A/N: I loved writing this chapter probably as much as I hated writing it. The subject matter is harsh. I cried when I wrote it and I cried when I edited it and if I'm completely honest, I could probably cry just thinking about it - and I'm not a big crier. I hope when you read this chapter that you remember what it means (and not just that I'm absolutely horrid at finding the voice of John Diggle.) I hope you just remember that cancer affects everyone. From the person sitting through chemotherapy to the people who watch the tears fall. Everything, everyone is connected. I'm sure there's a proverb in there or something. Whatever, you know what I mean.

After this, I should be back to my regularly scheduled updating of Thursday morning/Sunday night. Got off track this past week so I'll be posting another chapter of For Blue Skies on Thursday. I really want you all to enjoy this chapter (is that the right word? I really want you to all cry, so...) Read away!


DETECTIVE LANCE

"Hey, kid. This is, uh, this is a bit awkward, I guess."

Detective Quentin Lance had never been particularly loquacious. He knew that he talked when it mattered though, and that was what was important. His ex-wife had never insinuated that he was a bad conversationalist, and unlike so many other failed marriages, their downfall hadn't been caused by a lack of communication. Still, he knew that his strength lied in his silence. That was what he offered people, it was what he offered Felicity Smoak. When she was diagnosed and it was nothing but people talking at her and about her and to her, he had given her his silence. A listening ear. A shoulder to cry on.

Which was probably why he felt so out of place now, in a situation where she couldn't speak at all, and it was all falling on him. His silence wouldn't help him now.

She looked tiny in that big hospital bed, with so many tubes and wires and monitors. She always looked small to him though, that was nothing new. She reminded him of a kitten: all sweet and cuddly and feminine on the outside, when every now and then her fur would go up and she'd hiss and even if you weren't intimidated per se, you took a step back and appreciated the fact that she didn't realize how small she was. She didn't care.

What he wouldn't give to have her open her eyes and hiss at him right then. Maybe whine that he was getting too soft in his old age. Grumble about the three donuts he ate that morning. Glare at the idea of him missing another day of work, shirking his responsibilities.

What he wouldn't give.

"I'm not a big talker. That's you. But I figure if they put me in this room with you, they kind of want me to say something, right?" He groaned. "I don't know what to say, I don't know what I'm doing here, kid. I need you to wake up and get better though because you're scaring the hell out of all of us. Queen looks like he's going to rip someone's head off. I'd hate to have to arrest him when I kind of feel like doing the same thing. Don't tell him that, though. Every now and then I like to punch out my anger too."

He laughed self consciously, running his hand over his head in a new nervous gesture that he had developed. His eyes drifted to Felicity's head, the buzzcut now prominent, her wig lying folded up and forgotten on a nearby table.

"First time I've seen your haircut, kid. Glad mine actually is shorter than yours, I was getting nervous. Doesn't look all that bad, either. I say, forget the wig and wear this out all the time. I know you don't see it, always trying to cover up anything that could make you look sick, but...it's like a badge of honor, you know? Like a purple heart or something. All these scars and the hair and the port, it's like...it's like a sign that you fought. You fought damned hard and you beat this son of a bitch. And I'm gonna need you to fight a little more, okay? I know- I know you're tired and you probably could name a lot of other things you'd rather be doing, but not right now, okay? Just fight a little bit more through this and we can do those other things later. Hell, I bet Queen buys you an island after you make it through this, the kid's so worried.

"He'd do anything for you, you know. I guess I saw it before, but, eh...you're always telling me this is a new Queen, some sort of version 2.0 or whatever geek speak you spit out, but I guess I never took it seriously before. But I think you're right. Kid's going crazy waiting for you to wake up and be better. Never seen anything like it. You gotta wake up and keep him in line or else I think he's liable to destroy this entire hospital. Already broke the damn TV remote in the waiting room, and you know I like watching those dumb daytime game shows with you when we have coffee. Can't figure out how to change the channel on that POS TV now."

He wiped his eyes a bit, feeling them start to water. Just the brief idea of her not waking up, not getting better, not being able to watch those stupid shows with him was enough to set him off. He let his hand find her's, grimacing at the IV that was there. There were other lines going to her port, he could see those, but apparently it wasn't enough, and she had to have an IV too.

"You're gonna hate that," he muttered, lightly stroking the back of her hand, mindful of the needle. "Laurel used to cry like a banshee when she was getting shots as a kid. Sara never minded it really, just wanted the lollipop at the end, but Laurel...woo. She would scream louder than I ever heard the second they took out that syringe. Never seen someone like you, getting sick at the sight of 'em. You handle so many other crazy things, but one little needle…"

He cleared his throat. Why was this so hard?

"I know you think that you're not handling this well. You think you can't deal with it or that you're not doing the right thing half the time, but...I don't know, Felicity. I am so damn proud of you. Every day you wake up and you fight this and you still smile and you help people and you help the city and-" He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I know I can't take credit for that. I know I didn't raise you, and I had nothing to do with how you turned out. But this feeling, this pride, it is...you are every bit my daughter as Laurel and Sara are, you understand that? I love you like a daughter and I know the pain of losing a daughter and I will not let you do that to me, okay? I don't give a damn how selfish that sounds. I'm a selfish old man. And I am not going to lose you. Not like this. Not to this. So you just get better in a hurry because...because I can't keep talking to myself," he laughed weakly. "I need the other half of my conversation. I think we all do."


JOHN DIGGLE

"Kind of depressing in here," Dig noted aloud as he closed the door to Felicity's room. The detective had spied him walking in the hall and waved him in. He had told him that he had to use the bathroom and make a few calls, but Dig suspected that he was really just trying to give everyone a chance to sit with Felicity for a bit. His red rimmed eyes told him that he could use a break as well. The doctors' muted optimism was weighing heavily on everyone. They wanted to feel better about her prognosis as time went by, but there was still so many unknowns. Dig had seen a lot of nasty infections during his time in the army, and he knew what could happen if fevers weren't brought down fast enough, or if things festered for too long before receiving treatment. It wasn't something he shared with anyone, just traded knowing looks with Lyla, both aware of all the potential outcomes.

"Oliver's pretty pissed they can't keep you up in the room that he bought for you. I don't blame him, with the amount of money he spent on it. You're gonna hate this room. No view at all, unless you count the window looking into the hallway. Front row seat to Oliver brooding and pacing. He doesn't even take his shirt off, so I know you'd hate it."

This wasn't the first time Dig had done this or something like this. He had spent time with an unconscious friend or comrade before. He had done his share of goodbyes to people. He didn't want this to be a goodbye, though. He didn't want to be here in the first place. He didn't want Felicity Smoak to be sick at all.

He sat down hard in the vacant chair by her side. This was some shit.

"You gotta get better, Felicity," he urged, keeping his eyes steadfastly in front of him. "I know it sucks and I know it's hard but since when has that ever stopped you? You take every challenge head on. You deal with Oliver on a day-to-day basis and that's the biggest challenge of all. Guy is a straight up pain in the ass. But you're good for him. You make him listen, see reason. You make him have to justify his ideas and rationale. Make him realize how stupid some of his ideas and rationale sound when he says it out loud. And we both know that a lot of his ideas sound stupid. That's just how he works.

"I know you probably can't see it, but he's good for you too. Maybe you see it, I don't know. Maybe you just choose to ignore it. You're good at denial like that. But you...you light up around him, you know? You get this glow. And it's weird, because you kind of always glow. You're like this light, this blonde-haired light that just bounces around us. He makes you smile. I don't know how, some days, when his jokes are worse than yours, but he does. The two of you are a real pair."

He smiled at that, remembering when he first noticed the small gestures and looks shared between his two friends. He wasn't even sure they were aware that they were doing it, but he certainly was. A pair indeed.

"When I first signed up for this, when I got involved in Team Arrow or whatever, I wasn't looking for friends. I certainly didn't think Oliver Queen was the type of guy I'd be friends with. I had had enough of his pompous white boy ass about ten minutes into our first meeting. Then I started working with him, and...and it changed, I guess. I never thought we'd do much, I'll be honest. A part of me was looking for the thrill. Same thrill I used to get overseas when I was in the Army. Not the most healthy thing in the world but, you know." He busied himself for a moment, popping a piece of gum in his mouth.

"I told him bringing you on was a stupid idea. I told him every time he asked you for a favor, he was putting you in danger. He was risking your life all because he liked you. Don't you be rolling your eyes over there when I can't see it. He did, he liked you, even in the beginning. You may be the smartest person in this hospital, but you're not the only one who can get files out of a computer, or drug test 'sports drinks.' He kept going back because he liked you. I didn't want him to, I thought he should use a few other people to keep you from getting suspicious. Not that that would've kept you from anything, you're like a pitbull with a bone when it comes to finding things out. His pathetic cover stories didn't help matters either.

"But he liked you. And then I got to know you and I got to like you too. And now we are part of this Team Arrow or whatever Roy insists on calling it to drive Oliver nuts, and it's not about the thrill anymore. We are doing some good in the city and you are a part of that. And so am I. And so is Roy. And it's all thanks to Oliver, and it's all thanks to him never listening to me. He may have brought us together, but you make us a family."

He stood up, finally allowing himself to look at Felicity for the first time since he started speaking.

"You gotta get better, Felicity."


LYLA MICHAELS

"These men really care about you." Lyla busied herself with arranging the silk flowers in a vase on the table where her wig sat. "I hope you don't mind the flowers. Dig mentioned the room being kind of sad earlier, and well, I know you're not allowed to have real flowers, but I spotted these at the Foundry before when Dig and I were trying to make sense of your computer stuff. Argus could definitely use someone like you. Some of your coding is...years above stuff that we have. It's amazing."

She sighed.

"Yeah, so, I hope you don't mind these. I'm always taking initiative, even when it's not appreciated, so I'd understand…" She shook her head, walking to the door. "I know we don't know each other very well, Felicity, but I'd really like the chance. Get better soon."


THEA QUEEN

Thea tiptoed into the room, taking care to shut the door behind her as quietly as possible. The monitors and wires intimidated her. They were everywhere. They were huge. She didn't want to accidentally trip on something and make an alarm go off or hurt Felicity or worse…

She slid into the chair, her wide eyes still taking in everything.

"Hey, Felicity," she whispered. "I know you're sleeping or whatever but…" She laughed at herself, realizing that she had no need to keep her voice down.

"Sorry, I guess I'm not used to this," she told her, her voice at normal volume. "I don't know if I'm supposed to be trying to wake you up or keep you sleeping. I don't even know what I'm doing in here, really, but Roy told me that it would help and I just...well, it can't hurt, right?"

She clucked her tongue, looking around the room before standing up. "I don't know what to say. This is stupid, I'm sorry."

She paced around the small room, trying to think of something, anything to tell her.

"You probably can't even hear me. I don't know much about this. Or, well, I don't know much about anything. To do with this, I mean. I try to avoid hospitals pretty actively, what with all the danger my family seems to get themselves into. Ollie and his motorcycle accidents and me and my car accidents, and...well, I guess if you can't hear me then it doesn't really matter what I say. I could read you the funny pages and you wouldn't care."

She bit her lip before sighing and sitting back in the chair. She saw Roy's face in her mind, urging her to go in and talk to Felicity, insisting it would make her feel better. She didn't want to leave with having said nothing. Even if he wouldn't know, she would, and that was the kind of thing that would eat away at her. She didn't want to disappoint him.

"I know I never really talked about it, but I'm sorry I didn't come visit you sooner. Or like, ever, I guess. When you were in the hospital, I mean. It wasn't personal or anything, I just didn't really know what to do. Or say. Not that I've gotten any better at that, clearly," she said with a self-deprecating laugh. "I didn't want my first visit to be like this. I wanted you to be awake to see it, for one."

She picked at her nail polish. This wasn't easy, but she had no idea why she thought it might be in the first place.

"Ollie says you're gonna get better. I know he's lied a lot, I'm not an idiot, but I don't think he would lie about this. I know he doesn't control this or anything, but...I don't know. I trust him. Kind of stupid, right? Trusting your brother to tell you that someone else is going to be okay when there's nothing he can do about it either way? I guess...I don't know. I guess that this is just one of those things that you hope for. Or pray, or something. I don't really do that now. You're Jewish, right? I don't even know if you guys pray or not. Seems kind of silly to think about.

"He's going crazy you know. Ollie, not the Jews or whatever. I'm sure Lance or Dig or someone already told you or something, but it's true. He's freaking out. And I have no idea what to do about it. I try to help, but he's not exactly...you know. He doesn't want help. He just wants to be 'The Invincible Oliver Queen' who makes sure everyone else is okay. He's running around doing press conferences and talking to doctors and signing stuff when I think all he wants to do is break down and cry. Which would be totally okay, you know. I think it's good when a man cries."

When she spoke again, her voice was smaller. Not quiet, exactly, but...almost shier, as if she was embarrassed to be sharing so much information.

"Roy cries, you know. Not about everything but...about you. He tries to pretend he doesn't, doesn't want me to see or whatever, but he does. I know he's just scared. Doesn't know what to do. None of us do. See, now I'm crying!" She hastily wiped away her tears. What a mess she was.

"I've never had a friend like you, Felicity. You know, someone who really doesn't care that my last name is Queen, someone who doesn't want anything from me. Someone who sees me as more than 'Oliver Queen's annoying little sister.' I know I wasn't always the nicest in the beginning, but you were never anything but great. And-and you help Roy. And Ollie." Her voice broke, her tears now flowing in earnest. She was now pleading with her, desperate words tumbling out of her lips. "He really needs you, Felicity. I might need you as a friend, but he needs you as a lot more. I lost my dad and my brother, but you brought my brother back to me. It wasn't just him coming home, it was you. You made him talk to me more and to laugh more and to come to dinner more and - and I don't want to lose him all over again and I think that's what might happen if you don't get better!"

She took Felicity's hand and laid her sobbing head against it. "I'm so sorry, Felicity. Please get better. Please, please, please…"

A soft hand on her shoulder interrupted her a minute later and she looked up to find Roy looking down on her, his eyes glassy but clear and filled with unspoken questions.

"I have to- I have to use the bathroom," Thea rushed to say before running from the room, door closing behind her.


ROY HARPER

Roy stared at the door, unsure if he was supposed to follow his girlfriend or not. He was still new to this, not having a lot of relationship experience under his belt. He figured what he would want right then is a few minutes alone, so he turned away from the door, content to spend some time with Felicity.

Felicity.

"You don't look so good," he told her. "I know I'm probably not supposed to say that, but it's true. You kind of look like shit."

He took his turn in the chair by her bed, pushing away the visuals of his girlfriend sitting there sobbing just moments before.

"I know, I know, you don't really have a choice in all this. You'd rather be at home, playing X-Box, which, by the way, I think I figured out what we are missing on that last level we've been trying in Lego Superheroes. I've been thinking about it for hours. We could've beaten it by now and been halfway through the other games if you would have just let me look it up online, but I know you consider that cheating, so I didn't. Promise. But it's been driving me crazy, so I think I've got a few things for us to try. As long as you didn't beat it with Oliver already. I'll be pissed if you did and didn't tell me and I've been going nuts thinking about it this whole time."

He fiddled with the slightly frayed edges of his hoodie's sleeves, relinquished by Thea once she had received her own clothes.

"Guess you probably don't want to hear about X-Box, huh? I don't really know what else to say. We kind of talk about all the other stuff all the time. You're like my best friend, kind of. I never really thought that I'd ever be friends with a blonde IT genius, you know, but I guess I never really thought that any of this would ever happen to me. Or you. You probably didn't see this one coming…

"You know, sometimes I think about what would have happened if we knew before. Not before-before, but like, before, when you knew and you didn't tell us. Like, would anything have changed? Would you even be here? Would I? I know it doesn't matter now, but I don't know...I guess I don't think anything really would change. I know you hate the way we all found out, but it was kind of like a band-aid. You just ripped it off really fast to make it not hurt so bad. Well, you didn't plan it much at all, but if you did - that's totally what you would've thought about. I know you."

He looked out the window to the hall and spotted Oliver against the opposite wall, scowling at his feet.

"I think Oliver wants to talk to you. Maybe you can get more out of him than we can. All he has done is growl at everyone all day. We're all just letting him kind of do it, but I bet Detective Lance yells at him soon. Someone needs to." He stood up but didn't move from his position next to her bed.

"I feel like everyone is treating these kind of like goodbyes. But I'm not saying goodbye because that's stupid. You're going to wake up and you're going to get better. Not doing that isn't even an option. I've lost a lot of people in this life but I'm not gonna lose you. So just...no. I'm not saying goodbye. I'll see you later. And you still kind of look like shit, but I love you anyway."


OLIVER QUEEN

Fifteen minutes.

Oliver had been sitting with Felicity for fifteen minutes and had yet to say a word.

He had entered after Roy had left, giving the kid a short nod to signify his thanks. He had been avoiding sitting with her before, unable to get a full grasp on his emotions and not willing to risk falling apart. But then, once he had decided he could see her, it was like a flip had been switched and he found himself just standing outside her room, waiting for Roy to leave.

The first thing he had done was take the chair that everyone had been sitting in and swiftly turn it around so that it was facing Felicity and had its back to the door and window before sinking into it. He didn't know what he was going to say or what he was going to do, but he knew that he wasn't going to have anyone else be privy to it. His time with Felicity was his alone.

And then he sat and waited.

He wasn't even sure what he was waiting for. Her to wake up? It wouldn't happen for another few hours or so at the earliest, according to the doctors. Waiting for words to come? Well, he wasn't sure how long that would take. He might be waiting for a long, long time.

He was waiting for a sign.

A sign that everything would be okay. A sign that things were going to go back to normal, or as normal as they had been three days prior. A sign that he wasn't as completely alone as he felt.

Lance had made a point to mention multiple times throughout the day just how not alone Oliver was, but it was different and he knew it. He could be surrounded by people and still be alone at that moment. It wasn't fair to everyone else, he realized that. Everyone there was struggling with the same thing he was, and he didn't have any right to feel as alone as he did.

"God, this is worse than the island."

The words surprised him. He had been content to sit there, to just watch Felicity's chest rise and fall, even if it was being helped along with a breathing tube. Just the reminder that she was still alive, that she was still with him, was enough. Her hand in his, warm and soft, that was all he needed. He honestly hadn't anticipated talking to her.

"You'd probably call me a Drama Queen if you heard me say that," he acknowledged softly. "But it's true. I would have rather spent ten years on that island than have you go through this. Through any of this."

Another silence encompassed the room, this time less heavy though still immense.

"They said it was a miracle." His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but still riotously loud to his ears as it bounced off the walls of her room. "A miracle that I survived the shipwreck. A miracle that I made it on the island. A miracle I made it off. But I...those things weren't miracles, not to me. They were just things that happened. I don't really believe in miracles. Calling Lian Yu a miracle is just...absurd. And then I came back, and I started working with Dig, and I started making real progress in the city...and then I met you."

Another minute passed in silence.

"You're my miracle." Once the words came to him, there was no stopping them falling out of his mouth, no getting them back. "And I know I don't deserve another miracle and I have no idea what I did to even get the first one, to get you, because I have…there is just so many things that I've done wrong and the choices I've made...the people I've hurt - I don't deserve you, any part of you, and I have no right to even ask for another miracle, but I just- I need you to get through this. I need you to be okay, Felicity.

"You're the only- some days, you're the only good thing. The only light in this entire place. This entire world. And I can't...I don't want to have to live in this world without that. Without you. You do so much for everyone. Think about Trey, who you're helping discover his passion for electronics. Roy looks up to you like the big sister he never had. Dig is always learning from you, always happy to have you on his side, on his team. You are always taking care of everyone. You take care of Thea. You remind her that she is more than her name, more than what she's done or said in the past. Lance...you probably think he takes care of you, but you do so much for him, Felicity. You've given him another daughter. He can't lose you. None of us can. They need you so much. Starling City needs you." His voice cracked slightly. "I need you."

He brought her hand to his lips, cursing the tears that were welling in his eyes but unable to stop them.

"I need you so fucking much, Felicity Smoak, that I will never forgive you if you leave me. You hear me? I can't do this without you. I can't. I won't. So if you don't want that to happen, then you need to come back to me. You need to open your eyes and yell at me and challenge me and make me feel dumb when you explain computer things to me and make me proud when you hack into federal databases and you need to - you need to be here. Or else all of this, all of me saving the city and stopping the Undertaking...it won't be worth anything. Every time I save the city, I save you. If you're not here, what's left to save? "

Oliver spent the rest of his time with Felicity in silence, wondering if she believed in miracles.