"Let Me" By Leafygirl


It was dark in the room; too dark to see anything. A faint glimmer of street-light, or maybe moon light streamed on the wall, making its way through the tiny gap at the side of the window blind. Sakura wasn't sure what it was, but really didn't care anyway.

Sasuke shifted slightly and let go of her as he turned over in a fitful restless sleep. She inched slowly over and stood up, moving to the window where the light crept in. Her long pink tresses were braided and she pulled lightly on the tie at the back to let it fall, caressing her shoulders. She combed through it slowly with her slender fingers, her eyes drew over nothing as she let the blind up slowly, watching the glow from Sasuke's window.

Streetlight.

She could hear his small grunts and murmurs as he shifted, dreaming what she could only imagine were painful haunting nightmares. The dark wood floor was cool and almost soft beneath her feet, the hard wall caught her back as she slid down to sit below the window. Her vision could just register the silhouette moving beneath the soft white blanket.

Sasuke

She felt so bad for him, and with his suffering she would suffer too. She gave away a chance with Kakashi and she would have to push herself, smiling, through the loss. Sleep deprivation was setting in; she already felt it, making her moods swing and a myriad of emotions run through her. With all of it, she had still maintained a happy façade for Sasuke. Tonight though, she didn't want to, she just wanted to dwell on what she gave up.

She felt sleep coming over her and laid down on the cool floor rubbing her fingers over the cracks in the floorboards. Cold wood met soft skin as her cheek pressed to it. She relived the night and thought of how it could have gone differently. She could be at Kakashi's apartment, wrapped in his strong arms, feeling his touch over her body.

She put her face in her hands but did not cry.


"What are you doing down there?" Sasuke stood over the sleeping form of the pink haired woman gracing his dark floor. His face was cold.

"I don't know." She said evenly, not really caring if he liked that answer or not.

"Naruto wants to meet for breakfast, are you coming?"

She shook her head.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours if you want to hang around. You said you'd help me clean out some of the rooms today. If you're up to it." He reminded her.

"I'll wait." Was all she replied and slunk herself back to the large bed. She wrapped the white blanket around herself tightly and put her head under it.

"You ok?" he asked.

"I'm just tired, Sasuke. Go on, I'm fine." She spoke into the blanket, it sounded muffled.

He left and didn't come back for a few hours. Sakura stayed in the same position in the large bed, unmoving. The warmth cradled her and the silence allowed her to fall into a soft deep dreamless sleep.

"Still in bed?" Sasuke's voice woke her. She sat up to see that the room was dark again. Nighttime?

"I left this morning and when I got back you were still sleeping. I left a note for you downstairs to meet us in town; Naruto was here too. I can't believe you haven't gotten up yet."

"I guess I was just catching up."

Sakura finally let her feet find the floor and headed to the bathroom. She slipped into the shower to try and wake up, turning the water to cold.

She got dressed in a black t-shirt and the pocketed shorts she had heisted from Kakashi and walked back out to see that Sasuke was sitting on the bed.

"Sakura, are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah... if you don't mind, I'm going to take a walk."

"I don't mind. Naruto is coming by soon with Hinata and we ran into Ino, she's going to come by too so don't be too long." He said pointedly.

"Ino, I haven't seen her for a while... I won't be long." And with that she left. She moved slowly feeling the dust slipping into her toes with each step down the dirt streets in Konoha. It was about 9:00 and she felt a little lost, the events of the previous night coming back to her. She made a mistake, she should have left with Kakashi, but even now she knew if she had to choose again, she would do the same thing.

Each night as Sasuke moved around the bed and woke up in shouts and tosses, she would hold him. She knew she had to be there for him, he couldn't be alone. If anyone saw him like that they would want to help, it was her duty as a friend.

Each night he seemed less restless, sleeping longer, finding more will in the morning to get out of bed. His face still held the withered eyes of someone defeated and weakened by something internal. His emotional struggle, though easier, would continue for a long time to come.

She found her way to the memorial of the four Hokages and sat down on the head of the fourth, thinking about that morning that she sat there, for what seemed like hours, clung to Kakashi's back. Warmth and safety enveloped her there; she never wanted to let go. Now she wondered if she would ever feel that again.

She stood up aimlessly brushing the dirt from her and wandered back to Sasuke's place to find Ino and Hinata there with the boys.

"Sakura!" Ino shouted, she go up off the floor in front of the fire and walked over to hug her friend. "Sasuke has just been keeping me entertained while I waited for you." She winked.

She knew Ino was baiting her, they had always had that rivalry over him but over time as they both found that as they had matured, the rekindling of their friendship was possible. Ino loved to push though, and Sakura was not in the mood to bite.

"I'm glad because I'm sure it wasn't me you came to see anyway Ino." She raised her eyebrows and noticed Ino blush. She suddenly felt bad for teasing her like that. She secretly hoped that Sasuke was comforted by Ino, that she could take over and let Sakura find her own heart.

The small group spent time together talking and drinking and Sakura felt better, having become slightly intoxicated and her mind occupied. She was happy to have Ino there and found herself laughing loudly at some of the stories they told about their young days. Ino was a good comfort and Sakura was sad when Ino said she had to go.

Hinata also said she needed to leave while giving Naruto looks and Sakura got the idea that it was not home that she wanted. How times had changed for all of them. She looked at Sasuke and realized he was watching her.

"It's nice to hear your laugh, it must be nice to have no cares." He said quietly, no real expression on his face, his words slurred slightly.

She creased her eyebrows at him and they walked together up the stairs to his bedroom. She slipped out of her shorts, running her hand over them before folding them neatly on a chair and getting into the bed. She didn't care that she was only in a t-shirt and her panties, she didn't care that she was slipping into bed with a man. She just wanted to sleep.

She closed her eyes and found that her body molded to the mattress and her eyes drooped quickly. She was drifting off. She began dreaming, dreaming of Kakashi, his strong rough hands grabbing her waist and pulling her close in her bed. His hot breathe on her neck, kissing and nibbling her. She felt her breath quicken as his hand slid down between her legs. A small whimper of pleasure escaped her, when she felt the warmth there.

"Sakura..." a voice said softly in her ear.

Her senses began coming back to her, her surroundings, and the voice in her ear. It was not Kakashi's. Sasuke's fingers were rubbing her between her legs; his other hand had crept into her shirt. It felt so good, she considered just closing her eyes and pretending, pretending that it was Kakashi holding her and touching her. She actually considered giving in to the lust she felt but it would be wrong, she hadn't waited so long just to let Sasuke have sex with her in a drunken romp. She knew at that moment that it was not for him. As much as she had craved it when she was younger, this important moment in her life was not for him.

"Sasuke...stop." She said softly in his ear.

He did so immediately, raising his face to look at her, his half lidded eyes looked intoxicated and tired. She figured by the amount he drank he probably wouldn't have been able to have sex anyway. His head lay back on his pillow and she heard his snores within minutes.

She had to laugh, he probably wouldn't remember it in the morning, and she hoped she wouldn't either. She silently wondered what Kakashi was doing as she began to drift off, wishing for the dream again.


Grey sky. Drizzly rain. Another wonderful day in Konoha, Sakura thought as she sat up and looked at the sleeping form of Sasuke next to her. She figured he would be sleeping it off today and after so much rest she finally had some energy, though no appetite.

She got dressed again, not bothering to change the shirt that she had slept in. She pulled the shorts back on and looking rather disheveled, walked out letting the drizzle coat her shoulders and chest. Her hair matted slightly and stuck to her face. She found it refreshing to have the cool wet air dust her skin and the goose bumps rise on her flesh, the mist breathed out of her with every step.

She wandered around, not much of Konoha was awake yet. The shops were still closed and the streets were still and empty, she liked it that way. She felt like she had it all to herself and it fit her mood perfectly as did the gray morning.

She made her way back to her own apartment and was comforted to be there. The neat bed lay un-slept in for days and she languished her limbs over the soft cover. She wanted to be alone, to lay in the wonderful silence of alone. The soft patter of the rain on the windows was so serene that she felt relaxed again.

The drab sky, murky and dull, made the room pleasantly dim, no shade or blind was needed to hide her in her small apartment. The bed was her anchor for over an hour until she decided that she could not lie there anymore. Making her way to her kitchen, she spotted the expensive bottle of wine Kakashi had given her for her birthday.

"Shut-up" she said to it, as she stepped out the door again. She knew today was the day and she had forgotten, after all the disturbing things that had been happening, the dark wine bottle had reminded her.

After what seemed like aimless hours back out into Konoha, Sakura found herself finally wandering near the ANBU headquarters and decided to check the notice on new positions. She had planned to join and take the tests but would usually change her mind knowing what type of work she would be doing and how hard it was for women.

The posting for three new ANBU members glared at her through the cracked plastic that covered it on the notice board outside. She steeled herself and went in, cautiously searching for the area to sign up. She finally found the recruitment office and gave her name to a pouty young secretary who didn't seem impressed with Sakura's wardrobe.

"They'll let you know by tomorrow," she said nasally as her eyes looked over the baggy pocketed shorts.

"Thanks"

It was done; she would do something she wanted now. If it were in her power, she would pass the tests and move forward with her own goals. She breathed in deeply taking in the coolness of the curtain of rain around her.

What now?

Soon Kakashi began to creep back into her mind and pushed her to decide to go and reminisce at the clearing, his favorite one. As she approached she saw a small fireball light up and steam in the rain. He was there. She half wondered; half hoped he would be. She just wanted a glimpse of him, something to sustain her through more nights with Sasuke.

He didn't turn when he sensed she was there, but she knew he knew. She sat down at the opposite end of the clearing as she had many times before just to watch him, her feet outstretched and her hands behind her. He just wore his black shirt, and black pants, no vest. His mask and headband in place as usual. He performed another nin-jutsu, his long fingers dancing among each other swiftly, and then she observed the mist and rain swirling around him, hiding him from sight.

She sat up a little seeing that he did not reappear for a moment, wondering if he had left. She felt mild pain in her chest until he reappeared somewhat closer to her. He still had his back to her.

"I wondered if I'd see you today" he said quietly.

The sound of his voice was almost rapturous and she felt her chest swell with hearing it. The deep mellow tone resonated through her. She gritted her teeth trying to keep composure but she felt her eyebrows dipping in the middle giving her that desperate look. She stood up with her feet together, fists balled, her eyes faced down.

She felt her throat tighten and knew she couldn't speak yet. His feet shifted and his body began to move insighting her gaze to dart to the grass. He didn't move closer, they stood only about ten feet away from each other.

She finally looked up to see his eye. He was not smiling. He just watched her.

"I said that you had to stop doing this, Sakura" his tone was not cold, but not playful like usual.

"Kakashi...give me what I want." She managed to say quietly while her green eyes kept focus on his black one. She had not taken her eyes from him and did not reach for a weapon as their game had normally started.

Without warning his hand slid up to his mask and her eyes widened. To her utter dismay, he slowly began to slide it down his face.

"Don't!" she said and within a second she was standing in front of him, she grabbed his hand trying to stop him but it was too late, it was already down. She felt the tears coming to her eyes as she looked away, not wanting it to be like this.

Her hands grabbed at his shirt as she leaned over slightly letting the tears come. Her head pressed to his chest.

"Why...why did you do this?" her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, but our game had to end." He said while looking down at her. He felt her sadness too and wished it wasn't like this but he was leaving in the morning and they had no time left. He wrapped his fingers around her upper arms.

"Damn you, Kakashi. Why!" she yelled into his chest.

He moved his hands to her face and made her raise her head to look at him. Her vibrant green eyes closed tight, pushing the tears out to her cheeks and eyelashes.

"Look at me, Sakura." He said softly. She shook her head.

"Sakura...please, look at me."

Her eyes slowly opened and focused on the face she had, for so long, waited to see. His face was as handsome as she expected it to be. He had perfect skin and she put her fingers up to touch the unseen mouth that had touched hers. She ran her finger along his soft lips and he closed his eyes reactively for a moment feeling her touch.

Her hands were shaking and she could feel the anger and confusion in her mind, the anguish of what he just did sinking in.

She pushed him back away from her.

"You ruined it, Kakashi," she said angrily. "I can't understand. I didn't think you wanted this to end so badly. Is it that you just wanted to get rid of me?" She stood and watched him for a moment hoping he would tell her that she was wrong.

They looked at each other's faces, the steam rose from their mouths through the drizzle and mist with each breath they took. Their chests heaving, lips parted.

"You asked me to give you what you wanted and I did. You have nothing to be angry about. Isn't it what you've been after?" He was even and soft, trying not to upset her even more.

"Maybe this is not what I want anymore; maybe it's something else. Will you give that to me if I ask?" She looked at him pleadingly.

"If I can. Tell me and I'll try."

"Time. Will you give me time?"

He sighed and felt the ironic bitterness of that request.

"Sakura, it's the one thing we don't have. I'm sorry." He moved forward to her and grasped her in his arms pulling her tightly into his embrace. He didn't want to let go, ever. He knew how she felt about him, he wanted to return it to her, and give her what she wanted.

The anger began to inch into her, being denied such a simple request. It was in his power, he just wouldn't. A small struggle freed her from his arms, and she realized for a moment that he was clinging to her not wanting to let her go. She stopped momentarily to look up at him.

"Your actions don't agree with your words Kakashi...damn you for these head games."

She looked down at her feet. "It's really over isn't it? I would have waited for you forever, but you can't even give me a couple of weeks? I thought I meant more to you than that. I'm really a fool." She stepped back from him and within a second she disappeared.

"Sakura, wait..." But it was too late; she was gone.

She darted away feeling helpless, the soft pain growing and surrounding her. She wiped at the tears as she sat under the cherry trees, the pink blossoms sticking to her legs. She sat for a long time trying to push it down and away; she had to be stronger than this.

It was getting into the late afternoon and she felt lonely and now the rainy day became her enemy as the hollow feeling sat in her stomach. She decided it was probably time to go back to Sasuke's. She thought that, just maybe, he could help quell the pain she felt from Kakashi's rejection although he had never really been a comfort for her before.

Normally it was Kakashi she would run to, that she needed, he was her relief. Now he was the cause.

How much had she been there for Sasuke, now he could be there for her. She wouldn't dare tell him what went on but knew that he would hold her close, thinking it was something for him when it was what she needed.

She approached the large house and slipped in quietly through the back door wondering if he was awake yet, but realized he was as she heard his voice and another in the kitchen. She crept slowly to the door trying not to be heard. The hushed voices and hurried talk made her weary of what was happening.

"When are you leaving then?" Sasuke asked.

"In the morning, around 6:00 AM. Everything will happen early in the morning."

It was Neji, what was he doing here? She didn't think Neji and Sasuke were very close, it was surprising to hear them talking almost as if they were planning something.

"How long until you are done, is there any sort of timeline?"

"We will probably have to be gone for a number of months to maybe a year, after everything goes down tomorrow, we will have to keep away. The hunter- nins will come after us and the other countries will probably search as well."

"I'm glad you told me; I would have wondered what happened had I just heard through the city. You'd better watch out for the Mist ninjas, they will be looking to stroke you and Kakashi out of their bingo books."

Kakashi?

"Don't worry; between the two of us we should make a good escape. Don't be shocked when you hear, and keep it quiet."

What the hell is going on? Sakura thought to herself. Kakashi was leaving, that is why he has been pushing her away, she was sure of it. It must be some sort of mission.

Time.

'Sakura, It's the one thing we don't have.'

What about the hunter-nins? What were they going to do? What was he planning with Neji?

She didn't think they even knew each other. She continued to listen at the door until she heard Neji get up to leave.

She backed up quickly and soundlessly, and pretended she was just coming in.

"Sasuke?"

"Sakura, did you just get back? Where have you been, it's almost dinnertime?" she heard the front door click shut as Sasuke's head swiveled around to her.

"I don't live here, you know. I went home and went to the..." She almost did, but then decided against disclosing her interest in ANBU, she felt the urge to keep it for her own.

"...the store to get a bit of food, my fridge is empty." She smiled half- heartedly. The conversation she had just overheard ran through her mind. They are doing something... dangerous? Illegal?

"Let's go out for dinner tonight." Sasuke said, "We'll meet up with Naruto, Ino and Hinata, what do you say?"

"Alright" She was pleased to hear Ino was going. She realized how much she missed her last night when they had a couple of hours joking and laughing. It was a nice change from the anguish filled nights with Sasuke. She silently wondered what was going on and what Sasuke and Kakashi had to do with it.

After getting cleaned up Sakura met them all at the small restaurant by her house. She had changed into a feminine pink dress with buttons all the way down the front of it. The delicate spaghetti straps that were almost a trademark for her, sat lightly on her shoulders. They laughed and joked as before but Sakura couldn't keep her mind on the stories. She kept thinking about what Kakashi was going to do. Bingo books and hunter-nins consumed her thoughts and after what seemed like hours she couldn't stand it anymore.

"Um...I'm not feeling well tonight...I think I might be getting sick." She looked at Ino. "I'm sorry but I think I'm going to go home."

"Do you want me to take you back to my place?" Sasuke asked.

"Um...no, thanks...Ino, could you walk me home?" she asked while raising her eyebrows. Ino knew that sign and agreed right away putting her hand on Sakura's forehead and playing along, they weren't best friends for nothing.

They stepped outside and walked slowly towards Sakura's apartment. "What's going on?" Ino asked darkly as she opened her umbrella.

"I have to go and see Kakashi, right now. He's leaving." She said painfully.

"What's going on with him, Sakura? I figured something was up that night you chased him out the door of the pub and what is happening with Sasuke?"

"I think I love him, Ino and nothing is happening with Sasuke. I have been staying at Sasuke's house every night helping him sleep and get through the night. He is going through a bout of depression; I have to help him so I've pushed Kakashi away. Now I hear Kakashi is leaving for a long time and I have to see him before he goes." She looked desperate. "Ino will you help me?"

"Love him?"

"I just know that I need him."

"What can I do?"

"Just make sure Sasuke doesn't come to find me. I don't care what you do."

"So I could sleep with him and you wouldn't care?" she asked cheekily.

"Honestly Ino, I wouldn't care. Quit baiting me, I have to go." She smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll keep him occupied." Ino smiled devilishly again. Sakura smirked back and darted away towards Kakashi's apartment praying he would be there...alone.

When she finally arrived she walked slower and more timidly than her fast sweep moments ago. Her mind played with the verbal diatribe she would throw at him. She moved up the couple of stairs and stood at his door, fist raised.

Another weighted moment went by.

The urge to knock suddenly subsided and she couldn't bring herself to do it. She stood fixed, staring at the grain in the wood door for a few moments, breathing hard. Her hand began to shake and she dropped it to her side.

The light rain continued to fall on her and she let her thoughts rest on his face, so handsome, so young looking. Anger replaced excitement again at how he had ruined their game and taken away that small enjoyment that they still had. Now he would leave without a proper good-bye.

She let her head fall forward so that her line of sight was on her own wet shoes. The light pink dress that she put on earlier for dinner began to stick to her legs with the increase in the tempo of the rain. The sound filtered around her and now it held her to her spot.

She closed her eyes only to now find light invading the lids of them. She could feel the smooth inward swish of wind as the door in front of her opened. She opened her eyes to see the familiar shape standing there. Kakashi stood in the doorway, now looking as someone she barely recognized.

A silvery haired man with one red eye and one black, he looked down at her in such a way. An uncovered attractive face and bare chest blocked the light from the room behind him. No words came from his mouth but he had sensed her there, willing herself to knock but submitting to an internal conflict that would not allow it.

Why had he opened the door, because he wanted closure? Or was it that something that burned in him, an itch that needed to be scratched.

He stepped back from the doorway sideways without an utterance, Sakura walked in silently sweeping past the man's form. She didn't turn when she heard the door close behind her and she began to shiver with anticipation.

He moved back to his kitchen table where there was a large bag, half full with belongings and some small stacks of things beside it. He was packing for his journey and continued as she stood dripping wet on his floor.

"What are you doing here?" he asked quietly. "I thought you were angry with me."

She turned and couldn't peel her eyes from him; he looked so different. No mask, no headband, no shirt. His tight stomach rippled with muscles, his arm showing the telltale tattoo of the former ANBU.

"I know you are leaving. I'm just not sure what for. Will you tell me?"

"No."

He stopped packing and sighed, "...I can't, as much as I want to...I can't."

She knew he could not be pushed on it by his tone and he was not one to disclose information.

"Kakashi, before you go, I...have something for you."

He looked up at the pink haired woman in the light pink dress. If she was carrying something it was invisible and her eyes were suggesting something more. He began to understand why she was there and his stomach hitched with the thought of turning her away.

"Sakura, you shouldn't have come." He continued to pack.

"Why not?"

"Because, you can't give me that." He still looked down but stopped his movements. He was mentally preparing himself to send her away but it was so much harder than he imagined.

"It's mine to give to whomever I choose." She pulled her wet hair away from her face.

"Sakura, wait...wait for a man that will not leave you, for anything."

"So you would like me to go. You don't want me. I stand here and offer myself to you, desiring to feel you touch me, feel you inside me, and you turn me away?"

She was good, he was having so much trouble concentrating after what she just said and was slightly aroused. How many times had he wanted to just pull her clothes off, wrapping his fingers in her tresses while making her scream his name in pleasure. He put his head down trying to push the picture out of his head.

"Would you like me to go back to Sasuke's house? Did you want me to give this to him, I'm sure he would gladly take me. He tried last night as I fell asleep. I pushed him away but if you truly think I should give it to someone else, I'm sure he'd be more than willing."

She grew angry that he resisted her. He didn't look at her. She didn't notice how tensed the muscles of his arms were becoming.

"Maybe Genma will take me up on my offer? How attached is Naruto to Hinata...hmm?"

"Sakura, stop it."

"It doesn't seem to bother you, the thought of me with another man. Why don't you help me choose one, since I'm not allowed to choose one on my own."

"Sakura, don't you think I want you too? God, you are making it so hard. If we make love, what will happen tomorrow when I'm gone? What will happen months from now when I'm gone? You'll be lonely and you'll hate me for leaving. It can't happen. You mean too much to me." His voice was sharp and firm but she would not yield.

"If I mean that much then say good-bye to me properly, don't let me make a mistake with another man when I so badly want this with you. I know it's right. I thought that all my life I was saving myself for Sasuke but now I know that it was for you Kakashi. Please don't turn me away."

Her voice became soft as she moved towards the large bed at the other end of the bachelor apartment, kicking off her wet shoes in the process.

"How long have we played our game, letting it progress? How long has it taken you to see how I look at you and how you make me feel? Don't let this moment pass by."

He looked at the dress clinging to her legs as her fingers pulled lightly at the bottom of it, her soft thigh somewhat visible.

"Give yourself to me; you won't have to feel guilty or obligated. I won't ask you for anything but tonight. It will be just for us, even if it is just this once." Her shaking fingers went to the buttons on her dress as she undid the first one.

"S...Sakura" he whispered as he watched her undo the second button, his own hands quivering slightly.

Her eyes were like green fire, blazing with intensity. He let his gaze travel over her delicate curves under the pink dress and rest at her fingers that undid the third button revealing the soft shape between her breasts. She was breaking his will; he could feel it shattering into pieces, crumbling at her perfect feet.

His inner struggle began and desire began to triumph over reason.

Why should he let this pass them by? He wanted her so badly. He turned down countless women just so that he didn't feel like he betrayed her even though it was just a game, a close friendship, nothing more. He felt the wanton desire of touching her young skin and hearing her whisper his name in his ear as their bodies lay entwined. How long had they waited to get to this point? She was standing in his home, next to his bed, asking him to take from her what some women would save for their wedding night. He couldn't leave such a task to another man, he couldn't let some inexperienced boy grope and fondle her, not when he could give her so much more. She was right; he couldn't imagine her with another man. He hated to think of her with another man.

God, she's so beautiful and innocent...His body began to respond to her slight revelation of skin...this will truly cost me my soul.

Her fingers found the fourth button as she watched his conflict.

"Sakura, wait..." he said.

"Why Kakashi...give me a reason." Her trembling fingers held the button, ready to continue.

He flicked off the kitchen light as he walked slowly towards her, her skin still visible in the dim half-light of the small lamp in the living room area. His fingers touched her face, and then slid down her neck to that inspirational fourth button, pulling her delicate fingers away from it. His eyes fixed upon it.

"...Let me."