Here you are friends, Chapter Seven!
Lexa remained true to her word. Five days later Clarke looked up from the fire she had built when she woke up that morning as she heard a large animal approaching her cave. Knowing the need to be cautious, Clarke grabbed the gun that lay on the ground near her and quietly crept to the mouth of the cave, peering around it with the weapon clenched tightly in her fingers. She relaxed slightly when she saw Lexa atop her horse riding through the trees outside her cave. Upon recognizing who it was, Clarke tucked her gun carefully away, though the tension in her body didn't ease up completely. Although she no longer wanted to kill Lexa at the sight of her, Clarke still couldn't feel entirely comfortable around the other girl. Too much had happened between them, and a trust had been broken, and Clarke knew it would take a long time before she could truly feel comfortable with the other girl again. She was trying though, so she managed to send the other girl a slight smile as the horse approached her.
The Commander noticed the gun and then the way Clarke held herself even as she put the weapon away, and she understood. She could see the indecision, the confusion and lack of trust within the blonde. While it hurt her to have Clarke look at her with this guarded expression, she understood why it was there, and that it would take time to break through it after all that had happened between them. She could only hope that she would be able to, because even though she knew that there was little hope for any kind of relationship between the two of them, Lexa's heart still ached whenever she set eyes on this blonde girl. The ache pushed against her even harder as she got closer and could see the dark circles beneath the blonde's eyes once again. It was clear that the leader of the Skaikru still could not sleep peacefully, her demons too fresh in her mind to allow her any rest, and that hurt the Commander deeply. She wished there was something she could do for the other girl, but she didn't know what it might be. So for now she would have to provide the best comfort she could that the other girl would allow.
"Lexa," Clarke said in way of greeting, nodding her head at the other girl.
"Clarke," Lexa replied, returning the nod, before she swung down off of the horse, patting its neck affectionately before turning and gesturing to the packs attached to its saddles. "As promised, I have returned with winter supplies," she stated, and watched as Clarke approached, looking at the two large packs. "I have brought clothing meant to withstand the cold, as well as a thick winter fur that should keep you warm during the winter nights."
Clarke looked into the first pack and found the clothes: furs, leather gloves with fur lining, warm shirts and pants and even a pair of fur-lined boots had been packed tightly together so that they could all fit in the saddlebag. In the second, she found a giant fur blanket that felt incredibly soft, and as she pulled it partially out of the bag, she could tell that it would be far warmer than any of the blankets she already had. She wouldn't say so, but she was happy to have it: the past couple of nights had turned colder, and she had started leaving the fire going even once she attempted to sleep. The smoke and flames only added to her nightmares, but the warmth it provided outweighed the lack of sleep, especially since the nightmares came whether there was a fire going or not. No matter what she tried, Clarke couldn't stop them from coming, and had gotten used to only getting an hour or two of sleep every night. With these extra supplies however she might be able to get just a little more sleep, now that she wouldn't be shivering on top of the dreams.
Looking up from the blanket she still held, she met Lexa's eyes. As always she saw more in them than she thought the other girl meant to show, but she did her best to ignore those feelings as well as the swirling emotions she felt in her own chest .
"Thank you," she simply said, meaning it. The other girl merely nodded, accepting the thanks without a word even as the sincerity in the simple statement caused her heart to pound just a little harder in her chest. Ignoring it, she moved to the saddlebag with the clothes in it and pulled the pack out. "Allow me to help get these in your cave, Clarke," she stated, the words not quite a question but said in a way that allowed Clarke to refuse the help if she wished to. She didn't though, instead just giving Lexa her own nod, and then together they unhooked the two packs from the horse's back and carried them inside.
"I apologize," Lexa began as they moved to the cave's entrance, and Clarke's eyes swept over to the side so that she could see the brunette as she spoke. "I meant to arrive earlier, but a few of my people caught me before I could leave and needed me to settle a dispute. It took longer than I would have liked."
"That's fine," Clarke replied quickly. "I didn't even know that you were coming today, so it's not like I was waiting around for you." She paused for a moment, and then asked carefully, "Is everything alright with your people?" Even with their two people in an alliance still, she didn't know how much Lexa cared to talk about what might be going on with the Grounders. Their alliance was tentative, shaky at best, so the blonde would understand if the other girl didn't want to talk to a potential future enemy about her people.
Lexa simply shrugged though, her face showing no signs of worry as she answered, "Yes, everything is well. A few of my warriors merely got into a dispute that had to be dealt with. They are restless, I believe." The corners of her lips quirked up into the slightest of smiles as she carefully placed the pack that she carried at the back of the cave beside the rest of Clarke's supplies. "It has been a long time since my people were not actively fighting a war or at least preparing for one: many of my people do not know what to do with themselves now that we are in a time of peace." She shrugged again, and Clarke could easily read the young leader's contentment at her words. "They will all settle down once the shock and uncertainty of this new time has left them, and those warriors will cool down sooner with the work detail I put them on for disrupting that peace." The sides of her lips turned up just a hair further when she added, "Walsh will see to it that they have little energy for anything but eating and sleeping once he has finished working with them. He is well known for his ruthless training techniques."
Clarke couldn't entirely stop her own lips from turning up into a small grin at that, both from the brunette's words and from the true ease that seemed to have taken over the young leader. There was still a guarded look in her eyes, an awareness that never seemed to leave her, but at the same time she seemed more relaxed, more at ease than Clarke had ever seen her. It occurred to Clarke just then that this was probably the first time in her life that Lexa had experienced a time of peace. With the Mountain Men gone, the coalition still strong and the alliance with the Sky People, there was no threat for Lexa to focus on, no enemy that needed to be defeated, and Clarke could almost see how much easier Lexa walked with that knowledge. The blonde was almost surprised by how much that realization hurt her. She herself had been dealing with an enemy around every tree for only a few months; she couldn't imagine what it must have been like to to be worrying her entire life the way she had been since landing on the ground. The thought caused a pang of sympathy to hit her, but she forcefully pushed it away. She didn't want to have any sympathy for Lexa still, the sting of her betrayal still too sharp for the blonde to be able to look past it.
Even so, Clarke could admit, if only to herself, that being around Lexa didn't tear at her the way it had only a couple short weeks ago. She was still angry, still couldn't really find it in her to forgive the brunette, but she could understand it all a little better. She could look past that anger and see the care for her that still shone in green eyes, and seeing that care, though confusing, didn't hurt in the same way it had.
Choosing not to form any of her inner thoughts to words, Clarke turned, her eyes moving to the mouth of the cave. She could see the shadows growing from the trees not far from the cave's entrance, and knew that it was late afternoon, and that it would only be another hour or two before the darkness would begin to take over.
"You should stay," she said suddenly, breaking the quiet that had grown between them. She felt Lexa's eyes on her and turned to meet them. "You won't be able to get back to Polis before night sets in. It'll be safer for you if you stay the night again. You can leave tomorrow."
Lexa's eyes scanned hers for a moment, trying to read everything in them, and then merely nodded before saying simply, "I will see to my horse, and then I can help you prepare a dinner for us. I have some bread and cheese in my food pouch that you may like."
Clarke nodded, the idea of something other than berries and meat one that she gladly accepted, and then turned, moving back to her stores of food at the back of the cave. She heard Lexa's soft footsteps as she left the cave and she closed her eyes after opening the basket with food in it, taking a quick moment to try to control the confusing emotions swirling inside of her. Taking a small breath, she opened her eyes again and turned all of her focus to the food in front of her.
/
Once again that night, Lexa was woken by Clarke thrashing around in her sleep as the nightmares overwhelmed her. Just as she had done before, Lexa moved over to the scared girl, wrapping her arms around her protectively and waking her from her terrors, and once again Clarke fell into those arms wrapped around her, and only once she did so was she able to sleep well, Lexa's watchfulness seeming to keep the demons at bay. Once the other girl had fallen asleep, however, Lexa remained awake, Clarke's fears worrying her mind. She knew the girl needed to find a way to fight her demons, knew that Clarke had to win this battle, but could also see that she was losing. Alone, away from all of those who loved her and looked to her, Clarke was allowing the monsters to eat away at her, and soon there would be nothing left of her. Lexa wouldn't have that. She could not stand the thought of Clarke losing to her demons as she shut herself off from everyone else.
And so Lexa spent the night thinking as she watched over the finally peacefully sleeping blonde. She thought about all she knew of the girl, all she had witnessed of her, and by the time the first rays of the sun began to filter into the cave, Lexa thought that she just might have an idea of how to help her fight her demons.
/
For the first time in many days, it wasn't a horrifying image of dead or dying bodies that woke her up. Instead she awoke slowly, the shiver passing through her the cause of her return to consciousness. She hadn't chosen to use her new blanket the night before, thinking she wouldn't need it quite yet, could wait a bit longer, but now as a second shiver ran down her spine, she realized that the cold was coming in too quickly for her to continue using the same blankets she'd been using. Making a mental note to make sure to take it out and start using it that night, she sat up, knowing there was no point in trying to sleep anymore. She looked around the cave, a frown pulling at her lips. There was no fire going, no food cooking or animals being skinned, because there was no Lexa. The Commander was nowhere to be seen, and Clarke wondered if she had once again decided to go out hunting while the blonde slept. She still had meat left from Lexa's last visit and saw no reason for the brunette to have gone in search for more, but she knew better than to try to understand why Lexa did the things she did.
Pushing herself to her feet, Clarke shivered once again but ignored it, instead moving over to the fire pit to get a little bit of warmth in her cave. Just as she was taking out her box of matches to get the fire started she paused, hearing movement outside of the cave. Again she frowned, dropping the matches back down by her bag, a little relieved she wouldn't have to see how few were left, and then made her way to the mouth of the cave. She stepped out, at first not seeing anything out of the ordinary, but when she stepped to the side of the cave, her frown only increased, her confusion clear as her eyebrows pulled down.
Many yards away from the cave she found Lexa, her knife out as she carved a large circle into the bark of a tree. Inside the circle she had carved out another about the size of her hand, and when she stepped back, looking at her work, she nodded, and then picked up the bow and quiver of arrows she'd left leaning against the tree. Clarke looked at the bow and arrows, surprised. They were obviously the ones that had been in her cave, but she hadn't even noticed they were missing. Clearly that told her how much she used them.
Turning with the weapons in hand, Lexa looked up and saw Clarke, giving her a nod. She walked back towards the blonde, her feet crunching against the leaves and rocks along the hard ground, but she didn't say anything until she'd made her way back to the younger girl's side. Only when she was close enough that she wouldn't have to raise her voice to be heard did Lexa say evenly, "Good morning, Clarke."
"Morning," Clarke replied, but her frown didn't leave her face, her eyes darting back from Lexa and the weapons to the tree she had just vandalized. "What are you doing?"
"Giving you a target," the Commander answered easily, reaching the blonde and putting the quiver of arrows on the ground, pulling one out as she did so. "It is easier to practice when there is a clear target to shoot at." She held out the bow and arrow both, her facial expression not giving anything away as she waited for the blonde to take them from her.
Clarke merely raised her eyebrows at the offer, her eyes trailing down to the weapon.
"I don't use a bow," the blonde informed her. "I've never used one. I don't need it. I have my gun."
Now it was Lexa's turn to raise her eyebrows, giving her a look of polite interest.
"Oh?" she asked, her tone light, "You have your gun. That is good Clarke, but how many bullets do you have to go with it?" The blonde didn't answer, looking away, and that was enough of an answer for the brunette. "A gun, like a bow, is only helpful when you have something to fire from it. I know little of guns other than that, but I do believe that it is much more difficult to make bullets than it is to make an arrow. You must be armed, Clarke, for both protection and hunting, and I do not believe your gun will be enough to give you both. However, I can teach you how to use a bow, and I can teach you how to make new arrows. If you will let me."
Clarke wanted to argue, wanted to tell her she didn't want Lexa's help, because it was true; she didn't. She didn't want her help, but she had already accepted it when she let Lexa show her to the cave. Lexa was already helping her, already working to make sure that the blonde survived on her own, and while Clarke hated it and didn't entirely understand it, she knew she needed it. She knew that if it weren't for this cave that the brunette had brought her to, she could easily already be dead. And she also knew that Lexa was right: she needed better protection than what she had now, because what she had now was one gun with a single clip that wasn't even full. What she had now were a few bullets in the woods, by herself, with who knows how many dangers around her. So while she hated the fact that she was about to accept Lexa's help once again, she also knew that it was necessary. So instead of putting up a fight or arguing until one or the other of them got their way, Clarke just reached forward and took the offered weapon, its weight feeling out of place in her hands.
She lifted the bow as she'd seen the Grounders do and then fit the arrow to the string, but it all felt wrong, and the string on the bow was tighter than it looked, so when she tried to pull it back, it fought her. She struggled for a moment, and then thought she had it, and let it go, but the arrow simply fell to the ground in front of her feet. She nearly blushed, more embarrassed than she cared to admit, looking so bad in front of Lexa's watchful eyes, but simply bent down and picked up the arrow, fitting it once again to the string. This time she held the arrow tighter, trying to keep it in place, and it stayed on the string. She pulled the string back again, looking at the target Lexa had made in the tree so many yards away, and then she released the string, the arrow shooting from the bow. To her dismay, the arrow went nowhere near the target, instead shooting off to the left and imbedding itself into the ground a few feet shy of the tree she had hoped to hit. She glared at the arrow, as if her failure were all its fault.
"You must relax, Clarke," Lexa told her, her voice even, giving no hint to what she thought of Clarke's horrible shooting. She reached down and grasped another arrow, pulling it out of the quiver. "Your body is too tense; you must loosen up. Hold the string loosely in your fingers when you draw it back, do not grip it quite so hard."
Clarke looked down at the bow in her hand and then held it out, raising her eyebrows at the brunette when she looked up and met her eyes. "Show me," she merely said, and Lexa simply nodded, gently taking the bow from her hand. She turned so that her side was facing the tree, and then easily fit the arrow to the bow's string. She looked at Clarke, meeting her eyes, and then she turned to the tree, her arms lifting the bow and then easily pulling the string back with three fingers. Barely taking a moment to look at the target, she let the string go, and the next moment her arrow had planted itself firmly into the center of the target she had created. Clarke watched it all, trying to keep her own face as expressionless as the Commander's.
Lexa gave a little nod to the arrow sticking out of the tree, and then turned back to the blonde, handing her the weapon again. Clarke accepted it, and then accepted the next arrow Lexa pulled out of the quiver. Rather than stepping back however, Lexa instead moved forward, her hands going to the blonde's shoulders and gently turning her. Clarke stiffened slightly at the touch, but she didn't say anything, so neither did Lexa. The older girl guided her hands over Clarke's, showing her how to properly fit the arrow to the string, and then adjusted her grip both on the shaft of the bow and the string. Nodding once her fingers were in the right place, Lexa moved to stand behind the other girl, her hand moving to the blonde's elbow. Carefully she ushered the arm up, Clarke following her movements and pulling the string back.
"Look at your target," Lexa spoke quietly, and Clarke tried not to notice how close she was. "Feel the string against your fingers and the arrow against your bow. Take a deep breath, and when you are ready, release the string." The brunette released her elbow and stepped back, giving Clarke her space as she carefully aimed at her target. Clarke took a deep breath, mind trying to be solely focused on the target in front of her, and then felt her fingers release the string.
The arrow did not hit the target, but it didn't shoot into the ground either. It hit the right tree, just a couple of feet above the target. Clarke let out a little growl. Lexa, however, seemed impressed.
"That was not bad," she informed the younger girl, and Clarke turned to her, her eyebrows raised.
"I didn't even come close to hitting the target," she argued, pointing to the tree, but Lexa merely shrugged.
"You came closer than your previous attempt," she replied, eyeing both arrows that Clarke had shot. "The fact that you were even able to hit the correct tree with just your second arrow is quite good. It is better than I did, when I was first learning to fire a bow."
"Yeah?" Clarke asked, trying to picture Lexa as anything other than the great shot she clearly was. The brunette merely nodded, choosing not to tell Clarke that she had not quite been four the first time she had been handed a bow to shoot. The age difference made no matter: their peoples were simply different, and the fact that she had learned so much earlier in life compared to Clarke did not lessen the fact that Clarke was already showing progress. She watched as the blonde took another deep breath and then reached down on her own, grabbing another arrow and then fit it to the string, once again turning towards her target.
They worked with the weapon for an hour, Clarke shooting and getting progressively closer to her target, still having a wild shot every now and then. Lexa watched and made corrections when she noticed Clarke's stance shift, gently repositioned her hands when they slipped from the proper grip on the bow or told her to loosen the tight hold on the string when needed. The blonde listened, following the soft words from the Commander, and for a while she almost forgot why it was she needed to learn how to use the weapon. She got lost in the pull of the string, the soft wood gripped in her hand, the thunk of the arrow as it hit the trunk of the tree. What she tried not to realize was how she also got lost in the other girl's voice, quietly correcting her and giving her words of encouragement, the gentle touch of her hands when she pushed her hand against the blonde's back, urging her to square her shoulders, or the careful grip on her arm when she let her elbow drop too far when she pulled the bowstring back. She got lost in all of it, so lost that she was surprised when she reached down for another arrow and found none left in the quiver. Lexa was not surprised, clearly, for when Clarke looked up she found the other girl already halfway to the tree, collecting the few arrows she walked by that had been shot short of the target, easily pulling them from the earth their points had sunken into.
Clarke followed the other girl, grabbing the quiver from beside her while still carrying the bow in her other hand. She moved over to the tree, eyes stuck on Lexa while the Commander stood studying the target and arrows littering the tree's trunk, both in and around the large circle.
"These are not bad, Clarke," Lexa told her, her tone once again sounding rather impressed. "There is power behind your arrows. And your aim improves with each shot. With more practice I believe you could become an excellent bowmen."
The blonde raised her eyebrows at the praise before turning to the tree to see for herself how well she'd done. None of her arrows were in the bullseye like Lexa's, but there were a few that at least were inside the target, and a number of other ones that had landed just outside of it. She looked closer and could see that about half of the arrowheads for each of her arrows were embedded into the tree. Her eyes scanned over to Lexa's: the entire arrowhead had sunk into the tree, none of it showing from its spot in the middle of the bullseye. Clarke shook her head slightly, but didn't fight it when her mouth turned up into a small smile. Instead she followed Lexa's lead when the brunette reached up and began pulling the arrows from the trunk, checking each carefully before she placed them back into the quiver Clarke had leaned against the tree when they had stopped. With only a little urging, the arrows all came out easily enough, and soon they had collected all but the one Lexa had shot. The Commander reached to her belt, pulling her knife from its small holster, knowing she would need it to dig the arrow from the wood, but Clarke's hand suddenly on her wrist stopped her. She looked up at the blonde, her brow pulled down in slight confusion as the other girl just shook her head a little at her.
"Leave it," she told her, "It'll give me something to compare my own work to." Lexa studied her for just a moment before she nodded, stepping away from the tree and leaving the arrow behind. Ready to move away from the archery lesson and onto her next idea, the Commander took a few steps away from the tree and the others around it. She needed space enough for both of them to move for the next lesson she had in mind, and she could feel Clarke's confused eyes on her as she moved, especially when she suddenly threw the knife in her hand to the ground She could feel the blonde's confusion and curiosity grow when she reached up and grabbed the strap to the sword hanging on her back, pulling the scabbard and weapon both from over her shoulder and then lightly tossing it to the ground with the knife. She turned then, meeting the blonde's eyes, her expression still easy, giving little away. She saw the blonde's shock increase when she simply called out to the blonde, "Attack me."
Clarke's eyebrows shot up, her surprise as clear in her expression as it was in her tone when she just asked, "Excuse me?"
Lexa met the expression with her own easy one, simply telling her, "Attack me, Clarke. I wish to see how well you can fight."
"I'm not attacking you, Lexa," Clarke replied quickly, taking a single step towards her. "Why do you need to know how I fight?"
The brunette nodded towards the bow and arrow in the blonde's hands, not taking her eyes from the younger girl's as she informed her, "A bow and arrow or a gun are good, Clarke, important for survival, but they are only a part of being able to survive on your own. What happens if you meet an enemy and you do not have either with you, or you are out of arrows or bullets?" She paused for a moment, seeing the confusion only partially leave the blonde's expression, before she continued. "You must be able to defend yourself without these weapons," she insisted. "Too often an attack comes without warning, and you do not have time to draw your weapon. When this happens, you must be able to fall back to your own body as your protection. Your hands must be a weapon of their own, as must the rest of your being. If you know how to fight, then your chances of survival increase greatly. If you do not, then they decrease greatly."
"I know how to fight," Clarke argued, her eyes scanning across Lexa's face. "I don't need you to teach me that."
Lexa shrugged, ignoring the way Clarke's eyes moved across her face.
"Perhaps you do," she said, "And if so, then I will not bother you with trying to teach you more. But I have never seen any Sky Person in hand-to-hand combat, save for Octavia, and that was only when Indra made her her Second. From what I have seen, your people stick to their weapons, using those and only those for protection. Your guns are powerful, I cannot deny that, but they are not infallible, especially when you have few bullets. Bows and arrows are the same way. All of our warriors learn hand-to-hand combat before they are ever given a sword, knowing that the chances of them needing to defend themselves with their bare hands are great." She paused again before adding quietly, "I have seen many good warriors slain because they could not defend themselves well enough when they dropped their weapon. I will not allow that to happen to you." Her eyes as she finished bore into Clarke's, the look so intense that Clarke had to look away, the stirring in her stomach suddenly making it a little hard to breathe. Finally the blonde just nodded, stepping closer to the brunette, and Lexa returned the nod. "Attack me, Clarke," she said, "I will not attack back."
Clarke's eyes scanned over the brunette, seeing the easy stance she held, and then she licked her lips. While she really didn't think she'd need to know how to defend herself in hand-to-hand combat with their people in an alliance, Lexa's logic made sense, and she knew that peace didn't always last. So she lightly tossed the bow and quiver behind her, took a deep breath, and then rushed forward without a word, pulling her fist back as she moved. Lexa watched her, her eyes not leaving Clarke's even as she threw her fist forward. For a split second Clarke was afraid that she was going to hurt Lexa, but just before her fist came in contact with the other girl's cheek, the brunette stepped to the side, her body quickly moving out of the line of fire as Clarke's fist merely met air. Her eyes widened, surprised at the speed with which Lexa had been able to move. She quickly turned towards the brunette and rushed forwards again, but a second time the brunette moved away from her just as it seemed Clarke's fist would come in contact with her face. Clarke attacked, and Lexa dodged, her eyes barely moving away from Clarke's even as the blonde's moved from hers, watching Lexa and trying to follow her movements as her brow pulled down. Every time Clarke thought she was going to make contact, Lexa managed to move out of the way just in time, and it was seriously starting to piss Clarke off as her breath turned heavy, sweat beginning to bead along her forehead. While she tired, Lexa looked as though they could simply be having a friendly conversation, no trace of her movement showing on her face, and that only fueled the blonde's annoyance further.
"Alright, how the hell are you doing that?" Clarke finally growled, this time not moving forward after Lexa once again dodged her attack. Instead she just glared at the other girl, even as she tried to control the quick rise and fall of her chest.
Again Lexa shrugged, her eyes still not moving from Clarke's.
"Your movements are easy to predict, Clarke," she informed the other girl easily, earning a fresh glare from the blonde. "You move heavily, allowing your arms to lead you. You are wild, and you wear your frustration clearly on your face. This frustration shows your opponent your impatience, and they can easily use that impatience to tire you out." She shrugged again, keeping her voice light as she added, "Honestly, it is clear you are no fighter, not in this sense, anyway." She was not trying to be cruel to the blonde, but she could see the way the other girl clenched first her jaw and then her fists, her fingers curling in on themselves.
"I beat Anya," Clarke growled, "Could have killed her even, if I'd have wanted. I almost did."
They were dangerous words, and even as she spoke them, a voice inside her head told Clarke that she should probably shut up right now. She knew Lexa had cared for Anya, knew that the two had been close, and hearing that she had at one time nearly killed the woman Lexa had looked up to could lead to real trouble for the blonde. Rather than get angry, however, her words had another effect on the brunette before her. She saw Lexa's eyebrows shoot up, unable to hide the sudden surprise on her face, and while that surprise satisfied the blonde's hurt pride a little, it also chipped away at that pride even more, the Commander's clear disbelief in her words clear.
Lexa opened her mouth and then closed it a couple of times, her shock taking over before she noticed the flash of almost hurt that crossed the blonde's face. Finally she said hurriedly, "It is not that I do not believe you Clarke. It is just that... Well, Anya was a great warrior. I was fourteen by the time I finally beat her in hand-to-hand combat, and even then I limped away from that fight with a broken arm and injured ankle. It is difficult to imagine her bested by anyone, especially anyone who is not also a great warrior."
It was Clarke's turn to look surprised, and she wasn't able to keep all of the incredulity from her voice when she asked, "Wait, Anya broke your arm? I thought she was your mentor? What were you two fighting about?"
Lexa looked at her curiously, her brow turning down a little as she answered easily, "We were training." The blonde's mouth fell open slightly as she exclaimed, "Wait, Anya broke your arm just when you guys were training?!" The exclamation pulled Lexa's brow down even further, unsure where Clarke's surprise was coming from.
"Yes," she replied easily, "We were training, and that was the first time that I was able to beat her. It was a great victory for me."
Clarke was shaking her head while she spoke, and as soon as she had finished the blonde insisted, "But you guys were training. Isn't an injury like a broken arm a little much when you're not actually in battle?"
"It was not broken badly," Lexa assured her, still unsure why Clarke was making a big deal of this. "There were many other times I had far worse injuries from training." As the blonde just continued to shake her head, Lexa tilted her head slightly as she asked, "Are your warriors not ever injured during training?"
"I mean, yeah, injuries happen, but not broken bones," Clarke answered, "We train for battle, but we don't seriously injure each other while doing so."
Lexa's brow turned down again even as she asked, "But how can you train for battle without injuring each other, seriously or otherwise?" When Clarke just looked at her like she was crazy, she added, "In battle, people get injured: that is the definition of battle. If in training you do not learn how to fight through any pains or injuries you receive, how can you or your warriors be expected to fight through it then?"
Clarke opened her mouth to answer, but then had to close it, realizing she didn't have one. The idea of someone getting a broken arm just in training appalled her, and she tried to ignore the fact that a big part of that horror came from the fact that she was imagining a young Lexa pushing herself to just keep fighting harder even as her arm hung limply at her side, but at the same time, the young leader's words made sense. If in training you fight as though you are in a real battle, then there can be no surprises when it's the real thing. It was a ruthless way to see the world, but from what she had seen of the ground in the short time she'd been there, this world was nothing but ruthless. So as much as she didn't like it, hated that that kind of training was necessary, she understood it. Still, she couldn't keep herself from shaking her head a final time.
"I guess that explains why your warriors never seem to feel pain," she said finally, her eyes once again meeting Lexa's. "You're just... used to it."
Lexa nodded, telling her, "From the moment we begin training to be warriors, we learn that pain is part of our life. You take it, you fight through it, you ignore it. You do not let it beat you, or you die."
Clarke listened, her brow pulling down just slightly in concentration as she took in the brunette's words. Something about them hit the blonde harder than she cared to admit. Because she was in pain: it wasn't a physical pain, but she felt it nevertheless. She was in pain, and that pain pulled at her, tore into her, burned her lungs with every breath, and she was so tired of it. She didn't really believe that she could ever be free of this pain that had become like a second skin to her, but she was willing to try just about anything at this point to get rid of it.
So she sighed, letting out the breath she had been holding in, and turned back to meet Lexa's eyes.
"Okay, so how do I become a warrior?" she asked, and saw the corner of the brunette's mouth turn up slightly.
"You already are a warrior, Clarke," the older girl informed her, stepping closer. "Every leader is. But if you mean how do you become a better fighter, I can help you. I will teach you."
Clarke nodded, and again Lexa stepped forward, and then one of her feet slid over to the blonde's, lightly pushing one foot to the side so that her stance widened. She moved around the younger girl, reaching out and lightly pushing against the blonde's back, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. Her hands moved to Clarke's arms, pulling them up, and then she stepped beside the blonde. She raised her own hand up, showing it to the other girl as she pulled the hand into a fist.
"When you throw a punch, your thumb should never be tucked into your fist," she stated, showing what she meant by first tucking her thumb into the fist, and then showing her the correct way to do it. "I noticed in a few of your punches you had your thumb tucked in. If you had made contact with me, it is just as likely that you would have broken your thumb as causing injury to me." She nodded to the blonde, and the other girl copied her, properly curling her fingers into a fist. Once done, Lexa continued, telling her, "When you throw the fist, you want to hit your opponent with your knuckles, not with the flat of your fingers. Again, this is just as likely to cause pain to you as to your enemy." She paused, giving a moment for Clarke to take in her words before she continued, "When you throw the punch, you want to keep your wrist straight. Bending the wrist will not only cause your punch to be less powerful, but could also injure you." Very lightly she turned and slowly punched Clarke's upper arm, the demonstration so light that Clarke could barely feel it, but gave the blonde a chance to see what she meant. She repeated the action so that Clarke could see it again, and then she turned so that she was facing Clarke head on. She nodded, telling Clarke, "Now punch me in the stomach."
Clarke looked at her like she was crazy, her eyebrows once again shooting up.
"Excuse me?" the blonde asked, "You just want me to punch you, just like that?"
Lexa's lips curled up, but she nodded, saying, "Yes. You need to practice, and the stomach is the largest target. Now punch me; it does not have to be hard if you do not wish." Clarke eyed her again, still thinking that she was kind of crazy, but she did as she was told, drawing her fist back just slightly before she pushed her arm forward, her fist coming into contact with Lexa's stomach just a little harder than the other girl's hit against her arm had been. However, as her knuckles moved against the other girl's stomach, even through her shirt Clarke could feel the hard muscles beneath it and she knew that she'd have to have a lot more force behind her punch for it to come even close to hurting the other girl. She nearly blushed, suddenly remembering the hardness of Lincoln's abs, and imagining the same thing but on Lexa caused her throat to go a little dry. She did her best to ignore both the thoughts and the way her body was reacting to the thoughts, instead taking a step back, her fist moving away once again from Lexa's stomach.
The brunette didn't seem to see the slight pink tinge take over the blonde's cheeks, her focus instead still on the punch itself.
"Not bad," she said. "Practice the punch every day. Use trees, rocks, the ground." She shrugged, saying, "Whatever you can find to practice against, do it. The repetitive motion of the punch will ingrain the proper way to do it within you, until you do not need to think about it. Using hard surfaces will hurt at first, but they will toughen up your knuckles." She looked her over again, once again needing to urge her to widen her stance, one of her feet having moved in while she practiced her punch. "Look at your stance." Clarke did, looking at the placement of her feet and feeling the way she held her shoulders. "Remember that stance," Lexa told her, "It will keep you centered. This is the stance you always want to fall back into after an attack. You should feel loose, your arms up easily. It should take no effort to make any movement. You should be able to step in any direction and your body should be able to follow easily, fluidly."
"When you fight, your body is not many different parts," she continued, "It is one piece, one whole with which you use the entirety to move, whether you are dealing a punch, a kick, a hit. Whether you carry sword, knife, or have no weapon, your body must feel free to move. If your body is too tense, it will feel heavy, and that heaviness will slow you down. There are some warriors who use that heaviness as a strength. They root themselves to the earth, believing their opponents will never be able to knock them down. For the most part, these warriors are large, muscular, and more often than not men." Lexa's eyes scanned Clarke's figure, and even though she knew it was only in regards to this training, Clarke once again almost blushed under the look. "You and I are not suited for that kind of fighting," the brunette continued. "We are small, and would be easily moved if a larger opponent were able to hit us." Her eyes flickered up, meeting Clarke's. "Therefore we do not allow our opponent that opportunity. My speed, as much as my strength, is what keeps me alive in battle. Perhaps even more so. You must remain loose, balancing easily on the balls of your feet, so that when your enemy attacks, you can evade that attack." She paused a moment, shifting slightly as she settled in her own stance. Her eyes scanned Clarke's, and Clarke saw a little spark in them. She was having fun, the blonde suddenly realized, and it hurt her a little when she also realized she'd never seen that spark in the brunette's eyes before. "If you are fast, you can evade an enemy's attack while simultaneously dealing your own blows. Wear your enemy down until they are breathing heavily as I did with you earlier, then your enemy is already partially beat."
"I wasn't breathing that heavily," Clarke argued, rolling her eyes, but she couldn't stop the pull of her lips when she saw Lexa smile at her.
"Perhaps not," she gave her, "But you were tiring, and it was only a matter of time. Had we actually been fighting, it would not have taken much longer for me to claim my victory."
"You sound awfully cocky," Clarke informed her, and she almost laughed when Lexa frowned, tilting her head at the strange term. Clearly seeing that the other girl didn't understand it, Clarke said instead, "Sure of yourself. You seem awfully sure that you would have won. But you don't know, I could have surprised you. I've done it before, with others who thought they'd beaten me."
"You are right, Clarke," Lexa admitted, actually managing to look a little sheepish. "I should not act so... 'cocky.'" The foreign word sounded funny even to her own ears, but she ignored the strangeness of it. "One should never allow themselves to believe they have won before the battle is actually over. It is when this happens that you are most likely to make a mistake, and mistakes can cost you your life. But not at this moment." She turned her attention completely back to the other girl, her eyes looking up to meet Clarke's again. "For now we are simply learning the basics that you must know. I have seen you attack, but now I must see how you are with evading an attack. This time I will attack you, and you will try to evade each attack. Do not worry," she assured the blonde, "I will not attack as though to injure. You will be safe, even if contact is made."
The blonde just nodded, her face setting into a look of concentration.
"Alright then," she said, shifting slightly in her stance, eyes not moving from Lexa's, "Attack me."
Lexa did, rushing at Clarke, and she watched as Clarke watched her, stepping away from the attack just in time. The Commander attacked again and again, and each time she did she studied Clarke's movements. The blonde was able to dodge the majority of the attacks, though every now and then contact was made. Each time the punch was light, Lexa pulling the attack back when it was clear Clarke could not get away fast enough. She moved more slowly than she would with a trained warrior, and put far less power into her punches than she would in normal circumstances, but this wasn't to win a battle: this was only to see how well Clarke could already do, and to help her get an idea of what she could do to improve the blonde's fighting. They moved for long minutes, and even though the longer they moved the slower Clarke got, her body obviously tiring long before Lexa's, the brunette felt a new kind of respect form for the blonde. The younger leader did not complain, did not act as though any of this were a waste of time, instead just setting her jaw even more stubbornly every time Lexa's fist managed to connect with her arms or side. The Commander could see that the blonde was already taking this training seriously, and that almost brought a small smile to the leader's lips.
Finally, when beads of sweat were rolling down the sides of the blonde's face and even Lexa could feel the light sheen of perspiration on her skin, she stopped. She saw Clarke eye her warily for a moment, and gave her a small reassuring grin.
"I think that is enough for the moment," she informed the other girl, "We have done a lot in a short period of time. Already you show improvement in your movement. You are a fast learner, Clarke."
"Thanks," the blonde replied, swiping her sleeve across her forehead to wipe away the sweat that had gathered there. "This was... fun, actually. Kind of."
Lexa's grin grew, if only by a fraction, before she told the other girl, "Anya would have told you that training is not meant to be fun. It is meant only to beat sense into you so that you can be prepared for a fight at any moment." Her eyes darted to Clarke's, and again the blonde thought she saw that spark flash in her eyes. "I have often found it to be fun too, however." Her gaze turned up, looking up at the sky, and then her grin fell, that flash wiping away as quickly as the smile. When she looked again at Clarke, the blonde was actually disappointed to see her face had gone back to the neutral expression she nearly always wore. "I must go now though," she informed the other girl, "The morning will be ending soon, and I should be getting back to my people."
A kind of disappointment developed in Clarke's stomach at the words, but she didn't let the feeling show on her face. Instead she just nodded, agreeing with, "Yeah, I guess you probably do need to be getting back." She paused for a minute, watching while Lexa moved over to where she had dropped her sword and knife on the ground. The older girl bent over and grabbed the sword first, slinging its strap once again over her shoulder before grabbing the knife and returning it to her belt. As she turned and met Clarke's eyes once again, the blonde heard herself saying, "Do you want some breakfast before you go? We've been working so long, maybe you should eat something before you start the long trek back."
Again Lexa's lips pulled up into a small, brief smile before she answered, "I would love to Clarke, but I have food still in my bags that will be able to hold me over until I get back, and I should be leaving. My people may begin to worry if I do not return before nightfall. I thank you though, for the offer."
"Okay, sure. No problem," Clarke replied, suddenly feeling awkward. How was it that only a few weeks ago she never wanted to see Lexa again, but now she didn't really want the other girl to leave?
"You should run," Lexa spoke suddeny, and when Clarke looked at her curiously, she clarified, "Every day. You should run every day, on both flat ground and hills. It will help you build up your stamina and help with your breath control, that way you will not tire as quickly when you fight."
"Oh," Clarke just said. "Okay. Thanks for the tip."
Lexa nodded and then looked as though she were about to turn away, but she stopped before she could turn completely. For a second she looked off, and Clarke wondered what she was thinking, but then those eyes turned back to her, and she met them easily. There was an uncertainty in them, and that uncertainty surprised her.
"Clarke, I..." she began, but trailed off. She took a moment, her eyes looking into Clarke's, before she continued. "I enjoy visiting you. I enjoyed working with you today, and have enjoyed the little time we have spent together. But... If you do not wish for me to return, all you have to do is say so. You now have enough supplies to last the winter, and know enough about the bow and arrow that you should be able to replenish your food supplies with a little more practice. I would like to do more, teach you more and learn more from you, yes, but if you do not wish to see me again, all you have to do is tell me. I understand how you feel about me, and I know that after what I did to you, you have no reason to want me to be near you. I will understand if you do not wish for me to come back again, and I will respect that wish."
She finished speaking, and Clarke couldn't say anything. Her eyes scanned quickly across the brunette's face, seeing the truth in her promise. She believed that Lexa meant what she said; she believed that if she said so, the other girl would never come back here, never come back to her again. She didn't know how she knew she could trust that promise, considering the whole reason she was supposed to hate Lexa at the moment was because of her breaking another promise, but she believed it. It was not long ago that she would have latched on to that, immediately telling this girl who had caused her so much pain to never come back, and she would have been thrilled to watch her walk away for the last time. But now those words were stuck in her throat, and no matter how she tried to coax them out, they simply wouldn't budge. Instead, when she saw the corners of Lexa's mouth turn down minutely and her chin lift up just barely, trying to hide her hurt before she turned around, she heard herself call out, "The next time you come, could you bring more bread?"
Lexa froze in her turn, and a part of her was glad she had moved far enough around that Clarke couldn't see her face because she wasn't able to hide the surprise or the smile that grew as the blonde's words registered in her mind. She felt her heartbeat quicken and had to close her eyes as she tried to regain control of both her face and her heart.
"Sha, Klark," she said without turning around. "I would be happy to do that."
I have to admit, I'm really hoping that someone teaches Clarke how to fight in season three, because that poor girl has to have gotten so many concussions in the short time she's been on the ground. She's had a couple of great fights (her fight with Anya being amazing), but I'd love to see her learn more. Anyway, I digress. Hope you enjoyed, and as always I would love to hear from you! Thanks!
Trigedasleng:
"Sha, Klark" - "Yes, Clarke"
