Chapter 7 Celebrate


"They don't know!" Lorelai held her pink phone to her ear as she dropped the last folder into her filing cabinet.

Luke pulled the phone into the kitchen, where it was a bit quieter. "What do you mean they don't know?"

"They don't know that we were married!"

"Who doesn't know?" he asked. "It's just you, Sookie, and Michel over there. Sookie knows, and I don't really give a damn if Michel knows or not, that putz."

"No! It's much more than that! Taylor was here today. He sees everything and he didn't notice. I finally waved my ring in front of him. Nothing."

"That's just Taylor. He's an idiot."

"But Babette was here too. She came over to take care of the gnome she insisted I put in the back garden. I talked to her for five straight minutes and what did I get? Crickets!"

"Crickets? That's the name of the gnome?"

"No! Silence! She said nothing! Babette is never silent!"

His eyes crinkled. Getting Lorelai a little worked up over something like this was a favorite pastime for him. "Silence is the name of the gnome?"

"Oh my god. Now you choose to be a stand up comedian?"

Luke chuckled. "Lorelai. This is like a giant piñata. Someone is going to whack it, and the news will come out and you'll be complaining about the townies who won't shut up about it."

She rolled her eyes. "Great, now you're working blue. Has marriage changed you so much already?"

He laughed. Marriage had changed him. He'd never laughed so much in his life as he had in the past few days. Lorelai and Rory had been so happy, excited and energized about the elopement that they had completely overwhelmed him with plans and ideas.

It couldn't have been any 'sneak away in the night and get married' thing for them. Lorelai suddenly thought of a million pre-wedding rituals she wanted, and Rory and Sookie supported her in each one of them. A bachelorette party became a last drink with her girls. The wedding shower was a champagne-enhanced visit to an exclusive lingerie shop.

Sookie hadn't slept because she kept coming up with new cake ideas and test samples. Flowers involved calling in a favor to the best supplier to the Dragonfly, but they came through with bouquets, boutonnières and even tied flowers to the Jeep once they'd escaped Stars Hollow.

"Not a bit," he deadpanned, even though both knew he was lying.


"What are you doing here? asked Luke when he stepped out of the diner to meet Lorelai as she walked by.

"Not letting this one go, babe. You remember the Fay Wellington and Art Brush charts! And then there were the ribbons."

"I hated those ribbons," growled Luke.

She pointed to the gazebo. "So, gazebo or diner? Where should we do the big reveal? "

"You know there's no way you're getting me naked in public right?"

"A girl can dream, can't she?"

"How about you come to the diner this afternoon as planned and we just tell everybody? "

"Man this is going to be the most boring wedding announcement ever!" She pulled him close by his flannel. "Kiss. See you later, doll. "

"Check the number of pies and get more coffee ready to go," he reminded himself as he went back to work.


Luke was all set for the announcement of their marriage. Not only was pie and coffee ready, but he'd also put a few bottles of champagne into the fridge because he knew Lorelai would love to have a fuss made over them, and a champagne toast would be just the thing. He'd even managed a phone call to Rory, who'd promised to make the half-hour drive if her class finished on time.

His afternoon lull had come early and the diner was completely empty. No Lorelai, no townies. It was a little weird, but he took the chance to clean out the ever-recalcitrant toaster. He smiled to himself, looking forward to standing next to Lorelai as she basked in the adulation of her friends.

While fun was not strictly in his vocabulary, Luke was prepared to put up a pretense of enjoying himself. For Lorelai's sake, of course. It wasn't like he'd called his friend Ed or the guys on the softball team on a pretext so they would also be here this afternoon. Or that he'd stocked a few beers as well as the champagne, figuring the congratulations were likely to turn into a private party at the diner.

"Dammit!" he thought as the bells rang and revealed the Wicked Witch of West Hartford flying through the door.

"What on earth is wrong with you, besides the obvious lack of fashion sense?" she screeched.

He shook his head to clear it of the parallels her appearance and behavior had to the Wizard of Oz, which Lorelai had recited for hours last weekend on their drive back from the coast.

"What are you –" he began, illogically wondering how many horsepower her Jaguar-shaped broom that she had parked across the street had.

"I told you to get back together with Lorelai! I told you exactly what to do and exactly what to say. What do you need, a cheat sheet?"

He watched her face contort. She really did look like the character in the movie, with slightly less green in her skin tone.

"Emily –"

She continued, as practiced as ever in her insults. "Some flash cards, some Sesame Street characters to sing a song about it?"

This was taking altogether too much time and Luke was getting pissed. "Look!"

"Do you think that it was easy for me to come to you like that? Do you think I enjoyed it? Like I was just sitting around my house thinking, hmm, what shall I do tonight? I know. I can drive to Stars Hollow and humiliate myself at the local greasy spoon!"

"Okay, I am in the middle of –" He didn't give a damn about what she had to say, or how low she believed she had to sink. He just wanted her gone.

"I don't care what you're in the middle of! My family is being torn apart because for some reason you are incapable of taking simple instructions and putting your relationship back together!"

He could hear the speed dial kick in and Lorelai's phone wouldn't be long until the two of them could deal with his mother-in-law together. He drew in a deep breath as he saw this scene being repeated in the coming years.

"Just because you run a diner and have mastered the art of the blank stare does not mean it's going to work with me!"

Lorelai rushed into the diner, catching her mother's latest tirade.

"And Richard went through a great deal of trouble to set the whole thing up, and you never even called Herb Smith! Apparently, you can't follow through with anything! Not even a razor!"

"Mom, what are you doing here?" She looked at Luke apologetically.

"I am having what I'm sure will turn out to be yet another fruitless conversation with this man."

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

"It's okay." It wasn't ok; he wanted to toss Emily out of the diner and enjoy the afternoon surprise he'd planned for his wife.

"Mom, go home. You have no right to barge in here and cause a scene."

"I have something I want to say."

"No! We don't want to hear what you have to say! We just want you to please butt out of our lives!"

"Our lives? So there's an 'our lives'? Are you two back together?"

"Yes, we are."

"So you did go to her. Just like I told you to."

"We got back together because we wanted to get back together."

"Then I simply don't understand. If you're together, then what's the problem?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why won't you come to Friday dinner? Whatever happened between the two of you, I obviously fixed it, so –"

"You fixed it? You broke it! Just because Luke and I found a way to repair the damage doesn't erase the fact that it happened!"

"What I did I did out of concern."

"Oh, please!"

"As your mother, I have the right to be concerned. Especially when it looks like you're taking your life down a completely disastrous path. I had to jump in, and –"

"Mom!"

"Lorelai!"

"Please hear me. If I want your input in my life in any way, shape or form, I will ask for it. Until then, do us all a favor and shut up!"

Before Emily could gather herself together, a parade of townies poured into the diner.

A dozen voices called out various forms of congratulations and good wishes at once. Emily was pushed to the side as they all wanted to hug Lorelai at the same time. Lorelai grabbed Luke's arm over the counter and pulled him around to the front. He tried to frown, considered yelling, but realized this time no one would hear him, so he manfully took his favorite position guarding Lorelai's rear flank.

Lane, who'd been clued in by Rory and confirmed it for herself with a glance at Luke's left hand, had spent her break informing the critical members of the town phone tree. She quietly put up the "Private Party" sign and locked the door, pocketing the key.

Noticing Emily steaming mad at the edge of the crowd, Lane caught Luke's attention. He drew a threatening line under his chin. Lane placed a hand on Lorelai's back and Lorelai automatically wrapped her arm around Lane's shoulder. Lane turned so Lorelai wouldn't have to watch her mother recoiling from the jovial intimate group, while Luke stayed on the other side of his wife.

"Thanks for setting this up, sweetie," Lorelai said, a tear or two escaping her eyes, caused more by the kindness of her friends than the bitter fight with her mother.

"Please, Lorelai, it was nothing. I only made one stop by Miss Patty's and she took care of the rest."

Lane, Lorelai and Luke watched as their friends placed food and drinks everywhere in the diner. A small mountain of gifts began growing in the corner of the room. Almost as if they'd been doing it for years, the manlier men of the group, mostly Jackson, Bootsy and the softball team, migrated to the relative quiet of the kitchen.

Lane nodded her head toward Emily. "Isn't that your mom, Lorelai? Want me to get rid of her? I can have her out the door faster than Kirk when Luke's really mad."

"Out the window would be better," growled Luke.

Lorelai watched her mother try to squeeze through the crush to leave, jumping away as soon as anyone came too close to her designer suit. She bumped up against a table, quickly grabbing a napkin to wipe off any diner grime she could find on her clothes. Miss Patty loomed over her before she called out, "Here's Lorelai's mother! Come say hi, Emily!"

All the ladies who'd been dragged to Emily's fake bachelorette party crowded around and demolished Emily's hoity-toity notion of personal space. As Lorelai watched her mother get more uncomfortable by the moment, an evil smile spread across her face.

She patted Lane's shoulder affectionately. "No, hon, Emily dragged us to a fake wedding reception with her snobby friends, then behaved like the world's worst soap opera. It's about time she experienced what true friendship is. Keep her here. Let her see the kind of life Rory and I have here."

Nodding, Lane took off to manage the party and let a few key people know about Emily. Lorelai turned to Luke.

The thundercloud hadn't left his face yet. "I liked the window idea better."

"No you don't," she coaxed. "You would have to install new glass, clean up the blood, and paint the words all over again. Letting Gypsy, Miss Patty and Babette have her for a while will leave a much longer-lasting impression."


"I screwed up some more mimosas!" called Miss Patty, holding up the pitcher with orange juice, champagne and a lot of vodka. Her table cheered loudly.

"Hit me!" said Emily. Gypsy no longer needed to demand she drink. It was her third mimosa, and while she wasn't a casual afternoon drinker, these were particularly delicious. And she was being held prisoner. Babette had insisted she stay, and when she tried to leave anyway Gypsy held her in her seat.

"What's the name of this champagne? I never had a mimosa that tasted like this."

She smirked as the women around her burst into laughter when Patty said, 'Popov!"

Leaning over to Gypsy, her favorite, she stage whispered, "See? I can fit into any social situation, even a greasy diner party. My daughter thinks I'm rude and snobbish."

"Lorelai always could read people," said Gypsy. "Can't remember to get her Jeep maintained, but she knows people." Emily, emptying the glass, wasn't listening.

"That's how she got to know Luke," said Patty. "I remember the day they met. She blew into the diner, looking stunning as usual, and tried to get coffee. We watched her follow Luke around, begging for a cup to go, but he ignored her."

"Yeah! We knew her already, and there wasn't a guy within twenty miles who could resist that beauty. At least until she ran into Luke Danes." Babette chortled. "Literally! She was following him until he turned around kinda sudden and bumped right into her."

"He was so mad!" laughed Patty. "That didn't last long, though. After she left, he stood and stared out the window at her until Tom yelled at him."

"So there was Lorelai, our sweet beautiful girl," mused Babette. "Everyone loved her. Except this grumpy diner owner. So she came back the next day."

"I was there," agreed Gypsy. "She flirted and flirted with him. Drank her coffee at the counter while she batted her eyes at him. It would have killed a lesser man, but Luke didn't give in. Not until she left."

"Oh, god yes!" laughed Patty. "I thought he was going to have a stroke. I started to say something, but that's when I found out you did not tease him about Lorelai Gilmore. He was in love with her already." The others nodded in agreement.

"She never told me," muttered Emily.

"Of course not. Once Lorelai realizes a person isn't worthy of her trust, she gets all superficial. Only jokes and lightness, and that's right before she tries to get away from you."

"Sound familiar?" Gypsy topped off Emily's drink.

"I'm her mother!" exclaimed Emily hotly. "She's supposed to trust me!"

"Then she had her reasons," said Gypsy. "Never met a better judge of character."

"That's why she didn't give up on Luke." Patty pushed the bowl of pretzels across the table to Emily. "She kept coming in, hanging out, and the next thing we knew, they were best friends."

Babette sighed. "Still can't figure out what took them so long. With me and Morey, it was love at first sight."

"You mean lust at first sight! You guys couldn't keep your hands off each other!" The Hello Magazine table continued their chatter as Emily sank deeper into her cup.


Lorelai had been dividing her time amongst the other groups of people, receiving their congratulations, telling about the elopement, and showing off her rings. Sookie was steadily at her side and Lane kept an eye out for any trouble with Emily, as Luke had asked her to.

The dining room itself was packed with townies who had been a part of Lorelai's life in Stars Hollow, and were thrilled to finally see the couple together. Andrew went from table to table, snapping photos for posterity.

When Luke peeked out of the kitchen, where an equally-crowded room had a more masculine feel, due to it being his current as well as several childhood friends, he saw Lorelai in her element. She floated from table to table, joking, grinning, telling story after story that he didn't really want to know because many of her couple stories were 'can you believe Luke did that?' stories. When she looked his way, he winked at her, smiled and nodded, then went back to his share of the host duties in the kitchen.

Lorelai had just taken a water pitcher and put a bouquet of flowers that Andrew had given her on the table in the back corner. Glancing out the window, she saw Rory and Logan getting out of his car. As they approached the diner, she knocked on the window to get their attention and waved them around to the back, so they would be able to avoid Emily.

"You came!" she squealed as she let them in the back door, hugging them until they couldn't breathe.

"As soon as classes were out," nodded Rory.

"Well, maybe we skipped one," added Logan sheepishly. "Anyway, we're here. Looks like a great turnout. Were you surprised?"

Lorelai beamed. "Yes! I was so sad this morning, because no one noticed my rings, or commented on the fact that both Luke and I had disappeared for several days. But then, …" She remembered what had happened in the diner right before the surprise party started.

"Luke called and clued me in, Mom," soothed Rory. "Let's just have fun, OK?"

They walked into the dining room and Lorelai noticed Emily's excitement as the crowd greeted Rory.

Shoving him toward the kitchen, she told Logan, "Go in here. Luke's there. You don't want to be around Emily right now."

A little surprised to see 'the next boyfriend who wasn't good enough for Rory' and a little beyond tipsy, a tipsy Luke grabbed him by the shoulders and proudly announced, "Here's the little prick who's dating my stepdaughter."

A roar of laughter from the men was followed by Bootsy shouting, "Hello, little prick!" which caused the men to laugh even more.

Trying to save face, Logan reached into his jacket and pulled out a rather large flask. "Fun flask, anyone?" he offered.

Everyone froze, stared at him until he began to feel uncomfortable. Then Sal elbowed Jackson to the side, revealing a table with over a dozen fifths of liquor and a bucket of beer.

Sal bellowed with laughter as Logan's face turned three shades of red. "Fun flask! He brings us a fun flask!" He grabbed the flask and tossed it on the table. "C'mon, kid, let's get you a real drink."


Ever since she saw that Rory had come into the room, Emily had tried to escape her table, but had been prevented by Gypsy and Miss Patty.

"Rory!" she called affectionately. "Come see your grandmother! I miss my sweet little Yalie."

"No, thanks, Grandma," she answered coldly from several feet away. "I'm over here with my friends. We're celebrating Mom's and Luke's wedding."

"Oh, that," she dismissed drunkenly. "That is just like your mother. I get her filthy diner owner to go back to her and she overreacts by marrying him. But that's Lorelai! She always has to take the drama queen path. I suppose divorce court comes next."

Lorelai, shocked at Emily's lack of self-restraint in public, stepped back behind the curtain. Opening her cell phone she dials. "Dad? Mom's here at Luke's. She's too drunk to drive. Can you come pick her up?"

A pause. "Uh-huh, no, she can't spend the night with me. I'll just put her in a taxi." After another second or two, "OK, I'll see you in half an hour. Thanks, Dad."

Lorelai re-entered the dining room just in time to hear Rory say, "I was with Dad the whole night. You put him up to that! You broke them up! Dad feels like a fool, the way you used him!"

"How dare you talk to your grandmother that way? You come to this town and you become just like her! No manners, no sense of propriety!"

"Grandma! That's enough! Mom said she was done with you, but I'm done too! I don't want to speak with you anymore!"

"You have to speak with me! We're still paying for Yale! You have to come to Friday Night Dinner!"

Rory held her ground, arms crossed. "Fine! I'll be there! But I don't agree with you, and I'm not going to let you run all over me anymore."

Emily scoffed, tossing her head. "Just like your mother. That's a big mistake. Her biggest mistake was running away from home, and now her second biggest mistake was marrying this hirsute lumberjack! Every one of your mistakes always has to do with this town and the buffoons who live here!"

The dining room had gone perfectly still, which captured Luke's attention and he was at Lorelai's side in a heartbeat.

Rory pulled her shoulders back and stretched up to her full height, a good head taller than her grandmother.

"It's a shame to hear you say that, Grandma, because when I look at it, the two best things Mom ever did was move to Stars Hollow and marry Luke." Rory turned and joined Logan in the kitchen.

Emily charged Lorelai, stopping just inches from her face. "I know what's behind this! It's you! You've been trying to take Rory away from us forever! You never wanted us in her life!"

Lorelai shook Luke's hands from her arms. "I got this, babe," she said calmly.

"Mom, Rory has her own relationship with you. She's an adult, she makes her own decisions. When she was a child I wanted her to know her grandparents. I wanted her to have a relationship with you, and if she chooses otherwise, it's on you."

"You never wanted me. I'm loud, and irreverent, and yes, I've never been happier than when I'm in Stars Hollow. If that makes me a buffoon, then that's just one word you haven't used to insult me with yet."

"That's a lie! We wanted you!"

"You wanted me, all right. You wanted me to be quiet, to have a smaller head, to not play with the toys I got for Christmas because they were too valuable."

"You wanted me to behave at cotillion, to be like Mitzi, to be like Tammy, to be like anyone except Lorelai Gilmore!"

"You wanted me to be gone when you had your parties, except for the five minutes you paraded me around in a taffeta dress. You wanted me to be with the nanny while you and Dad went to Europe."

"You wanted me to flirt with the right boys, to tease them, but not to touch them. You didn't even teach me about birth control! I learned it from television, where no one talked about condoms that could break!"

"Everything changed when the stick turned pink. Everything changed again when I came to Stars Hollow. And everything changed when I met Luke Danes."

"He is Stars Hollow. He sees Lorelai Gilmore, and accepts Lorelai Gilmore. I never had to be anything but who I am, and become who I wanted to be. He was there, along with Babette, and Miss Patty and Sookie, and Mia, and everyone in this whole town who welcomed me as family, and cared for me and Rory throughout our lives."

"You never wanted me, Mom, and now you get your wish. I'm not there for you anymore. You can't berate me, or tell me the man I love is anything less than the forgiving, loving, amazing, gruff person that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with."

"And I'm letting you win one last time. There's one prediction you had for me that is going to come true right now."

Lorelai reached over to the nearest table and picked up the ketchup dispenser. "Welcome to my wedding reception, Mom. The bride walks down the aisle with a ketchup dispenser in her hand." She tucked her hand into the crook of Luke's elbow, then walked him over to Emily.

"Andrew, if you please," she said.

Andrew jumped in front of them, snapping pictures like crazy while Emily stood there, mouth gaping like a fish.

"Nice that we've got someone from Hartford in the picture," he said amiably. "My girlfriend's sister writes the gossip part of the Hartford Courant's society page. She'll love a photo of mother and daughter at the wedding reception."

"There you go, Mom. Not only did I have the exact wedding reception you figured for me, but all of your friends will see that I've finally become a respectable married woman, roadkill and all."

She turned and kissed her astonished husband, then looked one last time at the woman she would no longer call at all, much less call her mother. "Dad's outside. Unlock the door, Lane. We've got a marriage to celebrate and we don't want to waste any more time on people who aren't worth it!"

FIN


A/N: No mother-daughter reconciliation chapter coming up. Emily simply went too far.