I am totally frustrated with this chapter. It just happened. They question themselves. Is this what they want? Later chapters will give answers. So okay, you guys know that their in love but they don't. Hang in there folks.
Derek took a few steps back before he turned around and walked away. The door was still wide open and Stiles hesitated for a split second before he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. His whole body was shaking. This was probably the most stupid thing he'd ever done in his life.
On the other hand, Derek knew he was there and running away now wouldn't really change much. The only thing Stiles would achieve was a postponement of the inevitable. He was pretty sure that Derek wouldn't force anything. If Stiles decided to say no, the guy would keep his distance, because so far he'd actually not done anything that Stiles wasn't in on. The only problem was, Stiles didn't know if he could say no.
He waited for what seemed like an eternity before Derek emerged again. The guy walked over to the kitchen counter and picked a bottle of beer out of the fridge. "I could hear you, you know." He had his back turned against Stiles. "From the moment you set your foot on the first step of the stairs." Derek still didn't face him. He took a sip from the bottle. "You want a beer?"
Stiles was completely tongue-tied and had to clear his throat a couple of times before he managed to answer. "Yeah, thanks," he quacked out. He was still standing inches from the door and didn't really dare to move.
Finally Derek turned around. He'd pulled out another beer and padded across the room before he sat down on the couch. "I could bring the beer over to you, but don't you think it would be more comfortable to sit?" He placed the bottle on the table and gestured to Stiles to take it.
Slowly but surely Stiles moved towards the couch. He didn't sit down, he just grabbed the beer and took a big gulp from it. His hand were shaking and he was pretty sure Derek could see it. With a slight tremble in his voice he asked: "Aren't you gonna ask why I'm here?" He lifted his head and finally dared to meet Derek's eyes.
"I know why you're here." A crocked smile appeared on Derek's face for a second. Stiles shook his head. "No, you don't." His voice was still a little shaky. Derek rolled his eyes. "Yes, I do. I really do." He took another swig from the bottle and then he put it on the table. Stiles followed his example as he tried to relax. "I mean, your front door was open, like not even closed..." The information seemed to surprise Derek. "Oh, really. Clumsy of me. I was in a hurry. So what?"
Stiles twisted his hands. "I'm just saying, I kinda worried a little, I was thinking..." A burst of laughter cut him off. Derek threw his head back and laughed out loud. With wide open eyes Stiles stared at the guy. He had no idea what was so funny.
"Stiles, Stiles, Stop this nonsense. If you're trying to tell me that you came here to check my door, you're lying. You couldn't even see my door from where you were parked." Derek was still chuckling. "I told you that I know why you're here, you don't have to make things up."
The heat from the blush was very uncomfortable. So Derek had seen him in the car almost a block away. He probably knew that he sat there for more than fifteen minutes. Stiles wondered if he'd been spotted as he was hanging around the Camaro. "I, I, okay, so you know. Then tell me, because I don't even know."
The tension in his muscles started to bother him now, but Stiles did his best to relax. He grabbed the beer and emptied it in one go before he put the bottle back on the table. He really, really didn't want to hear Derek's explanation. "I mean..." He took a breath but didn't get a chance to continue. Derek shrugged. "Does it matter? Have another beer, and sit down, for crying out loud."
It took a few seconds for Stiles to react, but then he went to the fridge and picked out a beer before he grabbed a chair and pulled it towards the coffee table. He would have wanted to sit on the couch but didn't dare. Derek didn't seem to care. He fiddled a little with the label on the beer bottle before he looked up. "So how's things? Did I miss anything while I was gone?"
The question threw Stiles off for a second. He'd not expected Derek to behave so casual and almost friendly. "Uh, I don't know. No. It's just been... you know. Quiet and," he cocked his head and stared into the air trying to come up with something. "Nothing major. Unless you want a recap of a regular day at school?"
Derek got up and stretched his body making Stiles hitch his breath. Embarrassed by the thoughts that ran through his mind, Stiles concentrated on the beer in his hand to avoid staring. "You?" he managed to croak out. "anything interesting happen on your... trip?" He kept his head down but in the corner of his eye he could see Derek move towards the kitchen area.
"Yeah, well, no." He cracked his knuckles before he leaned on the counter. "I made some new acquaintances. Didn't go well." A humorless chuckle followed the words. Stiles waited for the continuation but nothing came.
"So, did you, I mean... What did you... What happened?" Stiles wasn't sure if he wanted to know. If Derek had been out on a killing-spree it would be better to be left in the dark. When the other guy didn't answer Stiles looked up. Derek was gazing into the air and sighed heavily. "I almost turned accidentally and scared the crap out of this girl."
Stiles startled with surprise. He'd know Derek to be always in control. If he turned by accident he had to have been somewhat distracted. Stiles heart fell when he realized what kind of situations could make Derek lose control. He'd been gone for three weeks. Chances were that he'd been hooking up with someone.
For some odd reason those thoughts had never crossed Stiles' mind while Derek was away. Now he felt jealousy crawling up his spine. Of course the guy had had sex with these new acquaintances. Stiles wanted to leave. He felt like a fool for coming here expecting Derek to have changed. Not so much expecting, maybe, but hoping.
"I had to leave in a hurry and I just hope," Derek shrugged. "I hope she didn't understand what happened." He scoffed and pushed away from the counter. "I'm a little drunk. Emptied a bottle of scotch in frustration."
Stiles blinked and swallowed hard. He realized that he was scared out of his mind. A drunk and frustrated Derek couldn't be good. Although he seemed fine. He looked perfectly calm and collected and if he was seriously drunk it didn't show much.
Derek was suddenly standing behind him and Stiles could feel sweat pouring out. It didn't take more than seconds before the back of his t-shirt was soaked. He closed his eyes and hoped that Derek would be gentle. Stiles knew that he was in a place where nobody could hear him if he screamed.
When Derek's hand landed on his shoulder Stiles held his breath. He felt a quick squeeze. Derek let his hand linger a little before he gave Stiles' neck a stroke. "I need to get some shuteye, you're welcome to stay." He removed his hand and moved to get into Stiles' line of view. "Have another beer if you like."
It took Stiles several minutes to recover. In the meantime Derek had left the room.
Stiles didn't know if he should stay or leave or what. He didn't understand what just happened.
Ever since he met Derek for the first time Stiles had been slightly intimidated by the guy. When he realized that he had a crush on him the fear got worse. He'd still managed to keep up appearances and be himself. He'd been outspoken, solved problems and acted seemingly fearless.
After the unexpected visit a couple of months ago, Stiles had entered into a new reality. Before that he'd been pretty sure that Derek didn't pay much attention to him. Stiles could say whatever he wanted even if he wasn't a part of the pack. As long as Scott protected him and he could be an asset for them he was quite confident. Derek still intimidated him but Stiles had been so sure that the guy didn't really care about him or his cheeky comments.
Realizing that Derek had been more than aware of his existence, Stiles had at first felt invigorated. As the awkward relationship moved on it had felt more and more like a burden.
The moment Stiles admitted to himself that he was in love with this brute, it became impossible for him to handle this lopsided relationship. He wasn't even worried about the scars and the bruises. That Derek only came when Stiles was home alone wasn't really the problem either. What bothered him was simply the fact that Derek left. He just left.
Stiles sat down on the couch in Derek's practically empty loft. He decided to stay for a little while. He was pretty sure that Derek had moved on, which made him confident that he was perfectly safe. On the other hand – it also gave him no reason to be here, but he couldn't help himself.
He wondered if Derek really knew why he came. Stiles suspected that Derek thought he came for the sex. Derek definitely didn't believe that it was because of the unlocked door.
Stiles was pretty sure that Derek didn't understand squat. The only reason for him to mention that girl was to make Stiles aware that he'd moved on. It was the only explanation. He wasn't interested in a relationship. He'd taken advantage of Stiles because he knew that he was ripe and ready to be picked. The moment Stiles questioned it Derek took off.
But still. Tonight Derek had been nice and friendly. For Stiles it was a new experience. Derek had never really been friendly before. Not very anyway. That first night when he held him tight was the only time Stiles could think of.
He decided to have that beer he was offered. Just being here with Derek so close felt good. Even if this thing between them was going nowhere, Stiles tried to soak up as much 'Derek' as he could. One beer and he'd be out of there.
Sitting on the couch with his cellphone as the only entertainment source he soon started yawning. The beer was only half empty, but he had to drive home and didn't want to get too tipsy. He lied down on the couch and stared into the ceiling high above him. It was comfortable, but he knew he had to get up and leave shortly. It was just...
-o-o-o-
Being a werewolf had it's perks. Not that Derek had given it much thought, but he knew. He could sleep for hours if he wanted to, lounging around being lazy for days on end. But it wasn't like he needed it. He could easily go for weeks with only a couple of hours rest in between.
Hangovers was not something he experienced very often either. Thinking back, he couldn't remember having one since that time he got into his fathers liquor-cabinet at the age of twelve.
When he left Stiles alone in the living area it wasn't because he needed to sleep. Derek just felt that he was just a little to drunk to control himself. Two hours later he was awake and practically sober. He stretched and rolled over to sit on the edge of the bed. A whiff of a familiar scent tickled his nostrils and made him smile. He wondered if Stiles was still there or if it was just his scent lingering in the air.
He padded across the floor, opened the door and breathed in through his nose. There was no doubt, the guy was there in the flesh. Derek had to close his eyes for a second when he recognized the scent of that same shampoo from ages ago. From that one time when he'd let his guard down and cuddled up with Stiles.
Way back, when he thought that he could have these casual sexual encounters with Stiles without having to worry about underlying feelings and emotions. It could have continued like that for... forever, maybe, if Stiles hadn't put his foot down and ended it.
In hindsight Derek knew that it was for the best. He'd hated himself for what he did to the guy. There wasn't a sliver of doubt in his mind that Stiles liked the rough action, but Stiles deserved more than Derek could give. And it wasn't like he didn't want to give it to him. Derek was just scared of his own feelings and was afraid that if he gave in he'd never be able to let go.
Listening carefully Derek nodded to himself. Stiles was sleeping soundly. With care he moved swiftly towards the couch. Stiles was in a fetal position, shivering slightly. Derek went back to his room and grabbed the quilt he used as a comforter.
Back at the couch he draped it over Stiles' sleeping body and tried to tuck it around him without waking him up. Satisfied with his work he sat down on a bar-stool next to the kitchen counter. The sound of Stiles relaxed breath and slow heartbeat pleased him.
It was a long time since he'd been in the guy's presence without being bothered by Stiles' fear. Derek didn't want Stiles to be afraid of him. He could perfectly well understand why, and Derek hadn't done a damn thing to change that.
He wanted to go over and cradle Stiles in his arms and tell him that there was nothing to be afraid of. Derek wanted to assure him that he'd never seriously hurt or injure him. The scars and bruises from their sexual encounters aside, Derek wanted to protect Stiles from harm and, and keep him.
Derek shook his head to get those thought out of his mind. It was impossible. As a werewolf he couldn't possibly enter into a serious relationship with a human. It wasn't right. That Scott and Allison were together was more an exception. And anyway, he didn't even know if that was what Stiles wanted either.
The only thing he knew for sure was that Stiles wanted a more mutual agreement between them. That he wanted to have a say in what went on. He wanted Derek to stay for a bit after they had sex and get a little comforting.
Earlier Derek had explained his evasive behavior with the fact that he didn't want Stiles to get in to deep. He scoffed to himself when he realized that it wasn't Stiles' state of mind he worried about. Derek was afraid that he himself would not be able to let go if he let down his guard.
He got off the stool and examined his cupboards and fridge. He needed to get his mind off these ridiculous thoughts. After being gone for three weeks there was really no food in there that was eatable. He found a granola bar and a half empty bottle of apple juice that hadn't gone bad.
Back on the stool he knew he needed to go grocery shopping. There was a 24 hour Quickie mart down the road but he wanted to wait until the supermarket opened. He wanted to get real food, not the overpriced prepacked stuff.
Two hours later he sensed a movement from the couch. Stiles obviously started to wake up. Derek sighed silently. During the course of the night he'd come to a decision. The two of them could be friends. They could hang out on a casual basis and sooner or later all these stupid thoughts about a serious relationship would dwindle away to nothing.
