Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or the 'Twas the night before Christmas' poem. I just changed it a bit. Or the song "I'm Not Okay" By My Chemical Romance.

Ah; Christmas at the Akatsuki base. A time of festive cheer, presents, over-excited and even more hyper-active than usual "individuals" (not naming any names…*cough* Tobi *cough* Yuki *cough* *cough*). It was also a time of particular interest by one of the members, who was not particularly appreciative of the seasonal holiday celebrations.

Guess who?

"I'm not okay…" I happily dashed around the base, hanging tinsel and holly on every available surface, while un-seasonally singing "I'm Not Okay" in an extremely cheerful voice.

(Due to my "eccentricities" as some people might put it, I usually end up humming Christmas carols subconsciously around July, and singing extremely un-festive songs when carols are appropriate XD)

But anyway, it turns out that one of the places I had hung these delightful decorations was a very scary man's very shiny scythe. Oops.

As I skipped (yes, skipped) into the living room, I noticed that a large black wall had materialised in front of me. Frowning, I stopped, and stared at the wall with a puzzled expression on my face. Looking both left and right, I tried to find a way around the wall which was oh-so-inconveniently blocking the doorway.

"Erm, excuse me Mr. Wall, but can you move please? I need to get into the living room."

Apparently, the wall wasn't in the mood to talk because it just stood there, in all its pitch-black glory. Due to these people's apparent obsession with red and white clouds, they were printed all over the wall, which had a familiar-looking scythe standing beside it.

"Mr Wall?"

Hidan stared at the frustrated girl in front of him. Tapping her on the shoulder, he asked:

"What the fuck are you doing?"

When he received no answer, he turned and continued to the kitchen.

Wait a minute he thought. Didn't I mean to kill her?

Ah well. Sandwich first, killing later. She would probably still be there when he got back.

I was getting impatient now. Walls were so rude these days!

Eventually Tobi came along, and saw me standing glaring.

"Yuki-chan, Tobi was wondering what you are doing?"

Keeping my eyes on the wall, I replied:

"Well, Tobi-san, there appears to be a wall here that I have not noticed before."

"Oh. Can Tobi help?"

"Sure!"

"Yay! But, um, Yuki-chan?"

"Yu-huh?"

"What ARE we doing?"

"We," I declared proudly. "Are going to glare at this wall until it moves."

"Oh, okay. But Yuki-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Tobi doesn't think that's a wall."

"Huh?" I squinted at it, trying to see what he meant.

I might have figured it out too, had we not been interrupted by a rude voice coming from the wall.

"Are you two REALLY that stupid?"

I screamed, diving against the corridor wall; and assumed the fetal position, whimpering softly.

Tobi was immediately by my side, placing his arm around my shoulders and rubbing my back consolingly.

"Yuki-chan! What's wrong?"

Slowly, I raised my head to meet the masked shinobi's eye.

Shaking, I whispered:

"Tobi, the wall spoke."

"Oh for God's sake."

A familiar voice interrupted our comfort-moment, and soon my eyes met with a bright blue one, and a mass of blonde hair where the other should have been.

I quietly gasped. Mr. BGWITMM! (AKA Deidara) All hunkered down, just for me. Aw.

Sighing, he flipped his hair out of his eyes (although it fell back immediately afterwards), and explained in the nicest way possible:

"That wasn't the wall speaking you idiots. In fact, it isn't even a wall to begin with. What you heard was simply-"

He was interrupted by the wall (see what I mean about walls being rude?), which suddenly yelled:

"Hey bitch, I've been meaning to fucking get you back for that !"

Suddenly a tall white-haired figure burst out of nowhere, and started running towards me. Blinking, I stayed seated on the floor, with, what I assumed was a senile old man running towards me.

He did have a very long and sharp walking stick though. And he seemed determined to wedge it very deep into my throat, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

Luckily for me (and probably Deidara too, as he was crouched right in front of me), the guy who looked like Ichigo from Bleach, only with piercings appeared.

"HIDAN! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW MISTER!"

I stared at him. Jeez, he really did sound like a nagging woman!

(…he did save me from scary guy though. Twice…)

Hidan - or Grim as I like to call him – stopped in his tracks. Rolling his eyes, he turned around to face my saviour.

"What?" He snapped irritably.

"For the last time Hidan. Do NOT kill Yuki." He explained in an exasperated tone.

"Why?"

"You know why. Now shut up and go cut down a Christmas tree. If you insist on carrying that goddamn scythe everywhere, you might as well use it."

Hidan headed for the entrance, muttering his usual delightful mix of curses and death-threats under his breath.

I stared at the empty space where Hidan was, with my mouth wide open for many moments before realising that Deidara lay unconscious in front of me. I sighed. Men and their fainting…

"Clean up in Isle 3." I declared sarcastically before chuckling to myself quietly, while Tobi and the other guy (who I annoyingly only knew as "Leader") stared at me.

I cleared my throat.

"Well, um…I'd better um… get on with hanging the decorations…" I stuttered, before bolting for the living room, and slamming straight into the wall.

Turns out, Itachi likes to nap standing up.

Blocking doorways.

And he does NOT.

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

Appreciate being woken up.

Especially by extremely-hyper 14 year old girls.

Turns out, it makes Itachi-san a VERY unhappy bunny indeed.

…

"YUKI!"

"I was just hanging holly!" I cowered into a corner, doing my best please-don't-kill-me puppy eyes. "Honest!"

Needless to say, he soon told me where to stick my holly.

Twas the night before Christmas,

And all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring,

Not even Hidan's dirty, dirty mouth.

The booby traps were set

By the chimney with care,

In case of a burglar

Who entered the lair

The villains were snoring

Their weapons by their heads

Dreaming of killing

Snug and warm in their beds

And Konan in her 'kercheif

And Pein in his hat

Had finally shut up Tobi

So they could take a much-needed nap

When out on the lawn

There arose such a clatter

Pein sprang from his bed

To see what was the matter

He flew to the window

His face was a sight

Who could be walking

In the middle of the night?

Well, whoever it was

They were in for a fright

For no-one interrupts Pein's naps.

At least, not without a fight.

His face like thunder,

He threw open the shutters

Scaring the poor birdies

Asleep in the gutter

When the birds all flew past,

He got such a start

He fell on his bum

Oh! It did smart

He rose from the floor

Thoroughly cheesed off

And ready to kill

Anyone who did scoff

Rubbing his rear,

He returned to his spot

And gazed onto the lawn

So the culprit could be caught

His pain and determination

Was not all in vain

For there in the garden

Was the one to be slain

The girl was on her knees

Panic in her face

As she tried to re-piece

A precious plant pot of Pein's

Curse words were mumbled

Underneath her breath

As she tried to fix it

And avoid early death

But alas! The task

Proved impossible for her

So she sighed and walked off

With the wind in her hair

A bemused Pein

Wandered back to his bed

With visions of bloodshed

Dancing merrily through his head

Now his plant pot was gone

And the patio was bare

Now there were no flowers

To brighten up the lair

With death in his head

And anger in his heart

He firmly vowed

Revenge on his plant-pot's part

But soon he was asleep

And it was quiet once more

Apart from the quiet

Click of the door.

Into the kitchen

A young girl crept

Scurried to her bedroom

And into bed she leapt.

And so all was quiet

Once more again

But thankfully for Yuki

She was not slain.

"Merry Christmas Pein!"

I held out my gift to the bemused leader.

"Come on, this is heavy."

A puzzled expression on his face, he took it. And as he tore off the paper, his face lit up.

"Um, your old plant pot, um…"mysteriously broke", so I got you a new one!"

Pein stood up and declared:

"There will be no killing today!"

While everybody stared at him like he had grown three heads.

Bleh :P it doesn't fit into the story so far, but I didn't want to upload it as a separate one, cause of all the people on Story Alert (see? I'm so nice ;D)

For the record, this doesn't affect the story. It's more of a spin-off that I didn't upload as a seperate story for the people on Story Alert, and it would delete my reviews for it if I changed it now...

Merry Christmas everybody!

(Or happy holidays or whatever)