Chapter Seven: Stupor
Ruthie woke on the bench, one side of her face burning from the heat of the sun beating down on it; the other drenched in spit and stuck to the bench. This had become Ruthie's bed for the past Week. Every night after work she would come here and wait for Marcus. When he arrived, sometimes with Kaylie sometimes without, she would buy enough to keep her out of it until she saw him again.
Every night he would leave with a smile on his face as he watched the terror she'd once had for him slowly turn to respect. Every night she would sit by the payphone and dial the same number, wait for 3 rings and hear her mother's voice. And every night she would hang up silently.
Ruthie couldn't deal with Megan, she loved Megan and didn't want to hurt her but nothing Megan said or did could change how she felt, she didn't understand. How could she? Megan had never had the same expectations of her as Ruthie had. Megan had grown up destined to live this life. Her Father was an alcoholic who abused her physically and sexually, until she was 16 when he shot and killed her boyfriend as a birthday present. Her mother was an abused wife who drank herself into a stupor every night to ignore what was going on in her own house. Megan only had no one.
Ruthie had 6 brothers and sisters all of whom cared about her and wanted to help her. Both a mother and Father who adored her and wanted to see her live a happy life. Her Father, the minister of their church had always talked to them about Drugs and Alcohol and how they destroyed lives. Ruthie had made her own stupid choices, and deserved to be exactly where she was.
But that's the thing, where exactly was she? She couldn't go home. Not her real home. She didn't even want to go to the place she now called home. She had nothing. Megan was all she had, and she didn't even know if she really had her.
The first day of summer.
She could remember how excited she used to get for this day. Back in Glenoak. Back when she'd had something to get excited over. When she was really little on the first day of summer Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon and her would pile into the car and drive down to this nearby lake and spend the whole day swimming and playing games. She remembered the last year they all went together was the year Simon had taught her to swim in their bathtub. Her parents hadn't thought it would be possible but he did it. And that summer when Matt drove them down to the lake, she had been the first one in the water and the last one out. She still went there every summer, only over the years less of them went. Matt went off to school. Mary, well Mary had her own issues. Lucy lost interest. Then her and Simon drifted apart. The last time she was there was just before she moved to New York, she had gone alone, and hadn't set one toe in the water. She spent the entire day staring out at the lake in silence. She'd give anything to be staring out at that lake. Anything to be a little girl on that lake surrounded by the people she loved the most just one more time.
Ruthie got up off the bench and walked over to the payphone she deposited a quarter and dialed. She listened to it ring.
"Hello."
"I want to see you. Meet me by the castle in Central Park. One hour." Ruthie paused. "Please." She whispered before hanging up.
There she was, sitting alone on a bench, she couldn't look more out of place if she was naked. Sitting there with her black jean jacket three sizes too big, her short skirt riding up exposing her frayed black tights with holes in the knees, her greasy hair shining in the sunlight, and an emotionless glaze painted on her face. The little kids playing nearby ran past her like she didn't exist. The parents sitting in the grass watched her, whispering nasty comments to themselves.
He made his way over and stood over her. She looked up at him. "You can sit." She said quietly. "Do you remember the lake back home?"
Matt sat down beside her and nodded. "I remember." He looked at her, she closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm surprised you called me." He said.
"I'm surprised I called you too." She took out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and pulled one out. She put it in her mouth and looked at Matt. "I'm not asking for your help." She said lighting her cigarette.
"Then why did you call?" Matt said frowning as she blew smoke up into the air.
"I told you I don't know—"
"I don't believe that. And what makes you think I won't just pick you up and force you to get help?" Matt said.
"Because you won't." Ruthie looked up at him, her eyes felt cold as they stared into his. "You're afraid. You're all afraid to make a move."
"All who?" Matt looked out at the water, it was too painful to look at her.
"You, Simon, Dad. You're all scared—"
"Scared for you maybe." Matt growled. A small smile crawled across her face and then disappeared, She shook her head.
"You're afraid if you make a move and fail, that you'll lose me forever." She took another drag from her cigarette and looked back up at him. "But I've got news for you. You already have."
Matt grabbed Ruthie by the shoulders and turned her to face him. She flinched and closed her eyes. He looked down at her, broken. She was broken, she wasn't more than a shadow of herself. He released her and she scooted over staring at him in shock. "You think I'd hurt you?"
Ruthie just stared at him speechless. Matt looked at her searching her face for something, anything. Ruthie turned to face the water again. "Have you talked to Dad?" she whispered.
"Yeah, he's worried about you. We all are." Matt said. "We could help you if you let us—"
"No you couldn't." She snapped getting to her feet. She turned and faced him. "No one can help me. You don't even know me anymore."
"Why are you doing this then?" Matt asked standing up. "Why did you call me?" He repeated. Ruthie looked up at him and narrowed her eyes.
"Because I missed you" Ruthie yelled. The people around them glared and continued whispering. Ruthie could care less though. Her face was hot, red hot, but not from embaressment, but because of the tears running down her face. "I Miss you." She turned and walked away.
"Please don't leave. Ruthie, Please." He called after her but didn't follow. Because if nothing else one thing Ruthie had said was true. They were afraid.
Authors note: Yay I'm back :D Sorry for the ridiculously long wait for this chapter, I have most of the next chapter written but halfway through it I decided I wanted something to come before it. But then my a key on my keyboard stopped working it still doesn't work but I'm so used to typing without it and just pasting it in that I thought i'd try typing again. So I hope this chapter was worth the wait because I really like it. I hope to have the next one up soon. I also might be starting a new one about Faith from Buffy The Vampire slayer. But we'll see. This one is still my number one priority though.
xxKatie
