Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. The Mary Sue Slayer Force was created by Reaper-Lawliet, and I don't know if I'm allowed to use them or not, so they'll only be mentioned every so often. I also don't own High School Musical (thankfully).

Kiba: Welcome to… Ask Edward!

The laughable Question & Answers game, featuring Edward… that's right… Cullen! The largest Mary Sue known to pubescent teenagers!

Edward: I would like to say someth—

Kiba: No. Shut up.

Edward: What has you all riled up?

Kiba: Firestar scratched me, and now it's infected.

Edward: Is that why you put him in that cat kennel?

Kiba: Right.

Edward: And Beyond Birthday is in one, too, because…?

Kiba: He has rabies.

Edward: …

Kiba: From JessicaCullen12:

Is edward still gonna be on?

Kiba: Yeah, why wouldn't he be?

I mean it is called ask Edward... Anyway this is for Edward: Waht does he think about all those gay love stories about him on FanFiction?

Edward: I didn't know there were any. From what Kiba tells me, the anime section of fanfiction dot net is full of gay stories—or 'yaoi'—but I didn't hear anything about Twilight fans doing that.

Kiba: (shrugs) Don't look at me. This is actually the first I've heard of it.

(P.S. I think the person who came up with them is gross, especially the one about Edward and Carlisle! ew!)

Edward: That's called incest.

Kiba: (scoffs) That's yaoi, in American form. I've seen worse in anime fandom—namely, Bleach. Someone thought it would be awesome to pair Ichigo up with his inner hollow. (His inner hollow is basically himself.)

Edward: That doesn't make sense.

Kiba: It doesn't have to.

From AnImEpRiNcESS1901:

Edward: What do you think of all those E/J, E/Em, E/R, and E/A stories?

Edward: Wow, that's two people who've brought this up.

E/J – Ridiculous.

E/Em – Ridiculous.

E/R – Makes sense, but I wouldn't leave Bella.

E/A – I like her more like a sister. She can be annoying, but she's family.

In other words, to all of the above: Not gonna happen.

Plus this story/show isn't that bad. If I were the author, you would be being for mercy.

Edward: Perhaps. I still don't like Kiba, though. She is annoying, to be blunt.

Kiba: You're always blunt.

Beyond Birthday: Hey! Look at us, over here! We exist! Helllloooo!

Kiba: Nobody's asked you anything yet, so shut up.

Firestar: Release me, Twoleg.

Edward: How is it we can understand him?

Kiba: Because this is my mind, where cats can talk and it occasionally rains chocolate and ham.

Edward: … Ham?

Kiba: Yeah, it's annoying. Do you know how greasy it is?!

Edward: Let's hope it doesn't rain anytime soon.

Kiba: Even if it does, it'll probably just be orange soda. Don't worry!

Edward: There's something seriously wrong with you.

Kiba: You're jealous of my awesomeness.

Firestar: Let me out, Twoleg.

Kiba: You should have thought about the consequences before you scratched me.

Firestar: I—

Beyond Birthday: I don't have rabies!!!

Kiba: Well, since I don't think we'll be getting any more questions for this chapter, I'll go ahead and ask a few. Um… Firestar, what stirred within you to join the feral cats?

Firestar: There isn't enough adventure in the life of a kittypet! And, besides, I swear to StarClan the forest was calling to me. Literally. It went, "…"

Kiba, Beyond Birthday, and Edward: …

Kiba: I'm sorry I asked. Okay, Beyond, what gave you the bright idea that murdering people would make you better than the World's Greatest Detective, Sherlo—I mean, L?

Beyond Birthday: I'm glad you find my idea to be bright. Well, you see, if L could not solve my case, that meant I would be more intelligent than him.

Kiba: Heh. Life sucks, and then you die, right? Anyway, Edward, why do your eyes change color?

Edward: So I can gauge how much time I have before I need to feed again.

Kiba: Oh. Makes sense, I guess. It's one of those vampire adaptations, right?

Edward: Yes.

Kiba: Well, that's all for now! Next chapter I'm inviting Sam Uley—or however you spell his last name—from, as you probably know, the Twilight Saga, and Winnie the Pooh from—you guessed it—The Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Bye-bye, for now!

Edward: Goodbye.

Beyond Birthday and Firestar: Let me out of this—

Beyond Birthday: —cage!

Firestar: —tiny twoleg nest!