Chapter 7- Let Go
The next day, Sam and I sign our names up for the different solo slots on the signup sheet. I sign my name in all of the boxes. Under the solo box, my name is below Rachel's, Santana' and Mercedes'. The duets include Rachel and Finn, Quinn and Puck, Mercedes and Tina and Sam and I. The group number's potential leads are Rachel (of course), Puck, Finn, Mercedes, Santana, Artie, Tina, Mike Sam and I. There's a lot of competition, but I think I have a good shot at one of them, at least.
"You think you'll get the solo?" Sam asks me, slinging an arm around my shoulders. I shrug.
"I don't know, it could go either way. I think Mr Schuester wants to give somebody else a chance, so I don't think Rachel will get it. Santana's the dark horse, though. Mercedes is obviously talented, but I think I can take her down. Santana and I are probably the frontrunners but I don't mind that. If Santana gets the solo, I wouldn't really mind too much. As long as Rachel doesn't get it, it'll be fine."
"I'm sure you will get it! You're too talented not to be showcased."
"Thank you, I'm sure you'll get the duet. Probably with Quinn or Tina, you'd sound great with either of them." I omit the fact that I want the solo and the duet with Sam. It probably won't happen though. I'll be lucky to get anything, though I have been practising my audition numbers like crazy for the past couple of months in case anything impromptu cropped up which need me to act quickly and sing something admittedly fabulous. I have three different songs prepared, each showcasing something different that I can do with my voice.
"I don't want to sing with them. They seem great and all but a duet for me wouldn't be a duet if you weren't singing on that stage beside me. But since as I think you'll be getting the solo at Regionals, if I get the duet, I might have to try and work someone else into my dream duet. Though it will only work with you by my side." Such a cutie.
"What's the song?" He's piqued my interest.
"You'll see. I'm using it for my audition for the group number. So what are you doing for your second Avril number?" He asks, clearly trying to change the subject away from his audition piece. I love how we can have such long discussions about music and song selections.
"That's unfortunately also a surprise. I'm keeping you on your toes. I'm performing last at the showcase though, so you can come out from backstage and watch it if you want. I coerced Mr Schuester into letting me sing last instead of Rachel, don't ask. What are you singing?"
"If you can't tell me, then I can't tell you. It's a secret."
"Well I know what Santana's singing and I know I'm going to cry."
"I'll bring tissues."
"You're a star." And he really was.
Hours later, I walk out of my Chemistry class feeling fulfilled. My dream of surgery is drawing ever closer and I just know that I'm going to love every single minute of the journey. What I know instantly that I'm not going to love is the conversation I'm about to have with Noah Puckerman. He's lingering outside the classroom, seemingly waiting for me. His eyes catch mine and dart to his right, the direction he ultimately begins to walk in.
Reluctantly, I follow, sending a short text message to Sam telling him that I'm going to be a little late for our lunch date under the bleachers. I hate leaving him alone even now, but I have a feeling that Noah's conversation is important.
I enter the abandoned classroom and at once feel uneasy.
"Have you told Blaine?" Wait, what?
"Have I told Blaine what, Noah?"
"Don't act like you don't know what's going on." What the fuck is going on?
"Whatever, what have I or have I not told Blaine?"
"About Sam."
"Of course I told him. He's my best friend. I tell him everything."
"You really have no idea do you?" He says, staring me down.
"About what? You're being really cryptic right now."
"And you're being selfish." He snaps. Oh dear, what have I done now?
"How am I being selfish, Noah? Tell me."
"Because he's fucking in love with you! And there you are, clueless as you always are to everyone else, rubbing your new perfect relationship in his face. How is that supposed to make him feel, Kurt? You surely must've realised that he was head over heels for you! Sure, it may not have been that obvious at first, but then certain things must've alerted you to that the obvious fact that he's got a huge thing for you but maybe doesn't know how to tell you and now you're not available anymore he just feels sad and lonely like he has nobody." Noah rants. Where did that come from? Oh. Oh. I suddenly get the feeling that we're not talking about Blaine anymore, but now is not the time to have this discussion.
"How…how do you even know? Blaine, I mean."
"I met the guy last week at Scandals. He was with that Smythe guy. He was going on about some guy that he really like and thought he was in love with and…he thought he had a chance because this guy liked him back because they spoke every night and were flirtatious and close with each other. Then Anderson got drunk and started asking Sebastian to call someone called 'Kurt' for him because he needed to tell him how he felt." Well, I know that's a lie. One, because Noah recited that as if it was scripted and two because Blaine detests Scandals. Sebastian tried to drag him there a few months ago but he dryly refused, stating his distaste for the tackiness of the venue and the sleaziness of the drunken idiots there.
I put my acting skills to good use for once.
"Oh, oh my God, you're right. I…had no idea. Blaine loves me. Oh my God I have to talk to him about this."
"NO." Noah is adamant. Hmm, I wonder why.
"Is this because it's not Blaine that's in love with me, but you, Noah? And you don't want to tell me because I'm with Sam? You can't just make up things about my best friend and expect me to believe you. It's not right. You have feelings for me, talk to me about them. Sort them out in your head and then express them when you feel comfortable. Don't drag some other guy into things."
Noah shoved his head into his hands.
"God, you're right. I'm sorry. I was just scared. I didn't want to put myself out there to you just to be rejected when it makes sense to tell you anyway no matter what happens. I'm so fucking stupid. So fucking stupid." The breaking point for me is when I see Noah Puckerman cry. Scuttling over to him, I wrap an arm around him and rub his back, preparing for my motivational speech.
"Noah, you're not stupid. If Sam hadn't put himself out there, we wouldn't be together now. I was way too scared to even think about talking to him about something like that. I would've just left it hanging forever, afraid of rejection and judgement. After what happened with…Finn, you'd see where I was coming from. I'm honestly glad that I know now. Noah, you're beautiful. You are, it's undeniable. Relationship or not, I can safely say that you'll have no trouble finding somebody to be with. Gay guys everywhere are looking for somebody like you. You and Sam are quite alike. If the timing was right—."
"Please don't finish that sentence. It'll just hurt too much."
"Noah, you don't love me. I'm just the first guy you met since you realised that you were gay that is also gay. I'm the only option, so to speak. I'm the one that knows what you're going through and the one who understands you. I also have a fabulous wardrobe. But that's all. I highly doubt there are feelings involved."
"I guess you're right. I'm probably not in love with you. But I definitely love you. I know that much for sure. You're inspirational, Kurt. The way you deal with the shit that's come your way is admirable. I just hope I'm strong enough to fight off the haters when I come out tomorrow."
What?
"Tomorrow? You're coming out tomorrow?"
Noah starts to sing "The Puck'll come out tomorrow." He nods and ropes me into a tight hug.
"And Kurt?"
"Yes?"
"If you ever tell anyone that I share d my feelings with you, I'll break your nose."
"You wouldn't do that. You like my face too much."
"Yeah, you're right. I love seeing you stick your nose up at the jocks. It makes my day."
"Noah, what Avril song are you singing?"
"My favourite one."
It's time. The showcase. I've been working on this song all week and I hope it'll pay off. It's a full house, surprisingly. I didn't think that many residents in Lima would be jumping at the chance to watch 13 high school kids sing a solo by Avril Lavigne, but I guess I was wrong. Mr Schuester appears at the microphone and announces the first singer.
"Singing a song that he's secretly loved since he heard it is Noah Puckerman."
I applaud with the rest of the audience. We're all in costume on the front row. We have to leave during the performance before ours to get ready for our own, so I can watch everybody's but Matt's. I'm excited to watch Sam's, but I'm dreading Santana's. She said it'll give her some closure, but it'll be difficult for her to actually sing emotionally. Instead of thinking of that to come, I focus of Noah. He's in his element. I don't know why he doesn't want to apply to a music school somewhere. He could definitely get in. Maybe with the right encouragement, he would consider it. I'll have to get Blaine on it, he'll know what to say to him to convince him. He convinced his parents that he was good and committed enough to apply to theatre schools, so Noah should be easily done for him.
"Hi, I'm Noah Puckerman and I'll be singing Mobile."
Mobile by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Noah Puckerman
NOAH: Went back home again
This sucks, gotta pack up and leave again
Say goodbye to all my friends
Can't say when I'll be there again
It's time now to turn around
Turn my back on everything
(Turn my back on) everything
Everything's changin' when I turn around
All out of my control, I'm a mobile
Everything's changin' when I turn around
All out of my control, I'm a mobile
Start back at this life
Stretch myself back into the vibe
I'm wakin' up to say I've tried
Instead of wakin' up to another TV Guide
It's time now to turn around
Turn and walk on this crazy ground
Everything's changin' when I turn around
All out of my control, I'm a mobile
Everything's changin' out of what I know
Everywhere I go, I'm a mobile, I'm a mobile
Hangin' from the ceilin', life's a mobile
Spinnin' 'round with mixed feelings, crazy and wild
Sometimes, I wanna scream out loud
Everything's changin' everywhere I go
All out of my control
Everything's changin' everywhere I go
Out of what I know
Everything's changin' when I turn around All out of my control, I'm a mobile
Everything's changin' out of what I know
Everywhere I go, I'm a mobile
Everywhere I go, I'm a mobile
Wow. I did not expect that. Noah is actually amazing. Those vocals have improved and his musicality on his guitar is so much better that I wonder who's teaching him. He says he's self-taught and if that's the case he must've put so many hours in perfecting his playing, because he's come on a lot since I first heard him play Sweet Caroline all those months ago. That was before Sectionals, before everything flipped on its head. Before I met Sam. Before I befriended my worst bully. Before everything.
"Well I can safely say we're off to an amazing start, good job buddy," Mr Schuester nodded to Noah, "Alright moving swiftly onwards, next up is a song of self-expression by the newly discovered voice of Mike Chang!"
Have I missed something?
"Mike can sing?" I ask Tina, who's on my left.
"Yeah the trio's project really opened up a gateway for his voice. He has a wonderful voice." Tina seems distracted, but I can get to that later.
"Oh, I'm excited to hear this, then."
Anything But Ordinary by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Mike Chang
MIKE: Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I want to scream it makes me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
To walk within the lines
Would make my life so borin'
I want to know that I have been
To the extreme
(I feel)
So knock me off my feet
(I feel)
Come on now give it to me
(Ohh)
Anything to make me feel alive
Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Let down your defenses
Use no common sense
If you look, you will see
That this world is a beautiful, accident
(La, la, la, la)
Turbulent, succulent, opulent
Permanent, no way
(La, la, la, la)
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away yeah, yeah
Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep it's my lullaby
Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
(Somebody)
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please, ohh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please
He's actually brilliant. Why would somebody hide a voice like that in a crowd of people? It's marvellous. It's certainly capable of lead vocalist material. Watch out, Finn, you've got Sam and Mike to contend with now. And myself, but you already knew that.
"Wow." I whisper to Tina. She's nodding, tears filling her eyes. Is there a story there that I've missed or something? I can't tell. I'll have to talk to Mike about his song and about Tina. I thought she was with Artie, though. Considering the way he's staring at us, I think it's safe to say that Tina broke up with him because of Mike. Are they together now? Does Tina have a crush?
"Alright, Mike, amazing work there! We definitely have to showcase your talents more. Next up is a hauntingly beautiful song by a hauntingly beautiful voice. Here's Miss Quinn Fabray!"
I'm curious as to what she's singing.
"Hi I'm Quinn Fabray and this song has meant a lot to me at certain points in my life.
Give You What You Like by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Quinn Fabray
QUINN: Please wrap your drunken arms around me
And I'll let you call me yours tonight
Cause slightly broken's just what I need
And if you give me what I want
Then I'll give you what you like
Please tell me I'm your one and only
Or lie and say at least tonight
I've got a brand new cure for lonely
And if you give me what I want
Then I'll give you what you like
When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
So don't turn on the lights
I'll give you what you like
Emotions aren't that hard to borrow
When was the word you never learned
And in a room of empty bottles
If you don't give me what I want
Then you'll get what you deserve
When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
I've got this scene in my head
I'm not sure how it ends
Is it love?
Maybe one day
So don't turn on the lights
I'll give you what you like
I'll give you what you like
I'll give you one last chance to hold me
If you give me one last cigarette
By now it's only in the morning
Now that I gave you what you want
All I want is to forget
When you turn off the lights
I get stars in my eyes
Is this love?
Maybe someday
I've got this scene in my head
I'm not sure how it ends
Is it love?
Maybe one day
So don't turn on the lights
I'll give you what you like
She's incredible, too. Judging by the way she was glancing at Noah, I'd say that she's singing about her pregnancy and the night of her daughter's conception. Was it love? Nope, Noah was gay. Maybe she still loved him, but he had clearly moved on. Does she know about his sexuality? It's kind of doubtful. Not even I could sniff him out and my radar is exceptional. I've only ever missed Sam and Noah. But they're two jocks. Jocks are rarely ever homosexual.
Most of the Glee Club is crying at Quinn's song. Noah is crying. Everyone but Rachel. Unsurprisingly, she's sat with her arms folded, waiting for her turn to shine. I've made a bet with Noah that if Rachel sings I Love You to Finn, he has to kiss Sam and let me watch. It's a serious bet. I want this to happen. I'll reassure Sam that it's fine for him to kiss another guy, especially if I'm benefitting. If she doesn't sing the beautiful song to Finn, I have to kiss Noah. A bet's a bet. Sam is fine with it. He's very honourable, he'll know that I'm just sticking to the bet. Nothing more. Noah's hot, but I've devoted my lips to Sam's now.
"Thank you, Quinn. Thank you showing me how far we've come in a short space of time. We've all matured and become better performers. Next up is the girl who once told me that she was Beyonce. Please welcome Mercedes Jones to the stage."
"Thanks, Mr Schue. And this song isn't relevant, I just really like it."
He Wasn't by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Mercedes Jones
MERCEDES: There's not much going on today.
I'm really bored, it's getting late.
What happened to my Saturday?
Monday's coming, the day I hate.
Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.
This is when I start to bite my nails.
And clean my room when all else fails.
I think it's time for me to bail.
This point of view is getting stale.
I'll sit on my bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.
Na na na na na, we've all got choices.
Na na na na, we've all got voices.
Na na na na na, stand up make some noise.
Na na na na, stand up make some noise.
I'll sit on my bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
Like I was special, cuz I was special.
Na na na na na.
"All right, Mercedes! Nice job! Next up we have the song of self-confidence by one of our most diverse members, Miss Tina Cohen-Chang."
The Best Damn Thing by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Tina Cohen-Chang
TINA: Let me hear you say hey hey hey
Alright
Now let me hear you say hey hey ho
I hate it when a guy doesn't get the door
even though I told him yesterday and the day before
I hate it when a guy doesn't get the tab
And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad
Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they'll finally see
That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
Like it or not, even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble, I'm a hell of a scandal
Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
Alright, alright
Yeah
I hate it when a guy doesn't understand
Why a certain time of month I don't wanna hold his hand
I hate it when they go out, and we stay in
And they come home smelling like their ex girlfriends
I found my hopes, I found my dreams
My Cinderella story scene
Now everybody's gonna see
That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
Like it or not, even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble, I'm a hell of a scandal
Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
Give me an T (Take me down and you will pay)
Give me a I (I just wanna hear you say)
N (Now you can't go running round)
A (Always give me what I want)
Give me a YEAH (let me hear you scream loud)
One, two, three, four
Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they'll finally see
That you're not not not gonna get any better
You won't won't won't you won't get rid of me never
Like it or not, even though she's a lot like me
We're not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I'm a lot to handle
You don't know trouble, I'm a hell of a scandal
Me, I'm a scene, I'm a drama queen
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
Let me hear you say hey hey hey
Alright
Now let me hear you say hey hey ho
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
Whoa, where the fuck did fierce Tina come from? I like her a lot.
I see Noah nodding. Clearly he feels the same. Mike is grinning up at her. Yep, there's a definite story there to be found. Artie isn't there. That's because he's next to perform. Hmm, I wonder what he's singing...something about Tina probably.
Artie is introduced and he takes centre stage.
My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Artie Abrams
ARTIE: (Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
Lets talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do?
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of our memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
He was everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
You were everything, everything
That I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be
But we lost it
All of the memories so close to me
Just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
So much for my happy ending
(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
(Oh, oh)
Damn, Artie has some serious rage issues building up about this. Clearly he's upset with Tina because he doesn't think that he did anything wrong. I'll have to get Santana to talk to him with me and let him know that he did mistreat Tina by being misogynistic and deflective.
Brittany takes the stage next and poises herself for an energy-filled number.
Hot by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Brittany Pierce
BRITTANY: You're so good to me, baby baby
I want to lock you up in my closet
Where no one's around
I want to put your hand in my pocket
Because you're allowed
I want to drive you into the corner
And kiss you without a sound
I want to stay this way forever
I'll say it loud
Now you're in and you can't get out
You make me so hot, make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby
You're so good to me, baby baby
I can make you feel all better
Just take it in
And I can show you all the places
You've never been
And I can make you say everything
That you never said
And I will let you do anything
Again and again
Now you're in and you can't get out
You make me so hot, make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby
You're so good to me, baby baby
Kiss me gently
Always I know
Hold me, love me
Don't ever go, yeah
You make me so hot, make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous, you're so good to me
You make me so hot, make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous, I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe, you make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous, you're so good to me, baby baby
You're so good to me, baby baby
You're so good
It's completely obvious who she's singing about and that's the moment that I remember the running order. Santana's almost up. At least she won't have to watch Rachel sing I Love You, which she is most definitely going to and I'll get my Sam and Noah kiss. How erotic does that sound though? Two muscled jocks kissing each other and—wait this is not the time. Rachel's about to sing. I meet Noah's and Sam's eyes and wink, knowing I've won this bet. Sure enough, I have.
I Love You by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Rachel Berry
RACHEL: La La
La la la la
la la
la la la...
I like your smile
I like your vibe
I like your style
But that's not why I love you
And I, I like the way
You're such a star
But that's not why I love you
Hey, do you feel, do you feel me?
Do you feel what I feel too?
Do you need, do you need me?
Do you need me?
You're so beautiful
But that's not why I love you
I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you
Is you being you, just you
Yeah, the reason I love you
Is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you
I like the way you misbehave
When we get wasted
But that's not why I love you
And how you keep your cool
When I am complicated
But that's not why I love you
Hey, do you feel, do you feel me?
Do you feel what I feel too?
Do you need, do you need me?
Do you need me?
You're so beautiful
But that's not why I love you
And I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you
Is you being you, just you
Yeah, the reason I love you
Is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you
Even though we didn't make it through
I am always here for you, you
You're so beautiful
But that's not why I love you
I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you
Is you being you, just you
Yeah, the reason I love you
Is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you
That's why I love you
That's why I love you
That's why I love you
I win. I glance over to the boys. Noah is smirking, even though he lost, he still gets a reward. Sam is smiling too, and actually looks quite enthused about the fact that he has to kiss Noah. Why wouldn't he be? Noah's a hot piece of action. Sam's model material. And I get to watch. This makes me too happy, I'm so pathetic. Ugh. I guess this is a way of gearing myself up to watching Santana's performance. This is going to be emotional. Sam passes me some tissues and I smile gratefully at him. He subtly swaps seats with Tina during the small break between Rachel and Santana and slings his arm around me. I'm not ready to watch her heart break whilst singing. It'll have just hit her and then she has to sing about it? I guess it could help her, though.
"Hello everyone. I'm Santana Lopez and this song is an expression of some recent events which have transpired in the most unfortunate circumstances. Though out of this, I've gained something truly valuable. This song is for my parents. And for Kurt."
Oh god. Dear Lord, no. Just let this be over please.
Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Santana Lopez
SANTANA: Well, I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it every day
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make
The same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Open your eyes
And look outside
Find the reasons why
You've been rejected
And now you can't find
What you've left behind
Be strong, be strong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's falling from grace
She's all over the place, yeah
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
With no place to go
No place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
She's lost inside, lost inside
Oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside
Oh oh, oh
Well I'm crying. Sam has officially seen me cry. He should run away, I look hideous when I cry. But Santana's performance was just so beautiful and raw that I couldn't hold it in. The tears are running freely now and I don't even care. I'm just too consumed within her performance that I can only feel Sam cuddling me and as far as I'm concerned, nobody else is even in the room, even though I know that there's a full audience of people watching her bear her soul. Santana's crying too, and as much as I want to go up and console her, I have to stay put to keep the show in order.
Finn's up next and to be honest, I am going to drown out his performance anyway. If it's about Rachel or Quinn, I might just throw something at him. He doesn't deserve this happiness, not when decent people are struggling.
I'm With You by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Finn Hudson
FINN: I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waitin' in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I'm tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
Hmm hmm hmm
I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know?
'Cause nothing's going right
And everything's a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin' to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night
I try to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you
I'm with you
Yeah yeah
Oh, why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yeah, yea eee yeah, yea eee yeah
Yea yee yeah, yea eee yeah, yeah
It's a damn cold night
Tryin' to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand?
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you, yeah
I'm with you, yeah
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you, yeah
I'm with you, yeah
Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I, I'm with you, oh
I'm with you
I'm with you
What the fuck was that all about? Who the fuck was that little bastard even singing to? Rachel? Quinn? Who the fuck knows anymore? I don't care enough to keep track of the fucking love dodecahedron that has formed within the Glee Club. I do care that Sam has slipped out of my grasp to get ready for his performance somewhere within Finn's performance. I feel him leave me, but I don't comment.
"Hello, I'm Sam Evans. I'm singing this song for my special someone. I've recently discovered someone that I didn't think I could ever find. My heart now belongs to him for as long as he'll keep it. Kurt Hummel, this is for you and only you."
Fall To Pieces by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Sam Evans
SAM: I looked away
Then I looked back at you
You tried to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
But today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
You're the only one
I'd be with 'til the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you
Wanna know who you are?
Wanna know where to start?
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel?
Wanna know what is real?
I wanna know everything, everything
I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you
And I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
'Cause I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
If this is Sam's method of telling me that he loves me, I love it. It's so damn cute and I hope my song will complement his and tell him the same message. As I'm pondering whether or not to blow my nose during the silence, Matt comes onto the stage and prepares to sing (like Mike, for the first time, it seems).
"Can Matt sing?" I sniffle, leaning over to Tina. She just nods again. I see her hand clasping Mike's. Oh. That says a lot. That's actually really cute.
Who Knows? By Avril Lavigne
Sung by Matt Rutherford
MATT: Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Why do you look so familiar?
I could swear that I
Have seen your face before
I think I like the way you seem sincere
I think I'd like to get
To know you a little bit more
I think there's something more
Life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
How do you always have an opinion?
And how do you always find
The best way to compromise?
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything
We're just wasting time
I think there's something more
Life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Find yourself
'Cause I can't find you
Be yourself
Who are you?
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
So you go make it happen
Do your best
Just keep on laughing
I'm telling you
There's always a brand new day
Who knows what could happen?
Do what you do
Just keep on laughing
One thing's true
There's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
He can sing. He can definitely sing well. He's great, but I don't think he's quite at the standard of Mike just yet. With training, he could go places.
I listen for backstage as I prepare for the closing number. I know this song. I love this song. I'm living this song. Time to give an amazing performance. My heart skips a beat as it feels like I'm being reacquainted with a long lost love of performing. It's so weird I just know that I belong on the stage.
"Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel, and as you saw earlier, Sam Evans dedicated his song selection to me. So I'm going to do the same to him with the hope that he listens to every single word."
Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne
Sung by Kurt Hummel
KURT: I'm tuggin' at my hair, I'm pullin' at my clothes
I'm tryin' to keep my cool, I know it shows
I'm starin' at my feet, my cheeks are turnin' red
I'm searchin' for the words inside my head
I'm feelin' nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it, yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishin' my life away
With these things I'll never say
It don't do me any good, it's just a waste of time
What use is it to you what's on my mind?
If it ain't comin' out, we're not goin' anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care?
'Cause I'm feelin' nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it, yeah
If I could say what I want to say
I say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
And these things I'll never say
What is wrong with my tongue?
These words keep slippin' away
I stutter, I stumble
Like I've got nothin' to say
'Cause I'm feelin' nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it, yeah
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
But these things I'll never say
If I could say what I want to say
I say I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight?
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Yes, I'm wishing my life away
But these things I'll never say
These things I'll never say
I finish my song and relish the applause and-oh my god a standing ovation! I mean I know I'm great but I didn't realise I was that great performing my song! I breathe for standing ovations, they are my favourite thing in the entire world.
As Mr Schuester wraps things up, we all meet backstage, discussing each other's performances (well, Rachel's critiquing them as usual) and talking to the ones we dedicated them too. I'm wrapped around Sam as he kisses me fiercely.
"I'm in love with you, Kurt." Sam says, pecking my lips one final time.
"I'm in love with you too. Always and forever. I know it's not been long at all, just a few weeks, but I can safely say that I will never feel what I feel for you again. Your heart is mine and I don't plan on letting it go anytime soon."
"Look after it. I'll treasure yours like the gem that you are."
OH MY GAGA MY HEART IS ABOUT TO FAIL.
I detangle myself from Sam and find Santana, just finishing hugging Brittany. I give her a strong hug, but not crushing her.
"I love you, Santana. You're family to me now and that's forever. Your home is with me and my dad. Those people you use d to call parents don't mean anything. They're just vindictive, spiteful people and don't deserve a wonderful, beautiful daughter like you." I kiss her forehead and squeeze her hand.
"Thank you." She whispers. That's all she can manage before she falls apart on my shoulder. I let her cry, because sometimes we all need to let out the feelings we've been bottling up. God knows I do. I have all this anger towards Finn and no way of expressing it. I try to channel it into my performances, but it doesn't always satisfy me. I have to think of something.
I hug Tina, Mike, Quinn, Brittany and surprisingly Rachel, commending them on their performances, especially Quinn's. She really does have a beautiful voice, but it's been silenced by Rachel's wail. Something needs to change around here and I won't stop until it does.
Author's Note: So this is like REALLY long. 25 pages in my Microsoft Word document. Damn. Anyway, most of it is just song lyrics, so feel free to skip them, but to gain the full effect as always, I think you should listen to them if you haven't heard them already. Oh, over 8000 words. Hot. Damn. Anyway, the next chapter will contain a couple of songs as it's the auditions for Regionals solos. I already know who has what parts, but I don't know about songs for the setlist yet. Stick around for the next chapter, guys! And review! You're all fabulous!
