Characters: Shepard, Garrus, Kelly, Joker, & Grunt
Word Count: 620
Rating: T
Author's Note: Thank God for Kasumi's open bar...

Breeding Requests

After two hours and a lot of swearing, Joss Shepard had finally managed to scrub all of the giant acid spewing worm from hell goop off of her armor. Feeling as if she deserved a reward for all of her hard work, she padded down into the mess, grabbed a bowl of what Gardner called "Skyllian surprise stew," then plopped herself down in the nearest empty seat.

Giving the thick blackish brown goo a cautious taste and finding it to be surprisingly delicious, she began to shovel the food into her mouth unceremoniously. A couple of minutes into her meal she felt eyes on her back, three pairs to be exact. "Can I help you?" she asked, not even bothering too look up from her meal.

"Not at all Commander," Joker, Garrus, and Kelly replied in unison.

With a sigh Shepard turned to face the trio. "Okay, what the hell are you three up to?"

"Shepard, I'm hurt," Garrus said in mock offense.

"Yeah Commander, why must you always assume the worst?" Joker pipped in.

"It's probably due to her rocky childhood," Kelly stage whispered, "She is the product of a broken home..."

"Kelly, could we not?" Shepard said throwing her hands up in exasperation. "If any of you have a point I advise you to make it now before I hit you with a warp so strong that it'll make a varren attack look humane."

"Alright, alright, no need to get violent," Garrus said, putting his hands up in surrender.

"Yeah, Commander, don't get your boyshorts in a bunch. Kelly just has a message to deliver to you," Joker said with a smirk.

"Chambers?" the vanguard asked with a raised eyebrow.

The Yeoman cleared her throat. "According to EDI's reports, Clan Urdnot's strength has grown since the destruction of Clan Weyrlock. Also, killing the thresher maw has produced several breeding requests for Grunt..."

"Well whoop-de-fuggin-do for Grunt. At least now I know why he was in such a rush to get back to Tuchanka," Shepard chuckled.

"But that's not all Commander...there was also one for you."

All of the color drained from Shepard's light brown face. "Excuse me?"

"Well, apparently there's some male Krogans that would like to take a whack at you Commander," Joker managed to get out between laughs.

"Ah- at least we're assuming they're males," Garrus interjected after a guffaw that he tried cover up with a cough.

Shepard just sat there stunned. She knew that killing the maw was a big deal, but to offer a breeding request, and to a human no less...

"So are you going to take them up on their offer?" Joker asked once the laughter died down.

That snapped her out of her stupor. "What? No. Hell no."

Garrus gave her a Turian smile. "If any human could survive mating with a Krogan it would be you Shepard." That earned him a death glare.

"It's such an honor to be asked Commander," Kelly started, "And really, I think that this is something that you should seriously consider..."

"This conversation is over!" Shepard shouted as she made her way to the elevator.

"Not if we keep talking, it isn't!" Joker yelled back.

Ignoring their jeers, Shepard impatiently slapped at the elevator's call button. A few seconds later the doors opened to reveal Grunt decked out in his new armor.

"Battlemaster!" The Krogan bellowed, "You coming with me to Tuchanka to fulfill our breeding requests?"

"Ugh! God, I really need a drink," she said as she stumbled off to the Port Observation deck.