Title: I Won't Call You My Weakness, But I Will Call You Mine

Author's Note: I don't know how many people are reading, but I wanted to be sure to update for those who are. So, thank you to those who are commenting. A bit of angst headed your way but I hope it'll be worth it in the end.

Hope everyone is doing wonderful and have a marvelous end to your May!


"It's fine, Steve," Kono assures him with a smile. "It's only a sprain."

He nods as he stares at her words, taking in the bandage at her wrist, but Kono knows his mind is a thousand miles away. He's thinking beyond the simple injury to the larger matter at hand that they need to discuss, that they need to conquer, because it's taking up so much space in her living room as if it's an invading army instead of a mere topic of conversation. The situation may be over, they may be finished at the crime scene, may have made it home in one piece and started the initial paperwork, but the ringing of those gunshots still haunts him; she can see the ghost of it lingering in his gaze.

"Steve, I'm okay," Kono says again, sliding next to him on the couch and resting a hand on his knee to pull him back to her, to remind him of her presence. But he moves away from her touch as if he doesn't deserve it, standing immediately to put distance between them. She sighs because she knows it's going to be a long night and all she can do is watch him pace across her small living room as if he's trapped in cramped quarters with no way to escape. "It's not your fault."

But she knows she's wasting her breath because he's shaking his head at her before she even finishes the sentence.

"It is, Kono. It is. Because of me."

It made sense to all of them after seeing the pictures, it made clear sense why the man took a final parting shot at Kono. Not at Steve, but at Kono. All four of them had been quiet at the scene, working diligently with HPD when the crime unit showed up, riding back to headquarters in silence in their usual pairs. Chin noticed Kono wincing with every movement of her left wrist and had taken her to the hospital despite her protests that it was only a little sore and would be fine with some ice and elevation. He'd waited while she'd gotten a quick x-ray done, and when the doctor prescribed her the same treatment, she was relieved to hear the scan came back clear and wearing a wrap bandage for a few days would suffice to reduce the swelling.

Chin had dropped her off at home, hugging her tightly before he left and telling her to come to dinner the next night they finished early at work. She tried to act casual, as if it was any ordinary day and an ordinary good night, but the aching bruise from the impact of the bullets that hit her chest reminds her otherwise. She squeezes him back, thankful for his presence in her life and the way his arms wrap around her without a moment's hesitation after either a calamity or a celebration.

Steve hasn't touched her all night.

He showed up ten minutes ago and looked her over from the top of her head to the tips of her bare feet, lingering at the stark white of the bandage at her wrist. But more than that, she can see his eyes stray to that spot at her chest where the bullets had hit and made her jolt back, where they'd remained lodged in her vest until she'd finally peeled it off during the car ride to the hospital. He stares at that spot as if he can see the bruising underneath, as if he can feel the impact like she had, as if he can hear the crack of gunshots in the room all over again.

She blames a dead Akoni Chan for the scare that left her heart racing, but left her thankful it was beating at all.

Steve, of course, blames himself.

He paces in front of her, tense and solemn, hands passing over his face as he struggles to find the words. "I didn't think- I had no idea-"

"It's not your fault, Steve." Kono echoes the words again, but he ignores them, refusing to believe her. He's in a place of his own, eyes dark and body tense, his soldier stance, and she has no idea how to reach him. She watches from the couch a few feet away, but the distance seems like miles.

Steve sighs deeply, shoulders slumped as if he's lost a war and found out she was the first casualty. "I'm so sorry, Kono."

"He's dead." Her voice comes out much sharper this time, hoping to bring him to attention and snap him out of how stupid he's being, how stupid this whole conversation is. His eyes meet hers, but the expression in them doesn't change.

"I should have known better," he mutters.

"Known what better?" Kono repeats, her heart clenching at the words because she has a bad feeling about this, a very bad feeling after an already bad day. "That he was taking creepy pictures of us? Because it slipped by me too."

He says nothing, lost in his thought as he stares at a spot over her shoulder, like he finds the wall more fascinating than her or this conversation. She sighs and stands up, going to him since he won't come to her, but when she reaches for him, he still won't look her way. His body language remains stiff like she's a stranger who has invaded his personal space, and not a woman he slept with two nights ago, been seeing exclusively for months, known for years and years.

"Maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

Kono hears the words but she's not sure she heard him correctly because they simply seem so preposterous on a night when all she wants is for him to hold her. He can't be serious, can he? Her hand grabs for his forearm, but he doesn't acknowledge the touch or the pressure, still staring behind her, not meeting her eyes.

She shakes her head, releasing a low chuckle, because this has to be some sort of joke. A bad joke because it sounds so terribly wrong. "You're kidding, right? Do you expect a lot of people with revenge vendettas to pop out of the woodwork?"

Steve tugs his hand out of her hold and takes a step back; she unconsciously shivers at the loss of contact. He meets her gaze and his eyes look cold, like blue ice, as if he's a nameless soldier on a mission to deliver bad news, and not the man she's come to know intimately over the last few months, the man whose eyes twinkle when he sees her in his kitchen making coffee, who gives in and lets her pick what they watch on TV at night.

"Please tell me you're kidding." Kono refuses to let her voice break at the possibility hovering over them, the possibility that he's not joking at all, that he's being absolutely serious. "Please tell me you're not breaking up with me over Akoni Chan."

She spits out the man's name in anger, hoping to get Steve's attention and it works. But hearing the name only hardens his features as he clenches his jaw for control. He shakes his head at her comment, then says, "It's not because of him. It's better this way. It's safer."

Better? Safer? Suddenly, she feels the impact from the slugs that hit her chest all over again; but this time, it's not on the outside of her skeletal system, but inside, down to her heart. She wonders if it's a side effect of the vest from catching the bullets, or is it his words that her causing her insides to hurt? She blinks back tears at the pain, not allowing herself to cry over his words when he's being so incredibly stupid, when he's being so fucking stupid and refusing to snap out of it.

Maybe he notices the moisture in her eyes because his eyes soften just the slightest, and a flash of regret hits him. It's gone so fast that she thinks she may have imagined it before his shoulders stiffen and he looks away, swallowing audibly in the silence of her living room. "I'm sorry."

"Are you being serious?" Her voice comes out higher than she means for it to, as if she's on the verge of becoming hysterical. She shakes her head at herself, taking a deep breath to control her emotions, to try and reason with him because despite his issues, despite his quick anger and sudden impulses, he's always been a reasonable man, a logical soldier when it comes to approaching a battle plan. "Steve," she begins, "we're talking about some stupid island gangbanger, not a criminal mastermind, like Wo Fat-

"Don't."

This time, he interrupts her, his voice scathing and harsh, so dangerous that she flinches at the unfamiliar tone. But she had made the mistake of saying that name out loud and watching his eyes darken with anger. It might all be over - he's dead and Steve barely returned home in one piece after that final, brutal showdown- but they still don't say that name unless they have to, unless it is absolutely necessary. She and Steve certainly don't use it at all when it comes to the context of their personal relationship. She's never broken that unspoken rule, never tainted the air between them with that monster's name, but she can't help but bring it up now.

"Do not mention him because that is not the same thing. I would never put you at risk if he was still out there, you know that."

And she does. She does. She'd seen the burden of the world and his parents' cases become lighter on his shoulder, seen him shuffle the weight to live again. He smiled a little more easily and his eyes twinkled a little brighter when he laughed. After the responsibility of hunting him down was accomplished, he woke up and felt connected to the world and his surroundings again. That was when he began to notice the way his feelings for Kono were changing over time; and after much internal debate and stolen moments, he had taken a chance when they admitted the truth to each other. After putting the demon that haunted him to rest, after making sure that bastard couldn't hurt anyone else in his life, he could finally take a chance. It was the only way he could be sure he wasn't putting her in jeopardy. Yet here he is now, a different dead man and a different burden haunting him.

Kono swallows back an apology and resists the urge to reach for him because it's clear at this point he would only turn her away. She swallows her words of comfort and focuses on the issue at hand, at what he's trying to pull, at how big of a coward he's being, even if he's disguised himself as a selfless hero. "So, that's it? What have we been doing for the last six months?"

Steve's eyes meet hers as he hears the anger and the bitterness in her tone. He has the decency to look ashamed of himself at the question. But he provides her no answer. "I should go."

"Yeah, you should," she retorts harshly. She's done trying to reason with him, done trying to convince him, because this isn't something he should need convincing about. She knew what she was getting into with him, she thought about it after she kissed him, she thought about it before she decided to kiss him again. She knew he had a protective side, she knew he would always be an alpha male, and that her safety would always come first to him, but she thought after all these months together, that screwed up hero complex in him had resigned and he would put their relationship first because it had come to mean something important to him, something special that he can't give up without a fight.

Apparently, she was wrong.

He doesn't move from his spot, looking at her with his hands balled into fists as if he's aching to touch her, as if he's putting all his concentration into not reaching for her. But he doesn't. Because that's not what you do when you're breaking someone's heart; you don't offer them comfort, you simply stand there and watch them try not to cry.

"I'm sorry. I hope we can go back to being friends-" His voice stutters over the word as if his body subconsciously realizes how stupid the word sounds.

"Just go!" Kono yells, her voice coming out shakier than she'd like, but it wakes them both up, echoing through her living room as sharply and suddenly as the gunshots aimed toward her earlier had. He finally turns and heads for the front door, not looking back. She hears the sound of his truck starting and driving off without any hesitation, as if it was really so easy for him to make the decision to walk away.

She refuses to cry. She calmly locks the door, puts away her leftovers, and turns off the lights. She breaks down in the shower for a good five minutes, then forces herself to push away all thoughts of the day and ignore all her aches and pains - whether it be the swelling of her wrist, the bruising on her chest, the affliction of her heart breaking. Kono tries to fall asleep because she has work tomorrow.