"What are we dealing with?" Carly asked as they ran into the Shay Apartment.
"There's an item called the Gem of Crowel," Buffy said. "It's a gem that's tied to the life force of vampires. Say a vampire were to swallow it. By dusting the vampire, it would destroy the gem as well, causing time to revert back to an hour before the vampire was turned. I guess the vampires didn't like the idea of being turned back into humans, so they stole the gem. After they stole the gem, there was a vampire uprising, and vampires have been taking over the cities of the country. I need to get the Gem back before they take over the entire world."
"Sounds easy," said Spencer.
"How?" asked Carly.
"How?" asked Buffy.
Spencer suddenly wished he'd been silent. "Well…we use some sort of tracking spell to find the gem. Once we find the gem, we track it down and take it."
"Go on," said Buffy.
"Then…" Spencer said slowly. "We grab some vampire that became a vamp before this vampire uprising, and make him swallow the gem before we stake him. Once this is done, we can all have milk and cookies to celebrate our victory."
"Seems simple enough," said Carly.
"Very simple," said Buffy. "But utterly impossible."
"Why?" asked Spencer.
"You're the wise guy," Carly said, looking at Spencer. "You figure it out."
Buffy smiled briefly, but stopped. "You see, a couple months ago, I destroyed this thing called "The Seed of Wonder." The Seed was tied to all magic. When I destroyed the seed, all magic ceased to exist. So we couldn't use a tracking spell to find the Gem of Crowel."
"How would the Gem work in the first place if it's magical?" Spencer asked.
"Well…" Buffy said. "It's really more scientifical. You see, the Gem of Crowel serves as a host for a wormhole. By releasing the wormhole, you suck the entire planet back in time to when the being it hosts last had their biggest change, in the case of vampires, changing from a human to a vampire."
"Say again?"
"Shut it, Spencer."
"Well…" Buffy said. "I seriously wanna help you guys, but there's been some stuff going on in California. I'm not supposed to be in Seattle. I'm a fugitive."
"What happened?"
"I'm on the run from the police," said Buffy. "Something happened a few months ago, and I'd rather not talk about it. I'll go look for the gem while I'm out there, but for now, you guys are on your own."
"Oh, sure," Spencer said sarcastically. "Big buffy hero…no pun intended…comes in, sees our problem, then realizes that she has other things to worry about and leaves us to the bad stuff. Classic story."
"That's the part where we handle things ourselves," said Carly. She had been sharpening a number 2 pencil the entire time.
Buffy glanced at the pencil. "You guys looks like you're covered," she said. "I gotta get going. The police will be here soon."
"Wait a minute," said Spencer. He grabbed Buffy and gave her a "passionate" kiss.
"Call me," Buffy said, walking out the door.
There was a bit of silence.
" 'Call me'?" Carly asked.
"What century does she think she's from?" Spencer added.
"Evidently, the 20th."
Freddie took a deep drink. Then he swallowed.
"Don't be slow," said Grush. "If there's one thing that's not good, it's being slow."
"Hey, if we're gonna turn someone," said Freddie. "The best way is the slow way."
There was a loud screeching, and a window broke.
"Ah, you gotta be kidding me," said Freddie. "One vampire stop at an ice cream store, and the slayer…err, a slayer… shows up."
"Relax," said Buffy. "I'm only here to warn you."
"Why would I except a warning from you?" asked Freddie, raising an eyebrow. (How do vampires raise their eyebrows?)
"I think she's serious," said Grush.
"Your friends are coming for you," said Buffy. "And they'll stop at nothing to stop you."
"Thanks for the tip," said Freddie. "But why don't you stop me now to save them the trouble?"
"Because they're gonna use you for something," Buffy replied. "But, just because I'm not here to stake you doesn't mean I'm not here to stake anyone."
There was a strange sound, and a second later, all that was left of Grush was a pile of dust. Buffy had disappeared.
Freddie gave this some thought, and checked his watch. "Time for a nap," he said. "But you'd better watch out, because I'll be there to get rid of all of you." Of course, this was a bit inappropriate, because the iCarly gang obviously couldn't hear him.