Pulling up to Link's house the next morning, Rhett took another moment to look at himself in the visor mirror. The circles under his eyes were darker than they'd been before, and the eye drops he'd used barely hid the redness. Sighing, Rhett leaned on the car horn and waited for his friend to appear, practicing a normal "good morning" in his head.
Last night had been, undoubtedly, the worst night of his life, sleep-wise. Rhett had spent the better part of about four hours staring down at his hands, trying to control the shakiness. But this time, there were no in-between periods of semi-consciousness; Rhett had been alert to a point of pain behind his eyes. He had gotten dressed for work at five in the morning, three hours before his family got up and five hours before he had to pick Link up.
Even now, slumped over and looking like he was ready to drop dead, he wasn't tired. But it wasn't a good feeling; there was a desperation about him, this feeling that he'd do absolutely anything to be able to shut his eyes without something (but what?) yanking him out of his sleep again-
Rhett's knuckles had gone white as his grip on the steering wheel tightened. Slowly, he loosened his hands, exhaling deeply. Calm down, he thought, running a hand through his hair. You're fine, damn it. Just keep your head, get through work today, and then you can talk to Link and put this madness out of your head for good. He realized he'd been sitting there for a while, and Link had failed to appear. Rhett was about to press on the car horn again when Link's voice cut through the silence.
"I didn't ask for this divorce, Christy, and I sure as hell didn't ask for you to take the kids back with you to North Carolina!"
Rhett sat up, startled, to see Link storming towards the car, his phone pressed to his ear and his expression furious. "All I'm saying is that I haven't seen them in almost two months, so it would be nice if you'd bother bringing them with you so I could see them before we go to freaking court!" His friend stopped a few feet away, probably thinking that Rhett couldn't hear him, his expression growing darker with every word Christy was probably barking into his ear. "You and I both know that you're going to get full custody, so at least let me see the kids before you move them back to North Carolina for good!"
Rhett knew by now that beyond being heartbroken, Link was angry (an understatement) at Christy for the divorce. During his less reserved moments, Link had gone on tangents, all but cursing his ex-wife's name as he recounted his resentment. Of course, it always ended with Link sobbing about how much he loved and missed her, really.
This time was different. His fury, especially so early in the morning, terrified Rhett.
At that moment, Link looked up, and Rhett's breath hitched as their eyes met. Link seemed to realize how loud he'd been, because the next words Link spat into the phone were inaudible. Rhett ran his hand awkwardly over his lip, anxious about what to say to his friend once he was done with his phone call. He didn't have long to think, because not a minute later, Link was opening the door to the passenger seat, trying and failing to keep the annoyance off of his expression.
"Morning, man," Link said, his voice level. "Sorry you had to hear that; Christy decided it'd be fantastic to call as I was getting ready for work." Rhett, unsure of what to say, chose to say nothing, and started the car. "This is maybe the second or third time we've talked since she moved the kids and half our house to her property back home," Link continued, his voice shaking slightly. "And all I could do was try not to yell at her, which didn't work."
A brief silence followed, during which Rhett kept his eyes steadfastly down the road and Link stared out the window, brooding. Slowing down as they hit a red light, Rhett glanced over his friend. His piqued expression had faded, leaving a dullness to Link's eyes as he slumped dejectedly in his seat. Their eyes met, and they looked at each other intensely and for too long, before Link's eyes flicked away again.
"I'm okay, Rhett. Quit looking at me like you're afraid."
Rhett opened his mouth to state that no, Link wasn't okay, and that he shouldn't lie about how he felt, that it wasn't healthy. But somehow the words didn't come. He closed his mouth again, and they sat there until Link whispered, "The light's green, brother." Rhett hit the gas, still unsure of what to say to comfort his friend.
"Christy has property back home?" It was a stupid question, but they were the only words Rhett could find. Link didn't respond for a moment, and Rhett thought maybe he'd hurt Link's feelings with such a dumb question. But when his friend finally replied, Rhett was filled with pity in spite of himself.
"She'd been looking since last June." Link's voice throbbed with betrayal. "That's what all those weekend trips without me and the kids were for. She was house hunting in North Carolina."
The rest of the trip was silent. Rhett glanced over at Link once, expecting to see tears streaming down his face. His friend's jaw was tight, his eyes glazed and his breathing erratic. But he didn't cry.
Rhett admired Link, for his strength, even as he shied away and avoided Link where he could, tongue tied and helpless. They ran through that day's episode together, joking around and smiling. Link seemed to have put his bust-up with Christy behind him for now. Rhett was relieved that Link could get past the difficulties of his life a little easier now.
And he also envied him. Because as Link was finally starting to heal, Rhett was falling apart.
Too often now, Rhett stopped responding as the cameras were rolling, leaving Link to fill in the empty spaces. Today's episode was turning into one of those times.
In hindsight, he felt guilty, knowing more than anyone else that Link was still far from okay, and struggled to keep up a constant cheerful veneer for the cameras. But in the moments Rhett realized he'd let five seconds of silence go by, all he could feel was resentment towards his friend, who'd reduced him to almost nothing in the space of a few minutes, and couldn't even recall doing it. Let him try carrying almost an entire episode on his own; Rhett had done the same for a month as Link had been feeling sorry for himself.
Even after Link's exchange with his ex-wife that morning, when Rhett knew he should be open and comforting to his friend, he continued to hold back. Sitting at their desk, they were supposed to be showcasing a series of awkward family photos they'd found on the internet, making comments and jokes over each one. This was a familiar formula for an episode, and it should have been easy for them to get through it quickly. The only problem was that Rhett wouldn't-couldn't- cooperate, and Link couldn't exactly keep up a dialogue on his own.
As another one of Link's jokes fell flat, the brunette exhaled loudly, presumably out of frustration. Rhett attempted to think of something to say, but his friend beat him to it, asking abruptly, "Man, what's up with you today? This was your idea, and you're kind of being a doornail." His tone was innocent enough, but Rhett knew him well enough to sense the tension running underneath his words. Miraculously, Rhett managed to find a smile and a quip within himself. He almost sounded natural as he spoke.
"I never got that expression, you know. But maybe I'd be less of a doornail if your jokes didn't hurt to listen to."
Somehow, the awkwardness lifted a bit after that, and they were able to banter more easily, to Link's obvious relief. The blond hated the coil in his stomach as Link smiled directly at him, and took another long gulp of coffee to cover up his unease.
Finally, the main episode was over and done with, and after a round of verbal tennis about office supplies, Rhett felt himself relax a bit. Good Mythical More was for the really hardcore fans; he was comforted by the fact that he didn't have to work as hard to impress in the post episode.
Rhett wasn't quite sure how this would play out; they'd talked about describing their own awkward family photos over the years, but he knew it'd be hard for him to really contribute anything in his state of mind. His plan was to just let Link take over the whole GMMore, hoping it wouldn't go too badly, especially for the subject of the episode. He was about to ask Link about the worst photo his family had ever taken, hoping for a long-winded answer. Or at least, one that wouldn't make it obvious how Link's own family had more or less fallen apart. But again, the words wouldn't come, and he focused on not saying anything stupid as Link finished his thought. Then they fell into a brief silence.
Rhett gazed at his friend, feeling pathetic that he had to work up courage to talk to Link. It made him angry, which in turn made it even harder to come up with a coherent thought, let alone verbalize it. He turned away slightly, taking a sip from his mug as he did so, looking at their huge screen off to the side of the cameras. It was a habit he'd developed, one that came automatically, where Rhett would check to see if they would look alright to their viewers.
On the screen, he saw the tension on Link's face recede as the brunette seemed to come to a decision.
Looking directly at the camera, Link said, "You know, all this talk of families has me thinking about my divorce."
Rhett almost choked on his coffee at that. His head whipped left as his jaw sagged in shock. Never, for even a moment, had Rhett expected Link to speak openly about his divorce. Or that he'd bring it up so casually. Out of the corner of his eye, Rhett could see the crew visibly cringe, worried that they'd have a repeat of the day when Link had ran away in the middle of recording.
But Link, as he spoke, was surprisingly calm; his voice didn't even shake. "Mythical beasts, Rhett and I have taken note of your concerns. We've read the comments, seen your tweets, everything. And the truth is that I've had things going on lately that have made doing the show difficult. Not impossible, but difficult. And the truth is, I'm getting divorced."
An intense pause followed, and somehow Rhett managed to put his own personal turmoil aside; Link was vulnerable now, holding himself up for scrutiny, and Rhett had to let him know he could back out if he wanted to. He clasped a hand to Link's shoulder, squeezing, forcing Link to turn to him. You don't have to do this, he mouthed quickly. He searched Link's eyes, looking for signs of distress. Link's gaze was steady, and his voice, when he replied, was firm.
"It's okay, man. I….maybe they deserve to know."
Link kept his anecdote vague, not giving away any of the intimate details, choosing instead to focus on the state of mind he'd been in, apologizing for his poor performance in recent episodes. The entire time, he rubbed his hands together anxiously, taking a pause before every sentence, like he was afraid to give too much away.
Slowly, as Link struggled through his saga, Rhett felt the wall he'd built between himself and Link crumble even further, at least for the moment. He said nothing, except to whisper a quick "Are you okay?" to Link every now and again between sentences. Every time, Link would nod his head, take a deep breath, and continue. Rhett edged his seat closer to Link, to let his friend know he was there for him, and let him know Link could stop whenever he needed to.
But Link continued working his way up to the present, and Rhett kept his head bowed, knowing it would have been wrong to interject. No matter what might have gone down between them, despite what Link had said to him (don't think about it, not now; he needs you, Rhett thought forcefully) the love he felt well up inside him for his friend didn't feel wrong or out of place; it was a love for a friend in pain, powerful and tinged with pity.
"And of course, I've had Rhett here to help me. I don't know what I would have done without him these past few weeks," Link concluded, taking off his glasses. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, muttering an apology as he did so. The bigger man, throwing all his previous cautions aside, wrapped an arm protectively around his partner, and Link leaned into him, resting his head on his friend's shoulder as Rhett wrapped both arms around him tightly.
"It's okay, brother. I'm here," Rhett whispered, clutching Link closer, praying that Link wouldn't notice the way Rhett's heart rate ramped up, especially when Link wrapped his arms around Rhett in kind.
They stayed like that for a moment, the brunette holding onto Rhett like he was afraid to let go. He didn't shed any tears that Rhett could see, but when Link pulled away to look at the blond in gratitude, the look in his eyes was so pitiful that Rhett actually had to look away.
The taller of the two looked up then, remembering that the cameras were still rolling, and felt his face heat up at the stares that greeted him. Feeling as though he'd been caught doing something wrong, Rhett slashed a hand across a throat, and the red light on the cameras blinked off.
"You didn't have to do that, you know," Rhett whispered as he and Link walked back to their office to brainstorm. At least, that's what Rhett had said they would do as he ushered Link away. He'd exchanged looks with Stevie as they left the room, and heard her telling the rest of the crew to leave the two friends alone for a while.
"I did, Rhett. It's been eating up at me, having this huge thing going on in my life, and keeping it from our viewers." He paused, considering. "It felt kind of good to come clean." Link looked up at Rhett, and to both of their surprises, Link was smiling. It was just a small smile, but after telling six million people about perhaps the most painful event in his life, Rhett found it remarkable.
And at the same time, he felt a dull kind of fury. "You don't owe them anything," Rhett said gruffly as Link opened the door to their office. Now that his friend's emotional piece was over, Rhett's unease came slowly trickling back, and he was acutely aware of the fact that they were more alone than usual in this room, with their crew hiding away from them, trying to give them space. He hated himself for the flood of emotions that started to creep in; now definitely wasn't the time.
Link sat down heavily on the couch, and said simply, "Maybe not. But I guess it's too late to second guess myself." He gestured for Rhett to sit next to him, and after a brief hesitation, he did, recalling how tired he was. They sat there quietly for a minute, each unsure of what to say, not looking at one another.
"We're probably gonna get a lot of comments about this, you know," Rhett observed, trying to fill the silence between them. Link nodded, but said nothing in reply. "Seriously though, Link," Rhett went on. "We don't have to post this. It's...it's kind of personal. Too personal. I don't want you to get hurt because of this. This might be all our fans can talk about for a while." Again, Link said nothing.
Finally: "Somehow I'm not bothered." His voice was flat. Then, after a minute hesitation: "Rhett...weird request, I know, but...can you hold me again?"
Rhett bit his lip nervously, feeling his face warm up and his stupid heart pick up the pace again. It's a hug. Get a grip, Rhett scolded himself.
I love you. I've always loved you.
"Sure, buddy. C'mere." He wrapped one arm around Link's shoulders again, and the other around his friend's torso, pulling him close. He smiled in spite of himself as Link relaxed completely inside the embrace.
"Thanks, man. This is weird, I know," Link said bashfully. His head lay lazily on Rhett's shoulder, and it amazed the two of them how natural it felt.
Rhett couldn't deny the pleasant warmth he felt with his friend pressed so closely to him, and slowly, he closed his eyes, relishing the moment even as he tried to tell himself that it didn't feel that good.
"You're okay, right?" Rhett said, his voice dipping low. He hadn't meant to say anything, but with Link here in his arms, Rhett's heart beating so hard, and the confusion of loving being so close to his friend clouding his mind, the words slipped out. He opened his eyes, his breath hitching as he saw that Link had curled onto the couch, his legs folded underneath him as he leaned against Rhett.
Exhaling deeply, Link whispered, "Of course I am. I have you by my side, don't I?" Rhett could almost hear the beatific smile in Link's answer. Link, probably unaware of it, nuzzled his head into Rhett's neck contently. He was in larger need of comfort than he'd led on, and Rhett was happy to oblige.
"Always."
Normally, and especially recently, Rhett was opposed to such touchy-feeliness. But the longer they stay like that, silent, the stranger it seemed to pull away.
They say in comfortable silence, and Rhett was reluctantly grateful to be left alone with Link. He felt a rush of remorse for ignoring him, and suddenly he wondered why he'd bothered in the first place. He belonged at his friend's side, no matter what. Even if Link...
I love you. Yes. Yes, maybe I do.
The thought came cleanly, with no muddled confusion, and Rhett let it sit there for a while, unconcerned.
But then the moment was gone, and he felt a coldness settle in the pit of his stomach, eyes widening in horror. Rhett was startled so much that he all but shoved Link away in his panic, getting up and taking a few steps away, his face averted.
No. No no no, that's not right, he thought, humiliated. Rhett felt his face burn, more so when Link looked up at him, dismayed.
"Rhett, what's wrong?" Link stood up, approaching with a hand extended to cup Rhett's arm, flinching as Rhett turned sharply away.
The lump in Rhett's throat felt like a brick now as Link stood before him, questioning and a little afraid. "Nothing's wrong, Link." Rhett's voice was grainy; it hurt to force the words out. Link made another move to touch him, hoping to coax an answer out of Rhett.
"You're shaking," Link observed quietly as his fingertips brushed lightly against his friend's. Rhett didn't move his hand away, biting his lip at the shock that went up his arm at Link's touch. Looking up, eyes wide and enticing, Link asked, "What's with you, all of a sudden?"
No. No, this is wrong, Rhett thought fearfully as his eyes met Link's. He felt suffocated, and like there was a vice around his heart. This hurts. God, this hurts. Rhett felt a physical ache all over, a pain with no remedy.
Link, his disillusioned expression unwavering, whispered, soothingly, "Talk to me." When Rhett said nothing, he added, "Please. You're scaring me."
"Link..."
Say it. Say something. Say anything.
God, Link, stop looking at me like that.
Jessie told you to talk to him. So talk!
No, I can't. How the hell do you talk about something like this?
I'm gonna be sick. I'm going to be physically sick.
I love him, I do love him. He's my best friend. But I don't...I can't...
All of this flashed through Rhett's mind in an instant, and Link had just opened his mouth to speak when there was a soft knock at the door.
"Uh, guys? You okay in here?"
Eddie, embarrassment clear in his voice, knocked again, waiting to be told he could enter. Rhett exhaled loudly as Link turned to the door in frustration. "Just a sec, Eddie!" he called cheerfully, glancing up at Rhett, a question in his eyes. Rhett looked away quickly, relieved to be spared this conversation. For now.
"We're not done talking about this, Rhett." Link's voice was just a few notches above a whisper, but the intensity made Rhett flinch. "There's something you're not telling me, and I'm worried about you. Are you busy after work?"
Rhett wasn't, as it happened; Jessie had told him especially that he was free to spend as long at Link's as he needed. Link must have seen the lie in Rhett's face, because he said, "I thought not. Can you come over, then? Because Rhett, really, I-"
"Yes. Yes, I'll come over," Rhett interrupted, flustered. "Of course. We...we should probably get some extra work done today, anyway." As he spoke, Rhett felt like someone had reached out and twisted his insides with strong, cruel fingers. Link looked at him a moment longer before turning away to let Eddie in.
I guess this is it, Rhett thought miserably to himself. This is where friendship ends. He knew things wouldn't be the same tomorrow; he felt the thought settle in his mind like a tumor, one that would kill them both.
