Ms. Novak died that night. The call came in that morning at around eight o'clock, but it was Dean who answered the phone in order to give Cas the pleasure of sleeping in.
"Ms. Novak passed away last night. She died in her sleep. I'm very sorry for your loss." The words stuck in the phone as Dean sat there emptily unsure of what to do with that information. Gabriel was not home yet. He'd be back in about an hour. Cas was asleep. Neither one was present to learn about their mother's death. Dean hung up the phone. He walked over to the sofa and began pacing back and forth. How would Cas react? Could he even handle that kind of loss? Dean began to bite his lower lip in frustration and thought. Everything had been going so well, but now… He didn't know how this would change things, but he knew that it would.
"Dean?" Cas asked groggily. "What's wrong?" He looked up to see Dean pacing about behind the sofa.
Dean stopped his anxious movements at the sound of Cas's voice. Castiel needed to know what happened, but he didn't want him to know. He didn't want him to hurt like that. "Cas…" He began in the softest tone he could manage.
"What?" Cas' eyes widened when Dean took on that tone. Something bad was coming. He just knew it.
"Your mom… She passed away in her sleep last night. She is at peace now." Dean put it as gently as he knew how, but he was not at all used to that kind of thing.
"N-no." Cas gasped in all of his breath at once. He felt himself go weak in the knees. "She-she can't be… She's supposed to get better… Better.." He muttered in disbelief. His eyes had grown so wide from shock that they looked like they could bulge out of his head.
"I know, but she's better now. She's not sick anymore. She's not in pain." Dean promised Cas.
"But… She's supposed to be here… With me… And Gabe… And Michael… We're supposed to be a family…" Cas choked out as tears began to swell up in his eyes. His knees gave out and he fell to the floor.
Dean raced over to Castiel's side and held him in his arms. "I know, but it's okay. I'm here. I'm here, Cas, and I'll be your family." He murmured assuringly as he began to stroke Castiel's head. He let him sob in his arms for a while. Cas just sat there, clinging to Dean with his arms thrown around his neck. He just cried into Dean's chest, hardly even hearing Dean's occasional words of comfort.
They were like that until Gabriel came home. Gabriel was exhausted from his nighttime shift, and he was really looking forward to his three hours of sleep before he had to go to work as a janitor. When he opened that apartment room door, he saw Cas and Dean on the floor, and he knew that he could forget any kind of sleep for the day.
"Cassie!" Gabriel shouted in fear as his eyes widened. "What happened?!" He demanded as he came running over to Cas and Dean dropping his keys to the ground in the process.
Dean cleared his throat to answer him, but he was surprised when Cas spoke up for him. "Dead. Dead. Dead. She's dead. Mom's dead." He muttered into Dean's shirt, which was now covered in tears and snot.
Gabriel's eyes widened slightly. He knew that was coming. Cas had managed to convince himself that she would get better, but Gabriel had known better. That didn't take the pain away though. He felt his eyes begin to well up with tears, but he ignored them for the moment. He needed to be strong for Cas. He couldn't cry, not there.
"Cas.." Gabriel said as he placed his hand on Castiel's shaking shoulder. "It's okay, Cassie. We've got you." His voice held nothing but the utmost sincerity and kindness as he exchanged a glance with Dean, who gave him a solemn nod.
"We'll take care of you." Dean agreed. He had made a promise to Castiel's mom, and he intended to keep it. Now, that promise was more important than it had been before. Cas needed him now. It would be hard, but he would help Cas through this.
Michael came home for the funeral. It was a small gathering, considering that the Novaks did not have much in the way of friends or family. There was no sign of Castiel's father or any of his family for that matter. It was just Gabriel, Michael, Castiel, Dean, Sam, Jess, and a couple members of the hospital staff. Despite the small crowd, there was still a heavy silence of grief surrounding the area. The clouds were dark, gray, and looming, but there was no rain, not even a single drop the whole time. It was just cloudy.
They had Ms. Novak cremated because they did not want Cas to have to look at her dead body. Castiel insisted that they spread her ashes somewhere happy like a lake, so that she could be happy while she slept, and it took quite a bit of persuasion to convince him that they could not spread her ashes too close to a body of water for health reasons. They had not yet found a substitute sight, but Gabriel promised Cas that they would find a sight just as peaceful as the lake.
Seeing as there was no body to be buried, the funeral was more of a goodbye ritual than a burial. The small group gathered in silence as a priest began to lecture on about peace and eternal life. The whole time Castiel's hand never left the hold of Dean's. Cas looked as if he had been run over by a truck. He seemed seriously pained, but it was as if he was trying to hold it back. He wanted to be strong, just like Gabriel.
At some point in the speech, Cas found that he was beginning to break down. He didn't know how much more of this he could handle. His mother was dead. It just seemed like these people were rubbing it in, and nothing they said seemed to be of any comfort. Cas felt his fists begin to tighten as promises of a happy life were flooded into his ear.
Dean felt Cas's hand tense up in his, and he could see the angry, pained tears beginning to form in the corners of Castiel's eyes. Dean silently leaned over to him and gave him a small kiss on the cheek as he wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulder and pulled him in towards him as if silently saying, I've got you, Cas.
Cas closed his eyes as he felt Dean's warmth begin to surround him. His mother was dead, but Dean was there as well as Gabriel, and now, so was Michael. They were okay. They could make it through this. That's what his mother would have wanted. Dean was his shelter, protecting him from a consuming grief.
When it came time for Gabriel to do the eulogy, Cas straightened up as much as he could without shaking Dean's arm from around his shoulder. Upon seeing Cas try to sit up straight, Dean went to courteously remove his arm from around him, but he was taken by surprise as Castiel grabbed onto it and held it firmly in place. He turned his wide, sad puppy dog eyes towards Dean in a pleading manner as if begging him to keep his arm there. I need it. I need you. His gaze silently told Dean.
Dean gave Cas a very faint smile as he then gave him a quick comforting kiss on the head. I'm here. Dean's vibrant green eyes responded.
Gabriel had been distracted by Cas and Dean's silent connection momentarily. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Even there, Cas and Dean were still bonded. They were still communicating and helping each other, and maybe they weren't happy, but they were coping. They were going to get through it together, and anyone could tell just by looking at the way the two of them looked at each other, the two of them could get through anything. That made Gabriel happy. His eyes were clouded with grief, but yet Castiel and Dean had almost made a smile form on his face.
"My mom was always there for me." Gabriel began in a voice that sounded forcefully strong. "She was always there if I needed something. No matter what. She worked hard as a single mother of three, but she never gave up…"
Gabriel's words went on in the background, and Cas found himself getting lost in thought almost as soon as his brother had started. It was real. All of it was real. He was not going to see his mother again. She was not getting better. They were not all going to be one happy family.
Cas began to choke on his own tears. "She's not dead." He muttered quietly to himself with wide eyes.
Dean immediately focused all of his attention on Cas. "Shh. Cas it's okay, baby." He soothed as he rubbed Castiel's shoulder in a comforting manner.
"She's not dead." Cas repeated a little bit louder.
"Cas…" Dean tried again, but Cas pushed him away.
"She's not dead. She's not dead. She's not dead!" Cas was getting increasingly louder, flinging himself from his chair. "She's not dead!" He shouted again as his body began to tremble. His face was streaked with tears and his voice was shaky. "She can't…" He muttered as he fell down to the ground in a fit of grief.
Dean sprang up from his chair and raced over to Cas. Gabriel immediately stopped his speech and joined him. Dean bent down and pulled Cas into his arms similar to the way he had when Castiel first discovered his mother's death. "I know, Cas. I know."
Gabriel bent down to put a reassuring hand on Castiel's shoulder as Dean spoke.
"She's gone…" Cas murmured in a broken voice. "She's actually gone."
Michael watched the whole scene from a distant with no emotion present on his face. He seemed unfazed by the entire ceremony. He just stood there motionless.
Sam watched from his spot in the audience. He felt bad for Cas, but he knew better than to interfere because he did not know him too well. However, he still wished there was some way he could help him.
His girlfriend, Jess, leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Poor thing. I hope that they can help him." Jess was one of the sweetest people Sam had ever met as well as one of the smartest. They intended on going to Stanford together, and someday they planned to get married. That was why she was there. She had never met Castiel's mother, but she had met Cas himself on a couple of occasions.
"Me too." Sam agreed as he pulled Jess in closer to him.
The hospital staff left pretty soon after Cas's breakdown, and so did Michael, but Sam and Jess stayed until Dean and Gabriel were able to coax Castiel to get up.
They all walked out of there in silence. Cas was propped up with one arm around Gabriel and the other around Dean for support. They were one family, and Cas was beginning to see that. Maybe they didn't have his mom anymore, but they were still there for each other, and that gave him comfort, and so as he was being carried away, he had a vague ghost of a smile on his face because he had his family all around him.
Michael stayed in the apartment for the next couple of weeks. The whole time, Dean insisted that Cas stay at his apartment for two reasons: he didn't want Cas to ever be alone, and he would be if he was in the apartment while Gabriel was at work, but more importantly, he did not want Cas to be alone with had to agree with him. He hated to admit it, but Dean was right. Michael had been in the army for the past couple of years, meaning they had not seen him for a while. He was unpredictable, so lately, Cas had been staying over at Dean's apartment.
Usually, Gabriel worked night shifts at the pub, but said pub was closed that evening for the owner's family holiday.
"Gabriel's going to be at your place tonight." Dean informed Cas as they were curled up on the couch with with his arm slung around Castiel casually. "Wanna go back tonight?" Dean asked, as if afraid of the answer being yes.
Cas furrowed his brow in thought for a moment. He wanted to go home and be with Gabriel. After all, he had only seen his brother when he came over to Dean's apartment after work to visit or when Cas was able to go back to the apartment while Michael was out. He missed being around Gabriel, but he also liked being with Dean. He was still grieving for his mother, and it really helped him to have Dean's comforting arms around him.
"I don't mind. You can go if you want." Dean spoke sweetly as he placed his head in the crook of Castiel's neck. They were laying together on the couch so close that Cas could feel Dean's warmth all around him, and it felt so comforting that he didn't want to leave.
"Maybe Gabe could come here for the night?" He asked with a pleading tone as he turned his wide blue eyes towards Dean.
Dean considered the suggestion for a moment. "A slumber party? Like we're thirteen year old girls?" He was slightly amused.
"A what?" Cas asked, thoroughly confused.
"Like a sleepover except with obnoxious giggles and gossip." Dean explained patiently.
"Ah." Cas responded simply. "No. I don't think that's what I want." His brow furrowed even further in careful thought.
Dean let out a small amused chuckle as he began to trail one of his hands down Castiel's arm affectionately. "Nobody wants one." He responded jokingly.
Cas nodded as he tried to understand the concept. "Why would we have one with Gabriel then?" He inquired with innocent confusion..
The smile didn't leave Dean's face the whole time he was talking to Cas. "It was just a joke." He explained gently.
"Oh." Cas said in realization. "But he can stay?" He asked his original question with almost as much entreaty as before.
"Yeah. Sure. You and your family are always welcome here." Dean replied warmly as he snuggled closer to Castiel's shoulder, breathing in his sweet cinnamon scent.
"Thank you, Dean. I'll call Gabriel." Cas stated appreciatively as he shifted around in Dean's arms in an attempt to get up.
"Could it wait a little while?" Dean almost sounded whiny as he turned his shining green eyes towards Cas, begging him to stay with him. "Please." He added with a coy pouting lip.
Cas sighed. "Just five more minutes." He agreed reluctantly before settling back into Dean's arms.
"Ten." Dean muttered groggily but contently as soon as he felt Cas's warmth again. He allowed himself to melt back into his peaceful position on the couch.
"Fine. Ten. No more than that." Cas conceded contently as he too began to drift off while in Dean's arms.
One thing was for sure, they were there for a lot more than ten minutes. They were there for hours, sleeping peacefully and forgetting the pain and suffering of the world if even just for a moment.
Gabriel was on his way back to his apartment when his cell phone rang. He briefly looked down at the caller ID. It was Cas. Without another thought, he pulled over into the parking lot of the nearest shop, which happened to be a rather sketchy gas station. He frantically grabbed his phone from the cup holder and pressed it to his ear. He steadied his voice as much as he could, but he was always worried about Cas. Grief was new to Castiel, and he was unsure of how he would have taken it. Gabriel feared that Cas would break down again at any moment. Contrary to his fear, Cas actually appeared to be getting better. It was slow but evident.
"Cas? Is everything okay?" He tried desperately to keep the worry and concern from entering his voice because he wanted to be strong for his younger brother However, some of his emotions managed to creep into his words.
"Everything is fine." Cas assured him awkwardly. He was unused to comforting those who were worried. He still had a lot to learn about social situations, but he was making progress. "I would just like for you to come over. Dean has invited for you to spend the night here."
Relief swept over Gabriel like the tide, but it was soon replaced by a doubtful touch to his tone. "Over there? With you two love birds? No thanks. I'd rather not be an awkward third wheel." Gabriel sassed into the phone.
"Sam will be here too. Dean said it would be a slumber party…" Cas added, still uncertain as to of the term's actual meaning.
"Oh, so I'm going to come over to paint Dean's nails and braid Sam's hair? Sounds like fun. Sign me up." Gabriel lightly joked into the phone, until he remembered that Cas was not the best at picking up on jokes. "I'll come over if you want me there, Cassie." He clarified in a sweeter tone.
"Thank you, Gabe." Cas said with what could be taken as a tinge of excitement, which was the only time since their mother's death that Gabriel had even heard that much enthusiasm in Cas's voice.
"I'll see you soon, Cassie. Tell Dean-o to warm up the popcorn will ya?" Gabriel joked once more knowing that Cas was sure to ask Dean what Gabriel meant by that, and that made a small grin appear on his face as he thought of his joke being passed on to Dean. Gabriel then drove towards Dean's apartment with the satisfaction of knowing that he was going to spend time with his family that night.
When Gabriel arrived at the apartment it was nearly dark out. He had to rely solely on the artificial light of the apartment to find his way to the Winchester's room. Gabriel had been there many times before, especially since his mother's death, so he was able to find the room with relative ease. He knocked on the door quietly once he arrived at his destination, then stood patiently awaiting a response.
Gabriel only had to wait about a minute before Dean opened the door expectantly. "Took you long enough." He grunted jokingly.
"I'll take my time if I wish." Gabriel replied sarcastically as he casually entered the apartment . He acted so natural that one might think he was entering his own home and not the apartment of his brother's boyfriend.
Dean simply responded with a raise of his eyebrows in slight amusement as he closed the door behind him.
"Gabriel!" Cas called from where he was wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. He looked like a trauma victim when he was like that, just sitting there, covered in a blanket with wide eyes that showed some kind of painful experience. However, he perked up as soon as he saw Gabriel walk through the door. He got up from his place on the couch and silently flung his arms across Gabriel's shoulders.
"Hey, Cassie. I missed you too." Gabriel's face softened as he looked down at his delicate little brother. Castiel did not need to say it; Gabriel knew that he missed him, and the sentiment was mutual. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Cas to give him a tight hug before letting him go. "How you been holding up?" He asked as cooly as he could manage, when in reality, it was a serious question that had been bothering him all day.
"I'm fine. Dean's here." Cas cast Dean a loving and appreciative look that sent shivers down Gabriel's spine. There was so much raw affection in just that gaze alone. It just seemed so powerful, and no words had even been spoken. "And now you are too." Cas added after some time with a voice still dripping with tenderness.
"I'm always here, Cassie." Gabriel said as he gave Cas a small pat on the back. He then turned around to soak in the image of the room. It was kind of an empty place; the only furniture being a couch, a coffee table, some chairs that were scattered about an old wooden table, and a few counters with a stove and a fridge that counted for a kitchen. Apart from that, the room was bare of any color, pictures, or decorations. The walls were all white, and the floors were carpeted in rough beige.
Gabriel took the whole place in once more before he realized what was missing. "Where's Sam? I thought I wasn't going to be third wheeling?"
Dean rolled his eyes at Gabriel's obnoxious teasing. "He's in his room. The little dweeb is doing homework."
"I heard that." Sam muttered as he rubbed his eyes trying to cast away fatigue. "Oh. Hey, Gabriel." He said as politely as he could manage in his tired state as he stopped abruptly when he noticed Gabriel.
"Hey." Gabriel acknowledged him with a nod before turning back to Dean, who now had his arm around Cas's waist. "What are we doing tonight anyway?" He asked neutrally.
Dean shrugged. "Not," he stated very firmly as he pointed his free finger at Gabriel warningly. "Doing my nails. That's for sure."
"Why not?" Cas inquired seriously.
"That's gross. Who paints their nails anyway? Paint on freaking paper. That's what it's for. You don't put poisonous paint on your body. It's pointlessly stupid." Dean ranted as if he found the very idea of nail polish to be appalling.
"We can braid Sam's hair." Gabriel teased as he turned around to face Sam again and gave him a sly grin. Gabriel had grown to know the younger Winchester brother pretty well, and he had to admit that he was a pretty good kid.
"Very funny." Sam stated, clearly not amused. "If it's okay with you guys, I think I just want to go to bed." He mumbled as he let out a yawn that proved his point.
"Go to bed, Sam. We won't be up too late anyway. I promised Bobby I'd go back to work tomorrow." Dean assured Sam as he motioned for him to go to bed with a dismissive wave of his hand. Sam took that as his queue to leave and did so promptly.
Cas turned his frightened gaze to Dean. "You're leaving? But…" His voice sounded so broken and afraid in that moment that Dean felt he would do anything to take the pain from it.
"Maybe…" Dean began while thinking. "Maybe I could take one more day. Maybe then Gabriel could look after you the next, so you're not alone?" He lifted his gaze up to Gabriel, expecting some sort of confirmation.
"Sure. I'll ask for the day off, and we can have a day together, okay Cas?" Gabriel asked gently.
Castiel nodded. He didn't want to be alone. He couldn't be alone. It scared him too much. He felt content and peaceful with Dean around, and Gabriel made him feel safe. He needed them. They could not leave.
"Sounds like a plan." Dean agreed. "Speaking of plans, what do you two want to do tonight?" His gaze swept from Gabriel to Cas.
Gabriel shrugged. "Whatever Cas wants to do I guess." He muttered indifferently.
Both men turned their attention to Cas awaiting a response.
Castiel thought about it for a moment. There were a few things that he would like to do, but he really only had the energy for one. "I would like to bake a pie, like the one Mom used to make." He decided.
"Now? Cas, it's getting kind of late for that." Gabriel reminded him as gently as he could. He knew where the request was coming from. Cas missed their mom. He was just trying to remember her, but Castiel had never baked anything before, and Gabriel was not very good at baking either. Gabriel looked at Dean to try and figure out if the elder Winchester was sharing his thoughts.
"Sounds good to me." Dean said without hesitation. He knew how to cook, considering that he had always cooked for Sam, and he had become accustomed to baking as well. Dean noticed the uncertainty written on Gabriel's face, so he gave him a small nod to confirm that he knew what he was doing. "Let's get to work so that we can get to bed at a decent time, okay?"
Castiel nodded. He liked the sound of that.
"Wait? You guys are making pie? I want in on that." Sam he poked his head out from his room as he spoke.
"Of course you do." Dean said with an exaggerated eye roll. "Sam's a pie hog." He pretended to whisper to Cas and Gabriel.
"Me?" Sam exclaimed incredulously. "Dean, you love pie more than you love that car." He sassed his brother in return.
"That's taking this too far." Dean feigned anger as he shot Sam a joking glare.
"Are we going to watch you two cat fight all night, or are we going to make some pie?" Gabriel asked with cheeky annoyance as he folded his arms across his chest.
Cas looked around eagerly. He searched the room a few times before lowering his gaze dejected. "I don't see any cats." He stated sadly as he pouted slightly at the ground.
The room was filled with a light laughter as Dean went over to Cas to give him a small pat on the shoulder. "Not yet. Maybe some day." Dean promised as he began to lead Cas toward the kitchen. "You guys coming?" He called over his shoulder.
"This ought to be fun." Gabriel commented to Sam, which gave rise to a curious eyebrow lift from said brunette.
"Why is that?" He played along.
"The four of us? In one kitchen? Trying to make something edible without burning the place down? Yeah. That's interesting." Gabriel said with a devilish grin.
"At least we're all together." Sam said briefly before going to join Dean and Cas in the kitchen.
"Yeah. I think I like it like this." Gabriel conceded once he was alone before he went to join his family in the kitchen.