Chapter 5 – Diao Chan's Story

Author Notes: Quick point, this chapter is first person narrative but I'm sure you're all perfectly capable of figuring that out for yourselves.

…Is something the matter, Mistress Sun?

"I'm just surprised. When you started I didn't imagine the sort of hell that Cao Cao put you through."

He was cruel, yes, and I hate him for it but it wasn't just him who put me through hell. The brothers three also played a part as I began to tell you, my lady. It was on that first night in Xu Chang I truly feared for my life. Liu Bei's brother is prone to stupid or rash stunts, especially under the influence of alcohol (as I saw in Xiao Pei), but that look in his eye just proved how sincere he was about killing me. I don't think I've ever known fear quite like it. I was never so scared even when I was expelled from the capital into the wild and perilous countryside with only Lu Bu and a small band of his loyal followers as protection.

I was saved by Liu Bei's other sworn brother. He held back his brother's arm and convinced him to point the sword in a safer direction. I'm not sure why he did it. Maybe it was because Zhang Liao had asked him too care for my well-being beforehand and so had his honour to think about. Or maybe because he didn't like the idea of seeing his brother's prized trophy on a spit. I doubt though it was just because I was in danger of being killed.

A few moments later they left to continue their argument elsewhere and leave me a mess of nerves and tears and fear. But I suppose I should be thankful to them in a way.

"Why? What on earth do you owe them?"

Other than my life you mean? Well there's something about staring death in the face and surviving it that awakens something in a person. I'm sure you've felt that too at one point or another. Facing that threat twice in one week doubles its magnitude. What I mean to say is that because of the experience I'm much stronger than I used to be. Maybe I'm not physically stronger, but in here, in my mind, there's a resolution that hasn't yet wavered. It's thanks to that resolution that I'm standing here talking with you now.

After they left me I was determined to escape. I hated my imprisonment and I would've hated myself if I didn't try to do something about it. Thoughts of flight gave me meaning in the purposeless world of a prisoner. But the emperor's palace isn't the easiest of places to escape from. Once upon a time any man or woman could come to or go from the palace with the emperor's permission but things have changed in the north.

His palace is protected by an elite army of guards who answer only to Cao Cao. Although they look as though they're to protect the emperor their ulterior motive is to keep him sealed away under lock, key and sword. They watch his every move and without doubt they watched mine too. Not only that, but the new palace is built like a maze. It's very easy to get lost if you've never been there before and I'd only seen part of it as I was forced to my cell. The newest of the guards at my door themselves grumbled about how often they got lost. Leaving through the window was also impossible. My room was on the highest floor and if the breaking of glass didn't clue Cao Cao's minions in, then the sight of someone scaling the wall would.

Every window of opportunity was closed off by ten impenetrable barriers so I was left to do the only thing I could do. Wait. By being trapped for days on end, with nothing to do and no-one to talk with, it can leave a person feeling like a cat clawing at the insides of a box. Boredom overtakes everything else very quickly and leaves you either numb or willing to risk all, up to and including your life, just to break free. I experienced both feelings during my imprisonment.

My opportunity didn't come for several weeks and it came as quite a surprise. Every morning the only human contact I received apart from the brothers three was from a washerwoman. The same woman came in every morning to change the bedding and take away soiled clothes. She was friendly to me in a subtle sort of way. She would look me in the eye, she would smile but she never said a word beyond what was necessary from a servant to the served. Two of Cao Cao's guards were always listening outside my door and I think we both knew what would happen if they overheard any friendly sentiments.

Then one morning everything changed. It started as any other as dawn's first light shone through the windows and illuminated the room as I paced my frustration away. The same washerwoman as every other day came to my room but she came far earlier than she ever had before. She looked over her shoulder for a moment and then closed the door behind her. She swiftly deposited a large package loosely wrapped in cloth on the bed and bade me come closer.

"Quick madam, we don't have much time," she said urgently.

She took the cloth covering away and revealed a selection of items that most palace servants would have access to but shouldn't have. She'd brought me a sword and helmet from the armoury, a guard's uniform from the guardsman's barracks and the simple garb of a poor person living in the city. Beside these there was a small purse containing money but where she got this from was anyone's guess.

I remember looking at her in surprise. She was a small, pretty young thing, not a day over twenty, and not the sort who looked like she would ever refuse to do as she was told. Her face was one of striking innocence where no guile or ulterior motives could possibly lie. Whatever reason she had brought me these things it wasn't to trick me.

"The guards are changing now and aren't very careful about their task. Most of them are new and find guarding you to be boring madam. They just leave and expect the other's to arrive and they don't think you can escape. They change at your door every two hours. You should go in the early morning," she warned me. "It looks the least suspicious."

Then she picked up my clothes from the day before and turned to leave as if she'd done nothing at all out of the ordinary. But just as she stood in the door (after checking for guards) she turned and told me the emperor sent his regards. With that she turned and disappeared behind the door.

"Did you ever find out what her name was?"

No. That was the first and only time that we ever had a conversation beyond the normal restraints. It's a shame. I'd like to pay her back one day but it's highly unlikely we'll ever meet again. But she gave me something else to be thankful for. From that day on I've been thankful for the kindness of strangers, a kindness which has been bestowed upon me again by you mistress Sun.

"We're not strangers."

We are more or less. Before you spared me and allowed me to join you on this road south we'd only met once before. If it wasn't for you my lady I'd be fleeing into the country with Yuan Shu and his men. Thank you.

"You don't owe me thanks. But please continue. You were saying about the washerwoman."

Yes, she gave me the key to my own salvation. I hid everything at the back of the wardrobe and waited the day out as she suggested. Nothing happened that day and I could've made the attempt at any time if I'd wanted to. But the girl was right. If I'd gone during the day I would've been missed quickly. In the morning I would have a few hours head start.

Two hours after midnight was when I made my escape. I changed into the peasants clothes first before putting on the uniform of the soldier over it. They fitted well but were quite new and itchy against the skin. The sword was strapped on at my waist and the helm she'd given me covered the top half of my face.

It turned out though that the girl was only partly right about the guards. The guards were still changing shifts at the time and the ones who had been standing outside my door were gone. But by the time I came out another guard was standing to the right hand side of the door. His hand was frozen on the hilt of his sword while he spoke to me.

"What were you doing in there?"

"Checking on the girl," I replied quietly, throwing my voice as I did.

"What was that?" he replied angrily.

"I was-"

"I heard what you said," the guard interrupted, "but you addressed me improperly. In case you haven't noticed I'm a major and the proper respect must be showed. Now tell me again."

I was tempted just to ignore him and walk away or even hit him but neither would have helped me get out of the castle. It was easier just to cater to the man's ego.

"I was checking on the girl, sir," I emphasised through gritted teeth.

He seemed satisfied and dismissed me as he turned back to his position. He didn't pay me any more attention. I was amazed I'd managed to fool him as my fake voice had sounded very forced to my ears. Still I didn't want to push my luck and get caught. The corridors of Xu Chang palace weren't anything like the ones I'd been used to in the old palace in Luo Yang. Where the old palace had been ordered this one was chaotic, where the old palace's corridors had run in purposeful directions the new one's seemed to branch off into unusual and unnecessary directions. After getting lost three or four times I finally managed to find the grand staircase.

The palace was still as the grave in the darkness of early morning and absolutely no-one was about. I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, all the way to the bottom. The entrance hall was completely still and I could hardly believe my luck by the time I was out of the door.

It was the first time I'd felt fresh air on my face since I'd entered that castle. I had had no balcony and the window had been sealed shut, just in case I got any ideas about escape or suicide. It stank of all the smells of the city and all the better for it. For the first time I'd felt like I'd come back to civilization.

Negotiating the gate was the trickiest part during the escape since there was no way to leave the palace without going through a gate. However a flash of a piece of paper devoid of any words whatsoever and a lie that I had to deliver a message was almost enough to get me through. I just had to add seven words to the end and the two guards manning the gate let me pass without a second thought.

"What did you tell them?"

I told them, "This concerns the safety of the emperor." Even if they answer to Cao Cao they were smart enough to know if the emperor were to be hurt or killed in some way and they stopped me, then the consequences would rain down on them. Cao Cao probably would have had their heads and the heads of their entire families before the sun set.

It was difficult to keep an even pace as I walked through the gate. I wanted nothing more than to sprint out into the streets of the city and never be found again but that would've looked suspicious. I did run though. If I hadn't they would've known I'd lied about the urgency of the message. I didn't stop until I was in the lower city where the poor made their homes and livings. I was quick to lose the uniform at the first opportunity but I still used it to hide the helm and sword from view. If nothing else they would be worth some money later on.

I didn't stop in the city for long. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be to escape since it would only take Cao Cao so long to discover my escape. Whether I was important enough to send the city patrols out searching for me I have no idea but at the very least Liu Bei would've been very upset. I waited in shadows for a few hours until finally the sun rose and the city gates opened to the public.

Actually getting out of the city wasn't that difficult. By the time I got to the gates the guards still hadn't been told to look out for me and also to my benefit a group of peasants was waiting to leave through the gate. It wasn't difficult to blend in with the crowd thanks to the clothes the servant had given me and no-one even noticed my arrival. Within minutes I was out through the gate and leaving that god awful city behind me.

It was only then that I realized for the first time that I had no idea where to go. In the short term I'd planned to find a village not far away to hide in but after that I had no idea which direction to go in. At that moment though which way I went didn't matter. I was only concerned with my immediate survival.

The farmlands that surrounded the city reached so far in all directions that after an hour I was still passing by them. A busy road cut straight through the farmlands so the traffic didn't spoil the crops. It was also one of the Emperor's roads so it wasn't uncommon to see small patrols of soldiers keeping the area safe. I passed two such patrols on my way down the road and each time was a terrifying ordeal. Both times though they gave me a cursory glance before going back about their business. Not once did they try to stop me.

About five miles down the road and as the shadows shortened I stumbled upon a town but in the shadow of the great city it looked like a village. No-one stopped to look at me twice when I entered the town which felt unusual. I was used to some sort of reception wherever I went but back then I'd been dressed in fine clothes and riding atop a great charger. Now I just looked like a regular, non-descript peasant. It wasn't difficult to find an inn once there. The street running off from the main entrance was stuffed full of inns and shops getting progressively higher market the further along the road you went.

I chose one of the closer inns even though the servant had given me enough money to rent the finest room in the town. Dressed as I was though that would be bound to attract unwanted attention and by nightfall it would be common knowledge that I had disappeared if it wasn't already by then. It wouldn't take long for them to make the connection and I'd back in that castle room faster than you could blink.

The inn was a respectable place and owned by a hard-working man but his name escapes me now. He had the look of a man who'd been working hard all his life but he was still able to smile and be cordial to anyone who walked through the door. His price was six copper pieces. I gave him twelve and from the look on his face he had had people stay at his establishment before who wanted their privacy protected and name kept secret.

He showed me to one of the rooms that was on the quieter side of the building before leaving me with key in hand. That was also one of the benefits of paying extra. You got a door with a lock unlike the people who paid less. When I entered the room I used this special perk before throwing myself down on the bed and beginning to think.

Of the four directions I could've gone in I knew that two were out of the question. I couldn't go west because in the west lies Chang An and the rebels who took it after driving Lu Bu and I out. Going east was also out of the question since those lands were Cao Cao and Liu Bei's. That path led to certain capture and was obviously not an option. That left either fleeing north to the protection of Yuan Shao or heading south into the lands of some emerging southern lord.

"Which direction were you going to go? South?"

Originally I didn't know. I think it would've been likely that I'd have gone north actually if it hadn't been for a conversation I'd overheard in the common room of the inn.

The common room was used by both patrons of the inn and a few people who had paid for the privilege to drink there but decided not to stay. Among them was a small group of soldiers fresh from a patrol on the Emperor's road. They spoke loudly and called for more and more ale and drank it down like water. When they were like that there was nothing to fear. They were so dazed they wouldn't have recognized me even if I'd told them who I was. But their tongues had also been liberated by the taste of alcohol and so I stayed to listen.

"War's coming soon," said one of the men and judging from his fine sword and better uniform he was the senior officer. "Now that Lu Bu's out of the way and Zhang Xiu's surrendered we'll be marching north in no time."

"How do you know?" asked one of the others. "Or are you just making it up?"

"The commander of the unit told me," replied the officer, "and he's in contact with the high officers."

No-one said anything for a moment until one of the younger men, a raw recruit from the look of him, spoke up.

"We'll win the war for sure," he said. "We've got the greatest commander in the world and no weaklings from the north'll stop us."

"You don't know what you're talking about," said another who, unlike some of the others, appeared to be free of intoxication. "You speak of war as if it were a game. Up north they say Yuan Shao has a million men at his command, sorcerers who can control the elements and giant machines that hurl rocks and spit fire and poison. If we go we'll have to be cautious."

"I think the kid's right," said the officer. "That's just exaggeration. Yuan Shao may have his legions but we have the best trained, best disciplined army in the empire. There's no way we can lose."

They kept talking on and on but their conversation helped me come to the decision that going north was out of the question. Even if Yuan Shao had the ability to win the risk was too great. The next day I bought a horse from the market as well as some men's clothes and cheap armour and left for the south looking like a soldier.

"So how did you end up with Yuan Shu?"

Ru Nan was the first city I came across that was in the possession of a lord who didn't bow to Cao Cao. On top of that Yuan Shu had thousands of men under his banner and it was well known Cao Cao and he weren't exactly allies. I was fortunate to arrive in Ru Nan when I did. The common word was that Yuan Shu was marshalling an even bigger army than ever before to go to war even if not only the direction, but also the enemy was unclear. The gate captains had apparently been given orders to aid the recruitment drive, referring all able bodied men who couldn't bribe their way out of military service to the barracks. Disguised as I was the guards considered me to be a potential officer and awarded me special treatment. They granted me a guard of four men lead by the captain of the guard himself to escort me directly to Yuan Shu's palace.

The streets were crowded near to bursting with people of all types from merchants boldly declaring their wares superior to anything their rivals sold, rich townsfolk browsing the market at their leisure, servants accompanying their masters or otherwise doing tasks as hastily as possible to mercenaries who had answered Yuan Shu's call to arms eagerly. And trying to relieve all of them of their money were whores, working the streets discreetly to avoid causing a stir. For a moment I watched one of them with interest, a young girl who couldn't have been older than eighteen, and I felt apathy with her. I knew what it was like to be in her position although I suppose I'd been more fortunate. I had had a room in a palace whereas as she had little better than a stranger's bed to hope for. But she disappeared from my sight as quickly as she'd came since the escort were not simply there to escort me but also to clear the path in the name of the great officer Tan Fu.

"Tan Fu?"

It was the name I gave to the soldiers at the gate when they asked. I could hardly tell them my real name. A woman in armour on horseback and armed with a sword would simply have attracted too much attention. It was the first name that came to mind.

All but the wealthy parted out of the way as soon as the guards called for my path but even they acquiesced when we got closer save for a few of the highest nobles. They stood as they were and watched me pass. The soldiers didn't appear to want to boss those people about and fortunately there wasn't a single one I could recognize or who could recognize me.

It wasn't far to the palace after leaving the market district since by all rights Ru Nan isn't a very big city. Neither was Yuan Shu's palace particularly grand. Compared to the palace in Xu Chang it was a rat's hovel but it was still a fine building. They lead my under the arches of the main entrance and then left me in the hands of the palace guards. A stable boy was already waiting to take my horse the moment I dismounted and two palace guards, armed with short spears and wearing purple cloaks to mark them as palace bodyguards, led me to the throne room.

It was there that I got my first glimpse of Yuan Shu. He sat in his seat on the raised dais discussing strategy with some of his more senior war councillors and officers. All words ceased and all eyes focused on me as I was announced. There was a long pause.

Then one of the officers laughed.

"What are you here for boy?" he yelled across the chamber. "Are you here to dance for us?"

Some of the other officers laughed along with him. My response was to draw my sword and hold it in salutation.

"I am here to offer my sword to Lord Yuan Shu," I yelled, trying my best to keep my voice level and distinctly masculine. It seemed to be convincing enough. "And I'm sure you're much the better dancer, sir."

There was another chorus of laughter as the officer, quite outraged, stamped his feet and reached for his own sword at his waist.

"Halt."

Yuan Shu was also standing now, calm but commanding, and the officer was swift to do as ordered. Then he looked to me.

"Tan Fu?" he said. "Where do you come from?"

"I was once an officer of Dong Zhuo," I told him as a half truth. "I was one of the officers who aided in his assassination and was banished from the capital. I've wandered ever since unable to find a lord worthy to serve."

The meaning of my statement brought a small smile to his face but his tone remained the same.

"But are you worthy to serve me?" he asked rhetorically. "Prove yourself against one of my officers."

"Allow me to test him, my lord," exclaimed the officer who'd spoken first. His hand hadn't left the hilt of his sword ever since he placed it there.

"As you will Rui, but don't butcher him."

The officer seemed to relish the song of his blade as it was freed from its scabbard. In comparison to the man gleaming in polished armour and fine garments I must've looked like a common mercenary. The fight was as short as the assembled officers probably predicted but with a twist. It was I still standing while my adversary had been neatly disarmed and forced to yield.

Yuan Shu was the only one to laugh this time. His voice was harsh and barking but there was no ill feeling behind his amusement, at least not from what I could see.

"Good, very good," he applauded. "You're certainly sharper than that blunted thing you call a sword. I like you but there is one more test I should like you to take."

This time his biggest and strongest officer stood up to challenge. His name was Ji Ling.

"I met him once, same day as I met you actually. But he was huge then. How did you beat him?"

Simply put I didn't. Every trick in the book I tried he'd perfected to a level far beyond my own. The only man I've met that was stronger than him - well, never mind that. In the end he ended the fight by breaking my sword with his own and knocking me to the ground with the force of the blow. All I was left with was the hilt and half a foot of broken steel. Even if I wanted to the only hurt I could've caused him then would be a slight scratch on his enamelled breastplate, an act which would have been overly hopeful in its futility.

No-one had anything to say after the word 'yield' resounded against the silent walls of the throne room. None of the laughter or the 'told-you-so's' I was expecting were given voice. Ji Ling and a few of the other officers looked at me as something akin to respect began to awaken their features. The others looked to their lord, clearly uncertain what to think and clearly the sort who went along mindlessly with whatever he said.

Ji Ling then offered me a hand and from that moment on I was an officer fighting under Yuan Shu. He observed my oath of fealty (which required the use of a borrowed sword) and named me a junior officer. His first order was to go the armoury and get myself a decent sword and armour. Of all the things I'd brought from the north I kept only my helm. I might have won their respect as a man but as a woman I would have won nothing but their unbridled rage. I think Yuan Shu and one or two others may have known but in the first case if he knew he didn't care and in the second case they kept their silence either of their own free will or their lord's decree.

And that's – mistress Sun, look. Lord Sun Ce is awakening.

Author Notes: A few quick notes. Firstly my thanks to those who reviewed the last couple of chapters. Secondly my apologies for the length of time it took to update but my reasons are my own. Finally my anxieties about writing this chapter in a narrative style haven't been dispelled yet. In other words I'm not at all happy. This won't be a permanent feature to the story but may appear again as I enjoy writing narrative. So please review and tell me what you think to the highest degree of honesty.

Oh and I lied in the chapter. Tan Fu was actually the pseudonym of Liu Bei's strategist Xu Shu in the book. I found it appropriate for Diao Chan since both she and he wanted to conceal their true identities.