Chapter 5:
"Mr Potter." The soft words stopped the dungeon dead as everyone swivelled around to watch what was going to happen. The words were spoken almost every lesson, and the results varied widely...but at least today it did not seem to be the precursor of an explosion.
"Professor?"
"Do you consider that a potion?" Snape flicked his wand at the cauldron and something seemed to move rather thickly inside.
"No sir." Potter had considered his cauldron briefly before responding in a rather glum tone.
"Don't you think a potion might be the objective in a potions classroom?" The tone was deceptively kind and the class all but held its breath waiting to see whether this time Potter's mess would results in detention or a temporary kick out of class.
"Yes, sir." Potter's passivity seemed to irk the potions master.
"Then what is it?" Snape stirred the contents again and this time there was a thick glug from somewhere deep inside the cauldron.
"Inert goop." Potter had studied the contents of his cauldron again for a good minute before he finally responded.
"Why do you have inert goop?" Snape's tone was still polite, but the class at large was beginning to wonder whether perhaps a temporary evacuation of the classroom might not be appropriate.
"I don't know." Potter had hesitated for a very, very long moment before he responded, and his words caused Snape's left eyebrow to rise slowly.
"Indeed...then perhaps a little detention?" There was a moment of breathless silence. "Seven o'clock, here...tonight." The final word didn't even rank as a whisper and yet it seemed to shake the room.
"Yes, sir." Potter turned back to his inert goop as Snape swirled away to galvanise the rest of the class back into potions. There was nothing to be done with the mess, Harry knew that very well indeed because he'd been trying to do something about it ever since he'd created it.
Snape had been snarling at Potter's inert goop every time he passed the boy's cauldron. Potter had been snarling at his inert goop and keeping Longbottom away from it for he did not want it to stop being inert goop...at least while it was inert goop it could not spread its unknown properties all over the classroom. Granger had been trying to tell Longbottom how to fix it until Potter made splendid use of the extended vocabulary he had acquired from Hogwarts and shut her down with a viciously premeditated attack of extreme nastiness. Weasley's surprising, and explosive, defense of the know-it-all had resulted in detention for him with Filch. Potter had then got another detention for talking, while trying to pursuade Longbottom that ignoring the goop was the best course of action. Snape had scowled dourly while stirring the inert goop again, only Snape knew that every time he stirred that cauldron he was trying to get rid of the contents of that cauldron...and absolutely nothing was working.
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Malfoy was scowling as he shoved his books back into his bag. A ratty quill...he was never going to lend Potter a quill again in his life. A bottle of pink ink...never trust a Parkinson when she said she could replace your ink after it got spilt, least of all when spilt by a Potter. Malfoy crammed his parchment into his bag and couldn't care less since his parchment was messed already from a spell that had splashed across the Slytherin desks during History of Magic. History of Magic essays were utterly rank, Zabini spent most of his time composing rude limericks while writing his essays and today Malfoy simply could not get one of the 'fresher' limericks out of his head...though admittedly the limericks most certainly meant that you never forgot the dates for any rebellion.
"Mr Malfoy." It was Binns' ghostly form which hovered at Malfoy's elbow and put him in a truly foul mood.
"Professor?" Malfoy crammed the last of his things into his bag and slung it over his shoulder.
"There was a slight altercation outside the classroom."
"Are you assigning me detention, Sir, or is your question for some other reason?"
"Detention...Mr Filch...tonight." Binns drifted away through the blackboard as Malfoy stormed from the room. The only reason Malfoy was not planning to murder Potter for this whole mess, was because Potter had already been hospitalised because of said altercation...and Malfoy considered the memory of a Weasley twin with teeth down to his collar more than worth a detention with Filch...but that wasn't going to stop him from laying a complaint with his Head of House over Binns' gross violation of the school-wide and unspoken law that only the Slytherin Head of House could award a detention to a Slytherin. Now all Malfoy had to do was find Potter and get him to lunch in one piece before negotiating with Nott how to get him out to Herbology and back without trouble, Zabini usually dealt with these matters, but with his leg still compromised Potter was refusing to be near the boy lest he get hit by something else.
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"Potter." Snape looked up in response to the polite knock and identified the boy. Snape already had a headache from the Malfoy boy and this evening's Staff Meeting had promise of being little better than hell on Earth for now he not only had the matter of Zabini's cursing to deal with, but there was also Binns' violation of the unspoken law and now Snape had a sinking feeling that Potter was about to make his life significantly worse, as only a Potter could. "Problem?"
"The Headmaster just rescheduled my interview with the Sorting Hat to seven o'clock and I tried to explain about my detention but..." Potter ground to a stop when faced by Snape's slowly rising eyebrow.
"Office hours are now officially over." Snape swept across his office and slammed the door before pulling Potter through the connecting door into one of his four private laboratories. Not as bad as he'd feared and a perfect excuse to ensure that no one could make his day worse.
"My detention, sir?"
"Find out the properties of your inert goop." Snape thumped a thick tome down on the table next to the cauldron he'd moved into his lab during the lunch hour. "Original composition the potion should have had." A second book landed on the table.
"Sir?"
"Potter?"
"Am I permitted to utilise you as a source as well, sir?"
"Three questions." Snape swirled away and bent over a heavily shielded cauldron which he'd been puzzling over for two weeks, ever since he'd managed to extract the substance from one of the very dead unicorns Hagrid was getting worried about. In Snape's opinion a dead Unicorn was no worry at all, Hagrid should be expending his efforts panicking over the Unicorns which were still alive. To date all Snape had managed to ascertain was that whatever was killing the Unicorns was also drinking their blood for no vampire, self-respecting or otherwise, would even dream of sampling Unicorn blood and Snape had already found clear traces of the vampiric method to prevent clotting in subjects.
"Thank you, sir." Potter settled onto the available stool and found the potion they'd been making, wrote out the ingredients before clearly marking the last ingredient which had been correctly added. Harry then lost half an hour scraping around his memory to identify the ingredients which had been added between the correct ingredient and the handful of ingredients he'd added to neutralise the potion which had turned explosive. Harry listed his handful of ingredients at the very bottom of the page, before precisely noting the time difference between when they started the potion and when he'd flung in that final handful of ingredients. Harry made one final note of the time when the last correct ingredient should have been added, this left only the confusing task of trying to order the remaining ingredients and assign approximate times to their entering the cauldron. This was going to be a very long detention indeed.
XXXXXX
"Malfoy?" Deralc had been on the verge of hexing his assignment topic when he became aware of the Malfoy Heir standing hesitantly next to his table in the Library.
"I've been trying to find Professor Snape..." Malfoy hesitated.
"You've no hope." Deralc shook his head and glanced at a calendar. "Today of all days nothing short of a life-threatening emergency will find him...and half the time even that doesn't work?"
"Why?"
"We've no idea...but Flint, the only one of us who has tried to find him on this sort of day, spent a week in hospital after the room blew-up...we just don't bother looking for him now." "Oh." Malfoy scuffled his feet for a moment before moving away.
"Spit." Deralc lifted an eyebrow and was thankful that it brought the boy back to the edge of his table.
"It's Potter."
"Oh?"
"I think there's something in his squibishness."
"Why?"
"Even Gryffindors can't be that lousy."
"Comment?" Deralc blinked as he completely failed to follow Malfoy's logic progression.
"Les jumeaux Weasly." Draco huffed irritably and decided not to play Deralc's linguistic games, even if his father would approve of them. "Two spells, one hits me and gives me a rash, the other hits Potter and does absolutely nothing"
"Frustrating."
"Only about one in eight spells cast at Potter ever takes and that's weird."
"What can I say?" Deralc gave a faint shrug. "He's the Boy-Who-Lived...but I will pass your observations on to Professor Snape."
"Thankyou." Malfoy hesitated and then frowned. "Deralc?"
"Mr Malfoy?"
"Can you..." Malfoy stopped again.
"Mr Malfoy?"
"Nothing...it's almost tea time." Malfoy swung around and walked quickly out of the Library, leaving Deralc to frown and completely forget about the Herbology assignment he hadn't really wanted to do. Deralc had a feeling that he was going to be in consultation with Professor Snape for a while tonight. Potter and Malfoy are a unique problem apart and a decent headache when combined. Deralc almost pitied the school if these two ever started consciously co-operating. For now, however, he settled for pitying himself because he did not wish to spend a week in the Hospital Wing and Professor Snape usually had good reason when he locked his office door, his lab door and refused to emerge for dinner. Deralc made a little prayer to any deity, magical or muggle, who might be listening to protect him a little before he packed his bag and headed off for the Dungeon...perhaps Flint could be persuaded to help attract Professor Snape's attention.
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"If it isn't Little Brimless come to see me again." The Hat shuffled around in search of a comfortable perch on Harry's head. "Do spill all the news for the week."
"Not much to tell." Harry slumped down under the Hat, forcing it to shuffle around again. "Nothing even vaguely happening"
"Last week you claimed that you were overloaded with detentions. What now?"
"I have a million and one essays in place of detentions." Harry sounded utterly dejected but the Hat wasn't fooled for a moment.
"No need to gloat about it." The Hat shuffled again. "Are the Gryffindors as incompetent spell-casters as ever?"
"Well..." Harry hesitated. "Either they're incompetent or I've learnt how to cast Malfoy's shield without even realising it." There was another moment of silence. "I've had a few burns from near misses and one broken arm because a miss-cast stunner knocked me down the stairs into the dungeon." Harry stiffened and suddenly fell silent, before he jerked violently upright. "Big Brim, I'm really sorry to do this to you...but I've got to go." Harry jerked the hat from his head, carefully stored it on its shelf before sprinting from the room, desperately hoping he was in that tiny window of peace after the student body had gone to tea, but before Professor Snape had reluctantly left his quarters.
"Relax, Harry." The hat shuffled around on its shelf for a moment before smirking in quiet satisfaction. "Professor Snape is delayed tonight."
"Hat?" Phineus Nigellus was the only portrait away and he was frowning darkly at the hat. "What have you done to Professor Snape?"
"I am innocent, portrait." The Hat gave a sniff. "Hogwarts has simply moved Professor Snape's door."
"Moved it where?" Phineus Nigellus was suspicious of the Sorting Hat when it was this evasive.
"About two rooms down if I understand correctly." The Hat wasn't particularly interested in where the door had gone. "I doubt he will have finished blasting through his wall before Mr Potter gets there."
"Your objective is to kill Mr Potter?" Phineus Nigellus sounded faintly disapproving. "I always knew you were a Gryffindor at heart."
"A Gryffindor would never understand the relationship that Professor Snape has with his house." The Hat wasn't really interested. "Professor Snape wants what Mr Potter has to tell about as much as he wants a were-wolf in the school...however he also understands the importance of what is at stake. Life is about to become very interesting and I suggest you try and find a portrait in the Great Hall in the next...five minutes should do."
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Headmaster Albus Dumbledore was quite accustomed to the unexpected occuring within his school, he prided himself on being able to take anything and everything with composure and dignity. However, he discovered that a thunderous explosion which not only literally rocked the castle, but also caused the contents of his goblet to spread down the front of his robes, to be more than he could take and it was a less than dignified yelp he gave as he leapt to his feet and hastily remembered to seal the doors before any students escaped. The Great Hall was the only room in that part of the castle, if the ceiling were to fall more would survive than if they were out in other parts of the castle where ten floors could fall on top of them.
"SILENCE!!" It rang out across the hall and the response was immediate, all students fell silent and turned to face the staff table. "All students return to your seats." There was a moment before a scuffle began the return of students to their seat. Dumbledore glanced around the Staff Table before nodding to Flitwick, McGonagall and Sprout, he then hesitated for a moment before moving to speak to Sinistra.
"I have no idea." Sinistra pre-empted his enquiry of the whereabouts of the Potions Master. "I will however do a roll-call for Slytherin." She swept from her seat and left Dumbledore to quietly resume his seat and wait for results. At present the only known absence was Severus Snape, though Dumbledore was completely confident that Harry Potter would also be absent when the final count came in.
A second explosion rumbled through the school as two of the four House Ghosts departed through the walls. Dumbledore was relieved to know that all of Gryffindor and Ravenclaw were present, but he was worried about the absent Hufflepuff.
"Stebbins is in the Infirmary." Pompfrey spoke up suddenly with an appologetic grimace before quickly checking the small charm she carried. "He's intelligently gone to my office and lifted the wards...the school can fall down and he'll be fine."
"Thankyou." Dumbledore relayed Pompfrey's words to Sprout before turning his attention to Sinistra who was talking to the Bloody Baron with a dark frown on her face. A third explosion rippled through the Castle, shaking it's foundations and spilling anything which had survived the previous two explosions.
"Apparently this is all Hogwarts' fault." Sinistra finally turned away from the Slytherin House ghost.
"Hogwarts is shaking her own foundations?" McGonagall didn't even try to conceal her disbelief.
"No, Hogwarts apparently removed all doors and windows from the Potions Laboratory...Professor Snape is simply using the available means to get out before the available air runs out." Sinistra was unworried by the fourth explosion which came as she spoke. "There is only one wall left"
"He can't just blow up Hogwarts!" McGonagall was outraged and very indignant.
"He can if Hogwarts endangers either himself or a student...which she did both."
"Why...?" McGonagall ground to a stop before shaking her head. "Potter, I presume...what did he do to annoy Hogwarts so much?"
"Absolutely nothing." Dumbledore was blinking in confusion as he understood Hogwarts' response to McGonagall's wearied enquiry.
"He can't have done nothing...even his father never managed to annoy Hogwarts this badly...and he turned half the castle pink."
"Hogwarts says that he did absolutely nothing...apparently she thought it would be fun to drop him on Professor Snape's head before removing the doors and windows." Dumbledore was now feeling very bewildered and the final explosion rocked the castle's foundations. Withoug telling anyone, Dumbledore unsealed the doors for he really didn't want Severus to blast his way into the Great Hall, if nothing else it would scare most of the students completely stupid...which they weren't whatever Severus was prone to claiming at regular intervals.
"Headmaster!" Snape had come into the Great Hall with an exceptionally dark frown in place and a completely expressionless Potter in tow. Both of them had an indescribable air of dust and weariness. Dumbledore considered laughing until he actually met Snape's eye, at which point all amusement vanished.
"Severus."
"Control the bloody castle."
"You know that is not possible."
"Then how about you try notifying Hogwarts that if she even so much as considers pulling a stunt like that again I will resume those experiments I terminated eight years ago."
"Ahh." Dumbledore took half a step backwards and McGonagall turned a lovely shade of greenish-white before gulping rather precipitately, even the castle seemed to quiver. "I think she has heard the message herself and she requests that you do not." Dumbledore glanced around the hall and pulled gently on his nose, almost all the staff were looking wary even if they did not share the knowledge of exactly what those experiments were eight years ago. The student body seemed mixed between alarm at the irate Potions Master and amusement that Hogwarts would prank him. Dumbledore had a nasty feeling that Hogwarts actions were not a prank but something else which only a thousand year-old sentient castle with a very warped sense of humour could enjoy.