Disclaimer: Why, God why! [Shakes her fist impotently at the heavens] All of us fanfic writers are doing their job when you think about it. And we're doing it for free, because it's their stuff. Why is life so unfair?

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Dark-Supernatural-Angel, who has been first to review every post since chapter 2 and writes me awesome comments that make me feel like my versions of these characters are really coming to life. Thank you so much! Thanks also to everyone who's sent me comments. It's so exciting to get them and it really encourages me to keep going when I hit a wall. In fact, thanks to everyone reading this story!

If you've been following this story I'm sorry to have kept you waiting for the next installment. I blame technical issues and my own lack of discipline.

This has turned into a mammoth chapter and I feel like I'm daubing angst all over this story like Joshua flinging broad impasto strokes onto his palimpsest canvas. Hope it's not too much! Also, Logan is coming out way more negative than I expected. I thought he'd be whiny, but jeepers, the man's turned into a total asshat.

So, the story so far: Alec was rescued and brought back to TC, but life is never easy for our heroes, so he's been having a pretty rocky start trying to settle back into normal life. Max is relieved that he's on the mend, but the two of them are harbouring some feelings...

Chapter Seven: Blindside

Alec was sitting propped up in bed, Max sprawled next to him, like some kind of slumber party, she smiled to herself. She had nothing urgent to do and was happy just to be with him. The TV was on low in the corner, but she didn't think Alec was really watching. He hadn't shown that much interest in it since he'd been back, considering how attached he'd been to his boob tube before. She could tell he didn't like it on loud anymore.

She was reading over the scanned notebooks they'd found on Corrigan's laptop, trying to make sense of the scribblings they had attributed to Sandeman. They were in some sort of code, which didn't surprise her after his pervy skin messages had popped up all over her body. She still hadn't made any real sense of those either. She'd keep chipping away, but her attention wasn't really on them. She was much more attuned to Alec than the pages, so when he turned to look at her she sensed it and raised her head to meet his gaze.

"Maxie. What happened when you got me out? Did anyone get hurt?"

"We took some fire and there were a couple injuries but nothing serious."

"How not serious? Who?"

"Sunny and Poe. They're both fine. Minor bullet wounds. They kept Sunny in medical overnight because she managed to fall down some stairs and hit her head when she got shot, but she was home in the morning. Poe was in and out in a few hours. Would have been less, except you were hurt worse so you got priority."

"They're really ok?"

"They're fine."

"No one else got hurt?"

"No one."

He visibly relaxed and she could see he must have been worrying about it for a while. She reached out a hand and covered his.

"Everyone's fine Alec, really. And they were so relieved to have you back."

His eyes drifted from hers and she was reminded how far he still was from being back to his old cocky self when he couldn't hear something like that and just grin as though it went without saying.

"Listen, you totally don't have to, but Ralph says she keeps getting people asking when you can have visitors. Do you think you'd be up to a couple of people stopping by?"

"I guess it would be ok. Who's gonna come?"

"Could you handle Luke, Dix, Gem and Dalton? Sunny and Poe really want to see you too. They all rode back in the truck with us after. Mole, Josh and Ralph have been around but the rest of those guys have barely seen you since you were at death's door. They'd really like to see you looking a bit better. Doesn't have to be all at once."

Alec hesitated, and she kicked herself for speaking without thinking. She'd wondered if it would help him to see that his friends were OK, but it was too soon, and now she'd mentioned it, he'd feel like he had to even though he really didn't want to. "If you're not ready that's fine. I can be the wicked witch keeping you all to myself."

"OK. I um... I guess I owe Sunny and Poe a 'thanks for getting shot for me'."

"That's not why they want to see you."

She could see him struggling with something.

"Hey, what is it?"

"It's nothing. I...I just..." he tailed off, eyes fixed on a loose thread his fingers were worrying at the edge of his blanket.

"Alec, it's OK if you don't want to see them yet. You only just got back and everyone gets how bad it's been for you."

"No, I'll see them... I just..." He seemed to slump further into the pillows, defeated somehow. She shimmied a little closer, putting a hand on his arm, but not forcing him to look at her.

"You can tell me Alec. It's OK."

"When they come...will you stay?" He was flushed with embarrassment, obviously believing he'd revealed some shameful weakness.

She remembered what he'd said to her right before they'd headed out to be ambushed and reflected his words back to him, "Alec, you don't ask. I'm here anyway." Her voice came out choked. It was such a small, yet such a huge thing for him to ask.

###

When the guys showed up about an hour later, Max's hands were trembling and her heart was pounding with nerves. She wished she'd given him a couple more days at least to build up his strength and get used to being back.

It was so stupid of her, it was only yesterday that she and Joshua had set off a panic attack because they'd pushed him too hard, tried to make him eat hot dogs of all things after he'd been kept alive on IV fluids and eaten nothing but a couple of bites of oatmeal in four months.

It was only this morning he'd been able to say more than a few words to her.

What the hell was she expecting him to say to them, 'I'm always all right'? He wasn't anywhere close to being all right, and she was asking him to make his friends feel ok about what he'd been through?

She was ready to kick them all out the second Alec looked her way.

She'd helped him into the living room; he'd said it would feel weird having people traipsing in and out of his bedroom. It was a testament to how nervous they both were that neither of them even thought of the obvious joke about Alec suddenly being coy about visitors to his bedroom.

###

She was so proud of him. She'd kept the visits short, a few minutes each, but he'd been amazing. His voice was still gravelly, still getting accustomed to being used again, but he sounded more like himself, the guy who would just shoot the breeze with anyone in Crash. Someone who was looking for it would see the tension in the set of his shoulders, in the way he couldn't keep his hands from fiddling with the edge of the blanket Max had brought in and folded next to him in case he got cold. She didn't know if the others had noticed, but if they did they didn't say anything, maybe recognising it for the monumental effort it was.

Max hoped at least that the time with Sunny and Poe had eased something in him. They wouldn't have him feeling responsible for them. They'd volunteered for the mission and they'd do it again anytime. They waved off their injuries as nothing and wouldn't let him thank them, pointing out it wasn't anything he wouldn't have done for either of them, or for anyone else out there in TC.

He was ashen with tiredness by the last visit from Dalton and Gem and she was getting ready to kick them out when Cam stopped by to check on Alec and did it for her.

Cam helped her support Alec back to his room and he was asleep before Cam got the blood pressure cuff around his bicep.

Cam hadn't said anything but Max was feeling guilty enough that she read censure in his silence and was expecting to be taken to task. She needed to head it off at the pass, admit her mistake.

"I don't know what I was thinking. He was worried about what happened in the rescue, if anyone got hurt. I thought it would help him to see they were ok, and before I realised I had a whole bunch of people in here tiring him out."

"He handled it ok?" Cam straightened and turned to her.

"Man, he was awesome. Like when we brought him out of medical but with actual sentences. But I shouldn't have let it happen so soon."

"You gave him the choice, right? He could have said no?"

"I guess, but he'd have felt like he'd failed if he had."

Cam sighed. "You're both putting a lot of pressure on yourselves, y'know. You need to give yourselves a break. There's no right or wrong answers here. I guess all I can say is he's a grown-up, knows you're here for him. You've got to trust he knows his limits. And it might not sound like a consolation to you right now, but it will have helped morale out there. All of us have been fielding questions about him. Is he ok, when's he gonna be back on his feet, when can we see him?" He glanced back at Alec. "Maybe just think it through before you suggest anything else?" He added wryly.

###

It wasn't easy, and he was close to giving up a couple of times when over-thinking it made him gag, but he forced himself to keep going and when he cleared the plate, small though it was, and though the rice lay heavy and unfamiliar in his stomach, he felt at least he'd taken back some small measure of control.

He just wished Joshua wasn't making such a big deal of it. It was such a little thing after all.

"Feel better? Food good? Alec get stronger now."

"I'm good, Josh, thanks."

"Rest now. Did good Alec, ate all of it."

He really wanted to not think about the food. If he could distract himself he might not feel it inside anymore, stretching his shrunken stomach uncomfortably, and he wouldn't be worrying about bringing it all back up.

"Alec OK?" Joshua's voice had got small again. Damn.

"Hey Big Fella, why don't you tell Alec about the art classes?"

Max cut in and Alec couldn't decide whether it was comforting that she could see what he needed and wanted to do what she could to help, or worrying that he was so transparent, so far from having his game face back in place.

It was too much to hope that she really knew him, good and bad, and cared anyway. More likely that he was just as much a dark pit of ugly secrets as he'd ever been, it was just that now his weakness was on show for anyone who looked, and because of who Max was, she couldn't help but offer what aid she could to someone in need.

But he wasn't going to feel sorry for himself. He tuned back in to Joshua's story. Joshua had started out painting with a few of the little ones, then Fran had asked if she could join in, then all of a sudden, he found himself teaching a couple of classes each day. He grinned mischievously,

"Even life drawing."

"Who did you get to model?" Alec was intrigued. They were still a small community, everyone knew each other. Who had the balls and the vanity to pose naked? To allow paintings of themselves naked to float around TC? He reflected that in another time it might have been him – especially if he'd thought it would get a rise out of Max.

"Soda and Nila very proud of their bodies." Joshua deadpanned and Alec snorted with laughter. Catching Max's eye, he saw amusement there, but something else too, something warm and tender, something he really wanted to believe was just for him.

###

Max was euphoric. Alec had eaten a whole plate of rice, and while he'd clearly hated every mouthful, he'd toughed it out, knowing it was just a matter of will. He didn't want them making a big deal out of it, that was obvious, and she respected that, could understand how embarrassing it must feel to struggle with something so ordinary, but as far as she was concerned it was a huge deal. It had taken real strength, whatever he might think, and when she saw him push through the discomfort and the fear, for the first time since he'd been back, he hadn't seemed fragile. There was steel in him and it hadn't been broken, it had been tempered. He was showing signs of being himself again.

And then he'd laughed and she'd wanted to sing and dance with joy.

The high gave her the push she needed to go through with calling Logan.

###

Of course Logan was more than fine with broadcasting their recovered intelligence. He was at pains to stress that he was still her friend, arguments and differences of opinion notwithstanding.

And he was a journalist after all, and this was the scoop of the frigging century!

She hid a smirk and reflected how lucky it was that she'd taken Cam's cure before he arrived, seeing the avaricious way he grasped at the flash drive, not even hesitating at the thought of brushing her fingertips in his haste to get his hands on it.

She realised she was doing him a favour as much as the other way around. Logan lived for this stuff.

She'd really agonised over whether to tell him the cure was ready. She wasn't sure whether it sounded like she was using it as a lure. She hoped not, because that was the last impression she wanted to give him. She knew for sure now that her romantic feelings for him were far in the past.

She'd decided in the end that she really did want to take the cure because she didn't want to be an ongoing risk to Logan, and as Cindy had observed when they'd talked it over on the phone the night before, if Logan could see that she was over the relationship when the cure no longer stood in the way, maybe he'd finally get the message without her having to be all blunt and honest about her feelings, which, Cindy observed drily, she knew Max hated to do.

She wasn't sure if it was lingering resentment and awkwardness at their last encounter, or the thought of striking while the iron was hot, but Logan didn't stick around. Were his feelings finally cooling too? She hoped so.

Still, she couldn't help but be surprised by his hurried exit. Could it really be that easy?

###

Logan headed out, already planning his Eyes Only monologue in his head. This was huge. This was the story of his career. High-ups were going to fall, heads were going to roll. He'd get it out there, and then look to do a series of follow up stories. Maybe if things went well, Max would reconsider his idea for the documentary series from inside TC.

And they had the cure. He'd touched Max's hand and he wasn't dead. This was a great day.

He hadn't stuck around. Max had met him in Alec's living room, Alec apparently sleeping in the next room, so it was obvious she was still buying into his whole victim thing. Logan hadn't said anything more about his suspicions; he'd learned from last time that the direct approach wouldn't get him anywhere.

Max was headstrong and impulsive. She had to learn from her own mistakes. He'd wait for the novelty to wear off, wait for Alec to show his true colours, then he'd be there, ready to make his move. No Alec between them; no virus. His stories would end the siege and then nothing could keep them apart. He and Max would be happy together in the end, he knew it.

He was whistling as he headed back into the tunnel.

###

Logan didn't waste any time firing up his Eyes Only operation to make the broadcast. It was unfair: the first time Alec really wanted to speak and he had to keep his lip buttoned for Max's sake. Didn't want to upset Max with all she was doing for him and as much as he hated to think about it, she loved Logan. But gee, did the guy like the sound of his own voice.

They watched all the news shows for the next few hours, breaking stories all over the joint, behind the times journalists trying any slant to sound exclusive. They didn't want to get their hopes up, but the early results were positive. Anti-transgenic spokespeople were on the back foot, suddenly looking uncomfortable with being forced to defend their opposition to transgenics who were now being painted as abused children who'd become soldiers, who'd served as heroes and sometimes died for their country, sometimes been put down like feral animals, with the survivors living in a cage trying to scrape enough to eat.

The perimeter was quieter than it had been for some time. They'd flinched from the sight when one of the news outlets had brought out footage of slain transgenics and transhumans, but it had lead to a complete turnaround from burning Xs: someone had actually started a candlelit vigil for the fallen. They hoped this thaw would last, but it was awful to watch their loss and pain being served up as entertainment under the guise of serious current affairs.

Alec grudgingly admitted to himself that they wouldn't have been able to turn things around like that without Logan, managed even to say out loud to Max, with a surprisingly close approximation of sincerity,

"Your boy did good, huh."

To which, she'd responded with a terse "hmm" and an inscrutable expression. That was nothing if not unsettling. One thing Max was not usually good at was hiding her feelings. If she was happy you knew it. If she was pissed you damn well knew it. What did it mean that she wasn't floating on a pink fluffy cloud at the idea of her boyfriend riding to the rescue?

Maybe she'd realised Alec was in love with her and didn't want to rub his nose in it. She'd slip off later when he was asleep to meet Logan and tell him how awesome he was, what a knight in shining armour he was. The voice in his head sounded increasingly bitter. He'd have to look to that. He didn't want to ruin what closeness he had with Max just because he didn't have a chance for anything more with her. He could still find it in himself to be happy for her. He just wished it was with someone less full of himself.

###

Max figured she shouldn't begrudge Logan his moment of glory; he'd earned it after all. It wasn't unimpressive to be a trusted voice in this world full of graft and hypocrisy. But did he have to make himself the hero? Wasn't like he'd busted into a heavily guarded military facility to get the evidence.

In fact, if you boiled it right down, the reason he had the story was because they'd had to bust Alec out, because Alec had given himself up to save her and Logan after Logan had encouraged her to trust a totally treacherous informant. You could argue that the reason Logan had the story was because he was a bad journalist.

He'd called right after the broadcast, obviously wanting her to congratulate him and, to be honest; the words had stuck in her craw just a little. A few hours later, when the news was rolling in, he'd called again, talked about doing more broadcasts, brought up his idea for the documentary again, and had sounded all petulant and ill-used when she'd said it was too early to commit. It was like he honestly didn't get what was riding on this for all of them, and he didn't even think to ask how everyone was doing with seeing the piece about the lynchings looping every twenty minutes. He was all about his story.

Then Alec had called Logan her boy and that had just sent her into a pit of depression.

Did Alec not notice that she was spending every second with him? Did he really think it was just because he was still recuperating? She wasn't usually this good at hiding her feelings, she'd kind of thought he'd start noticing that she was there when she didn't need to be and deduce her feelings so she wouldn't have to make some big heartfelt declaration and put him on the spot, not to mention probably mess it up.

Or maybe he had noticed and he was trying to let her down gently, subtly steer her back towards Logan because he didn't feel the same way.

###

It got a little easier each time and it wasn't long before Alec actually looked forward to tackling something besides rice or oatmeal. Maybe not mini hotdogs and macaroni, the thought of which still turned his stomach after that first time, but he thought he could probably go a ham salad sandwich with coleslaw, maybe some potato chips on the side. He had fond memories of that particular dish: it had been his first after Manticore burned. It had fuelled his fantasies over the months of imprisonment. For Alec, ham salad sandwiches and coleslaw would always taste like freedom.

He was amazed how much energy he was getting back now he was able to eat. He was sure he was healing faster too. The IV was gone and while it still hurt like hell and tired him out, he could limp his way to the bathroom without leaning on anyone.

The first hot shower he had was almost as good as the first time he had sex. In fact, he had to consciously stop himself when he realised he was making sex noises. Max was stretched out on the sofa reading, just feet away, only a flimsy door between them and no TV noise to drown him out.

She was still there all the time and he was glad of the company because he was still having the nightmares, and her presence kept him from dwelling on it while he was awake. At night, she'd come in and snuggle in beside him and her warm, solid presence grounded him like nothing else when he woke with a start from some awful memory. It wasn't just the torture he was reliving. The worst dreams were about the people he'd killed and the blood on his hands. Some of those nightmares were so bad he longed for the ones where he only had to experience his own pain, not the pain he'd inflicted on others. Whatever they'd done to him had torn free every memory of every evil thing he'd ever done and try as he might he just couldn't shut anything out.

He knew Max would only stay until she was satisfied he was OK and he didn't want to think about how he'd cope when she was gone.

###

Max was feeling more positive. She could see Alec getting stronger almost by the hour. She wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she was convinced his face was filling out a little already. It was tough to watch him limping about the apartment, she hated to see him in pain, but it was great to see him getting back his independence.

The first time he'd taken a shower she'd sat right outside, afraid he was overdoing it, that he might slip and hurt himself. He'd made a funny noise, and she'd moved to the door, and almost called out to him before she realised he was making noises of pleasure. She'd grinned sheepishly, and then got a little bit hot and bothered at the thought of him maybe making those noises with her some day.

She was using the excuse of his nightmares to stay with him at night. She did want to stay there and be a comfort to him if he woke up from one, but if she was honest with herself it was for her too. When she went back to her place for fresh clothes, it felt empty and lonely and reminded her of those terrible months when she'd lain there in the dark alone, scared out of her mind for him. From the moment she stepped through her doorway she couldn't wait to get back to Alec.

He was getting better and pushing his boundaries more and more and she figured soon he would want his independence back and with it, his space. She felt ashamed at having mixed feelings about that. She just didn't want her presence to be superfluous, and she really didn't want to go back to that cold empty bed. But so far he hadn't said anything, hadn't questioned her presence in a way that made her feel unwelcome and that meant she could let herself believe that maybe he was as keen for her to stay as she was.

###

The news over the next day or two continued fair for them. There were calls for a public enquiry and a sympathetic judge had granted warrants for the arrest of Corrigan and some of his senior cohorts. They were in the wind right now, but it did at least look as though there was some real intent behind the search. There still wasn't any movement on the lifting of the siege, but there was pressure from a couple of human rights groups for the transgenic population to be given legal status, and for the definition of human to be extended to include even the most exotic of transhumans.

The effects on the TC community were varied. Some were entirely mistrustful of the sudden change in their fortunes, believed it could all change in a split second. Others were convinced the end was in sight, and they were the hardest to deal with, they were more and more claustrophobic every hour, they could taste freedom and they were jittery and short tempered at still being shut in. A few even wanted to open the front gate now, walk out into the city and take their chances. It had taken the combined persuasion of Max, Joshua and Mole to keep them from doing something rash and risking everything.

###

"Alec, you in there?" Mole's gruff voice accompanied a perfunctory knock that could only be his.

"Where else would I be?" Alec opened the door, feigning annoyance. Mole's visits were a breath of fresh air; he never asked how he was feeling or looked at him with pity or expectation. There were no feelings to be hidden or protected. Max's company was precious, and he didn't want to think about what he'd do without it, but he still wasn't sure whether he should, or even could risk trying for more. With Mole at least, he could be totally relaxed.

Mole strode past him, heaving a large box, and plonked himself down on the sofa.

"Where's Max?"

"Went home to shower and change."

"Hmm. Josh?"

"Art class."

"Pretty busy round here these days."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, new people dropping in all the time. Whole bunch of newbies came back with you. Reason we found you? An X-series showed up here after making a run for it from where they had you. She told us how to find you."

"So she got away... I couldn't get out. I mean, I tried. A couple of times..." Alec tailed off, and Mole kicked himself.

"Well yeah. She wasn't tied up, starved, drugged, shot in the leg and beaten half to death. Anyhow, she got here and Max gave her the standard grilling. She knew you. Said she saw you when you tried to escape. Said she stopped you but not before you took out her partner with a tranq, slammed her across the room and broke the nose on some asshole ordinary. She was impressed. You should meet her. Not bad for an X."

"Sounds like you've got a crush, Mole." Alec hadn't ever heard Mole be this complimentary about anyone.

"Shut up. Not scaly enough for my taste. Anyhow, I got the impression she and Max's girl Cindy are pretty taken with each other. But we got reason to be grateful, her helping us get to you."

Alec was taken aback. Mole was practically gushing. Maybe he wasn't just hanging around in case Alec turned into a rampaging killing machine and needed putting down.

"Well, I guess I owe her a drink or something. What's her name?"

"Hope. Max gave it to her on account of her showing up with news."

"Huh."

"Yeah."

"Mole, are you drunk?"

"No. Why?"

"I never heard you talk this much before."

"If you want me to go..." Mole jerked a thumb towards the door.

"No. This is an experience."

"I'd say shut up, but these days you actually might."

"Ha! I knew you enjoyed my company really."

"You wish."

Mole gestured at the box, "Got some guns to clean. Time for you to get off your lazy ass and do some work around here for a change."

He spread the guns and cleaning supplies across the coffee table and they both fell to the task.

Mole didn't look up as he said quietly, "Stop if your hands hurt."

Alec grunted in assent, touched at the concern and not sure what to say. Mole seemed to sense it and filled the silence, "This is your fault you know. If you hadn't dropped in on me all the time before, you wouldn't have to put up with me now."

"Yeah. I really didn't think that one through."

###

Alec cleared his throat; it was time to face up to consequences.

"I don't think I talked Max. But I can't be sure."

"You didn't break, Alec. If you had they would have killed you."

"Not necessarily. Max, I..."

"Tell me?" Her voice was gentle, like it had been when he'd first been back.

"It's always my mouth gets me in trouble, right? I figured it was safest to say nothing at all. They already knew name, rank and serial number. So I just stayed quiet."

"You didn't talk at all? For four months?"

"You don't need to sound so incredulous, Max. I am capable of radio silence. I'm a trained soldier."

The hurt in his voice was obvious, and Max coloured, of course she believed him; how could she not when he'd been practically mute the first few days he'd been back?

"I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean...I..."

"I'm teasing you, Max. You used to like that. Gave you someone to punch in the arm. You remember? Stress relief."

She opened and closed her mouth a few times. It had been such a long time since she'd heard one of his jokes. She didn't know how to react. Back in the day she would have punched him, but he still looked frail. On the other hand, he was a transgenic and they were a lot tougher than they looked. Plus, it was Alec, and he'd just deliberately wound her up. It was her duty as his CO. She slapped him on the back of his head – not as hard as she would have before, but that would come, she was sure.

"Dumbass!" she added for good measure.

"Great comeback, Fearless Leader. Very witty. And: Ow!"

She grinned at him, grateful more than she could say for a moment of normality between them.

"So, you were saying...radio silence?"

"Well, yeah."

"So what happened when you wouldn't talk?"

"They gave me a medal and shipped me stateside for the parade."

"Alec, this is between you and me. I promise you. It won't go any further. Talk to me. You and he knew each other. You said he'd enjoyed being let loose on you before. You can tell me. Maybe it'll help a little?"

"I don't think I can. Not yet. Max, can you be patient with me? I just...I don't have the words yet." His voice was rough with emotion, and fatigue, but it didn't crack.

"Hey, it's ok. There's no rush. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere," She took his hand in both of hers and pulled it onto her lap.

"You going soft in your old age?" He still got freaked out by Max's gentle manner with him since he'd been back; he just wished he knew what it meant.

"You know how people feel the need to fill a silence? I'd stay quiet and they'd keep elaborating on their questions. Told me quite a bit about what they were up to without even realising it. And I heard stuff. Some of them were pretty sloppy. They weren't all old school Manticore. They talked out of human earshot, but didn't judge the limits of transgenic hearing. Or they'd think I was out of it, and talk."

"And?"

"They want to rebuild Manticore. They figure they need to bring us down to do that. They think if they break our leadership they'll get our people to go back. They think they can rebuild their army and everyone'll be so grateful for a place to belong and a lead to follow they'll just fall in."

"That jives with what we found in their records. Did they talk about their plan?"

"The plan was me, I guess. At least to begin with. They wanted me to tell them about TC, chain of command, supply and all that. They were curious about you, obviously. Kept asking how much loyalty you commanded; how much authority you had. They were pretty transparent. Hey Maxie. Can I ask you something?"

"Ok." Max was automatically suspicious.

"What do you know about Callie? Do you trust her?"

"Why? Did you hear something?"

"No. Just. She wasn't here before I was...before."

"She came right after. Eight days later." She knew exactly. Everything that had happened in those four months had been measured in terms of how long it had been since Alec had been taken. Still, neither Max nor Alec was comfortable articulating where Alec had been during those months.

"So, what do you think?"

"About?"

"Callie! Do you trust her?"

Max thought about it. Truth was Psy Ops types made everyone else nervous, Max included. Still, she had to be fair, and Alec seemed to be after an honest answer.

"Well, like I said, she's been here four months. Never gave us any reason not to trust her. All of us got the capacity to betray each other I guess, psychic mojo or not. Still, when you woke up and decked her she was really decent about it. Said it was her fault crowding you like that, should've known you'd remember her and react like that. She wouldn't say what went on between you, your story to tell and all. She was angry Jin sedated you too. Refused point blank to have you restrained. She just transferred herself off the team. Still kept track of how they were treating you though. So, yeah, I guess I trust her. She seemed sincere. You got reason to think otherwise of her?"

Alec took a moment to weigh it all up.

"No, not other than the past and I got stuff to atone for there too. I just need...I don't know. I trust you, so if you trust her I guess that's good enough for me. Max. Can I ask a favour?"

"Sure." Max was nervous. Alec was still so far from his usual cocky self. Although the cockiness had been worn pretty lightly even before he'd been taken, and even she had been observant enough to notice. Still, since he'd been back he'd been so...tentative. It was a little unnerving.

"I don't remember all of it. Most of it's there, maybe a little fuzzy in places, but mostly I remember. But the pieces I don't? I'm worried about what that means. I mean...they were trying to get information, but they wanted to use me too. They kept trying with the re-indoctrination stuff, and those days I don't remember? I'm worried they did something to me that...what if it worked? What if you guys found me 'cos they were ready for you to?"

"Trust me Alec, they didn't know we were coming. We took fire getting you out. We were lucky no one got hurt any worse. They didn't want to give you up."

Alec was visibly steeling himself, "At Manticore they made transgenics into sleepers sometimes. For stuff they needed total deniability for...or stuff they knew was too awful to get done with just the usual brainwashing. What if they put a trigger in my head and I'm walking around here a loaded weapon? I need to know. And the only way I can think is to get Callie to take a stroll around in my brain and make sure there's nothing in there that shouldn't be. If there is, maybe she can do something about it.

"It's just... the thought of letting someone do that again. I don't want to be alone for it. Would you be there with me? Make sure it's all on the up and up?"

"There's no need for you to put yourself through that. I trust you."

Alec raised his eyebrows, incredulous, "You trust me? Since when? Aren't I the lovable sociopath?"

"Since you put Logan and me and Terminal City first."

Max wasn't really sure how to deal with this new Alec, an Alec who looked away embarrassed when she praised him, but she pushed on anyway, "Alec, you're not the screw up you were when we first met. I get that now. You don't need to put yourself through this. You didn't break in there. After more than four months of torture you didn't break. When we finally got to you, you were barely alive but you hadn't told them anything. Corrigan said as much. Why would you think they could have put a trigger in your head if they couldn't even get you to tell them name, rank and serial number?"

"Because I don't remember!" He was practically squirming under her gaze. He couldn't bear for her to talk like he was a hero. He knew what craven behaviour he was capable of in the name of self-preservation, remembered what he'd nearly done to her and to Joshua when White had put that bomb in his neck, what he had done to that transhuman panther person in the sewer. God knew he wasn't keen on the idea of finding out what he'd sunk to during those lost days. But he had to know. His transgenic friends and the fate of Terminal City, and, if he was honest with himself, especially Max meant enough to him by now that he'd put his own comfort aside for the greater good, but he wasn't happy about it, and he for damn sure didn't want any praise for it.

Max was absolutely certain he hadn't told them anything. It had taken him days before he'd been able to speak; he'd locked himself down so tight in there. And that being the case, she couldn't imagine they'd managed to break him in any other way. Still, she relented; after what he'd been through, she'd happily do anything to give him some peace of mind, "Ok, I'll come with you. But for the record, I don't think there's anything to worry about."

###

Callie wasn't happy. She felt she'd come a long way since she'd arrived in Terminal City. The other transgenics had been so suspicious and nervy around her at first, and to be honest, she couldn't blame them. She'd been given the Psy Ops treatment by another of the telecoercives herself once, and she wouldn't recommend it as a good time. She'd stuck firmly to proper medicine since she'd arrived, taking the Hippocratic oath in her own heart, even if not in a recognised university hospital and she was happy sticking to that cardinal rule of "first do no harm". For the last four months, she'd busied herself with patching up wounds and delivering babies. It was good for her soul, and finally she was starting to be accepted; she even had one or two almost friends. Now Alec was standing in front of her asking her to use her abilities on him.

"I don't do that anymore. I haven't used the psychic ability since I came to TC. I only used it after Manticore when I needed it to get out of trouble. Guys, please. You can't ask this. I'm starting to fit in here. If I use it on a transgenic here they'll all think they can't trust me."

Max had Alec in her line of sight. She'd wanted to be able to keep an eye on him, make sure he was ok without making it obvious, and the poor guy looked green at the thought of having to beg to have his mind manipulated and violated. Again. Not to mention he still hadn't got back the bulk he'd lost in captivity. He looked tired and sick and vulnerable, but he looked determined too. He'd made up his mind he was going to see this through and he'd asked for her help, something he never would have done before, so it was time for her to step up.

"Callie, we're not asking. Alec needs this so you're gonna man up and do your duty. This isn't Manticore and I don't like giving orders but this is an extraordinary situation, so I am ordering you to help him. I'll try to help you with your fitting in thing, tell everyone that it was an order, but whatever happens, you're going to do this."

She'd known him in Manticore of course, as a subject. She'd been part of the team that worked on him after his clone, 493 had gone off the reservation, and they'd tested 494, Alec, she reminded herself, in every way possible to see if he might do the same. He'd been beaten, isolated, drugged, wiped and reprogrammed, more than once. They'd worked on him for six months. They'd tested him almost to destruction. If he hadn't gone nuts after that, he was never going to.

Since she'd arrived in TC, Callie had heard stories about Alec. She'd come a week or so after he'd been taken and the vibe around the place was practically ultrasonic. Everyone was jittery because he was gone. They were all ready to drop everything at a moment's notice to get him back as soon as they had a lead on where the hell he'd been taken. Everyone knew he'd given himself up and that whoever it was that had taken him was Manticore. They spoke about Alec in almost reverential tones. Courage under fire was one thing, but volunteering to be mind-raped by Psy-ops to protect the CO? That was either insane or the bravest thing any of them had ever heard of.

As time went on, and they were no closer to finding him, the coiled energy began to dissipate, but no one forgot about him. Everyone who knew him had an opinion, had a story to tell. He'd made them laugh while conning them out of their last dime over a poker hand; he'd found them a great deal on the MP3 player or the desert eagle pistol, or the single malt they'd been dreaming about since the siege began; he'd introduced them to their honeys; he'd saved their lives.

Then, finally, after four months of researching, hacking, bribing and kicking ass, they had a lead and the news spread like wildfire. Everyone in the camp had volunteered for the extraction mission. She'd actually seen two X-6 teenagers come to blows over who Alec liked better, and therefore should be there when they rescued him.

Then he'd come back to TC barely alive and had shown such fight, such determination to hold it together, to still be who he needed to be for everyone else. She'd heard from Cam how he'd sat through visits with transgenics who only wanted to know he was ok, couldn't cope with him not being ok, and he'd smiled, and met their eyes and made them believe he was ok.

And now, here he was, asking to go through more torture so that he could protect the people he cared about. The others might wonder, but she was sure. It wasn't insanity; it was the bravest thing she'd ever seen.

Callie caught Alec's eye for the briefest of moments, then stood tall, her face grim, "Yes ma'am."

###

It didn't look like much. Callie raised the back of the bed and gestured to Alec to make himself comfortable. She sat in a comfy chair facing him, took a deep breath, tipped her head a little to the side and initiated eye contact. It didn't look like anything much but Max felt the tension in the room build until she wanted to scratch her skin off.

Alec was grey by the time Callie was done with him, breathless and sweating, and barely conscious. Max had wanted to step in and stop it, but she couldn't forget Alec's anguish when he had begged her to come with him and support him through this. He needed to be sure, and if he could dredge up the courage for this after everything he'd been through, she owed it to him to suck it up and deal, no matter how bad it got. So she'd bitten her tongue and just sat at the edge of his eye line, within arm's reach, in case he needed the moral support to become physical. He had reached out to her when things got really bad. He'd held her hand with desperate strength, had bitten his lip until it bled to keep from screaming. It had taken hours, and she felt like she'd been beaten with sticks and then forced through a wringer, so god knew how he was feeling.

She looked up at Callie, who frankly didn't look much better herself. "Well?" Max asked, seeking eye contact with Alec then lifting his hand to her mouth and kissing his palm. She wanted it clear that she was asking because he was obviously too exhausted, not because she had any doubts about him. Naked affection was all she could think of to convey that.

Callie had had emotional distance back at Manticore. Psy-ops operatives had been in separate quarters from the rest of the transgenics, and part of their indoctrination had been aimed at making them believe themselves superior to the others, purely because of their ability to manipulate them. She'd been good at it too. Surrounded by others of her kind, it had been easy to blend in to the group, not accept any responsibility for suffering caused, or lives ruined. But for months now she'd lived among the family in TC – the X5s, 6s and 7s, the transhumans. She was the only telecoercive in TC and so she no longer had a close group to hide amidst, no justification to make. She'd begun to see them all as people, individuals with strengths and weaknesses, ability to love, hate, laugh, cry. Now, like the others who'd never had to question orders while behind Manticore's walls, she couldn't look back without regret, without knowledge that she was responsible for what she'd done.

She'd never thought she'd have to do this again, and doing it to someone she liked, admired even, it was distressing and shaming. Now she was going to have to talk about what had been done to him by another of her kind while he was held captive; she was going to have to talk through what she'd done to Alec in order to find that out.

Callie blew out a shaky breath and forced herself to make eye contact with Alec again, he deserved at the very least that respect. "They really did a number on you, Alec. It was the full whammy. No wonder you've got gaps in your memory. They didn't succeed though. There's nothing to worry about."

Max, their strong, kick-ass leader, was clearly barely hanging on to her self-control. Callie wasn't sure if Max wanted to run, cry or beat the shit out of her. Maybe she wanted all three, and a few other things besides. Whatever, there were scary protective vibes coming off her when it came to Alec. No one was going to hurt him again while she was around, that was for damn sure. "What did they do to him?"

"They tried to build a trigger, he was right about that. It's not complete though. If you imagine it like a pyramid, it has to have foundations and structure. Neurologically it has to link memory with recognition with a specific action via a single coded identifier to act as trigger, usually a word or short phrase, and all at the subconscious level. The building is done through a combination of suggestion, coercion and subliminal messages. They use physical and psychological torture to lower the defences and force the subject's mind open so they can push in each element of the trigger. It's complicated to create, but once it's there, it's there for life, unless it's dismantled."

She switched her focus back to Alec, "In your case, it looks like there were partially build foundations for two different triggers. My guess is that one of them is from the last time you were in Psy-ops at old Manticore, and one from this time. Neither of them was completed. Practically speaking, you're not optimal for that type of implant anyway. You're too independent, too individual a personality. It works best with people who are natural followers, or people pleasers, or emotionally vulnerable in some way. Even so, they would have completed it if you'd given up fighting, but it looks like every inroad they made, you pushed back. The little progress they made? My guess is that subconsciously you allowed them to plant the least useful aspects of the structure so they'd believe they were progressing, while really you were holding them off from gaining any substantial ground.

"I can tell it wasn't easy though. The loss of memory and the headaches and blurred vision you've had are partly down to damage from the laser, but the scarring is healing. The rest is because of the psychic force used by a telecoercive. It's like a psychic beating – causes psychic bruising, psychic bleeding. And you took one hell of a beating. But it will heal.

"I...I recognise the work. Psy-972. We were in the same unit. He was always Corrigan's go-to guy for the tougher cases because he was mostly about brute force, but when he'd battered someone down, he was really sneaky too. I know we all have stuff to atone for, but he took real pleasure in it. I don't know why I'm so surprised he's still choosing to work with people like that."

She took a deep breath, and continued, "I've dismantled what he did plant so you can relax, but really, I think 972 could've kept trying until he died of old age and he still wouldn't have got anywhere. Hell, Manticore had him give up on that first trigger, and I don't think that ever happened before."

Max smiled, "Basically, you're a contrary pain in the ass who'll do anything to get out of doing the work." She was slightly awed by Callie's explanation. To have resisted torture to that extent? To have impressed a Psy-ops coercive with his strength of will? That was hard-core. That was something to be proud of.

Alec relaxed, the pain lines on his face smoothing with relief. His eyes closed and his grip on Max's hand loosened and he finally slept.

###

Max thanked Callie for helping, though to both of them it seemed like a terrible thing to be grateful for. Still, Max realised that it had been necessary for Alec's peace of mind.

Callie nodded her acknowledgement, "Feels like some twisted form of atonement."

"Happens a lot more than you'd think around here. We're none of us innocents."

"I guess."

"You think he'll be OK after this?"

"I think this was a cake walk after what he's been through. For him; not us, obviously." She added with a wry smile.

"Yeah. And like I said, Callie, I'll make sure everyone knows you helped."

"You don't need to do that. You were right; it's my duty."

"Maybe that was a little harsh."

"Not duty then. My job."

Callie nodded goodbye and turned to leave the room. Max, totally drained, hovered next to her chair for a moment, and then thought better of it. She grabbed a blanket from the cupboard, hopped on the bed and curled in next to Alec, smoothing the blanket over both of them.

###

Alec woke to only a pounding headache, rather than a chainsaw cleaving his brain, so that was some significant improvement. And Max was there, which always improved things by at least 50 per cent. And yet, he still felt wrung out and, for some reason, not as relieved as he'd expected.

He was happy he wasn't going to kill everyone he loved because of some new and exciting wiring in his head. He was glad he was getting better. He felt stronger all the time. He felt hungry in a more normal way, the sort of way that was his body saying, "You know what, I could use a sandwich," and he was happy to oblige. He was feeling better all the time, his efficient machine of a transgenic body firing on all cylinders to heal him up and use every gram of food he could eat to get him back to prime condition.

Which led him to why he was feeling low. He didn't need Max to help him anymore. This mind meld with Callie would be the last thing he'd need from her that he could reasonably ask for. What he needed from her now, her love; he couldn't ask for that. He couldn't expect it. And that meant he was going to have to give up what she was giving him, company, comfort, her warm, soothing presence next to him in bed at night. She needed to go back to her real life: her job as CO. And her real love life: Logan.

He hated Logan just a little bit, for meeting Max first, for being a better man: more moral, more dedicated to justice and all that crap. For knowing how to love someone in a way that didn't get them killed.

###

Max stirred beside him and stretched.

"Hey, you're up. How're you feeling?"

"I'm good. Relieved."

"I'm glad."

She checked the clock on the wall. They'd slept for an hour and he was still pale from his ordeal. He could probably do with at least a few more hours. She was glad that some of the weight he'd been carrying around was off his shoulders, but what could he possibly need her for anymore? Could she justify staying with him even tonight? He was tough enough to go through mind invasion by choice. He didn't need her to hold his hand through a few nightmares. He'd have them under control in no time.

"You wanna go home?" She asked, and he nodded.

They didn't talk much on the way back. As they got to the stairs to Alec's place she asked, "What are you comfortable with me telling the guys about today?"

"I don't know. Whatever I guess. Callie defused me?"

"Callie didn't need to defuse you. I'll tell them she checked you out and you're clean. No threat."

"OK. You-" He cut himself off. He couldn't say that, could he?

"What is it?"

"It's nothing."

"Alec? Tell me?"

"You have to go now?"

She relaxed. He might not need her, but he still wanted her around, at least for a while.

"Wasn't planning to. There's no hurry, right?"

She followed him into his place and they both slumped on the sofa.

"That was pretty tough in there. I don't know what it felt like for you but I thought my head was going to explode."

"You could feel it?"

"The atmosphere in the room, it was...I don't know...like really high frequency noise; it made my skin crawl."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to hurt you."

"No, don't say sorry. I wanted to be there with you. I'm glad you asked me. I thought you were amazing." She hadn't meant to say so much, but it popped out and she was glad it had.

"Don't say that."

"Why? That took a lot of guts, Alec. I saw how much it took."

"I'm not a good guy, Max. I'm not-"

"What are you talking about? What you've done for me, for all of us? That's not just good. That was the most selfless thing I ever saw."

"Don't talk like I'm some kind of hero, Max. I'm not. The things I've done..."

"We've all done bad things. It's ancient history."

It was time to come clean. Max needed to know the real him. If she never wanted anything to do with him again, he'd just have to deal with it, but he couldn't bear for her to think he was something he wasn't.

"I'm not worth your good opinion Max. I'm the reason you and Logan couldn't be together."

"Alec, you didn't deliver the virus, I did!"

"But I knew. I could've stopped it."

"You were just the messenger. How dumb was I to think you'd risk everything for a girl who kicked you across the room the first time she ever met you? I should have known they were letting me escape. I just wanted to believe I was getting one over on them and that was my own stupid fault. And say you warned me, what then? If they'd found out you blew the mission over a sudden attack of conscience, they probably would have killed you. You were following orders!"

"You know, since I got out of Manticore, I've found out that excuse hasn't flown for a long time. Nuremburg Trials mean anything to you? I'm responsible for the harm I've done. And there's other stuff, you know there is."

Max let him talk. He needed to get it out of his system and she needed him to know that she knew the worst of him and still loved him.

"Like when White put that bomb in my head. What I nearly did to you and Josh."

"Yeah, but you didn't."

"I did, Max. Before I tried to kill you and Josh, I killed a transhuman. In the sewer, here in TC. She was part panther or something. I tried to convince myself that she threw the first punch, that she was too dangerous to leave roaming free, but the fact is, it was me that was dangerous. Feral. I'd have done anything to stay free. If Josh had a barcode, he'd be dead. And there was a kid too, an X-Series. I couldn't kill him, but I choked him unconscious and cut off his code; left him at a hospital.

"They tracked me there, took him. I didn't know they were watching me but I should have. They probably killed him because of me. Because I didn't want to die."

"And Rachel. You saw what I did to her. But that's not even the worst of it. For the longest time I thought it was, but the rest was worse. I was supposed to kill both of them, her and her father, but I couldn't because I fell for her. I would have been willing to kill him though, because he didn't matter to me. And even worse than that; my cover for the mission was to pose as her piano teacher. So I killed the real one. I strangled him. I didn't even hesitate. Didn't care that I was murdering a man and stealing his name." His voice cracked on that word; he of all people knew the significance of a person's name.

"I just followed my orders and tried never to think of him as a person with a life and a family. I cut him out of my mind and I never let myself feel it until all this happened. Now I can't stop thinking about him and the others I killed and never looked back. I'm a cold blooded killer, Max. A psychopath."

She reached out for his hand, and when he tried to pull away, she gripped harder, stopping him from breaking contact.

"You are not cold-blooded. You're not a murderer and you're not a psychopath. You were a soldier. You killed because you were ordered to. They indoctrinated you from the moment you were born, and then tortured you when you found the motivation to rebel. You're a human being so you're feeling it now, but you're not to blame, Alec. You're not the murderer, you were the weapon. Now you're a free man and you choose to stand by your friends. You're willing to risk everything to protect us. That's who you are."

"I can't ever make up for what I did, Max. I see it all in my dreams and I know what I was. None of this makes it ok."

"You almost died trying to protect us, but it doesn't seem to be helping you forgive yourself. Well here it is: I forgive you. For everything. Now I want you to forgive me. Can you do that?"

"Max you haven't done anything wrong."

"Really? I've killed, Alec."

"Ben. You killed Ben out of mercy."

"No. I killed him to protect myself. And he's not the only one. When we were kids, they sent us after this guy in the woods. We killed him. We tore him apart."

"You were ordered to. You were children."

"You were a kid too."

"At first. But I kept going. You guys escaped so you wouldn't have to follow their orders."

"I escaped and never looked back, and I need you to forgive me for that. I never let myself wonder what would happen to all of you we left behind. I only thought about my unit, my brothers and sisters. I never let myself think that you and Sam and all the others would be punished for what we did. It was years before it ever occurred to me to try to stop Manticore."

"You didn't do anything wrong Max. You didn't."

"I was a thief. Something I always gave you a hard time for. And Logan got shot and ended up in a wheelchair because I only ever thought about myself. I'm not perfect either Alec. I'm not someone for you to measure yourself against and feel like you come up short. I forgive you and I need you to forgive me. Please tell me you forgive me?"

"Max, I..."

"Please."

"I can't. The things you've done don't come anywhere near to what I did. Max, if you needed forgiveness, I couldn't be the one to do it."

"How about this? I let you give yourself up to Corrigan. I didn't stop you. I was your CO and more than that, I was your friend, and I let you sacrifice yourself for me. I knew what he'd do to you, but I didn't find a way to get us all out. I didn't find you for months. I didn't look hard enough or in the right places and you nearly died because of it."

"You saved my life! You found me. And you kept me from breaking in there. You gave me my name Max, and when that was all I could remember, all I had left to hang on to, it was enough to keep me from losing myself completely."

Max's heart leapt at his words, and she didn't think she could speak through the lump in her throat.

"You gave everyone here hope. When nobody knew what to do, you inspired us to take a stand. You're the hero. I wanted to be a better man for you, Maxie, because I love you."

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and his heart pounded at the realisation that he'd just laid it at her feet.

"You love me too?" Max whispered, stunned at the turn the conversation had taken.

"I know. Logan loves you. I'm not trying to get in the way of that."

"I'm not with Logan anymore. That's over. Alec, I love you too."

"Oh."

He looked doubtful. She figured that was more a product of his feelings about himself than about her. She put a hand to his neck and stroked his cheek with her thumb, "I love you."

He clasped his hand around her wrist, leaning into her touch. She leaned forward and kissed him, and as his soft lips parted a little at the gentle pressure she felt warmth spreading low down in her belly. She slid her other hand up his chest, feeling his heart's wild beat. She wanted him so badly.

She pulled back to look at him, to see if he was starting to believe. He opened his eyes, a little dazed and she was reminded how much the session with Callie had taken out of him: his pale face, and the bruised look under his eyes.

"You're exhausted. You should rest."

"I'm ok." He didn't want this moment to end. If he went to sleep, when he woke it would all have been in his imagination.

"I'm beat too. Let's take a nap?" She rose and he accepted the hand she reached out to him, pulling him to his feet.

They dropped down on the bed and Max flicked the blanket over them both. They turned into each other's arms and were asleep in seconds.

###

They'd slept for hours. Max never slept that long and she realised how dog-tired she'd been; how much she'd needed to know Alec was ok and to know that he returned her feelings before she could really rest.

But it meant she was late. She'd promised to be in command this morning. Logan was coming down to talk about the news coverage and how they could use the positive spin to push for some real concessions. She knew it was important but right now she was finding it hard to care. She was warm and comfortable; she was lying in the perfect fit of Alec's embrace and she'd never felt she belonged anywhere more. Alec loved her. What was more important than that?

She snuggled closer, making the most of it for a little bit longer, listening to his breathing, stroking the soft golden hairs on his forearm, somehow amazed at the reality of him.

She rested her hand on his chest to find that his heart was pounding fast. She realised he wasn't relaxed in sleep, he was having another nightmare. It was worse now she knew what he was dreaming about. She couldn't let him suffer through that. She shifted onto her elbow and kissed him, wanting him to wake from past horrors to present tenderness.

She felt him gasp quietly and his arms tightened around her as he woke, "Maxie?"

"I'm here. You were dreaming. I'm here." He buried his face in her hair and she held him tightly until his heart rate settled back to normal.

"I'm sorry." His voice was soft, just above a whisper.

"Please don't Alec. This is what I'm here for. Will you tell me what you were dreaming?"

"That I betrayed you. That I couldn't hold out any longer and I talked."

"That didn't happen. You would never do that."

"I kept hoping I'd die before they found some way to break me." She knew he wasn't talking about the dream anymore.

"You knew we'd come for you though, right?"

Alec shrugged, he couldn't look at her and her heart sank.

"I'm just one person. You had a whole camp to look out for and I had no idea where they'd taken me. After a few weeks, I figured the leads dried up and you had to focus on TC."

"I'm so sorry Alec. I'm so sorry it took so long. I kept looking all the time. I never would've stopped. Never."

He looked up at her finally.

"I thought I was just the pain in your ass. Figured you'd be glad to be rid of me."

"You're not the pain in my ass, Alec. You haven't been for a long time. Those four months, I missed you so much. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I had nightmares about what they were doing to you. And having you back...I can't even tell you what that means to me. I want you to be able to lean on me."

"I've been leaning on you too much. I should just be able to suck it up."

"No you shouldn't. What they did to you left scars. You need time to get over all that. I wish I could take it all away for you right now, but it doesn't work like that so there's no hurry for you to be OK. I'm here for you. I love you no matter what."

###

Alec wanted to come with her and she was glad he was keen to get out of the apartment, get some fresh air and see people. Plus the chicken in her saw that it meant she wouldn't have to be alone with Logan. Seeing them together might just be the medium required to deliver the message.

They arrived in command late enough that Logan was pacing their office impatiently. He turned at the sound of Max's voice and took in the fact that she was holding hands with Alec instantly. His heart sank. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was supposed to realise they were meant to be together. Max was better than Alec. Too good for Alec and too good for this place. She should be working with him to get out of here, back to normal. They should be working together on Eyes Only cases and spending their down time talking over romantic dinners with good red wine. Not that he had a lot of that left since his apartment had been trashed, but still, he could improvise.

"Hey Logan," Max's tone was strange; she didn't know how to speak to him. Alec picked up the vibe, and, either thinking it would make it easier for her, or succumbing again to his doubts, tried to pull his hand away. She didn't let him, held tighter, not allowing herself to be troubled if she hurt his healing bones. It was more important he was sure of her. It was his soul she was worried about healing, the rest would take care of itself now.

"Hey Max," Logan held up a folder of papers, "I brought some stuff we should go through. Profiles for influential people we can lobby." Logan's manner was equally awkward, and Max knew she needed to have a proper conversation with him, see if he was still harbouring hopes and if so, put them to rest for good.

"Alec," Logan nodded tightly, his tone strained. "Good to see you up and about."

"Yeah. Saw your hack. Very eloquent." Logan looked as though he wasn't sure if Alec was being sarcastic. Hell, Alec wasn't sure himself.

"Ok, as much fun as all this tension is, why don't we get down to business?" Alec plopped down into a chair and Max followed suit. Logan slid the folder across the table and flipped it open in front of Max, who slid it slightly to the right so Alec could read it easily too.

Logan sat opposite and cleared his throat. "It seems there are some willing to talk now, stand up in public for you guys. There's a few in congress, even the senate. I think you should strike while the iron's hot."

"Can we be sure of their commitment though? They weren't exactly in our corner before." Alec sounded dubious and Max turned to him, seemingly swayed by his assessment. It annoyed Logan, how much she listened to Alec, how much she seemed to just take on his views.

"It's true. Some of these guys were on the news before making excuses for the thugs who killed Biggs and taking about whether they should send the army in here. It's a risk to rely on them."

"Maybe it's time to take that risk Max. You can't stay here forever."

Max shrugged, feeling that Logan was talking about more than just working to end the siege. "I don't know about that. We're cleaning up this joint. It's not even a biohazard anymore. We don't want the walls and we want to be part of the world, but I don't know that everyone wants to just blow this place. We've got a community here."

"You want to stay in Terminal City?" Logan sounded incredulous and his tone got her back right up again. It wouldn't help to get annoyed though, so she forced herself to let it go.

"Do you have any reason to believe that any of these people were sympathetic before your hack?" She asked; it was simpler just to ignore his question.

"There may be a few. I'd need to look into it more."

Alec was flicking over the pages. "Might have some luck with Winstone," he said, tapping the profile of a senator from Wisconsin.

"Yeah?" Max's attention was fully on Alec and Logan bristled.

"Few years back, Biggs and I were on protection detail. Winstone was under threat for his opposition to the mob. They wanted low profile bodyguards so we were passed off as his nephews, spent a few months with him. He liked us."

"Cos you're so charming." Max teased affectionately.

"Fresh faced too. He said we made him feel young." Alec smirked.

"What, did you take him to a strip club?"

"No, we were fifteen. He took us!"

Max shouldn't have been shocked but she was. Manticore had had a fifteen year old Alec and Biggs body guarding a senator against the mob. What the hell else had they had him doing as a kid?

"So what happened?"

"We neutralised the threat. He went back to his life, we went back to ours. Like I said, it's been a few years, but he seemed like an honest guy and he might remember us."

"You saved his life."

Alec looked uncomfortable again. He still didn't want her focusing on the good things he'd done. She let it drop. For now.

"We should run these by the others. See if anyone else has favours we can call in."

Max noticed that Ralph had put on coffee, knowing they had a meeting. She nodded to the pot. "Anyone want coffee?"

Alec got up to grab the mugs from the cupboard while Max brought over the pot. She poured and handed out the filled mugs.

"Max!" Alec called the warning a second too late; her hand had brushed Logan's.

"What's up?" Max reacted to the alarm in his voice but couldn't see the threat.

"You touched each other...the virus!"

Max's mouth dropped open. He didn't know. "No, Alec, it's OK. We found the cure."

"You're cured?" He didn't know how to react. His eyes caught Logan's and there was something like triumph there. This changed everything. Nothing stood between Max and Logan. Nothing but him. And he couldn't imagine he'd be much of an obstacle.

"Right. That's great, Max. I'm really happy for you. I...um...I gotta go talk to Mole...about these files."

Logan couldn't help but feel cheered and a little bit vindicated. Max and Alec weren't all that solid in whatever their relationship was if she hadn't even told him about the cure.

"Alec, wait."

Alec paused at the door and looked back. Logan could see the younger man's anguish written all over his face and had the grace to feel a little ashamed of his initial reaction. Whatever he thought about Alec, it was obvious whatever the kid felt for Max was real.

"Alec, I'm so sorry. I should've told you."

"It's ok Max, I get it. You're free now."

Alec was pulling away from her. Max kicked herself for handling it so badly.

"Alec, listen. I'm sorry. I forgot to tell you, or I forgot you didn't know. Or, I don't know...it wasn't at the front of my mind. I was focused on making sure you were ok after everything..."

Logan flinched. It wasn't at the front of her mind. It wasn't that she'd chosen not to tell Alec because whatever was between them wasn't secure. It was that she'd actually forgotten. It hadn't rated as important enough to tell Alec. He was starting to think it really might be over between them.

Alec nodded, unconvinced. She wasn't sure what to do. She didn't want to rub Logan's nose in it, but she needed Alec to understand.

She hesitated and Alec spoke first, "Ok. I understand. I'm gonna go see Mole."

He closed the door behind him and she went to follow, but Logan reached for her arm, pulling her round to face him.

###

Alec had just used Mole as an excuse, had just planned on walking for a while to clear his head and figure out what to do next, but as he walked down the stairs from their office into command, his leg twinged painfully and he found he didn't really want to think about it all, and he didn't really want to be alone, so he did go looking for Mole after all.

He found Mole in the mess hall reading an old issue of Guns & Ammo and slumped into the chair opposite.

"What's up with you?" Mole enquired, one scaly brow raised.

"Nothin'. What're you doing?"

Mole looked down at the magazine, "Baking cupcakes. What does it look like?"

"Hmm."

"Yeah. Nothing's up with you. Spill it already."

"It's Max."

"Shocker."

"And Logan. They've got the cure for the virus."

"Yeah. And."

"You know about it?"

"Dude, everyone knows."

"What? How long has this been going on?"

"Found it at Manticore when we busted you out."

"Figures." He hadn't stood a chance, his salvation and doom had emerged on the same day.

"So what's the problem?"

"We almost had something. I mean Max is...But I have to let her go." God, his heart felt heavy. How was he going to do it? Taste happiness and give it up?

"Why?"

"Because she's cured. I can't let her be with me out of some misplaced do-gooder thing when she really wants Logan." He knew what was right and thanks to his new found conscience, he'd actually have to act on it.

"Dude, what the hell are you talking about?"

"She's just with me because I told her I love her and she felt obligated. She didn't tell me she was cured. Why would she keep it from me unless she felt bad about wanting to be with Logan really?"

"How the hell would I know why Max does what she does? Do I look like a friggin' therapist? Maybe she just forgot."

"Forgot? Forgot the cure she's been searching for the past year and a half?"

"She didn't seem all that interested when I told her we found it."

"What?"

"Yeah. Figured she'd be relieved or something at least, but she looked...what's the word? Nonplussed?"

"Nonplussed? Max was nonplussed?"

"Yeah. Sort of stunned and not interested at the same time, if that's possible. Felt like I was wasting her time with it. I don't know, right news, wrong time or something. Then you tried to make a break for freedom and collapsed in her arms like a really skinny fairy tale princess, which totally interrupted the conversation and the next I heard she took the cure and it was old news."

"So her and Logan?"

Mole looked at him and shook his head. How the hell did he always end up in these sloppy heart to heart conversations?

"Listen. I'm giving you a free pass on account of you getting tortured for four months to protect us all and obviously it's scrambled your noodle. This is it, one shot deal. After this, don't talk to me about your romantic dramas."

Alec had the decency to look shamefaced.

"Agreed."

"I overheard Max yelling at the ordinary. A couple of times. Over you. That's all I'm gonna say. That and she was miserable the whole time you were gone and she hasn't left your side since you came back. Even I can see what that means. So stop being a dumbass and stop questioning it. I have zero interest in this and I can see she loves you. So get the hell out of here and let me read my magazine in peace."

"Understood. Won't happen again. I'm going now." He got up and headed for the door, "Thanks Mole."

"Whatever."

Mole looked up and once he was sure Alec was out of earshot, muttered, "Anytime, kid."

###

"Max? You didn't even think to tell him? Do I really mean that little to you now?"

She wanted to slump in the chair and cry. She'd hurt both of them. She wanted to go to Alec, put her arms around him and show him how much she loved him, but she owed it to Logan not to just dismiss him.

"I'm so sorry Logan. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm sorry, but it's time for me to front up with you."

"You're really in love with him."

"Yeah, Logan. I love him. I wasn't looking for it, but these last few months, it just snuck up on me. I'm not saying he's perfect. He's still a smart ass and he still winds me up for fun, but I've come to like that. I've come to need it."

"Max, he's not just a smart ass. You don't know what he's done. What he's capable of." He thought back to her reaction to Alec's story about protecting Senator Winstone. He was passing himself off as a hero and Max was falling for it, hook, line and sinker.

"I know, Logan. He's told me the worst of it and it doesn't change how I feel. I never intended to fall in love with him but I can't wish these feelings away."

"He's relying on you because you're helping him. That doesn't mean he cares about you. Could be he's taking advantage because he needs help right now."

Her voice lost its warmth, "I'd be careful dissing Alec around here. I'm not the only one cares about him. And with what he went through for all of us, I'm not the only one tripping with the protective vibe right now. He's not taking advantage. He's barely asked for anything."

Logan sighed; he knew this wasn't the way to go, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You really think you can rely on him?"

"Yes. I can laugh and cry with him. I rely on him and I love him. More than I can even say."

"More than you loved me."

"Don't Logan."

"I want to know. I need to know."

"It's different from what I felt for you. I don't know what would have happened between you and me if things turned out different, but it's not like we can go back and change it all now."

"You wouldn't want to."

Max thought about it, weighed it up for a moment. "No. I mean, it's not like life is all candy and puppies here now. We're still under siege and all, but generally? We're doing ok. And me and Alec. I don't want to rub it in or make you unhappy, but I'm happy Logan. First time in a long time. I think there's a future for us...if I didn't just screw it up. Look Logan. I'm sorry. I've got to go."

Max tried not to make it look like she was sprinting away from Logan to get to Alec.

###

Alec had said he was going to see Mole, and Mole was often to be found in the mess hall getting some peace and quiet at this time of day. She lucked out and found him there alone, reading his magazine.

"Mole, you seen Alec?"

Mole looked up wearily, "Thought he went to find you."

"What did he say to you? Is he ok?"

"Oh for the love of... Your boy was all in knots on account of how you didn't tell him you were cured."

"Damnit!"

"Uh huh."

"So what did you say?"

"Told him not to be a dumbass."

"And?"

"And what? So how come you didn't tell him? Figured it wasn't a secret."

"I forgot he didn't know. Ugh! What a screw up!"

"See, that's what I said."

"He believe you?"

"Do I look like some kind of couples therapist? 'Cos I'm not. You want someone to sympathise with your dramas I suggest you call your girl Cindy. Or better yet, Joshua. He seems endlessly fascinated by your ongoing quest to get busy with someone. Now I'll tell you what I told Alec. It's obvious to the whole world that you love him and he loves you. Now leave me alone. I'm busy."

"Right. Of course. I'm going now. Thanks Mole."

"Whatever, Princess. Try not to screw it up this time."

"I'll do my best."

"Good to see him out of that apartment."

"Yeah. It really is, huh?

"How's he doing? Really?"

"They stirred up a lot of stuff. He's more worried about what he did in the past than what they did to him."

"You're trying to do something about that."

"Yeah. How do you forgive yourself for this stuff?"

"You ever figure out an answer to that there'll be a lot of folks around here that'll sleep better."

"He thinks he doesn't deserve to be loved."

"He's a tough kid. He'll get out the other side of this."

"Yeah... You see which way he went?"

Mole gave her an old fashioned look and she raised her hands in surrender, heading out the way she'd come.

###

Max was stressed out. It sure sounded like Mole had done some way above and beyond the call damage control, but the man was laconic, and it depended on how upset Alec was as to how much he'd actually heard of what Mole had said. She needed to find him.

She headed for his apartment in the hopes that he wouldn't be actively avoiding her, and was concentrating so hard on what she was going to say, the perfect words to fix this and make Alec understand what he really meant to her, that she almost ran right into him.

"I'm sorry Maxie."

"I'm so sorry."

The both spoke at once, reaching out hands to each other and grasping tightly.

"What are you sorry for?" Max asked, mystified.

"Got all insecure. I shouldn't have walked out like that. I trust you."

She smiled in relief and stepped in closer to him.

"I'm sorry Alec. I should have told you. I wasn't thinking."

"It's ok Maxie, really. Mole set me straight. Says he's not a relationship therapist, but I think he really ought to give it a go. He's not half bad."

Max grinned, "There's definitely a gap in the market for his brand of no-nonsense advice."

"He said you love me. That it's obvious to everyone."

She blushed and it was so cute he couldn't help a cocky grin. "So I hope it's obvious to you now too?"

"Make it a bit more obvious?"

"My pleasure." She stepped in close and, as he leaned closer too she met his lips with hers, a gentle kiss.

She pulled away just far enough to meet his eyes.

"Alec, I've never been this happy. Thank you for loving me back."

"You're welcome. Any time." She smiled at his response, a flicker of the old devil-may-care Alec.

"It's the same for me Maxie. I can't believe this is really happening. It was just in my imagination for so long."

She slid her hands free of his and lifted them to his shoulders while his hands moved to her hips. Their eyes met, she just looked at him while he looked back and the intimacy of it stole her breath away.

She lifted her hand to stroke his barcode and pulled him closer. His hands came up to caress her face before sliding into her hair. They kissed again, passionately this time. Damn, she'd needed this. She lost herself in the feel of his lips, his hands, his skin under her fingertips, his warm solidity, his heart pounding just as hard and fast as hers.

She was so lucky. She'd got him back against all the odds and he loved her. She was so lucky. Then the thought came unbidden of just how unlikely this had seemed such a short time ago and she stifled a sob.

"Maxie? You ok? Did I do something wrong?"

"I almost lost you Alec. I almost lost you." She pulled him tight into her arms as though she wanted to stay like that forever, would never let him step outside the safety of her arms.

###

Logan didn't know what to do with himself. Max had left him to go and look for Alec. Max had left him. For good this time, he could see that now. She'd ended it before, but he'd always seen the reluctance in her eyes and heard it in her tone. This time it was unequivocal. Her words, her tone, her eyes. It was in the distance she kept and the way she held herself. Her whole body told him it was over. She was over him and she was in love with Alec. Alec.

He made his body move, leave the room, make his way home. He turned out of the building and headed down the street that would lead him back to the sewer he'd arrived through. He turned a corner and froze. Just ahead of him was Max. She was at a right angle to him, and she stood, hands joined with Alec's. Logan couldn't look away. They were speaking in low voices that he couldn't discern, then Alec was grinning that Cheshire cat grin of his; the cat that ate the canary; the transgenic who'd stolen away his girl. They kissed then broke apart to exchange a few more words then they were just standing there, looking at each other. Max's face was slightly turned away from him, but he could see Alec's expression, intent and serious and undeniably full of love. Max moved closer, reaching up to pull him into a kiss, more passionate this time. Logan's heart was pounding, he knew he shouldn't be watching. He didn't want to see this, to have this etched in his memory but he couldn't tear his eyes away. When they broke their kiss, they clung to one another, as though each were the other's tether to the earth.

Logan finally forced himself to turn away and find another route. That image, burned on his retinas, was visible, tangible proof of what he'd lost. When you thought about it, he and Max had had so little physical contact, even before the virus. She'd never clung to him like that, never kissed him like she might never be able to stop, never stood and just looked at him like his very existence was a miracle.

Had everything he'd thought they had been a lie? Max had said she'd loved him; that it was different with Alec, but she and Logan had been no less real. But was she just letting him down gently? He felt hollowed out inside. Like he wasn't yearning for something he'd lost, but for something he'd never even had. Wasted time, wasted opportunity. What if he'd fought harder? Pushed her harder? Told her frequently and often how much he loved her? Would he be the one standing there kissing her? Or did all roads lead here? Were Alec and Max the Manticore version of meant to be? Matched genetically in the test tube to be ideal breeding partners?

###

They stood together for a long time. Long enough for Alec's healing body to start trying to attract his attention. As if sensing his discomfort, Max loosened her hold on him, and they parted enough to take hands. She led the way back to Alec's place.

Inside the door, Max suddenly felt self-conscious. That kiss had rocked her world and she still felt it on her lips, in her heart and somewhere altogether less innocent. She wanted him badly. Now. But as usual in these situations, she was crippled with indecision. Was it too soon? Would it hurt Alec? Tire him out too much? Would he respect her in the morning? She smirked at that glib thought. Alec had already proven his constancy even before they'd declared their feelings. This wasn't casual for either of them, it would be sealing their commitment, joining their souls. But should she initiate it now? If she was in heat she'd just jump him and take what she wanted. There was something to be said for the reckless abandon of heat, if the right guy was in reach: the one that moved her, inhabited her heart, both excited and steadied her. He definitely was.

Alec pushed the door closed and the latch clicked loudly in the quiet room. It had seemed clear when they broke their kiss and came back home what was going to happen next. His head was spinning. He'd imagined kissing her so many times but the reality was... he didn't have a word that wasn't overused and hackneyed.

It had changed everything for him, ignited something inside him that burned deep and intense. And just looking in her yes, just holding each other, he'd never had anything that intimate, had never felt so accepted, known through and through for all his strengths and faults, and so loved.

He wanted her wholly; with every part of his body and soul he wanted her body and soul. But was it too soon? Max wasn't a dive in headfirst kind of woman. She needed to be sure. She'd never got there with Logan. Was it different with him? Did she really feel as strongly as he did? Was she ready to commit to him completely?

She was standing next to him and she looked poised, tense, the cat in her almost ready to jump away if startled. He didn't want to scare her off or ruin it somehow.

She cleared her throat a little nervously, "Alec, how're you feeling?"

It sounded so casual that he was a little thrown.

"I mean, are you tired? Sore?"

"No. I'm good."

"Good."

She launched herself into his arms and all his doubts were forgotten.

###

Logan found himself in Crash with a large glass of whiskey in his hand. It was a mistake to have come here because, of course, he'd run into Original Cindy and the last thing he wanted was a dose of straight talking. He'd had enough of that for one day. Not that Cindy cared about that.

"Look Logan. I always rooted for you two crazy kids, but you gotta accept, things changing'. I don't get to see my girl that much these days. I know she still has OC's back, but she got other priorities now. I respect that."

"I respect Max has to look out for TC now. That's not what this is Cindy. It's-"

"I know what it is Logan, you jealous about Max and Alec."

"I'm not-" Was there even any point in denying it?

"Yeah, you are. And I gotta be honest with you, you right to be. I heard how she talked about him these past few months. This ain't a fling: she loves that boy. I'm sorry Logan, but that's just facts."

"But if she would just..."

"No boo. She just feels what she feels."

"He's not good enough for her. She needs to understand."

"Ain't your place to say it."

"You agree with me though, right? She can't trust him."

"I think Max has a good head on her shoulders. I think she knows who she wants to be with and I'm sorry for you it didn't work out but I like Alec too. Boy's good for her. Has her back, looks out for her, makes her laugh. He's not like he was when he first came to Seattle."

"Yeah. He's changed. What happens when he changes back?"

"Max don't think he changed. Thinks he just figured out who he is."

"You believe that?"

"I know you and me can't ever really know what they went through in that place. What it cost to stay human, or what it would've been like to suddenly taste freedom."

Logan downed his whiskey and gestured for the bartender to refill his glass and leave the bottle. Luckily Cindy's attention was drawn away from him to a strikingly beautiful young woman who sashayed confidently across the bar, put a possessive arm around her and kissed her suggestively on the neck.

"Logan, you know Hope right?"

"Yeah. Good to see you again. I'll leave you ladies to it." He'd had enough of company. What he really felt like doing was drinking alone.

###

Max woke first, stretching lazily, but careful not to wake Alec or break the contact of his arm circling her waist as they lay face to face. She took in the sight of him, relaxed in sleep and she was sure he looked different somehow. She didn't think he'd had a nightmare last night.

She'd wondered what it would be like to sleep with Alec all those nights she'd been sleeping next to him.

Well, she'd given him a hard time in the past for tom-catting around, but she had to admit, he hadn't wasted his time. She was finally ready to forgive all those extra Jam Pony shifts after he'd got caught dating two co-workers and they'd both quit – especially since she'd flaked out on most of those extra shifts anyway...

Now she was seeing the benefits. She bit her lip on a wide grin as her body relived the previous night. Her eyes drifted closed and her toes curled at the memory.

She gently stroked her fingertips across his eyebrow and up into his hair, which had grown a little, still shorter than he'd used to wear it, but not the shaved stubble he'd had when she'd found him. The wounds were fading to scars now and he was still thin, too thin, but he was filling out gradually. His skin was a little flushed in sleep. God, he was beautiful. She couldn't stop looking at him. He looked like a sculpture, a work of art. The mischievous thought occurred to her that she could get him to pose for the art class so she could have a painting of him up on the wall to look at whenever she wanted. And not one of Joshua's abstract paintings...

She ran her fingertips down over his cheekbone down to his lips that were still a little plump from all the kissing they'd done last night.

She couldn't decide whether she wanted to keep looking or have him wake up so he'd talk to her, pull her into his arms and take her back to the stratosphere.

She leaned in and kissed his forehead, then his nose, then his lips and pulled back to see the effect as his arm tightened a little on her waist. He smiled sleepily and opened eyes still a little dazed.

"Hey, it works," Max whispered, "Sleeping Beauty awakens with a kiss."

"Someday my princess will come?" he whispered back.

"She's already here. You better not be waiting on another one."

"No way. Got my hands full with this one. Fairest in the land too, you know."

"Yeah?"

"By a long, long way."

He pulled her closer and kissed her in return: forehead, nose and lips, lingering over the lips.

"Maxie?"

"Yeah?"

"Last night..."

"What?"

"It's never been that way for me. I never felt that close to anyone before. I always held back, you know? It was just physical. But with you..."

"With me?" she whispered breathlessly.

"I belong to you now, Max. I gave you everything last night."

Max couldn't breathe. She'd hoped it had been as good for him as it had been for her. She hadn't wanted to ask in case she didn't like the answer, something like, "Well, it was fun but you know what, that blonde a few months back? She was the best. The things she could do with her..." Tears welled up and she wasn't sure she'd be able to get the words past the lump in her throat. But you didn't hear words like she just had and let them go unacknowledged.

"I'm not sure when I started loving you Alec, but I've known for a while, and without doubt, that you're the one I've been looking for, the one I've given my whole heart to. No holding back or dancing around it, no protecting myself just in case. I love you completely. And I'm yours too.

Alec's smile wasn't cocky, it wasn't a smirk. There wasn't a flicker of arrogance or amusement in it. It was an out and out smile of honest joy and she'd never seen anything so beautiful.

"It's a big responsibility this taking care of someone's heart. You think we're up to it? Damaged, screwed up, hinky DNA freaks that we are?" Max asked, reflecting his joy in her own smile.

"If there's one thing I've learned from you Maxie, it's how to look out for my unit. You and me? We're gonna rock at this."

They'd said and heard what they needed to. They fell back into each others' embrace and let the moment take them.

###

Logan was still raw inside, and the idea of being near Max with no hope of being with her felt more than just a touch beyond him, but he'd decided to swallow his pride.

After leaving Crash he'd stumbled home and spent the rest of the evening directing a thousand yard stare of chronic moroseness into a bottomless beaker of scotch.

It was a beaker because White's brain dead lackeys had taken troglodytic delight in smashing every last crystal tumbler he'd owned in his penthouse. Joshua's place had plastic beakers. A crystal tumbler was appropriate for heartbreak, but perhaps a scratched plastic beaker was even more apt. It spoke of misery and hopelessness, of sordid decline. At least the scotch was good.

So it was with a pounding headache that he sucked it up and headed back to TC. Eyes Only was the voice of the people. He couldn't very well give up on the biggest story of the decade just because of a queasy stomach, a bruised ego and a broken heart. It was his scoop and he for damn sure wasn't going to lose that along with Max.

###

They started at the sound of fists pounding on the door and the raised voices of Mole and Gem.

Alec opened the door, moving slightly ahead of Max in what she immediately recognised as a protective reaction to the possibility of a threat. She was both touched and alarmed – she didn't want him risking himself for her again and she wanted him to understand that she felt equally protective of him.

"Where's the fire?" Alec demanded grumpily.

"Team just came in. White's back."

"What happened? Is anyone hurt?"

"No. They got away clean, but it was close. He's up and running with a team again. No Feds, all familiars. May be that he's cut ties with official channels since we handed his ass to him."

"May be that some covert channels are even friendlier since we're not public enemy number one right now. Stands to reason we'd see a backlash." Alec observed. "And it makes him even more dangerous if he's trying to prove something." He added darky.

"I want a debrief with the team." Max's eyes flicked to Alec, "Command; one hour."

A whole hour for a shit, shower and shave? Were they even soldiers anymore? Max was wearing one of Alec's t-shirts and not much else, while Alec had hastily pulled on a pair of jeans which he was holding up with one hand since they were still too loose. Their hair was sticking up all over the place. Mole and Gem raised their eyebrows at each other.

Max closed the door on them and turned back to the bedroom to find something to wear. She'd realised the other day when she couldn't find a shirt at her place that she'd left a significant amount of stuff at Alec's; she had already co-opted a de facto girlfriend drawer. She wasn't going to say anything yet, but in her heart she'd pretty much already moved in with him.

She lifted the curtain and peered out. It looked cold. She'd wear one of his sweaters. Max had taken to wearing Alec's sweaters for comfort while he'd been missing. Then it had been bittersweet. Since he'd been back, she loved wearing them. It was a soppy thought that she would never voice aloud, but it felt like being hugged.

She opened his wardrobe in search of her favourite snugly green hoodie and found something even better. Alec had pushed his clothes to one side, leaving half the rail empty. She turned at the sound of his voice from the doorway.

"Hey Maxie? Purely hypothetical question based on the practical considerations of a growing community. Do you still need your apartment?"

###

They arrived at the debrief only a little late, only a little flushed and only at little dishevelled and took their seats, aiming for expressions of focused professionalism, which were undermined only a little by their inability to look at anyone but each other.

No one made any comment on Alec being back on the job, they were just glad to see him there and for things to finally be getting back to how they should be. It was still kind of shocking how thin he was and, though it was less pronounced, he was still limping a little, but he didn't look sick. He looked...elated. And so did Max.

Neither Max nor Alec noticed the significant looks, raised eyebrows, leers or elbows jabbed into sides. Still, in spite of their preoccupation, once the meeting got started they did a pretty passable job of concentrating on the matter at hand.

The team had been out on a semi-legitimate supply run, a buy of medical supplies from a sympathetic dealer. The supplies were legit. The money they were paying with, less so; it was the product of some Robin Hood style burglaries, money from the rich given to, well, them. And of course they'd had to sneak past the perimeter, although recently the sneaking had been more for appearances. The authorities didn't have the resources to keep a tight rein all the time – the transgenics weren't the only troublemakers in Seattle after all – so there were gaps they could exploit, as long as they didn't make it obvious that was what they were doing and provoke a crackdown.

Since it was easier to get out and because of the close calls they'd had in the past, they never scrimped on look outs anymore, so White had been spotted and a signal had gone out early enough to allow them to go to their contingency plans.

They'd established some useful intel on White's resources: he'd been running his mission with a team of six backing him up and their equipment, weapons and vehicles still looked to be high-end, so he was either back in the good books or valued enough to be given a fighting chance to prove himself.

What they hadn't been able to establish was how he'd tracked them down.

Luke and Dix's team were tasked with checking comms protocols and investigating whether White had somehow broken their encrypted frequency. They hoped this was the answer: knowledge was power and they could feed disinformation through a compromised link while working on a beefed up new system. Win/win.

There was the worry that they'd got complacent, allowing surveillance to go unnoticed. They had to admit that was a definite possibility, and Mole's team would be ensuring that ingress and egress protocols were tightened and enforced as a precaution.

The worst case scenario was a traitor in their midst. Nobody wanted to go there until every other avenue of investigation was exhausted.

Max dismissed the team to their tasks and she and Alec were alone by the conference table.

"Always something, huh?"

"Kinda hoped when we put him down he'd stay down."

"Yeah, well. Might be we have to look at something more permanent now. Guy has a seriously shallow learning curve."

Max was pensive. She enjoyed handing out a well-deserved smack-down as much as the next ass-kicking chick, and who deserved it more than White? Still, there were considerations. White had connections, and they still weren't sure how high those went.

They could rain down bigger trouble on themselves if they weren't careful.

Plus, she hated thinking in these terms. In the moment, sure, things might happen, but knowing ahead of time that it was in the plan was different.

Alec sensed her disquiet, "We're not talking assassination here, Maxie, just self defence. We held him off last time but he's just gonna keep coming. I mean, leaving him taped to a post in nothing but his underwear had serious style, but you know we're not Batman and he's not the Riddler who'll come back week after week for the comedy smack-down. He'll just kill us if we give him the chance."

She sighed, "I know you're right. And in the thick of it we can't worry about retribution."

"Right. They already want to exterminate every last one of us. What more can they do just because we take out some of theirs?"

"Yeah." Alec hated to hear Max's voice so flat and instinctively reached out for her. She gratefully accepted his embrace, sighing against his chest.

"You're not the bad guy, Maxie."

"We're not the bad guys... I'm glad you're here with me. I wouldn't want to handle this stuff alone."

"I'm glad I'm here with you. I wouldn't want you to have to."

"Max?" Logan's voice behind her wasn't loud but it surprised her and she had to suppress the thought she'd been caught doing something wrong, forcing herself to move deliberately and not spring away from Alec guiltily.

"Logan." Awkward much? She hadn't expected to see him so soon. What the hell should she say?

"Uh...so...you ok?" Lame!

"Yeah. We didn't really finish talking yesterday."

She'd told him it was over, said she was sorry. What the hell else was he expecting her to say? Did he want blood? She obviously looked horrified.

"I mean our meeting. We were talking about building on the story."

"Oh. Right! Yeah."

She heard Alec suppress a snigger at her discomfort and dug her finger into his side in retaliation. Oh yeah, he was getting back to normal all right.

"Thing is, it's not a great time. One of our teams had a run in with White."

"White's back?"

"And just as ugly as ever. So we're looking into how he might have got the drop on us."

Alec gave her hand a squeeze and turned towards Luke, who'd approached clutching some print outs. They stepped away to give Max a semblance of privacy, clearing aside the away team's scattered equipment to make some room at the table. Not that they couldn't still hear every word, but it was a gesture.

Max flicked her eyes to Alec then turned back to Logan.

"I guess we need to know where we are with all this before we can think about being all pro-active about brand image, you know?"

"I disagree, Max. Improving your image can only help. White's relying on the public's negative perception of transgenics. And for the record, I still think the documentary is a great opportunity to tell the transgenic story."

"Well I guess it suits you to think that," she snapped. "Things are better, but White's still chosen to come at us now. I don't know, Logan, I just don't see White and his freaky cult giving a crap what Joe Public thinks about us. He's the bigger threat right now and we need to focus."

"When's it going to be a good time, Max? The story's gonna go cold." Logan allowed his impatience to leak into his tone.

"Gee, I don't know Logan. Maybe when we're not worried about getting picked off by a bunch of psychotic snake people. This isn't just a story to us, Logan. This is our lives. We need to play it safe. My only priority is keeping everyone safe."

"Little Fella? White back?" Joshua tapped on her shoulder.

"Hey Big Fella, where you been? Yeah, he's back, but we're working on it."

"No one hurt?"

Logan kicked himself. Damn, he hadn't thought to ask that.

"No, Josh. Everyone got away clean."

"We make plan?"

"Yeah, working on it. Let's see what Dix has cooking, huh?" They turned towards the consoles. She just needed a break to get a lid on her frustration.

Logan paced, trying to figure out his next move. Maybe if he'd shown more concern she'd be listening to him more? Maybe he just shouldn't have come. It was more painful than he'd thought to see her so soon. To walk in and see her standing there holding Alec. Were they joined at the hip now?

The story wasn't just for the greater glory of Eyes Only, but he could see that was what she thought.

His pacing unconsciously brought him to where Alec was standing and, without warning, Luke grabbed his papers and made himself scarce.

Logan shifted awkwardly and met Alec's eyes.

"Look, I never said thank you for getting us out of that warehouse."

"Yeah. And I can tell you really don't want to, so I'm gonna make it easy on you. I didn't do it for you. It was for Max."

"Well. You must be happy, you got what you wanted: you and Max are breeding partners finally."

Something in Logan's tone really got to Alec this time, something mocking and he couldn't let it go. Max still thought Logan was a decent guy.

"I know you don't think much of me and that's fine; the feeling's mutual. But don't ever talk about Max that way. We're not breeding partners. We're not animals. We're human beings, albeit with a few refinements. We have human emotions. We love each other."

"You think you're good enough for her? Does she know who you really are? What you've done?"

"She knows the worst of me and for some reason she's still here. I know she's better than me but that's ok. She thinks there's hope for me and I guess I've found some hope in myself."

Logan wanted to sneer, but Alec was different. There was nothing cocky or arrogant in what he'd just said. But did Max really know the worst of it? Could she forgive? Alec had done stuff that would send him to the electric chair if the cops found out. Did she not care about that?

"Logan, you told me once you just wanted her to be happy. You told me to look out for her. That's what I'm doing. I don't know why she chose me, I'm just grateful she did. I'm not gonna let her down. That's it now, I belong to her.

###

Logan slumped into a chair as the activity around him continued. He wasn't part of this world, never would be. Alec and Max seemed to fit somehow. As they stood in different areas of the room, talking to different people, he could see they were both so aware of each other, every so often exchanging a look and a smile.

He shouldn't have said that about breeding partners. Alec was right, it was crass. He wondered if Alec would tell Max what he'd said. Everything was spinning further and further away from him.

###

Robert Corrigan stared out of his hotel room window. For sanctuary to a man on the run, it wasn't a bad place. A comfortable room from which to contemplate his next move.

The breakout and subsequent Eyes Only broadcast were unmitigated disasters. Suddenly pockets of transgenic sympathy were growing, the cause gaining traction. And if he reflected, he had to admit the screw up was primarily his. He'd deviated from the plan.

The ambush had worked like a charm. He should have just put 452 and 494 down then and there, not even waited for the show trial and public execution. He should have delivered their corpses back to their little army then waited for them all to come crawling back. But 494 had blindsided him with his offer, too good to be true, but too good to refuse.

He'd fallen for it. 494 knew how to play a game like no one else. He'd made himself bait to a trap and Corrigan had stepped right in. He'd seen possibilities in working on 494, using him to break the transgenic community from within more effectively than he could with a shot taken in a warehouse, but the boy had proved harder to crack than ever.

He couldn't deny that what 494 had said about him having fun the last time was true. Self-serving as he could be, 494 was slippery under pressure, had always found ways to protect his core self.

It looked like finding a mission of his own had strengthened him further. If he didn't know better, he'd suspect that 494 was unbreakable. He wasn't. Corrigan just hadn't found the right weapon yet. So he'd kept pushing, kept looking for that chink in the armour, beyond sense, beyond his own judgement. He should have cut his losses months ago, but he'd allowed himself to be distracted, to get caught up in the challenge. And he'd waited too long.

The move to Seattle had been necessary, but there too the timing had been misjudged. And now he'd lost his remaining force of transgenics, his staff had dispersed and he and his team were fugitives, the implicit support he'd had from on high suddenly not to be relied on.

Everyone was covering themselves and he suspected he would be the scapegoat.

He had one last card to play. One that could get it all back for him. He had a way to strike at the heart of Terminal City, to take the shot he should have taken all those months ago. And he might have underestimated them before, but they'd sure as hell underestimated him. They'd pay for leaving him hogtied. They should have killed him when they had the chance. Their mercy would be their downfall.

494 may have proved beyond his abilities to mould, but his new weapon was clay in his hands.

He checked the tracker screen one last time. The asset was in place. He picked up the phone and dialled.

"Odysseus. Burn Troy."

He hung up. He only wished he could be there to see what happened next.

###

"Affirmative." Logan pressed the button to disconnect the call, slipped the phone back in his pocket then smoothly and calmly pulled a gun out of his waistband, raising it to point straight at Max's head...

###

Continues soon...

I hope you're still with me! I had a tough time with this chapter. I didn't want to overdo the sentimentality, but I think I probably did. I shied away from a full on bedroom scene – if Ian McEwan (one of my favourite writers) can get nominated for the Bad Sex in Fiction award, then there's no way I'm going there...