Chapter 6:

Denial Breathes

Oh my god. Oh My God. OH MY GOD! Did he really just say that? I can't believe he would do that to me! He knows how much I love him and that what he is saying is my dream. I can't believe he would make me feel like this. No. This can't be true. Gods Buffy, WAKE UP! This is not real. I pinch myself. Nope, it's real. But how?

"Buffy?" his soft voice breaks through the fog in my head, but I still can't say anything. "Buffy, baby? Look at me, please." I nod my head so that he knows I can hear him. I can't look at him right now, though. I'm so scared. I have no choice not to look at him, though, because his cool, strong hands take my chin in their possession, gently turning my head towards his. I shut my eyes and hold them tight, but not for long. As I feel the cool lips that I know so well press firmly against my own warm lips, my eyes fly open in surprise. He knew exactly what he was doing. As my eyes open, I find them directly locked on his deep chocolate eyes. Damn him.

"Talk to me baby." His voice in unsure, like he is scared too. " I don't know if I believe you," I whisper. The pain I saw flash across his face almost brings me to tears. "Angel, how? How can that be possible? We haven't… not since my birthday two years ago. I just don't understand. It can't be possible. My life has been doomed from the start, why would something that wonderful decide to happen now?"

He says nothing for a while. I can tell that he is thinking of how to tell me something important. He looks into my eyes, somber and pained. We sit like that for a while, but then he does something that makes me want to slap him. He smiles. What the hell is he so happy about now. I just told him that I don't believe that I am carrying his baby and he is friggin' happy! "What is so amusing?" I snap. His smile broadens. "I was just remembering the day that our baby was conceived. Gods, baby, I wished you could remember." His smile fades. "Then you would be able to be mad at me all at once." I give him a confused look. Or maybe I just deepen it because I've been confused since we got here.

He smirks. "Do you remember when you came here after Thanksgiving?" At my affirmative nod, he continues, "Well, there is another version of that day. Just to warn you though, once you hear the whole story, you may be really pissed at me. I did what I did because I love you. Never for get that." He took a deep breath. "When you came there was a demon that attacked. You remember me killing it fairly quickly by smashing the jewel on its helmet. I told you that I had had time to catch up on my reading and that's how I knew how to kill it. I lied. Really it was because I, well actually you, killed that very same demon on the day that isn't."

"Angel, have you completely gone insane. You sound like Drusilla. Well, maybe a bit les cryptic, but --"

I stop as he holds up his hand to shush me so he could finish. "When the demon attacked on the day that isn't. I didn't kill him in my office. He attacked and we both went after him, but he escaped into the light. We headed into the sewers after you changed. When I lost his scent we split up. You left the sewer to search in the daylight and I continued underground. I found him and killed him, but some of his blood mixed with mine through a cut on my hand. I… started breathing." Angel stopped, and for the first time since he had started this story, he looked away. I didn't understand the problem. "You always breathe, or, well, pretend to." "It wasn't just that I was breathing, Buffy. I had to breathe. I needed to breathe." "…Needed to? But, Angel? If you had to breathe, then that means…" I looked at him; not voicing what I knew must be true. He nodded. "You were a-al-alive?" He nodded again. "Alive, hu-human, alive…" I trailed off, not fully comprehending why I did not know this.