A/N: Chapter Seven. Seven down five more to go. Hope you like this:) Oh, it's meant to go with the last chapter - but it doesn't actually have to:D.
Like We Used To
I can feel her breath
As she's sleeping next to me
Sharing pillows and cold feet
She can feel my heart;
Fell asleep to its beat
Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again
If only it were me instead of him
Freddie leaned his head against the cool glass window that led inside from the fire escape. He shook his head, trying to clear it of the memories that plagued him. He didn't know why he had come here, of all place, here was filled with memories, significant memories of her. Memories of Sam Puckett – his best friend, his archenemy, and his ex-girlfriend, that's right, he, Fredward Benson, dated Samantha Puckett.
He thinks back to the nights they had spent together. When his mother had worked late and hers hadn't come home.
His arms were wrapped around her small frame, and her head rested against his chest, wisps of blonde hair tickling his chin. A light snore issued from Sam, her mouth slightly parted, and her arms resting underneath her head as she lay on her side. Freddie let out a small gasp as her tiny feet pressed again his bare shins and sent a shock of cold through him.
He carefully pulled the blankets tighter around both of them, and kissed the top of her head and fell back asleep to the scent of her shampoo.
Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to Purple Rain?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?
He held his head tightly in his hand, letting out a muffled scream. He missed her more than ever, although he had just seen her realistically. They were all home from their separate colleges, and he, Sam and Carly had hung out, but every time he glanced at the head of blonde hair, he was thrown into a series of memories.
"Oh! This next part is awesome!" Sam exclaimed, hitting Freddie, harder than she had intended.
"Ouch!" he complained, rubbing the sore spot on his arm.
"Hush! This is my favourite part!" Sam bounced in her seat excitedly, laughing as the person on the screen was ripped to shreds.
Freddie grimaced, he and Sam had watched this film countless times, it was her favourite movie and she was constantly letting him know a whole bunch of random facts, that he had already heard from her. He wrapped an arm around her and decided to enjoy the movie. Fourteen months and seven days ago
Oh, I know you know
How we felt about that night
Just your skin against the window
Oh we took it slow
And we both know
It should have been me inside that car
It should have been me instead of him in the dark
Freddie and Sam had dated for over a year. They started dating at the beginning of their senior year. They had dated all throughout that last year of high school, and steadily through the summer, each of them preparing to go their separate ways for college, but determined not to break up.
At Thanksgiving, about a month ago, Sam had broken the news to him. She couldn't handle the long distance (they were about 4 hours away from each other). Freddie had done everything to try to keep them together, but he had known it was over when Sam and uttered the words, "I'm sorry, Freddie."
When he returned to his dorm after Thanksgiving and shared the news with his roommate, his roommate had said, "Ah, the classic Turkey Dump."
Apparently, this wasn't unusual for freshman in college whose sweethearts had gone to a different school. When Freddie had returned last week for Christmas, and upon having heard Carly was also home, he knocked on her front door then walked in. He had steeled himself to see Sam, but he hadn't steeled himself for what had happened.
"Yo Carly!" Freddie had called as his walked in, remembering the earlier years when they had had iCarly and had always been together. Freddie had paused as he glanced at the three people sitting on the couch.
The one closest to him with the familiar dark hair, and big brown eyes, and a smile at the sight of her friend, the one in the middle causing his heart to skip a beat, the all-too-familiar blonde hair, and sparkling blue eyes, looking at me with her always unreadable expression. Her hand was joined to the third person – someone completely unfamiliar – he had reddish-blonde hair and bright green eyes, and he smiled politely at Freddie. Carly had cleared her throat and said, "Freddie, hi," and greeted her friend with a quick hug.
"Benson," Sam acknowledged the tension thick.
"Puckett." He had replied, "Going to introduce me?" he jerked his head toward the stranger.
"This is Kyle. My boyfriend," Sam had introduced, and placed the title into the sentence quite unnecessarily, "He drove me home."
Freddie let out another muffled scream as he thought back to meeting Sam's new boyfriend. If she had asked him, Freddie knew he would've driven to pick her up and then driven them both back to Seattle to visit with friends and family. He was jealous and he was well aware of it, he had never thought he was over Sam, and had been assuming that after they both finished their programs they would somehow, find their way back into each other's arms. He wondered how Kyle (he thinks the name with a venom Sam would have been proud of) treats her. He wondered if Kyle had ever seen her cry. He himself could only count the number of times he had seen Sam cry on one hand.
His phone had rang early in the morning. 4:30am, he had read as he glanced at the clock. Far too early for his liking, but as he recognized the ringtone he jumped from his bed to answer his phone.
"Sam?" he had asked as he picked up, worried sick.
"Freddie..." she had whispered, and three things had clued him into the fact she was not okay, Sam was never quiet, she never paused between her greetings and what she had to tell him, and she had called him Freddie.
"What's wrong?" Freddie had asked.
"My mom, she's in the hospital, I'm here too..." and even as she said the words, Freddie could hear the shiver in her voice.
"I'll be right there," he had said, and rushed to the hospital, Sam was waiting for him outside the entrance. As soon as Freddie had left his car she had run into his arms and buried her face in his shoulder, tears leaking and sobs wracking her petite body.
And Freddie was scared because he's only seen her cry a few times before and this must be serious, so he wrapped his arms around her, rubbed her back and whispered that he loved her and was there for her.
Does he watch your favorite movies?
Does he hold you when you cry?
Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts
When you've seen it a million times?
Does he sing to all your music
While you dance to Purple Rain?
Does he do all these things
Like I used to?
As memories continued to course through him, Freddie Benson was entirely sure of one thing, and one thing only. He would always be in love with Sam. He hadn't relived these memories at school, because he had been keeping himself busy – already an overachiever after his break-up he had thrown himself into school with a new vigor. He had joined various clubs and even an intramural sports team. He had lost the most important person to him, and he couldn't believe it. He was still head over heels, and there was nothing that could be done, they'd never be the way they used to be.
I know, Love
(I'm a sucker for that feeling)
Happens all the time, Love
(I always end up feeling cheated)
You're on my mind, Love
(Oh darling, led her where that leaded)
It happens all the time, Love, yeah
He'd never steal kisses in the hallway between his and Carly's apartments. He'd never get to put his arms around her in anything more than a rare friendly hug. He wouldn't be able to tell her that he loved her – as he had every day when they were dating. He would never pretend to let her win again, he would never truly lose again. The wrestling that had turn into kissing and then into something more – that would never happen ever again, that was when he heard a knock on the window that led the fire escape and it was her! The girl that tormented him – physically and emotionally – for years, and as she sat on the windowsill, he was hit with such feelings of déjà vu that he wanted to scream for a third time.
"Hey..." she spoke almost softly.
"Hey..." he had replied and was waiting for her to speak but when she didn't, he had spoken his fears , "Sam, if there's anything, any feelings at all, left between us, anything at all...don't throw it away."
She had been thrown off guard, and for a minute, her poker face had disappeared. He saw fear and shock and anger swarm through her brain before the mask was replaced. She still didn't speak, and he had leaned forward and kissed her – echoing the years before. "You can't tell me that felt wrong, I want us to be like we used to."
Sam had shaken her head, blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders, "That's just it Freddie... used to... like we used to be."
Oh, like we used to...
A/N: this is sooooo sad. I'm sorry for the unrequited Seddie love there... they're meant to be. But nothing in Sam and Freddie's relationship is ever really easy? Hope you enjoyed reading it! R&R!
Will he love you like I loved you?
Will he tell you every day?
Will he make you make you feel like you're invincible
With every word he'll say?
Can you promise me if this was right,
Don't throw this all away?
Can you do all these things?
Will you do all these things
Like we used to?
