A/N: *does several happy dances* Gah, I just wanna tackle hug all of you. Thanks for all the song/story recs. And for your reviews. I love it when you tell me your favorite parts. . .Hell, thanks for reading! Much love to all you guys. You make my flipping day. I sit by my email waiting to read all your reviews. (:

So MB, much love to you for giving this chapter some much needed lovin' and being able to pull off the impossible. I owe you. Because I honestly don't know what I would do without you, bbs.


It was Friday night in Forks, which meant there was only one thing for everyone in the town to do. Watch some stinkin' high school baseball. After the confusing day I had had and dealing with a new side of Edward, being a sports speculator was the last thing I really wanted to do. But since Charlie was working an overnight shift at the station, my excuses were all flushed down the toilet in terms of getting out of Alice's plans.

Why Alice needed me to tag along when she already had Rosalie to gush over the tight white athletic pants all of the boys wore was beyond me. Since it was literally impossible to say no to Alice though, I found myself agreeing without even trying to come up with an escape route.

I drove home with Alice as usual. It had never occurred to me what a repeating cycle I had fallen into. At least half the time, Alice picked me up in the mornings. The other half I drove myself. Alice and I talked all throughout Trig. Half of the time Edward's desk was occupied in English, half of the time it wasn't. Lunch was always pleasant – the conversations were simple and the company was nice. Spanish and World History held nothing of interest. Biology was the only exception to the pattern, always seeming to surprise me with the varied results I seemed to be getting with every other class period. Then Alice would either bring me home after school or back to her house.

It wasn't a pattern I was complaining about, I just wished I could be getting more out of it. I wished that something relevant and eventful would happen so that I didn't have to sit around and make up different scenarios in my head all of the time.

Charlie was more than thrilled about my social life. Apparently he was a big fan of the Cullen's, knowing Carlisle I'm sure, and he couldn't have been any happier that my circle of friends involved Alice Cullen. Whenever I brought her home it was hard to avoid Charlie's overly enthusiastic attempts at conversation with her. I guess she couldn't help how lovable of a person she was.

Alice led me straight up to her room as soon as we arrived at her house, claiming that preparations for the game needed to be done as soon as possible. I guess we were suppose to meet Rosalie at the diner to eat before we went to watch the game which made more sense why the rushing was necessary.

I managed to avoid getting dolled up by Alice, which truly was the closest thing to a miracle I'd ever come across. Of course, she lectured me for a good five minutes about how the only reason she wasn't applying mascara to my eyelashes that very moment was because there simply wasn't enough time for both of us. I had happily volunteered to be the one that had to pass on the animal-killing products.

Unfortunately, my apparent luck didn't want to last. While my face had been deemed acceptable for the night, my attire hadn't. She demanded that I changed into a pair of her dark blue designer skinnies and that I borrow her Forks High hoodie. I could hardly complain though. If all I had to do for the night was squeeze my butt into a pair of jeans that were two-sizes to small, I'd willingly accept that without complaints. Besides, my non-refusal was one of the reasons Alice's mood was more chipper than usual.

After looking around in both her drawers and large closet, she placed her hands defiantly on her hips as she grimaced, pursing her glossy lips. "Why can't I find that damn thing?" she mused to herself.

I was about to inform her that a search party wasn't really necessary; that I was completely content in the plain green zip-up hoodie I was already wearing, but a knowing look quickly lit up her eyes. "You know what? I bet Emmett has it. Esme usual does laundry and sometimes gives him mine by accident." She walked back over to her large vanity, presuming on what she had been doing before. "Can you go and ask him for it? He's in his room getting ready for the game. I have to quick finish my hair."

"Okay," I agreed, using the small window she had given me to escape her vanilla-scented room before she had the chance to change her mind about not doing my make-up. "Third bedroom on the left, right?" The bedroom next to Edward's, if I remembered correctly. His name which I had been doing such a good job of keeping out of my thoughts suddenly occupied my mind with an unnecessary amount of focus on all things him. It was annoying, really. How quickly and easily it was for him to just. . .show up there. Sometimes he would randomly, and sometimes it was out of cosequence.

Emmett's door was closed. I stood outside of it for a few moments before tentatively knocking on the honey colored wood. A few moments later it swung open. "Wazzup, Bella?" He grinned, leaning against the door frame.

I could never really understand why, but Emmett was the easiest person not to be nervous around. "Alice thinks you may have her school sweatshirt." I stated in exasperation that I knew he would fully understand.

"Sorry that you have to wear that," he snickered, knowing exactly what my requirements for being Alice's friend were. "She's right, I think. It's probably somewhere in my closet. Come on in!" He exclaimed, now amused.

I had never been in Emmett's room before. Come to think of it, I had never been in anyone's room before. Except Alice's, of course. I was extremely surprised to find out that Emmett's way of living was remotely neat. There were no clothes on the floor, his bed was made, everything seemed to be where it belonged. . .Hell, I didn't even think my room was this clean.

Before I could commend him on his tidiness he had disappeared into his large walk-in closet, identical to Alice's. I glanced over to the wall beside where I was standing, noticing it to be plastered up messily – the navy paint covered by an endless collage of pictures.

As I heard Emmett mutter to himself while he rummaged through the contents of his closet, I turned to face the wall completely, allowing myself a better look at all of the photos. There were an endless amount of various pictures of him and a beautiful Rosalie, no surprise there. He had a couple with Mike, some with Jasper. There were also a few with Carlisle and Esme.

My eyes zeroed in on the group of pictures towards the bottom of the cluttered arrangement, all seeming to be featuring the same person. In one of the pictures Emmett had an arm slung happily over Edward's shoulder as the two posed at what looked like a professional baseball game. I couldn't remove my eyes from the startling differences I saw in Edward. His eyes were beaming with an amount of enthusiasm I didn't think was ever possible for him to produce. They showed no signs of red, and his bronze hair seemed to dance in the sunlight more than usual as he flashed a smile revealing his perfect white teeth.

As I moved on from picture to picture, all of his expressions seemed incredibly similar. All of his expressions seemed happy. It was hard not to smile myself at the images before me. There was one picture of what I was guessing to be a family portrait. Everyone was coordinated in a white-shirt/blue-jean combo as the bright blue sky and pretty green grass filled the background scenery. I studied their parents. Their mom looked incredibly similar to a female, more petite version of Emmett while their father held striking resemblances to both Seth and Edward.

I was over-taken by an unexpected emotion as I moved on to a picture containing the three brothers. It couldn't have been more than a couple of years old. They were standing on what looked like the fairway of a golf course. Each boy was dressed in very formally appropriate attire – bright collared shirts tucked into their matching plaid shorts with a white belt to tie together the ensemble.

Emmett had a playful grimace on his face, gesturing down to his pants with a 'what the hell am I wearing' expression as he rested an arm casually on Edward's shoulder, leaning against him. Edward wore the same smile on his face that he did in every other picture Emmett seemed to have. Seth was perched up on his shoulders, smiling bigger than I had ever seen him, holding a golf club in his hand in a motion that suggested he was going to hit Emmett over the head with it.

I don't know what trigged the sudden blurriness of my vision, but I quickly blinked it away before the tears had a chance to surface.

Even though in a way, he looked the same as he did in all the others, this picture was different. Everything about it was so refreshingly innocent. From his preppy rich kid clothes to the crooked smile staring directly into the camera, Emmett and Seth both completely oblivious to the moment being captured on film, this picture was the one that made me smile the widest. There wasn't a trace of any emotion but complete ecstasy in his facial expression, and that comforted me enough to believe that maybe sometime, I could see that same smile.

Before I knew what I was doing, I hastily pulled my cell phone from the confines of my jeans, snapping a picture of the picture I knew I'd spend hours of my time observing. Right as I was shoving my phone back into my pocket, Emmett finally appeared, twirling the hoodie around in his hand.

"Finally found that son of a bitc–" He stopped himself as he noticed what my attention had been focused so intently on. A curious eyebrow rose with a hint of a smile playing at his lips. "Admiring the collection, huh?"

I smiled tentatively at him, nodding. He walked over to stand beside me, also gazing at the pictures he had once taped up. "Do you miss them, Emmett?" I suddenly asked in a whisper. My eyes grew wide when I realized how sensitive of a question that probably was to him, and how out-of-line it had been for me to ask it. I had this problem, I had discovered shortly after moving to Forks, that my general judgment on what appropriate questions were to ask was basically horrible. Or maybe it was the fact that the filter between my brain and my mouth was either broken or gone.

He gave me an assuring grin to let me know that I hadn't crossed a line. I sighed, relieved. "Yeah, obviously," he answered matter-of-factly, without so much as a trace of sadness. "I mean, it was really sudden, you know? Not much warning or anything. But yeah. I miss them."

I frowned. "I'm sorry."

"For what? You asked an honest question, Bella. Hell, that's the kind of question I'd ask too." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't be sorry."

I smiled, "Okay." A long silence followed as Emmett and I looked at the pictures. "You never seem sad about it. Why is that?" I asked, before realizing that my mouth had opened involuntarily once again. Maybe investing in some duct tape would be a wise idea in the future.

He looked completely at ease, almost even content in answering my questions. "Because I know they wouldn't want me to be," he responded simply. "I mean, sure I could spend all of my time moping, but what good is that gonna do? It's life. Shit happens. You gotta move on whether you want to or not."

His statement held more truth and meaning to it than he had probably intended it to. It was just the simplicity of it that caught me off guard, how good with life he seemed to be. I sighed quietly to myself. If only everyone could think that way. The world would have been such an easier place. "Do you miss him?" I asked quietly, biting my lip.

Entering his room I honestly had no intentions of drilling him with personal questions, but now that I was, I couldn't seem to stop. I was just so used to be denied a response all the time, and for the past month, curiosity had been practically eating me alive.

"Yeah," he replied quietly before his somber gaze shot down to meet mine. "More than you know." He chuckled again, shaking his head slightly as his eyes moved back towards the many pictures. "It sucks, Bella. I mean, I could care less that he's doing all sorts of bad shit, I just can't stand the fact that his personality died in that damn car crash too. These days, it's like he's not even there."

Not expecting to have gotten such a response from him, I was surprised by the intensity of his words. I frowned, sad by just how much Emmett really missed who Edward used to be. Just like Alice had said, I realized that she had been a hundred percent accurate in her assumption.

"Yeah," I responded sympathetically, "I know." Because really, what else was there to say that he hadn't just said? I could tell the conversation was over, so I plastered a smile on my face as I reached my hand out for the sweatshirt. He quickly handed it to me, returning the smile.

"Thanks, Em," I began stepping backwards in the direction of the door. "Good luck with your game tonight," I called. He gave me a huge grin that revealed his straight white teeth in an intimidating smile as he nodded in obvious excitement. "Kick some ass, alright?"

"Oh, there will be some ass-kicking. Guaranteed, Bella," he promised as I exited his room, chuckling to myself.

The diner with Rosalie had been fine. She was in a better mood than I think I'd seen her all year, but I didn't even bother asking why. I knew any hope of her liking me in the slightest would be gone as soon as I opened my relentless mouth. So I remained quiet a majority of the night, sitting through the baseball game in a daze as my mind wandered repeatedly back to the picture of the three boys.

I wanted to get him like that again. I wanted to be the person that shook him from his so profound misery. He sure as hell couldn't do it on his own and I knew that he would need an overwhelming amount of help. I wanted to do it though.

With a feeling of desire stronger than I had ever felt before, I wanted to make Edward Cullen the smiling boy I had seen in Emmett's pictures. I wanted to make his family happy again, I wanted to make him happy again, and I wanted to him to actually live life.

And at the same time, I wanted to go on with my life as if he had never made a dent in it at all.

He had made it clear, more times than necessary probably, that help was the last thing he wanted. It was just so hard to believe that he wanted to stay like that forever though. That he really wanted to waste away his life getting wasted. I was torn between trying to sew him back together, or just leaving him the hell alone.

If I didn't try to fix him though, I had this strong feeling that no one else would. Esme and Carlisle were useless. As much as they thought they were trying and as much as they probably wanted to help him, they both knew that it was a useless effort, that they weren't making even the slightest impact on him. They weren't his parents – they knew that. So did Edward. His parents had died, as did he apparently.

So I'd try. I didn't know how, but I would. I'd be patient with his anger, I'd only push when I knew he could handle it, and I would make him understand that I held genuine interest in him as a person. I knew it was a long shot, and that I was no different than anyone else who had tried, but I had to. I had to try.

Because up until now, I had been living in a bubble. When I lived with Renee, life was simple. I went to school, I did things with friends, I maintained good grades. Life couldn't have been easier to figure out. When I moved in with Charlie, life was simple. I cooked for him, I did things with friends, I maintained good grades. Until Edward happened. Lately I had been finding it hard to concentrate on any of the simplicity I had once been provided, too focused on the complex person who wanted nothing to do with me.

So I had to make things simple again.

I had to get him back on track with his life, get him off those damn drugs, and make him remember how good life had once been for him. I had to, because of I didn't, no one would.

We won our game that night, putting us at ten wins and zero losses for the season. Emmett had followed through on his promise, playing the game of his life and taking a majority of the credit for the well-deserved victory.

Charlie was already asleep when I arrived back at the house, indication that his early slumber was the result of an incredibly long day at work. I made sure to set my alarm early enough to bring him breakfast in bed the next morning, something I knew he deserved. After taking a quick shower and brushing my teeth, I ended up calling it a day as well.

That night I dreamed of polos, plaid shorts, green golf courses, and dazzling smiles.

-oOo-

Saturday and Sunday had been rainy days. I had stayed home all weekend, mainly trying to occupy myself with something to do at all time. I got ahead in my school work, I cleaned the house better than I'm sure it had ever been, and I watched an overwhelming amount of movies that I needed to catch up on.

Monday started out in a disaster, the rain still coming down strong. I slept through my alarm, something I had never done. Then, I missed Charlie's wake-up call as well and managed to miss Alice's three texts asking me why I wasn't at school yet since I always drove myself on Mondays.

I glanced at the clock and groaned, burying my face in my pillow in self-hatred. First period had started ten minutes ago and I was currently lying in my bed without even the slightest incentive to get up as the rain pounded loudly against my window, showing no signs of ever letting up. I stayed in bed for a few moments, seriously considering just taking a sick day. Would it really be all that bad? I could easily rebound in terms of missing a day of school.

I sighed, grudgingly removing the soft comforter from over my body and sliding unwillingly from the warm confines of my bed. A half hour later, after shoving a poptart down my throat, throwing my hair up in a messy bun, hastily putting on some jeans and a sweatshirt, I was ready for departure. I drew my hood up, even though the rain seemed to be coming down lighter now, and ran out to my truck.

I arrived at school, finding the parking lot unsurprisingly full at my hour's tardiness. I drove around aimlessly for a few minutes, trying to find a place to park my protesting vehicle. I ended up finding a place a few blocks away, to my extreme displeasure, and had to begin my long walk across the grassy phy-ed field.

As I passed the track shed, I noticed a group of people sitting under the small shelter the roof provided, leaning against the wood of the building. Keeping my steady gaze straight ahead, I didn't want to acknowledge the burn-outs as I pressed on.

Unfortunately, I heard my name through the light rain and froze at the familiarity of the tone. I remained still for a moment, contemplating my options. I could have just kept walking – pretended that I hadn't heard the urgency in his tone and get to class before I became any later. Or I could have turned around, an option I knew would be dangerous.

I turned around. Sure enough, Edward sat there like the rest of them, joint in hand with a light haze of smoke surrounding himself. I hadn't recognized him before, his disarray of hair had been covered by a gray knit cap. The four others around him who I didn't recognize seemed completely oblivious to my presence, all focused on taking care of themselves, for lack of better terms. His eyes were the main source of my anger, as they were redder than ever. He was gazing at me in confusion, green eyes hidden by large black pupils, as I stood there letting the rain soak me even further. The sight of him actually had me shaking in sudden irritation. What was I doing here?

I promptly spun myself back in the direction of the school, annoyed that I had even stopped in the first place. But then I heard my name again, and my heart stopped. I had been unaware that two simple syllables, a mere name, could hold that much of a broken plea. I stopped again, this time because I had to. "Bella, wait!"

When I turned around, he was walking towards me. I crossed my arms as he approached, the rain now dripping from his face as well as he subjected himself to stand in front of me. He had his hands shoved into his pockets and his head lowered.

"Can we. . .can we talk about this?" he asked, struggling immensely to get the words out as his stare remained frozen to the ground. That was probably better. I knew I couldn't handle seeing his eyes again.

Since when did Edward actually want to talk about something? I just stood there in the rain, looking up at his head slung miserably down, not saying a single word. Without warning his eyes suddenly shot up to meet mine. They were fuming. I automatically took a step back, unsure of what his temperamental mood would consist of today.

"Why the hell do you care so much anyways?" He demanded, narrowing his bloodshot eyes in an unreasonable glare. He was already yelling at me, and I hadn't said a damn word yet.

"I didn't say anything, did I?" I snapped back, about to turn and leave him once again before I noticed his face fall. His face became truly apologetic as it fell back to the wet grass in dismay.

"Shit," he shook his head in what looked like a painful way. "Just. . .just wait here for a second, okay? I'll be right back." Before I could respond to his request, before I could turn down his request, he disappeared to the side of the shed he had been before, now invisible for me to see.

I debated on leaving. He didn't need to explain himself to me. Besides, the scene before me had been pretty self-explanatory. I didn't want to have this conversation now. I was already late and standing here would only make me later. Something told me this was important though. That his pleading for me to stay had been genuine, as ridiculous as the concept was. I waited. Waited for one minute, two minutes, three minutes. . .

He appeared again, jogging around the corner back to his place in front of me again. "Hey, sorry. I just had to get my things." His things? I glanced down at his empty hands. A response to his apology wasn't really necessary. I simply walked on to where my original destination had been.

"Not you too," he suddenly exclaimed in exasperation that seemed to be entirely pleading. "Please not you too," he begged as he quickly caught up to my brisk pace. "God, I can't deal with another fucking person looking at me like I've done something wrong," he told me in a tone that could only be self-resentment.

I kept walking. This was discussion I wanted to have after he hadn't just been smoking for god knows how long. I was angry with him for just being able to assume that what he wanted resolved solely around just that.

He let out a loud, frustrated groan, bringing his hands up to his head to fist tightly into his gray hat. "Will you just fucking stop for a minute? And listen, maybe?"

I finally stopped and averted my now angry gaze in his direction. "Listen to what?" I inquired acidly. "You tell me you're sorry? For what? It's your own damn life, Edward," I exclaimed in exhausted exasperation. "Do whatever you want with it, I guess."

His face fell as he remained rooted in front of me. Once again, it looked like the struggle he was having to find words was immense. I couldn't concur whether it was from the marijuana or that he was actually finding it hard to talk to me. His hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously as his mouth parted opened and then closed several times.

I knew my resemblance was that of someone who had just gotten out of a pool. I knew second period had already begun and that I was missing an important lecture day. I knew Edward had something important to say though, and I knew whatever that something was, he was having difficulty finding the words.

As his face dripped with water, he met my gaze directly, eyes looking up at me through his long, damp lashes. In that second, I knew it would have been possible for me to melt. "I don't care what people think of me," his tone was wary and unmistakably dejected. "I haven't in a long time." There was a long, painful pause before his expression became completely torn. "So why the fuck do you have to be the one damn exception?"

I knew he would never admit that he needed me, but in that moment it was clear that he did. But I couldn't do anything about it. I could only stare at him in mere shock, entirely stunned by his unexpected words. And before I knew what I was doing, I was running. Retreating from his pleading green eyes that had been full of so much confusion.

I wanted to scream. I was beyond overwhelmed and had no idea what I was doing. I was shocked that he had actually admitted that to me, more than shocked that I was the only apparent exception, and confused as to just what exactly he had meant. I was also filled with hope that maybe we had finally reached a breakthrough, and maybe, just maybe, he would finally let me in. And then there was the guilt. Why had I fled so quickly? Why had I just left him there like that? I shook my head, disgusted with how hypocritical I was being. All I wanted was for him to talk to me, and when he finally did, I ran. Maybe it was because I knew I wasn't in the right mind set for that kind of conversation. Or maybe I had just royally screwed over any chances I had left to save him.

I managed to make it in time for the second half of English, making up a bogus dentist appointment I'd had earlier that morning. Of course, Edward wasn't in class. During lunch I explained to Alice about how I had slept through my alarm and had to park far away due to lack of available spaces. I skipped the part about Edward, deciding it was something she probably didn't need to know. Since my clothes were still incredibly damp, she let me borrow a dry outfit she had conveniently folded in her locker.

The whole day consisted of me trying to forget about earlier that day. As much as I tried to stop the conversation from replaying in my mind though, it just didn't seem to go away. It was like a never-ending echo throughout my every thought.

I knew better than to get my hopes up to believe that what he had said had been true. It was unlikely that he really valued my opinions about him. He had been taking hits for a while before I had even walked past him. His mind had been unclear, just like his concentration, and his inability to form words. It hadn't just been that though. There had been something else, and it frustrated me till no end that I could not figure out what that something else had been. It hadn't just been the weed though. I was sure of that.

But I refused to think about it. Because there were absolutely no explanations as to what had happened earlier that morning.

I wasn't expecting him to show up for Biology, so I wasn't surprised in the slightest when I sat next to an empty seat throughout the whole class. The rain had never let up, causing an overall dreary mood to anyone it affected, which was basically everyone.

After school Alice dropped me off by my truck so I wouldn't have to walk through the rain. I drove home in a sleepy daze, exhausted from nothing in particular. Charlie wasn't going to be home until later that night so I figured I'd just wait to make dinner until then. The rain grew thicker as I approached my house, allowing me minimum vision out of the windshield.

I cautiously pulled into my driveway when I noticed a car parked in it. I nearly crashed into the car when I realized who's it was. I immediately shut off the ignition and flew out the door. What was he doing here? I expected to find him sitting in his Volvo, but he wasn't. Then my eyes found him.

He was sitting on the cement, his back resting against the closed garage door. His knees were brought up tightly to his torso while his arms were folded over them. His head was buried in his arms, and the sight of him actually made me hurt. Everything about his miserable position had me wanting to run to him, to wrap my arms around his broken frame. He was completely soaked. He must have been sitting there for a long time. Before I made any attempts at getting his attention, his eyes suddenly shot up, immediately meeting mine as if he had felt them upon his body.

I gasped as every muscle in my body seemed to freeze.

Edward's eyes were red. Edward's eyes were puffy. They were red, puffy, and they weren't like that from the smoking he had been doing earlier. They were red and puffy because Edward had been crying.

A lot.

As his green eyes bore into mine for what seemed like an entire lifetime, he finally spoke. His whole expression appeared to be silently pleading with me as he struggled for words more than I had ever seen him before.

The trembling whisper he was finally able to produce nearly broke my heart. "I think I wanna talk now."


How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb.
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back home.

Wake me up, (Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up, (Wake me up inside)
Save me, (Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up, (Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up, (Before I come undone)
Save me, (Save me from the nothing I've become)
-
Bring Me To Life, Evanescence

To clarify everything, I'm leaving for my road trip tomorrow morning and will be back on the 13th. I will post 8 as soon as I get back, and I promise, I'll make it up to you guys buy waiting this long. If I can somehow get wi-fi, I'll post on twitter and keep you guys posted. I promise, I am not abandoning you!

Review and let me know how annoyed you are that I cut it off there. ;)