Chapter 7- Be Happy

A/N- dedications and such at the end!

Previously:

"Of course," Alice stated calmly "you can't just wear sweats."

"Heaven forbid." Bella stated rolling her eyes again.

"You will thank me later!" Alice stated.

"I'm sure I probably will," Bella replied grabbing her stuff and making her way down the hall to the bathroom.

"Trust me, I know all!" Alice hollered after her.

Who was she to argue?

--

Her shower took longer than it normally did, which seemed to only increase the bad mood that Bella had been in. Throwing the clothes on over her still dripping body she contemplated what her life would have been like if she had never came to Forks.

Throwing her hair up into a ponytail she avoided her room, and the memories they brought, and made her way down the stairs. Making her way into the kitchen, she figured the least she could do was cook Charlie some supper.

It was moments later that she was startled out of her thoughts of what to make, by a voice speaking to her.

"Hey, Bells."

"Jacob," Bella replied turning around to look at her husband, trying to hide the distaste on her face "what are you doing here?"

"I thought we could talk," he replied.

"How did you know I was here?" Bella asked while shooting daggers at her dad who now stood in the entryway to the kitchen.

"Don't blame him, Bells, I just came over. I figured this was where you would be and if you weren't here that I could get Charlie to tell me where you were."

"How convenient for you to show up while I was stopping by to pick up some clothes," Bella seethed looking at her father once more before turning back to the man in front of her.

"Can we go somewhere and talk in private, Bells?" Jacob asked softly.

"What else could you possibly have to say?" Bella asked dropping the rag she was holding in her hands.

"Let's go for a walk, I promise to have you back shortly?" Jacob responded directing the question more at Charlie than at her.

"FINE" Bella stated throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. "Let's just get this over with."

She made her way quickly out of the house and headed towards the road stopping for a moment to look up at the darkening sky.

He reached the spot next to her and they stood for a moment not saying anything. The night slowly drew upon them before one of them spoke.

"I'm sorry," Jacob stated.

"I know," Bella replied actually looking at him now.

"Let me finish, Bells, please." Jacob stated his face scrunching up for a moment before continuing "I'm sorry for a lot of things, Bells, not just what you might think. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me to be. I'm sorry for not treating you as good as I should have at the time; I realize how stupid I was now."

He took a deep breath and Bella realized it sounded ragged before he continued. "I'm sorry for not being able to let you go, Bells." She turned to look at him, confusion on her face, as he continued to speak. "I knew how much you loved him, but I still relished the fact that you left him for me. Maybe if I would have paid closer attention I would have noticed how much it was killing you to be away from him."

A loud gasp escaped Bella's lips as he continued.

"I know I should never have asked you to stay away from them, any of them. I knew how much they all meant to you, but still nagged you about it until you let yourself drift away from them. Mostly I'm sorry that I couldn't be a better friend for you because I was too focused on what it meant for me that you two were through."

"You've known?" Bella asked "All this time."

"I told myself you were safer with me, safer with the pack. That if we had a baby things would turn around, you would be happy again. And you were, at least for awhile until we lost her."

"I did love you," Bella stated "love her."

"I know," Jacob stated looking down for a moment. "I told myself that I was ok with being second in your heart and that you would learn to love me just as much. I realize now how foolish I was, fighting a losing battle. In the end my selfishness ended up hurting us all."

"I don't blame you," Bella stated "I know that it is hard to hear, but I never did."

"I know," Jacob stated "and I love you all the more for it."

"Jacob," Bella sighed softly.

"Can I ask you one thing?" Jacob asked "There is one thing I have always wanted to know but have never had the courage to ask."

"Of course," she stated placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Why did you leave him?" Jacob asked "What happened?"

"That's something I really think you don't want to know the answer to." Bella stated looking at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. "He wouldn't change me, Jake. He didn't want to make me go through that. He always thought of himself as a monster.'"

"So he was trying to protect you and you left him. Why am I not surprised?" Jacob muttered softly to himself before speaking to her his anger somewhat showing through. "How could you want that?"

"I loved him," Bella stated softly "I wanted to spend eternity with him. There were no downsides, there was only him. He wanted to keep me human and I guess that just confirmed my feelings that I wasn't good enough, so I left."

"I think," Jacob stated "I always knew or at least had some idea. I just never wanted to confirm my worst fears."

"Would it really be that bad?" Bella asked "I would still be me, just a little more indestructible."

"We all know you could use a little help in that area," Jacob stated tapping her slightly on the arm.

"I'm sorry for everything, Jacob." Bella stated "I need you to know that."

"I do," Jacob stated "so now what?"

"I'm really not sure," Bella stated shrugging "but that thought alone is a little thrilling in itself."

"Are you going to get back together with him?"

"I'm not really sure he wants me that way anymore," Bella sighed "so I'm not really sure I can answer that."

"I saw the way he looked at you," Jacob stated "the way he always looked at you. I don't think that you have anything to worry about."

"The way he looked at me?" Bella asked softly.

"Yeah," Jacob stated "like you were the only one in the world worth living for."

"Jacob" Bella stated softly pausing for a moment as her voice wavered with emotion "thank you."

"I can't be your friend Bella, you know that."

"I know," she replied her voice wavering "I understand."

"Promise me one thing, though."

"Anything."

"Be happy, Bella." Jacob stated softly turning and making his way down the road.

"You too, Jake" Bella called to him, and he turned back once to nod at her.

She watched him as he ran down the street and quickly disappeared.

Dedications:

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Be looking forward to our dear Edward coming back soon… and what about that evil plan of Alice's?

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