NOTE: Remember - NAME(OS): = speaker is off-screen. In otherwords, OS = off-screen.



CHARMEDED 2.7: ALMOST THERE... JUST ONE MORE... TO GO


PRELUDE: HOLLY'S FACTS.

INT. HOLLY IS SITTING ON THE HOLLY'S FACTS SET.

HOLLY: Hey! I managed to get myself un-fired. Or re-hired! Ooh that rhymes! Anyway. So, um, the fact for today is that... um... (unconvincingly) oh there's so many to choose from... oh! Did you know that... ooh - if Shannen was REALLY Irish or part Irish - whatever - her name should be Shannon Docherty. Something to ponder over while you sip your mulled wine, no?

SHE PICKS UP A GLASS OF MULLED WINE WHICH HAS JUST APPEARED ON THE TABLE.

HOLLY: Hmm... okay, lookie here!

SHE TAKES A SIP.

HOLLY: Hmm... Shannen Doherty... Shannon Docherty...
SHANNEN(OS): Are you discussing my name over mulled wine with the audience AGAIN, Combs?
HOLLY: I've never done it with the viewers before... (raises eyebrow, mysterious) or have I?
DIRECTOR(OS): Like anyone gives a sh*t. Stop trying to be cool, Combs!

A SHOE IS SUDDENLY THROWN FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA. IT HITS HOLLY AND CAUSES HER TO SPILL HER MULLED WINE.

HOLLY: Man! I was using that mulled wine to mull over serious issues!

A FAINT DRUM ROLL IS HEARD. BA BOOM CHHH. ALYSSA BOUNCES INTO THE SHOT.

ALYSSA: Man, Holly, that you drinking again? Gee, if I didn't know better than to get you started on your catchphrase, I'd say you had a problem!
HOLLY: What? A problem?
ALYSSA: Oops...
SHANNEN(OS): Nice one, you woolly pink moron!
HOLLY: It's not a problem! It's a habit - and not all habits are bad okay?
ALYSSA: Okay, okay... sheesh!

FADE TO:

THEME AND CREDITS.

INT. PHOEBE IS SITTING ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR PLAYING WITH A DOLL AND A CARDBOARD BOX. AFTER A WHILE, SHE THROWS THE DOLL AWAY AND ATTEMPTS TO GET INTO THE BOX. PRUE ENTERS.

PRUE: Need a hand, Pheebs?
PHOEBE: That would be... no! You wouldn't let me out!
PRUE: Oh come on! Of course I would.
PHOEBE: Well...
PRUE: What if I promised you?
PHOEBE: Promise? Pinky promise?
PRUE: Sure thing.

THEY LINK PINKIES.

PRUE: I promise that I will let you back out of the box.
PHOEBE: You know Prue, you're not so bad.
PRUE: Thanks! Now lets get you in this box, sweetie.

PRUE SETS TO WORK EASING PHOEBE INTO THE BOX. AFTER A FEW MOMENTS, IT SEEMS PHOEBE IS LODGED, ALTHOUGH QUITE COMFORTABLY, IN THE BOX.

PHOEBE: Wow, I really am that small!
PRUE: Well that's what being 5'2 does for you.
PHOEBE: Then you'd fit in, wouldn't you?
PRUE: No - I'm five foot FOUR, DAMMIT!

PRUE REGAINS HERSELF.

PRUE: I mean, I wouldn't want to take the fun from you... want me to close the lid, so you feel really cute and tiny?
PHOEBE: Sure. You're a great sister Prue. I don't know why Piper keeps bitching on you.

PRUE CLOSES THE LID.

PRUE: Piper? H-h-how could she? Little ho!

SHE PRODUCES GAFFA TAPE AND BEGINS SEALING THE BOX PHOEBE IS IN. SHE USES SEVEN ROLLS OF TAPE AND GOES OVER THE WHOLE BOX. IT TAKES A WHILE, BUT THE BOX IS COVERED IN TAPE AND SEALED AIRTIGHT. AIRTIGHT, THEREFORE:

PHOEBE(in box): Prue! Let me out! I can't breath.
PRUE: Well you should have thought about that before you got in the box.
PHOEBE: You said you'd let me out - you pinky-promised!
PRUE: I promised I'd let you out... I just didn't say when.

COLE ENTERS AND STARES AT THE BOX.

COLE: Phoebe?
PRUE: Yup.
COLE: Huh, once I tried to tape her in a box... how'd you do it?
PRUE: I pinky promised I'd let her out. Just don't say when!
PHOEBE(in box): Come on - let me out! Please!

COLE AND PRUE LAUGH AND RUN AWAY. THERE IS A PAUSE WHILE PHOEBE IS ALONE BANGING ON THE BOX. PIPER ENTERS.

PIPER: Oh, god! Who's in there?
PHOEBE: Me!
PIPER: Hmm... from that high and squeaky voice... oh my god Leo I'll get you out!

PIPER SETS TO WORK ON THE BOX. SHE GET'S HER LETTER OPENER AND JIBS(STABS) IT INTO THE BOX. SHE CONTINUES AND EVENTUALLY RIPS THE BOX OPEN. PHOEBE ROLLS OUT, COVERED IN BLOOD.

PIPER: Huh. You dead?

PHOEBE DOES NOT MOVE.

PIPER: Oh... kay... hey you're not Leo!

LEO ORBS IN.

LEO: You called?
PIPER: No, I'm sorry, it's nothing.
LEO: What? Phoebe is lying there, bleeding her ass off and you don't want me to do anything about it?
PIPER: God Leo, you'd think you were in love with her or something!
LEO: Ha! Let's have sex!
PIPER: Okily dokily!

THEY EXIT, GIGGLING. PHOEBE ROLLS OVER.

PHOEBE: Okay, I'll just let you know that since we're running out of time I ain't gonna be rescued, but I'll be fine next time, bye!

SHE CLOSES HER EYES.

FADE TO:
CREDITS.

VOICE OVER WOMAN: Oh dear. What on earth will happen next time on Charmeded? Will Prue and Cole find out Piper let Phoebe out of the box and kill her in a mad rampage? Will Piper find out Leo is wearing a hot pink thong? Will Leo be annoyed that Piper isn't? Find out next time on Charmeded:

***

PRUE: Look, Piper, seriously, I'm sure guys do it all the time!
PIPER: Prue, it was small, very small, and hot pink. Not just dull pink, you know, that maybe it used to be red, but intentional, definate PINK!
PHOEBE: I like pink!

***

COLE: Leo, buddy... I hear you joined the underwear club!
LEO: God will people just lay off?
COLE: Wanna... um, wanna... take a shower with me?
LEO: Okay!
COLE: How about I run a bath instead?
LEO: Yeah!

***

KIT: Meow.

***

VOICE OVER GUY: Oh... kay... um, next week... tune in for the final episode! Buh-bye!