She rises from her chair, runs her fingers through his hair. "Get some rest. You've been through a lot."

"What if I go away again after I fall asleep?" he manages to get out, even as he notices that she is right, and his body struggles to fight against the strain of taking in so much information at once.

He slowly drifts back into consciousness. When he opens his eyes, the world is still blurry, but once the hazy outlines start to become more defined shapes and he can see colors again, part of him is surprised to see that the white walls still surround him.

Castle knows he shouldn't be. Last time he entered this world, he was here for several days. It took a revelation, a spontaneous midnight stroll, and a car accident to bring him back, and his return was just as much a coincidence as his arrival here.

Still, some part of him expected to be on Beckett's apartment floor – or outside of her door, because he knows she must want him out; to not have to look at him anymore, the person who betrayed her in the worst way imaginable. He can't imagine she's too keen on having to take care of him right now.

But this Kate is, he thinks as he sees her enter through the door, a warm smile greeting him, involuntarily making his heart skip a beat.

She approaches, stopping next to his bed.

"You're ready to be discharged," she says while extending an arm and running her hands through his hair, still careful to avoid the bandages and bruises.

"I am?" he questions with a slight hint of disbelief in his voice. Not that he wants to stay, but after his story about the alternate world, he almost expected her to insist he does, just so the doctors could keep an eye on him – and his potential head injuries.

"Yes," she chuckles. "No more boring hospital. We can go home."

Home.

One word, said so casually, and yet it fills him with awe, the idea that he and Kate have a place they can give that name to. It's not her apartment, not his loft, his or her home. It theirs.

A smile spreads across his face. This is what he longs for. A life with Kate Beckett. One that doesn't involve her calling him only when there is a dead body. One where they don't say goodnight and go their separate ways after a solved case or even a celebratory drink or burger.

Now, he won't even have that. Not with the Beckett he knows at least.

The ounce of hope he had after his last visit has been ripped away from him. This world, be it an alternate reality or a dream, serves as a constant and painful reminder of what's been destroyed.

His smile turns into a frown.

"Everything okay?" Her question interrupts his thoughts.

Castle nods slowly.

"We'll go home soon," she continues, not having the slightest clue of the meaning this one simple word holds for him. "I told Lily to stay with a friend for the night; you need rest."

The mention of his daughter – his other daughter – stings too. He's only known her for a few days, has no memory of her being born, her first words or steps, her first day in school. She is practically a stranger, and yet… he's disappointed he won't see her today.

Because if there is a daughter who's half Beckett, half Castle, he already knows he loves her. Wants to know everything about her. After all, being in this world might be his only chance to.

"But why?" he protests immediately. "We could hang out, have a calm family night. Maybe watch a movie."

Kate quirks an eyebrow at him. "Calm?" she chuckles. "Babe, there is no calm family night with you two around. Especially not when movies are involved."

"I'm sure that's not true," he tries, even though he has no idea.

"Babe, you reenact every action scene you see on screen. It started when she was three watching Lion King when you pretended to throw her off the couch just like Mufasa was pushed of the cliff."

"That sounds fun."

She rolls her eyes at him. "If you guys can't even watch a kid's movie while sitting still, how do you plan on getting rest while she's around?"

"Hey! It's not just a kid's movie, it's a devastating story about …."

"Rick," she interrupts, but she's smirking. "Not my point."

He sighs, and she laughs at his defeat. "She'll be back home tomorrow. In the meantime, you're gonna have to deal with just me as the consolation price."

"Sounds like I hit the jackpot," he replies without missing a beat, and even though she quickly lowers her head and her hair falls in front of her face like a curtain, her blushing cheeks don't escape his notice.

"Kate?" he asks, and she lifts her head again. He knows this probably isn't the right time to ask, not when he finally managed to create some normalcy, but he can't help himself. As much as he wants this to be his reality, it's not. And he doesn't understand how it could be. But if he can get answers anywhere, it's gonna be here, and he is going to try his best to get them. "When we get home, can I ask some questions?"

She bites her lip, looks around the room, contemplates it for a moment. "I'm not sure if I can answer them," she tells him honestly, eyes returning to his.

"But you'll try?"

"Of course."

"That's all I need."

They gather his few belongings he has at the hospital, fill out some paperwork, receive doctor's orders. Kate is listening attentively, asks questions whenever something remains unclear. There'll be a checkup appointment soon, he's getting some medication – mostly pain killers, if he hears correctly. He isn't paying much attention, just nods distractedly, hoping it'll move the procedure along quicker.

The moment they head home is a blessing, and yet so strange.

New York City hasn't changed, not much at least. Everything looks more or less the same, and yet he knows that so much is different.

She drives, because she doesn't trust cab drivers to have the delicate style of driving necessary to prevent his body from aching at every stop, turn, or lane switch. Especially in city traffic.

Her eyes are mostly trained on the road, but he notices her observing him every few seconds. Making sure he's not acting any weirder, he guesses. Or waiting for him to laugh and reveal that he was just pulling a prank. But he has to disappoint her.

He catches sight of his reflection when he shifts in his seat. Kate may only have a few lines on her face, but he's definitely gathered some more. They park outside the building, and when he has trouble getting out of the car as smoothly as he's used to, he's left wondering whether it's because of his accident, or because of his aging body in this world.

They take the elevator up and enter the familiar space of his apartment – despite the changes, from different pictures to furniture upgrades, it still feels like home.

Kate carries his stuff, refused to let him do anything but walk from the car to the couch – if she would able to carry him, Castle is convinced she would have done that too.

She dumps the bag in their room and returns instantly to usher him to the couch.

"Doctor's orders," she quiets his protests and assurances that he is fine – although moving too much does hurt, he's afraid to admit.

She sits down and places his head in her lap, continuing her gently caresses from earlier.

It amazes him. He is aware that it's most likely because she doesn't believe his story, and that – to her – he is the man she married, the one she started a family and life with. Even though she knows he doesn't believe he is her Castle, even though everything about his behavior is off, she still seeks his presence, still doesn't keep her distance. He doesn't mind.

For a while, he just enjoys it in silence. But he can't become too absorbed in this, can't allow to lose sight of his goal to find out how he can make this a reality for him. It seems too unrealistic.

Castle eventually brings himself to talk. "Since we've been married for years, you have to be used to my imaginative side," he tries to ease her in.

"You mean your crazy side?"

He smirks. "Call it whatever you want."

Her smile is tentative, and he can tell that she already suspects where this conversation is heading.

"So… about that other world," he starts, and she sighs. But she doesn't interrupt. "You say I went to a different world before? Or claimed I did?" he corrects himself, when he notices that she wants to jump in. "And that was the case right before we got married?" She nods. "But how soon after that fight was it?"

"Two, maybe two and a half years."

He swallows, taking a moment to process this information. For him, the cases merged. And here, a world seemingly so similar, they were quite far apart – and in the time that passed, so much happened between them.

"When did we start dating?"

She hesitates. "Rick, you know all this."

"Pretend I don't," he pleads. "Please, just… whether you believe me or not, please pretend that I haven't gone through all of this already. If it makes you feel better, if it gives you an explanation, pretend I have a concussion that temporarily made my brain go funny. Just… please tell me."

She purses her lips, considers it for a moment. But Kate can tell he isn't going to let this go, or maybe he just looks so lost and she takes pity on him, and so she relents.

"Alright. We started dating almost immediately after the fight."

He sucks in a breath. "How?" he asks before he can stop himself.

She raises her eyebrows at him.

"It just… it sounds so unlikely. You were furious."

"So were you."

"I… I was? I mean, I was worried about what this would do to us, but…"

"You didn't want to see me throwing my life away. To risk getting killed. Again."

"So… what happened?"

"You told me about Smith. And you left."

Castle frowns. He left? But then he remembers why he made the deal with Smith, how important it was for him to keep her safe, and that that meant keeping her away from investigating her mom's murder. And then he pictures her immediately plummeting down that hole again, making herself the target in a heartbeat, and him having to watch her putting her life on the line and destroying what little insurance of safety she had.

Yeah, he'd be pissed.

"Rick… I know that, right now, you think you're in the wrong world. But it mostly seems like you're just reliving memories. And maybe the accident made you mess up timelines, which is why you think the coal plant case took place the day of that fight. It sounds like you're having flashbacks."

"I want them to be," he murmurs. And he does. He'd love for everything bad to be behind them. What he wouldn't give to have that fight be a thing of the past, to fast forward to a point where they can be with each other. But he knows they're not. "You have no idea how much. We're not in a great place right now."

She looks him straight in the eye. "We're in a great place," she returns confidently. "This," she says and gestures around the room, "is real. We're real. No concussion, hallucination, or alternate universe can change that. I love you. That's real too."

His heartbeat accelerates at that. "How do I get you to fall in love with me?"

"You already have, Rick. More and more every day."

He slowly shakes his head. "How did you fall in love with me after our fight?"

"I didn't. I already loved you." He just stares at her, and she sighs, realizing he's waiting for her to continue. "I needed time to realize that I did, and that nothing could change that." She chuckles dryly. "Almost falling off a building puts a few things in perspective."

"What?!" He knew investigating the murder would put her in danger, already got more than a taste of it the day of Montgomery's funeral. But hearing how close to death she came – again – it panics him, even though he can see her right in front of him, breathing, safe, alive... and the happiest he's ever seen her.

It's her who shakes her head this time. "Rick, you lived through this. We both did. We're past it. You'll remember." And this time, he knows that no prolonged eye contact and no pleading will convince her to continue telling him this story. Not right now at least.

She may have shut his questioning down. She may have assured him that he will eventually remember everything. But he notices the worried look on her face, the crease between her brows deepening.

Kate gets up, careful not to jostle him too much, and moves to the kitchen to cook their dinner. He wants to follow and help like he did when he was here the first time, but the second he moves to get up, she exclaims 'don't even think about it,' without ever turning around.

They chatter while she busies herself in the kitchen. He doesn't mention the other universe again, not yet. Instead, he asks innocent questions; questions that stop her from eyeing him with suspicion every few seconds or driving him straight back to the hospital for an emergency scan of his head.

He asks about their boys, how they like camp, when she heard from them last. He asks what friend Lily is staying with, what her plans for the day are, when she will be back.

Castle can't see Kate's face from where he's lying, but from her tone of voice, he can tell she's relieved he's more normal now. She gives him an update on their kids, on Alexis next, and tells him that she is planning to visit this weekend.

"Sounds great," he says and smiles. It feels like he hasn't seen his daughter, the one he remembers having, in forever. At the end of a crazy day, she is always a constant in his life, the person he would always come home to. But during his last visit to this world, he didn't see her once. When he was back in his world, he went to Beckett's without dropping by the loft first. And with all this absurdity, it feels good to know that there is at least one person in this world that he knows.

Although she'll be older, a lot, it will be a familiar face, a small part of normalcy in a sea of confusion

Beckett brings their food to the couch and helps him sit up.

He feels like an old man, not just because of his injuries, but because he feels stiff even beyond the bruises. Like his body isn't as agile as it usually is.

They munch on their food in silence, the only sound the clatter of cutlery. Both are absorbed in their own thoughts. Castle thinks he will have to wait for several hours if not at least a day before he can ask any more questions, so it surprises him when she returns to the topic on her own.

Maybe she takes pity on him.

"About earlier," she starts, and he immediately stops eating, gives her his full attention. "I'm not saying I believe in this whole alternate universe thing."

"Of course not."

"But I believe that you do. Whatever the reason. And if it'll make you feel better, I'll play along."

He purses his lips for a moment, contemplates her offer. Castle wants her to believe him, but it wouldn't be Kate Beckett if she weren't skeptical. She is willing to talk. Isn't that all he needs? To figure out how he can make this world his reality, since he still refuses to accept it as out of his reach?

"So," he begins. "About our fight?" He can tell that she is reluctant, but she pushes herself.

"Rick, whether you really are from this universe or not … you figured it out before. Everything between us is and will be great."

"I know a version of you that would say otherwise," he deflects, grimly staring at an interesting spot on the carpet.

"Maybe a younger version. One that didn't have her priorities straight. One that was so blinded by her obsession, she didn't think she was ready to accept the love she was offered yet."

He sighs. "I just don't know how to fix it. Us."

"I didn't either. I didn't think we were ever going to be the same. And we weren't," she adds after a moment, making his stomach sink. "We were better," she continues and moves closer to him, drawing his gaze.

He's still overwhelmed by the love he can see pouring out of her eyes; no sign of the Beckett that carefully guards his emotions around him.

"Seems like the other Castle did well," he remarks, and simultaneously can't believe he is actually really jealous of himself. "Maybe we switched places, and he can fix it for me," he jokes.

Kate let his first comment slide. Her expression didn't change when he spoke of himself as another person, but the moment he utters the next sentence, she frowns at him. "You're willing to let another version of you take care of your problems?" she questions.

Castle shrugs. "Does it count if it is technically the same person?"

"It does," she replies immediately. "It's not the pretty part, but it's part of our story. What's a great love story without obstacles to overcome?"

He chuckles. "Sounds like something I would say."

Kate rolls her eyes. "You did. And you were right. Our obstacles made us stronger. They're part of why we're here. And you're willing to let 'other Castle,'" she air quotes, "live it. All while you're here."

He sulks. "You're saying you don't want me here?"

She shakes her head. "Not what I'm saying, Rick. But I want the Richard Castle I know to be back. And if you really were him from another universe, that wouldn't be the same. I want the Richard Castle that shares our love story, the one who remembers our lives, our family."

Her words feel like a slap across the face. This world offered him so much solace. It was a place where he knew Kate Beckett wanted him, loved him. But now he's forced to realize that Kate, who loves Richard Castle, doesn't love him. Even the woman married to Richard Castle doesn't want him.

He grits his teeth, tries to gain control over the moisture that gathers in his eyes. With her watching him like a hawk, she notices. And, even if she doesn't love him, she still loves Richard Castle, and so she gently brushes a thumb across his cheek and wipes away a tear that escaped.

"You're married to me," he says on a husk. "If you don't want me, how could a version of you that is currently furious with me?"

She huffs. "Missing the point. As I said, if this alternate universe were real, I would be married to another version of you. Someone who shares the same name, who looks and talks like you. But it wouldn't be my husband. Is it so bad to say that I'd want that person?" she explains. "Tell me, honestly, believing what you believe, would you want to stay here with me?"

What a ridiculous question. Of course he does. He yearns for a future where he can come home to her. A future where they end their days cuddled up on the couch. Family dinners whenever their schedules allowed for it. How could he not want to stay here? Castle rushes to confirm.

And then he stops himself.

Because she is right. They had, have, a story. One he doesn't know. He didn't get to experience every part of their love story up until this point. He missed out on their first real kiss. He missed their first official first date, their first fight as a couple, all the Christmases, holidays, birthdays, their wedding. He missed their children's births. Everything of their life up until now. And he would never have a chance to see it all happen with his own eyes.

He opened his mouth to answer. He shuts it again.

Castle wants their experience, wants to grow together, to witness their relationship blossom. And he doesn't want to miss a single thing.

He isn't sure how long he is silent for, but Kate seems to have read his thoughts. "I'm not saying I believe in your alternate world," she reminds him. "I still think the crash has something to do with it, and I'm really considering going to another hospital to confirm that you really don't have any head injuries and suffer from temporary amnesia… but let me tell you something about the Castle I know.

"The Castle I fell and am in love with doesn't give up on us, never has. He is always there for me, he stands his ground against me – we may have butted heads more than once, but in the end, we both realized what's important. It may have taken some time, for both of us. But it was so worth it. You were right, what's a great love story without obstacles to overcome?" She chuckles. "Maybe we had a few more than necessary. But we made it. We kept fighting."

He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath. Keep fighting. He did. For so long. He feels like he can't do it anymore.

"I don't know if I still have the energy for that. I can't keep fighting by myself," he admits on a whisper.

"It's why we fight together," she informs him and smiles.

And somehow, hearing it fills him with renewed determination, ignites a spark he thought was lost. If he makes his way back, he won't stop until they're a team again. He'll fight to make all those memories he misses in this world.

A/N: I've tried and will continue trying to update this story semi-regularly (meaning once a week… ish), but please know that it can sometimes take longer (like this update) – I don't plan to abandon this story, but I have a busy life, and I will be starting an internship quite soon. Thanks for understanding, hope you enjoyed (: As always, thank you for reading. Also, thank you so much for all your kind words or constructive criticism that help me figure out what's good about this story and what needs clarification. And since I can't thank guest reviewers in person, this is your personal thank you.