Evan facetimes Jared as soon as he got back from school, despite his SQUIP's protest, and told him everything. "He killed himself?!" Jared voice booms through the speaker. "Well that explains why he hasn't shown up to school since the first day, or Zoe."
"What am I going to do, Jared? They invited me over to dinner!" Evan didn't really know why he was asking for Jared's advice, it always ended in ridicule and Jared's ideas weren't always the best (they usually weren't the best). It was more out of impulse and lack of other options that Evan coped by talking to Jared.
"Why did you tell them you were friends with him in the first place?" Jared asks incredulously. "Connor's dead, he can't kill you now for telling the truth about your weird sex letter."
"I don't understand why you're consulting him when you have me." SQUIP-Connor snips, partially mockingly over Evan's exact thoughts and earning a small glare in return.
"The look on his mother's face, Jared, she was so heartbroken. I couldn't just… crush it." Evan tries to explain, dismissing the supercomputer.
"She's a grown woman, not your date to the prom."
"I know but I…" Evan's eyes flicker up to SQUIP-Connor, scowling at him over the monitor. He was so close to telling Jared, compulsively like everything else. "I just couldn't do it."
"Well now you definitely can't tell them. You're in too deep now."
"Then what am I supposed to do?! I don't know anything about Connor!" Regret continues to build in his stomach as Jared snickers at his panic.
"Again, why are you consulting him? You have me!" SQUIP-Connor demands as Evan continues to mostly ignore him- it- whatever.
"Look," Jared starts to explain in the over animated gestures he used. Evan was pretty sure Jared wasn't even aware he did them. "Whatever they say about Connor just nod your head and agree. Don't contradict and don't make shit up. It's foolproof! My parents fall for it all the time, literally nothing they think of me is true."
Surprisingly both SQUIP-Connor and Jared look satisfied with the answer. "That sounds rather depressing." The AI muses, explaining the satisfaction.
Evan bites his lip as he considers Jared's instructions. "Are you sure that's going to work Jared?" It's not like he could go through a whole conversation merely nodding his head.
"Of course it'll work," Jared waves him off, overconfident in his advice, "they'll just fill in the rest with whatever they want. People want to be lied to."
The satisfaction leaves SQUIP-Connor's face. "Unfortunately, he's not completely wrong."
"Thanks Jared," Evan sighs in relief, taking the begrudged SQUIP's approval. Maybe this wouldn't be one of Jared's awful ideas.
"Remember, don't make shit up!" Jared adds one last time before hanging up.
Evan closes his computer and sighs. He still really doesn't know what he's going to do about dinner with the Murphy's, or Zoe more specifically. Even if he correctly enacts Jared's plans it'd still find a way to go horribly wrong.
"Just do as I tell you, that is why you took me, is it not?" Evan finally turns his attention back to the mental holographic projection. SQUIP-Connor's voice tone had evened out to a more calm and monotonous level.
"I took you for anxiety! Not to lie to the Murphy's!" Evan clarified, crossing his arms. The feeling of betrayal from earlier coming back.
"The situation is giving you anxiety and thus, listening to me to help you with it." Evan groans, rubbing his face with his hands. The justification reminded him of Jared's tactics without the condescending and snark. At least he could count on Jared to be honest and forward with him and not hide information or ulterior motives. "We both know you're going to end up lying, so you can try to handle it yourself or I could do it for you."
"…Alright," Evan relents but only because it was true, he was going to end up lying and it would be better coming from a not panicking source, "I'll consider what you have to say."
What? An update?! Yup! Sorry it took so long, that's how I work, I update after everyone loses hope. So more Jared and Jared's iconic lines plus a bit of my own analysis added. I mean, Jared's not wrong, people like to be lied to and his plan (though sounds horrible and obnoxious in true Jared form) is actually quite a good tactic ( you know I just realized that's tic-tac backwards and now I'm distracted). Anyway, next up dinner with the Murphys! Let's see how that goes!