"Maa..." Kakashi wiggled his hand back in forth in the air at her. "Why don't you talk to Asuma about that? He owns half the business, ne?"
The woman squinted her eyes at him and huffed angrily. "He told me to ask you! He said he doesn't handle the sales and marketing half of the business!"
He inched away from her, and pulled out his cell phone. "Sorry, Kurenai...I've gotta make a very important business call..."
She glared at him and at the phone. "Since when do you even own a cell phone, Kakashi?"
Kakashi smiled brightly. "Genma and I went to the store and bought it for me yesterday afternoon! It does something called tweeting. I'm not sure what that is, or why I want my phone to make bird chirping noises, but he assures me this is something I want to do." He shrugged.
Kurenai snorted. "You don't know what twitter is?"
"Something on the internet?" He scratched the back of his head. "My agent has been pestering me about it but it seems like so much work."
She looked at him in frustration and looked like she wanted to say something more, but Asuma put an arm around her and pulled her away. Kakashi took the moment offered up by his good friend and scampered away from the broken up meeting. He walked into the kitchen and found Genma.
"Maa...Genma-chan," Kakashi asked as nicely as he could.
The honey-haired chef was pulling a chef's coat over his tank top, which showed off the various tattoos that snaked up his bare arms almost completely. Genma arched an eyebrow at his Boss, a toothpick still in the side of his mouth. "Eh, Kakashi?"
"Can you show me how to work my phone again?" Kakashi held out the small black cell phone to the sous-chef.
Genma groaned. Kakashi wiggled the phone in the air back and forth.
"You owe me. We're already backed up on the line," The blond man grabbed the phone from his boss's hand and started to walk down between the sterile stainless steel counters. "C'mon, let's go back to the alley. We don't get good reception here in the kitchen."
Kakashi smiled behind his mask and followed Genma, shoving his hands in his pockets with a happy slouch.
"And stop calling me Genma-chan," The sous-chef glared at him while he opened the back door to the alley.
The silver-haired man chuckled. "What sort of favor did you want?"
"This Iruka must know someone hot," Genma leaned against the wall as he easily turned on the phone, fingers racing over the flat screen and entering Umino's phone number, which had already been programmed into it. "Have him set me up on a date," he shoved the phone at Kakashi as it was ringing.
Kakashi gingerly placed the phone against his ear just as Iruka picked up.
"Uchiha Insurance Company, this is Umino Iruka," Iruka said in a distracted voice.
"Yo," he said cheerfully. "It's Kakashi."
Genma swirled his toothpick in his mouth then made a crass hip thrusting gesture. "Hook a brother up, Kakashi!" Then he opened the backdoor up, and went back inside the restaurant, leaving Kakashi to glare at his backside.
"Ohayo, Kakashi," Iruka said and Kakashi could hear the smile in his voice. He turned and leaned against the cinderblock wall of the alley.
"How was your day?" Kakashi asked.
"Busy," Iruka said with a small laugh.
Kakashi could imagine him slumped at his desk, hair askew, papers on his desk disheveled. God, he was getting hard just thinking about it. His hand clutched the phone a little tighter.
"Did you want to go to the movies?" He asked trying to sound as casual as possible, belaying the nervous flutters in his stomach. "With me?"
"Tonight?" Iruka inquired.
"No, three years from now, I'm just making a reservation," Kakashi responded sarcastically before he could stop himself.
There was a beat of silence, and then Iruka laughed. "Well I'm glad you cleared that up."
"Actually I was thinking tomorrow night," He clarified.
"Sure," Iruka said. "What time?"
"How about seven thirty?" Kakashi asked, gratified that he sounded normal. Rational, even. As if he called up sexy men and made dates all the time.
"Sure," The attractive insurance underwriter agreed. "Did you want me to pick you up at the restaurant?"
Kakashi paused before responding. He hadn't really thought this far a head, to be honest. He had assumed he would drive, but he didn't know where the man lived so it probably did make more sense for Iruka to pick him up at the restaurant.
"Maa...sounds like a plan." Kakashi smiled and scratched the back of his head.
"Okay, see you then, Kakashi," Iruka said. "So..."
"Yeah?" He posed, sensing the younger man had a question.
"Are you going to tell me why you wear a mask, Kakashi?"
He reached up and fingered the white mask that covered the lower portion of his face idly. "It's a fashion statement."
The other man snorted on the phone. "Yeah, okay."
"Goodnight, Iruka," He said huskily. "Pleasant dreams."
Iruka's muffled laughter was then followed by the click as he ended the call.
Kakashi held the phone up and re-entered the kitchen. All of the sous-chefs, prep cooks, line cooks, dishwashers, servers, caterers, and the hostess turned to look at him in expectation. He held up the phone in victory.
"I've got a movie date for tomorrow," he said with a smile.
"Way to go, sempai!" Yamato stated as he walked past, carrying an uncorked bottle of red wine.
Kakashi nodded at his kohai and passed the phone to Genma who was standing close by. "How do I turn it off?"
Genma sighed and showed him again. For the fourth time. "Kakashi is not machine compatible."
Kakashi grumbled at the comment and took the phone back, pocketing the electronic device with a huff.
"So did you get me a hot date?" Genma asked with interest, flicking his toothpick back and forth.
"Ahh...I'll ask Iruka about it tomorrow." He flapped his hand at the honey-haired chef as he put on his own chef coat to get started cooking for the nightly rush.
Kakashi started in on a complicated dish that had just come down the line, standing across from Kiba who was leaning against the counter nonchalantly talking to their gourmet cheese vender, Shino. It was very odd that the two would even get along, considering how loud and brash Kiba was. And Shino was very intelligent but spent most of his time at his family's farm coming up with new exotic cheese varieties. However the two were really best friends.
He found himself overhearing their conversation while he worked.
"I had confidence in a fart once. And I pooped in my pants," Kiba said.
"That is most vulgar," Shino, the cheese vender, straightened his glasses. He looked awkward and offended. He probably was.
"It happens," Kiba shrugged and continued washing the dishes.
Kakashi turned and looked at the two of them over his shoulders, hiding his smirk.
"I'm taking Iruka to see a movie tomorrow. Do you recommend anything?" He found himself asking.
Shino reached up and tapped on his glasses. "They're playing Jaws at the Egyptian theater."
He quirked an eyebrow.
Kiba nodded vigorously at his friend's suggestion. "Ooo...good call, Shino."
"Jaws? Kakashi frowned. "Isn't that an old movie?"
"It is a classic film, Kakashi-san," Shino shrugged.
"Yeah, Boss," Kiba wiggled in excitement where he stood. "And when Iruka gets all scared during the movie you can put your comforting arm around him. And then you're primed for groping!"
Shino sighed in exasperation. "You're deplorable."
Kakashi's leered. "That's a clever idea, Dog-breath."
Inuzuka whined at the nickname, "Man, not you, too!"
"Clever being another word for diabolic," Shino stated as he crossed his arms cross his chest.
Kiba and Kakashi reached over and bumped knuckles.
"Fuck yeah," Kiba said enthusiastically.
...
A/N: Please Review!
So, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Sorry for the delay with it but I got busy lately. We had this KakaIru Smut Writing Challenge for Kakashi's Birthday and I wrote my entry called "Henged Perceptions" – you're welcome to go read it if you want –It came out pretty well I thought. And, if it isn't too arrogant to say – I actually won the challenge so I guess other's thought it was pretty good, too.