Jealousy

My Master went out with Skwisgaar once and that opened up a whole new, strange world. Pickles couldn't stand it; he'd rave to me in private—perhaps thinking that I was a person who was actually listening to him—and exclaim, " 'Dis is so stupid! How could he go out with him? What's so great about that stupid idiot! For Gad's sake, he's blond!"

Yes, and you're a redhead, a stupid, ignorant redhead.

"Seriously, why him and nat me?"

Maybe it's your voice...it gets very annoying and squeaky after a while...

Pickles glared down at me and spat angrily, "Is it 'cause I'm older than him? Huh? 'Cause I ain't that much older than him, only thirty-one..."

Thirty-one? I couldn't believe it. Toki is only twenty-two! You can't go out with him, it would be disgusting.

"I don't get it. Is it 'cause I drink so much?"

No, but you could try drinking LESS if you really wanted.

He collapsed onto the sofa and let out a sigh of defeat. "Gad, I wish he'd just ask me out."

Why don't you ask him out, you idiot. He'd say yes without a second thought.

"What should I do? You know him good, don't you?" The drummer turned his emerald gaze to me and let his head rest on his palm. "Tell me what he wants."

He wants you, you stupid, drunk-

"Maybe I should get him something, like a present." Pickles scratched his chin in thought and nodded. "Yeah, I should do 'dat, huh? What do you think he likes..." he paused, thought, then wondered aloud, "He likes guitars, right? Uh...what else?"

Lets think really hard about what a twenty-two-year-old gay guy likes...dic-

"What should I do?" he cried, covering his eyes dramatically with his hands and letting out a frustrated groan.

Since only thing he really wants is you, you could just go ahead and fuck him.

But apparently Pickles couldn't understand me as well as I thought; he ignored my thoughts and bought Toki a—are you really ready to hear this madness?-a giant, stuffed, fluffy panda bear. The stupid stuffed animal was much like myself, only it was twice my size and, in my opinion, I just happened to be better. Anyways, he presented the present to my Master while he was occupied with Skwisgaar. "Okay, here!" he said in agitation as he threw the bear at Toki. "I gat you a Gad damn present, so there! I hope you're happy!"

He glanced down at the giant stuffed animal and smiled a little. "Thanks, Pickle, but whys would you-"

"I don't know what the fuck to do, okay?"

Toki arched a brow. "It ams okay, I was just wantings to know why you woulds-"

"You hate me now, right?" Pickles cried, throwing his hands up into the air in defeat. "Great, really great! I hope you're happy, dude!" and he stormed out of the room. My Master watched him go, a concerned look upon his face as he picked up the giant panda bear.

He peered over at me and wondered, "What ams wrong with him?"

Don't ask me.

He smiled at Skwisgaar. "Pickle sure ams been acting weird, huh?"

The Swede chuckled awkwardly. "Uh...ja, right. You knows what, maybe I should talks to Pickle—alones."

Oh, crap.

Toki shrugged and got up out of the Swede's lap. "Okays, sure. You wants me to get him for you?"

"Ja, that would be great." could my Master not sense the suppressed hostility in his tone? No, he couldn't; he was a childish boy, because in a moment he had given Skwisgaar a kiss on the lips and was walking out the room. I began to worry.

My discomfort was magnified as Pickles entered the room, looking gloomy and sulky. He took one look at the Swede and rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

"To talks about-"

"We don't need t'talk about nothin', dildo."

"No, I thinks we do." he motioned to the seat next to him and said warmly, "Sits."

The drummer obeyed his request and sat down. Skwisgaar watched his every movement with a sort of odd, hungry gleam in his eyes before saying tactfully, "Why did you gets Toki—mys Toki—that present?"

"I dunno."

"Ja, I thinks you do." slowly Skwisgaar scooted a little closer to the drummer; a devious smile grew on his face as he purred, "I don't likes it when people who aren't me fucks with him."

"Well too bad."

"You wants him?"

"N-No." A horrible lie.

The Swede laughed. "Wow, you ammnest dumb. Can't you see the real reason why we ams even going out to begin with?" when Pickles just looked away and remained silent, he continued. "He loves you, you idiots, and I love to fucks him. When he don't get fucked by yous, he comes to mes; it ammnest that simple. There isn't any great secrets to our relas-konship or anythings, just that he wants what he can't haves and I get sex. You see, it ammnest not a big deal."

The drummer blushed deeply. "Why are you tellin' me all that crap?"

"Because sex ams fun, but I loves to see you squirm." and just like that, he was on top of Pickles, pressing his lips to his and touching him. "Ja, I loves it," he breathed, pulling away.

"Go fuck yourself." Pickles spat, pushing him away.

"I don't haves to—I gots Toki for that now."

"Get aff of me!" he hissed, pushing the Swede away from him. "Why are you kissin' me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Skwisgaar shrugged and sat back in his seat. "I likes to fuck, you knows 'dat."

"With me?"

"Sures, if you want."

"So that's what all this about, the sex?"

He nodded. "Ja, prettys much."

Pickles shook his head and rose from his seat. "I can't believe 'dis...I can't believe that he would chose you—this-over me! Fuck that, I'm goin' find him right now..." and he waked out of the room, but not before grabbing me and taking me with him. "And I'm bringing him his stupid bear, too."

Skwisgaar chuckled. "Oh, wow, you ammnest a bad ass."

"Fuck you!" he slammed the door on his way out and then whispered to me, "What the hell is wrong with this place? Everything's all weird now...we should've never gotten drunk to start with, it only makes things worse..."

Now you get it, don't you?

"Where do you think Toki is?"

Not far—in his room, maybe.

That he understood; he took me to my Master's room and knocked on the door. Toki's called, "Comes in!"

"You sure? You're nat naked, are you?"

"No, nots this time...unless you wants me to be?"

"I...uh..." the drummer scratched his head cluelessly and asked me, "What does 'dat mean?"

That he wants you to fuck him, you idiot! How hard is it for you to understand the human language?

"I don't know..." he said, his voice trailing off as he opened the door. Toki was laying on his bed, flipping thru the channels on his T.V. When he saw Pickles standing there, his whole face lit up and he grinned.

"Comes in, hurrys up!"

"I brought you your bear, dude." he said, throwing me over to my Master. "You forgot him."

"I didn't forgets; I never forgets him." and he hugged me to him. I could sense how excited he was that the drummer was here talking to him, that they were alone. I wished dearly that I could roll my eyes at this.

Stupid child, he won't do anything to you. I thought he already made that clear.

"Toki, listen, I-"

"Thanks for the presents, but I think it made Skwisgaar mad."

"Fuck him." he said, going over and taking a seat next to Toki on the bed. "I don't care what he thinks, I only care what you think."

"Oh. Okays, I guess." he put some of his hair behind his ears and inquired, "So why ams you here? You wants to talk?"

"Yeah, I—listen, I...we should..." Pickles shut his eyes and ran a nervous hand thru his hair. "Could you just nat look at me while I say this?"

Toki frowned and his pale eyes flitted down to the floor. "Sures, but why can't I looks at you?"

" 'Cause you make me nervous!"

"Okays..."

The drummer took a deep breath and mumbled in a nearly inaudible voice, "Tokidoyouwannagooutwithme?" he said it quickly, and although it was clear that my Master hadn't heard him, as soon as the words left his mouth he was shaking his head and saying, "Never mind, it was stupid, it was-"

"Pickle?"

He turned to him, his face totally red. "Y-Yeah?"

"What the fucks did you just say?" Toki was smiling, biting his lip shyly. He held me so tightly to him that I could hear his racing heartbeat beneath his shirt.

Dear Lord, please don't let him actually ask the child out...

"Toki, you wanna go out with me, or what?"

He nodded and jumped into the drummer's arms. "Ja, sures I do! Why didn't you just says that before?"

"I..." he shrugged and hugged my Master. "I dunno."

"Where are we goings to go?"

"Anywhere."

"What ams we going to do?"

Pickles thought for a moment before answering, "Anything, I guess."

"When do we leaves?"

"Right now?"

Toki frowned and looked up at him. "Pickle, we can't leaves now!"

"Well why the hell nat?" he asked, placing a hand on the small of my Master's back and grinning. "Who's gonna stop us?"

And so without further hesitation, Toki threw me onto his bed and hurried out of the room with with the drummer. When they came back it was late at night, maybe early the next morning. My Master opened up his door, lead Pickles inside, and hurried to take off his own shirt. "Sos we can fucks now?"

"I...jeez, dude..." he swallowed and tried not to look at the other man's defined muscles. "I...I...can't..."

"What? Whys not?" Toki pouted, throwing his shirt down to the floor; he urged Pickles down onto the bed, climbed on top of him, and kissed him deeply. "You don't wants to?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"You said whenever I wasn't drunk that we coulds dos it."

"This just ain't the right time." he said, urging my Master off of him. Before rising to his feet, he kissed Toki on the lips, brushed his hand against his cheek, and whispered, "G'night, okay?"

He glared down at the floor and mumbled, "Ja, goodnights."

"Some other time, okay?"

"But this ams a good time!"

"Nat good for me. Just give me a little while, 'kay?"

He nodded and kissed the drummer's cheek. "Whatevers. I don't gets you, but fine. Laters."

"Good. See you tomorrow?"

"Ja."

And Pickles walked out the room, just like that. It amazed me how simply he did it, how he didn't allow his willpower to fail. Still, I could tell that he really did want to do it—the problem wasn't that he didn't have the desire—but he just, for some reason, wanted to wait for something. What something, though? I had no clue, so I allowed my Master to pick me up, kiss my nose, and clutch me tightly.

"Cans you believe it? He really likes me!"

Yes, child, that's quite obvious.

"He even kissed me goodnight!"

This was beginning to get a bit annoying. I know, I just saw; I was here.

"And we went to a movie and he payed for me to eats and..."

God, can't you tell when someone just doesn't care?

"...and he held my hand and stuffs..."

That's quite disgusting.

"He ams really good, huh?"

I couldn't deny this; it seemed as though Pickles—as much as I might hate to admit it—was good for my Master. Clearly he he loved him and cherished him and...thinking about it made me despair. Why couldn't my Master be normal? Why did he have to be so dreadfully different? What would the others say if they found out about him and the drummer? Could they kick him out of the band and send us back home to face the wrath of That Man? I looked into my Master's pale, shining eyes, tried to get him to understand all of these things, and was struck with the odd realization that he already had considered these things. He was choosing to go out with Pickles even though he knew it could ruin his life forever? That was something I'd never understand, not for the life of me.

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**A/N**

Yes, I will be doing quite a bit of updating today, because I'm pretty much busy for the rest of my weekend. Sunday I will be forced into driving 2 hrs. to visit family who I really don't know and don't like that much—they want to roast a God damn pig. [-_-] On Monday I have an illustrating job that I have to take care of that might just ensure me for the rest of my life and provide me with an income, so naturally I can't blow that off. And then there's a dentist appointment...fuck my life, God damn it! Anyways, enough rambling. The point is that there's only one or two more chapters left. Reviews are appreciated and thank you to those who have already reviewed. You keep me going. ^_^

Peace & Love