So I wrote this quite a while ago and forgot to type it up on my computer, so the chances are the things I thought were funny then aren't very funny now. Oh well, enjoy this (extremely overdue) long-ish chapter.

Disclaimer: Don't own PJO, don't own the characters, you know the score!


After Chiron decided to forgive me for 'k-ing' him (and a quick toilet stop!) he continued with the tour of the Camp. As we walked, a few campers started sniggering and pointing at me. Naturally, I ignored them -there was no reason for them to be laughing at me of course- and carried on walking. However, the further we walked on the more the subtle smirks evolved into strong laughter, and then to a few tears, even to people being hysterical and rolling around. Curiously, I looked down to my feet, and what do you know, there was a huge roll of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. Not just a small little square, but the whole toll of it, including the tube. And part had horse poo on.

Oh.

Well who were they to judge me for the way I dressed? I was just setting trends. Within a week, the toilet-paper-shoe look would be all over the catwalk, and everybody who was anybody would be rocking the look! To make them eat their words, I started strutting up and down the pathway like a supermodel down the runway, striking my best poses as I went. The laughter stopped (although there were some confused stares).

I looked up at the farmhouse, and saw a weird finger protruding out from behind the curtains, that appeared to be doubled over in laughter. Or a sneezing fit. I couldn't tell.

"Chiron, what's that?" I asked, pointing towards the window.

"That, Perry," he replied, his tone deadly serious, "would be your mother."

"But my mother got stolen by the scary evil bull-man!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air (like I did sometimes) in exasperation.

"Does nobody appreciate sarcasm anymore?" Chiron sighed.

"Quit horsing around and show me the damn cabins already!" I laughed at my own joke because I'm hilarious.

Just then, a mysterious girl clutching a bow with tanned skin and dark, braided hair appeared, exclaiming "a damn cabin?"

"Go away, Cloë, you're not due until the third book," a random camper shouted rudely. The girl sniffed, and then ran away accompanied by a few wolves.

I turned back to Chiron, and asked the question again, hoping to get a serious answer this time. He told me that not a single living thing lived there. That got me wondering: what if a dead person lived there? I pictured a room filled with mummies and vampires and zombies caked in blood and gore, yearning to break free from the enclosed space and kill everyone to satisfy the bloodlust they'd contained for so long. In other words, I thought it was cool.

Camp Half-Blood had a strawberry field, which was something I wouldn't have suspected by looking at it. Well, I would have if I was looking at the strawberry fields obviously, but you know what I mean. Having said that, I wouldn't have guessed that it would be run by a drunken Pokemon-obsessed god either. If you looked at me, you wouldn't guess I was a demigod, and if you looked at someone like Rover you wouldn't know he was half-goat because he's always going on about dogs.

On the subject of Rover, I wondered what had happened to him. The last time I saw him, he was crying because I told him he wasn't a dog. I pondered asking Chiron, but then decided against it. It wasn't like he was having his life's dream destroyed or anything.

"Aren't you going to ask me about Rover?" Chiron asked, as if he could read my mind.

"No, why do you ask?"

"Because this is a key point in the story where references are made to the first time Rover brought demigods into camp and you all wonder who those demigods were and then you find out and are like OMFG and then BAM next book and the tree-girl appears making it end on a cliff-hanger and before you know it, the fan girls are hunting Riordan down for being a cliff-hanger loving troll."

I had no clue what he just said or what he meant, so I just said "how's Rover?"

"Why should I tell you?"

That man sure is deranged.

Eventually, we reached the cabins which was a relief because one more minute with horsey and I would have been driven insane. He'd started a conversation about My Little Pony again. I'd never even watched the show, or had any intention of doing so, but now I know all of the ponies' names and the plot of the entire show. Luckily, we stopped before he could tell me who he shipped with who and the plot for his latest fan fiction (seriously, he's like a teenage girl), something which I seriously didn't want to know about.

The first cabin was huge, magnificent and regal. All the other cabins around it looked miniscule by comparison. Beautifully sculptured statues of eagles on the steps, along with pillars and models of Zeus and lightning bolts adorned the entrance. I'm not much of an architect, but there was something about this building that marked it as special. Just by looking at it I could tell that only the most powerful demigods, the best of the best could reside here. I found myself drawn towards it, I reached out my hand and-

"Oh, Perry, that's just the dust cover!" Chiron chuckled. The majestic cabin (though palace seemed to be more appropriate) crumbled away before my very eyes, leaving in its place a blackened shed with a caved-in roof, as if it had been worn away by storms. Random sparks shot out of the walls, even though it seemed to be damp.

"…Zeus' cabin?" I asked doubtfully. How could the almighty king of the gods have such a dump of a cabin? Wasn't he offended? "Shouldn't it be more…elaborate? He is the king."

"Gods, Perry! Do you think we're made of money? There's no way we could afford to build something exquisite." Chiron replied, shaking his head.

"But I thought you sold strawberries for money. If you don't spend the money on cabins, what do you spend it on?" I dreaded to think what the answer to the question would be.

Chiron's eyes glistened as he reached into his satchel and pulled out a children's toy. I managed to catch a quick glimpse of rainbow-coloured hair before he hastily put it back, as if he was worried that someone would steal it.

"My Little Pony?" I groaned. Seriously, he was a grown man. Grown men do not play with little girls' pony toys. Especially not ones with rainbow hair.

"It's not just any My Little Pony, it's a limited edition Rainbow Dash signed by the one and only Willie Carson!" I don't know what I was more disgusted at; the fact that it was named 'Rainbow Dash' or the fact it was signed by someone with the name 'Willie'.

"Who the Hades is that?"

"Only a world-famous champion jockey!"

I looked at him sceptically.

"He had almost 4000 wins?"

No comment from me.

"I give up! You know nothing of quality celebrities. I bet you idolise Dora the Explorer or Dory from Finding Nemo."

"That's not true!" I protested. I watched Phineas and Ferb, and frankly, I found Dory to be really annoying. The sharks were my favourite characters.

Chiron shook his head in disgust, and continued to show me the cabins. Next to Zeus' shack was a dusty looking kitchen covered with peacock feathers. Wedding rings were scattered over the bench tops, and inside the oven was a wedding cake. I guessed it was Hera's cabin.

The other cabins were nonetheless strange. To the left was a wrestling ring with a few sleeping bags placed on top; another was a huge factory brimming with smoke that appeared to be made entirely out of bronze. A bright yellow tent decorated with paper-mache suns and a giant blue marquee decorated with fake jewellery stood alongside them. The cabin that really caught my eye, however, was a colossal green clam that continuously opened and shut to reveal a sleeping bag and a shower. I seriously pitied the person that lived there, although there didn't seem to be anyone who did. I couldn't blame them. Imagine taking a nice shower and the clam opening so everyone sees you naked. Or worse, when you were performing your one-man tribute act to Britney Spears in your Little Mermaid underpants. Not that this had ever happened to me. And definitely not whilst staying at my best friend's house. Who happened to be the son of the principal.

On the other side, the cabins were slightly more sophisticated, but it couldn't be much worse to be fair. One of the cabins was actually just a very large tree with windows cut of the bark, with leaves for curtains. Another was a log cabin, but instead of logs, it was built entirely out of mascara and eyeliner, all held together with Dior lipgloss, not that I knew who he was of course. There was a huge copy of the dictionary turned on its side so it acted as a shelter. I'd really hate to live there. I pictured waking up at night to see giant definitions of words shoved in your face. You'd actually be learning while you were in there. Forget Tartarus, that was extreme torture.

The final two cabins were no less extraordinary- one was constructed out of bottle corks, and the other was a tent made from animal skins. I hoped no vegetarians or PETA supporters ever visited this place.

I wondered where I'd end up. None of them seemed very appealing.

"Where do I sleep?" I enquired, hoping it wouldn't the clam or the dictionary one. The make-up cabin seemed alright. Maybe there I could express my feminine side. Maybe there my knowledge of Britney Spears would be appreciated. Not that I had any.

"Seeing as you haven't been claimed, we'll have to put you in Eleven- Hermes' Cabin," he replied. Secretly, I was a bit disappointed, but I followed him towards the blue marquee.

The inside of the tent reminded me of one of the shows my step-dad watched, though I couldn't remember the name (Doctor Moo? Nurse Where? Midwife How?). The inside was much bigger than the outside, and full of strange people. By full, I meant seriously full. I didn't know how everyone could fit, or how I was going to fit.

"Everyone," Chiron began, but nobody was really paying attention. They were more concerned about other things; poker, talking, pick pocketing, the usual things children love.

"NEW MEAT" Chiron shouted, but it didn't garner much attention. "HE'S GOT MONEY!"

Now, everyone paid attention. Everyone stared at me with a devious glint in their eyes, like they wanted me. Who could blame them? I'm fabulous.

"Regular or undetermined?" someone shouted. I didn't know what that meant, but Chiron responded with the latter before leaving me alone. I wasn't quite sure what to do now he'd left, so I treaded gingerly through the crowds of people. I noticed that a lot of these kids had similar features: noses, skin, two eyes, hair, mouths… I'd fit right in.

I found an unoccupied spot in the corner to put my belongings in: my used up glitter pen, my tomato plant, my Idea Book, my Little Mermaid lunchbox, drawing of a straight line, and my new Minotaur horn. It struck me that I didn't have any underwea.

Oh well. Bye-bye, cleanliness.

"Hey, cool stuff you got there," said a boy with short gingery-brown hair. His eyes twinkled as he spoke.

"Thanks! I collected them myself." He sure seemed like a nice person. Perhaps he could be my friend. "I'm Perry, what's your name?"

"Hugh Jass," he said with a grin.

"Well, Hugh Jass, I like you. You seem really nice! I hope we can grow closer, Hugh Jass," I smiled, and everyone around me roared with laugher. I laughed too just to fit in, though admittedly I had no idea what was so funny or why everyone was laughing.

"And what about my friend Stu Pidass?" He gestured to the boy standing next to him. He had long brown hair in dreadlocks with tanned skin, and looked like he was trying hard not to laugh.

"Yeah, Stu Pidass sound cool! How about we get together and watch cartoons some time?" In case you hadn't noticed, I was a bit new to the whole 'making friends' thing, and had no idea that other kids my age had stopped watching cartoons. When you have a mother who's devoted her whole life to animation, and a stepfather whose dictionary doesn't include the word 'cool', it's pretty hard to have a normal life.

The boy with dreadlocks spoke up, "Want to meet my best friends?" I nodded.

"Perry, meet Ben Dover and Seymour Butts," he said devilishly. Two boys stepped forward. They were both wearing soccer t-shirts, though I wasn't sure of whose strip it was. Gaylord had banned any kind of sporting programmes in our house, on the grounds that it was 'too mainstream'. If I didn't know him any better, I would have said he was a hipster, except most hipsters wouldn't be caught dead in a Yoda cosplay.

"Wow, Ben Dover and Seymour Butts!" I exclaimed, trying to sound as enthusiastic as I could. Everybody creased with laughter. I sure was making a good impression! I'd been so busy making new friends that I'd forgotten about meeting Chiron outside. I was about to say goodbye, when he came to me. However, he was so large that he accidentally knocked Hugh over. I felt like I should have said something, but then I saw that the blonde girl, Hannabette Face, was calling me over. Abandoning my stuff on the floor (it was obviously in safe hands), I went over to her.

"What's Chiron doing?" she said in a voice completely void of any sort of emotion.

"Oh, just tending to some Hugh Jass," I said, waving my hand dismissively. I was trying to keep my cool: this was the first time we'd spoken properly, and I didn't want her to get the impression that I was some kind of loser. Not that anybody ever did get that impression on our first meetings, but I was just taking extra precautions. And she was sorta pretty.

Hannabette raised her eyebrows, but said nothing. The three second silence was becoming too awkward for my liking, so I decided that it was the right time to try me awesome, guaranteed-to-work-pick-up-lines to break the tension.

"So," I began, winking for extra effect, "are you from Tennessee? 'Cause you're the only 'ten', I see!" My charms would definitely make her swoon. I could see it now: she'd fall for me, but deny it for a few more books until we eventually cannot deny it any longer and get married or something, while everyone will make cool portmanteaus of our names like 'Perrabette' and then-

"No, I'm not from Tennessee; I'm from California. I'm not sure what you mean by 'Ten' but if you mean cabins, I'm from Cabin Six: Athena. Cabin Ten is Aphrodite's Cabin, and there are some girls from Ten over there, so the part about me being the only 'ten' you see is incorrect," she stated as-a-matter-of-factly. She wasn't trying to be nasty; she was just being intelligent. I guessed she was one of those girls whose idea of fun was hitting the library, or extra Math homework.

"Oh," I muttered. "Well, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

She paused for a moment, as if she was actually considering this. Seriously, you don't pause to consider a cheesy pick-up-line. You stopped to consider the answers to life's most important questions like 'what's for dinner?' and 'who would win in a fight between a stegosaurus and Batman?' and most importantly, 'where the Hades did I leave my underpants?'.

"I didn't fall from heaven, exactly, though my mother brought me down from Olympus, which you could think of as heaven if you really wanted to, but I didn't fall so it didn't really hurt." Hannabette said eventually. I felt like I could have slapped her in the face, but I had the feeling that she'd plan her revenge. Who on earth could resist the charms of Perry Johanneson? If I was a girl, I'd be throwing myself at my feet, except not really because who wants to date themselves (except Aphrodite)?

I noticed that she had a pencil hidden behind her ear, barely visible behind the flowing locks of her honey-blonde hair. A sheet filled with what appeared to be algebraic equations peeked out of her denim shorts. Looking at her from head to toe, I could tell that she wasn't overly concerned about her appearance. Her hair didn't appear to be brushed, her socks were mismatched, and as far as I could tell, she wasn't wearing any make-up. Blemishing her face was the odd spot, but aside from that, she was actually quite pretty. Maybe she felt like she didn't need any on.

"Why are you staring at me?" she blinked, giving me the impression that she either didn't like me, or felt uncomfortable around boys. Clearly she wasn't an Aphrodite girl.

"Maybe because he likes you, Hanna-sweat?" grunted an unfamiliar voice that didn't appear to be masculine or feminine, but instead a rather powerful neutral. "Not that there's anything to like."

The voice, to my surprise, came from a girl my age. She didn't seem to be particularly tall or strong, but there was something about the way she held herself, all arrogance and defiance as well as an evil sneer on her face that made her look intimidating. She reminded me of Darcy, but while she appeared to be innocent, this girl screamed danger. Her orange t-shirt was several sizes too big and worn underneath an army jacket with ripped combats and cleats. Unlike Hannabette, whose long hair emphasised her beauty and made her seem delicate, her wild and unruly tresses the colour of mood made her look disgusting. It didn't even seem to be washed!

"And who exactly do you think you are?" I asked defiantly.

"Me?" she laughed. "I'm Clarissa la Runescape, daughter of Ares, the war god. And what gives you the right to challenge me? And why are all the personal pronouns italicised?"

Hannabette opened her mouth to speak, probably to answer her question about grammar, but then looked at the bully and said nothing.

"I'm Perry Johanneson, daughter of…someone," I replied, ignoring the last two questions.

"Daughter? Oh well then, I must show you the girls' toilets. They're lovely. They have pink toilet paper- right up your street!"

"And why would I need to look at the girls' toilets? What makes you think I'd be interested in pink toilet paper? I am a manly man you know." I scoffed. Some people had no brain cells.

"You said you were the daughter of someone," Clarissa said, folding her arms.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Didn't!"

"Did!"

"Nu-uh!"

"Yu-uh!"

"Will you too please stop being utter idiots and speak English?" Hannabette interrupted furiously, which I thought was pretty rude of her.

"Gods, Hannabette, do you have to be so annoying?" Clarissa exclaimed in frustration.

"Yeah, Hannabette, couldn't you see we were arguing?"

"Did you just agree with me?"

"Um, yeah." I smirked. It seemed like a fairly obvious question, but like I said, she had no brain cells.

"Well here's what I say to that," she said before spitting on me. Or should I say, tried to spit on me, because as soon as the saliva landed on my cheek, I used all my efforts and might to send it flying back into her sneering face. She certainly wasn't expecting that!"

In fact, she stormed off vowing to bring me down painfully. Or something.

Hannabette looked impressed. "I'm thinking," she said after a pause, "that I ought to teach you some sanitation skills."


This chapter was awful, I know, buuuuuut, there are only two more chapters until THE QUEST!