Dear Terra,
I think I'm going crazy. A strange way to start a letter, isn't it? But it's true. I'm starting to have hallucinations. The Darkness is getting to my mind, and I hate that. Or maybe it's just the lack of food that is finally showing some side effects? Given the fact that it's probably been more than a year now since my last meal (I would never have thought that this snack bar would be the last thing I'd eat), it wouldn't be that shocking.
Anyway, I'm seeing things I shouldn't. Most of the time, it's you. Or Ven. You sometimes are lying on the ground, dead or dying. Sometimes blaming me for not saving you. Every word stings and hurts and destroys everything in me, but I try to focus on the positive: these are means versions of yourself, probably created from my guilty mind, but at least I can see your faces, hear your voices. They aren't real and I can't touch them, but I'm learning how not to listen to them and to pretend, even for a minute, that you are just here, by my side. I'm trying not to get affected by these words. I'm not really good at that, but I keep on repeating to myself that if this is really what you are thinking, what you want to tell me, then you will have to tell me in person once I'm free.
My Ventus hallucination is harder to deal with. I know I did all I could to save you, but his words are sharper. He tells me that I didn't just destroy Vanitas, that I destroyed them both. That I had no right to destroy the one that was half of his heart. That I abandoned him in an empty place where no one could ever find him. If I am to die in here, then he will die too, because I only can release him. But while his words feel like a dagger stabbed into my heart, it also gives me the strength to keep going. He is right. No one but me can free him, and that means I have to get out of there. I cannot fail him. Not again.
The craziness aside, I am doing quite well. Once you get used to this place, I suppose you could call it pretty? I mean, there are creatures trying to kill me at every corner, my own mind is producing hallucinations destroying my self-confidence and I haven't seen the sky in forever, but it's got its charm of its own. All these places, I wonder if they used to be real worlds? There is this one place that keeps on appearing, and it would have been a lovely place in the Realm of Light. I can see the reminiscent of a fountain, and even a lighthouse. I can even climb up to the top of the Lighthouse, and it's giving me a feeling of somewhat safety: I can see all that is coming and I'm out of reach of many monsters. The smaller ones are starting to lose interest in me. If my path crosses theirs, they will still attack, but I don't think they are tracking me as much as they did before. Do you think it could be because my light is fading away? Because they are treating my as one of theirs now? This is scary to think about. The big ones are still after me, though, so at least that means I'm not complete Darkness by now.
I don't hear them rattling anymore, so now might be a good time to sleep. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? I have yet to find a way to send you these letters. I hope you're thinking of me at least half as much as I'm thinking of you.
Say hi to everyone we knew for me, please.
Until then,
Aqua.