Decisions 7
It was a quiet morning at the Carson's little cottage. The alarm had not sounded, breaking into the stillness of the early morning hours, though Elsie was wide awake and had been for some time. Charles, her doting husband, was blissfully oblivious to his wife's uneasy mind. As he lightly snored beside her, little puffs of his breath stirring the wisps of hair around her neck, Elsie shivered slightly and snuggled deeper into his arms.
This was the day that Elsie thought would never come for her. Since her mother had died leaving Becky in her care, Elsie had never dared to dream she would be lucky enough to retire. Unlike most women in their younger days, Elsie rarely dreamed of marriage, a marital bed, children, and a happy little home of her own. No, she had faced the stark reality that was her life. She would work and spend most of her earnings on the care of her younger sister. She would devote her waking hours to the happiness of others, rising early and going to bed late, eating what was placed on the table in front of her, and enjoying the occasional half day off for herself.
But, despite her devotion to service and her job, Elsie's heart had been stolen by the man sleeping next to her. The kind and gentle man had, in his own way, courted her throughout their years of working side by side. Intentions were never shared but it was clear that they were each other's best friend, confidante, equal in almost all things. Now, as she looked back on all those years, Elsie realized that despite never formally declaring their love and devotion to one another, it was clearly visible in almost every single interaction, lying dormant until quite recently.
As quickly and quietly as she could, Elsie extracted herself from Charles's arms, shivering a little as the early morning chill greeted her as she eased the sheet and quilt aside. She had to smile as Charles grunted a little having felt the loss of his wife in his arms. She looked back over her shoulder to see him wrapping his arms around her pillow, burrowing his face deeper and inhaling the vanilla scent which lingered. She indulged herself for a moment, watching him sleeping so peacefully, a small smile curled about his lips as he experienced some wonderful segment of a dream. Leaning over him, she placed a feather light kiss to his lips, tucked the blanket a little tighter around him, and then padded downstairs to make her first cup of tea of the day and a slice of toast.
As she slipped the last bite of her toast with strawberry jam into her mouth, she felt a soft kiss to the top of her head and warm arms wrapping around her shoulders from behind. She had been lost in a myriad of memories, some good and others less so, and she had not heard him approach.
"Up awfully early this morning," he rumbled into her ear before kissing her sweetly on the lips. "And already having breakfast without me?" he scolded lightly.
She cradled his cheek in her hand and ran her thumb along his lips. "Not exactly. I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd make some tea and toast. I was going to let you sleep for a bit longer. No sense in both of us getting up this early when it is me who couldn't rest."
Charles took his usual seat at the table and reached over to take her hand in his. "You should have nudged me. I would have gladly listened to whatever is on your mind or at least held you while you worked through it."
She smiled sweetly. "I know you would have, and I love you for it, but I don't even know what I'm feeling this morning. It's all a jumble, and I think I needed a few moments alone to gather my thoughts."
Charles glanced quickly at the grandfather clock in the far corner of the room then stood, pulling Elsie to her feet as well. "We have plenty of time before you have to dress for the day. Why don't we start this day with a little cuddle on the couch? We're both awake, and it's much too early to send you to work." He wrapped his arm around her waist and guided her into the other room, settling on the sofa before drawing her into his arms. "Still a bit chilly, so let's snuggle beneath the blanket," he suggested, already moving it from the back of the couch to cover them.
"Charlie, really, you don't have to do this. I'll be fine. I promise. I'm simply experiencing a lot of feelings this morning."
"I know that, and I truly understand it. I simply don't want you getting yourself worked up before you ever set foot out of the door this morning. So, please, close your eyes and let me take care of you."
She leaned up and kissed him softly and slowly on the lips before resting her head on his chest, her arm draped securely around his waist. She was silent for several minutes, and if it hadn't been for her uneven breathing, Charles might have assumed she had fallen asleep. Eventually, though, she broke through the comfortable silence filling the room. "I was thinking back over all my years at Downton when you came downstairs. I didn't even hear you come into the kitchen."
"Mmm, I could tell," he answered in a low rumble. "I didn't wish to startle you. You looked deep in those thoughts."
"I was remembering some of the better days along with some of the darker ones. I'm not one to dwell on memories but I couldn't help it this morning."
Charles pressed a kiss to the top of her head and raked his fingers through her long hair, marveling at its softness. "I remember your first day like it was only yesterday." She shifted to look up into his eyes, tears of happiness pooling in hers at the sentiment. "You were wearing a pale blue shirt, cornflower I believe is the color they call it these days, and a dark blue skirt that reached your ankles. You had shiny black boots, and a lovely hat with tiny flowers on them. I remember them as being daisies but I was never quite sure, and my memory isn't what it used to be."
She scoffed at the very idea. "Nonsense! Your mind is still as sharp as a tack. It was a cornflower blue blouse, dark skirt, and they were daisies. I cannot believe you remember that, Mr. Carson."
He puffed out his chest a little, proud at having remembered their first meeting with clarity and accuracy. "I also remember how very thin you looked, standing there in the doorway with the brown suitcase and looking so incredibly young. A mere slip of a girl, I believe is how I described you to Her Ladyship when she asked if you'd arrived safely."
"Oh Charlie, you never!"
"I did, and it was true. I even approached Mrs. Matthews about ensuring that you were eating well and taking your tea breaks with biscuits and sandwiches. I know it wasn't any of my business, especially back then, but I knew the work you were doing was hard, and you'd need all of your strength."
"You dear, sweet man. I never knew. She never said, though I did wonder why she was always insisting that I eat an extra biscuit or sandwich. And it always seemed that my plate was a little fuller than everyone else's at the beginning."
"Well, now you know my great secret, Elsie Carson. Even then, all those years ago, I was protecting you and trying, in my own way, to care for you."
"And I couldn't love you more for it and for all of the years that followed. I've been a very lucky woman."
"I'm the lucky one, Elsie, make no mistake about that. I never dreamed that one day I'd be sharing my home, my deepest thoughts, and even my bed with a beautiful woman who loved me in return. I was convinced I would die in the harness, as you well know, but now, I'm looking forward to many more years of doing things for enjoyment, not out of servitude, and with you by my side."
"Funny you should say that. I was going down a similar path with my thoughts this morning. I was thinking back over everything we've been through and how it all brought us here." She shifted so she was a little closer to him, his warmth, his solid frame, his aura of strength and security. Despite her fear of falling back to sleep given how relaxed she was feeling, Elsie closed her eyes and remained quiet and motionless for several long minutes before finally pushing herself up and folding the blanket.
"Feeling better, love?" he asked with tenderness in his voice, his hand rubbing up and down her back soothingly.
Elsie turned and looked into his concerned eyes, unshed tears pooling in her own. "I can't do this on my own, Charlie."
He cocked an eyebrow and tried to lighten the mood. "You really need my help in getting dressed this morning? Usually, you tell me I'm distracting you, stop or you'll be late, or save that idea for later." He gave her a little wink and watched as a smile curled about her lips.
"No, not that, though after today, you won't have to worry about me saying those things except maybe on Sunday mornings from time to time. What I mean is the Abbey. I need you with me. Please," she asked, a pleading tone to her voice that he rarely heard.
"Of course, love. Anything for you. We'll go upstairs and dress. I'll walk you to work, and then I'll come back later and escort my beautiful bride home." He drew her into his arms and cradled her head to his chest, resting his chin on top of her head as he held her tightly. Reluctantly, he released her and took hold of her hand, leading her towards their staircase.
"That's not what I meant either, Charlie. I don't want to face this last day without you by my side. You were there when I first started Downton, and I've decided I need you to stay with me for the very last day. Please. I know it sounds silly, but there it is. I need you by my side, and not just for today, but for every day."
Charles kissed her sweetly on the lips as his thumbs brushed away the tears from her eyes. "Come along, lass. If we hurry, we can make it in time for a nice, hearty breakfast with everyone before you start your last day of work. I can pack up things in your office while you oversee everything else. I'm sure no one will mind the old butler spending the day in the housekeeper's sitting room."
Elsie smiled and leaned into his touch. "The housekeeper of today thanks you from the bottom of her heart, and your wife looks forward to filling her retirement days with you, Mr. Carson. Perhaps tomorrow, I can teach you all about breakfast in bed … after we've had a long morning cuddle."
"Just a cuddle," he asked, patting her bottom as he ascended the stairs in front of him, something they both knew he appreciated.
"Well, we have to start somewhere, don't we?" she called back over her shoulder. "I do wonder, though …"
"Wonder what, love?"
"I wonder if the butler of the Carson's Love Nest would be interested in joining the housekeeper for a nice glass of wine this evening. I hear she has a pretty pale blue, almost cornflower, colored nightgown she's been thinking of wearing."
Charles gave a low growl and quickly wrapped his arms around his wife from behind, eagerly cozying up to her and whispering into her ear. "The butler accepts the invitation and will look forward to it all day long, Mrs. Carson. He might even have a few surprises of his own for her, but we'll have to wait and see. After all, tomorrow is the start of a brand new chapter for this butler and housekeeper, and I intend to enjoy every single minute of it."
"That makes two of us, Charlie. Tomorrow, we embark on our very own grand adventure, and I couldn't be happier because I'm sharing it with you."
A/N: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking with this story. Please know that each and every review, reblog, comment, like, fic rec, and private messages are appreciated greatly! I've said it before, but I'll say it again … the Chelsie fandom rocks!
