For those
of you who have no idea what Spike was mumbling about in the last chapter, he
was referring to a situation which is apparently happened in 'Passions'. I
don't watch Passions, thus asked a niece what was happening in it. Three hours
later, I managed to shut her up, and put in a single line in the story. Her
going on about that stupid show (No offence to Passions fans) seemed sad, until
I realised that I would sound the same if any one asked me what was happening
in 'Buffy'.
Buffy: We thought you might wanna talk
Willow: You know, yesterday, with the spiders?
Windel: I don't know what to say about that
Xander: You saw 200 insects. You gonzoed. Anybody would have.
Windel: They're not insects. They're arachnids
Xander: They're from the Middle East?
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At home, drawing pictures of mountain tops with him on top
Lemin yellow sun, arms raised in a V
And the dead lay in pools of maroon below
Daddy didn't give attention
Oh, to the fact that mommy didn't care
King Jeremy the wicked...oh, ruled his world...
Jeremy spoke in class today... (2x)
Clearly I remember pickin' on the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck
Ooh, but we unleashed a lion...
Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast...
How can I forget?
And he hit me with a surprise left
My jaw left hurtin'...ooh, dropped wide open
Just like the day...oh, like the day I heard
Daddy didn't give affection, no...
And the boy was something that mommy wouldn't wear
King Jeremy the wicked...oh, ruled his world
Jeremy spoke in class today... (3x)
Woo... (14x)
Try to forget this...try to forget this...
Try to erase this...try to erase this...
From the blackboard...
Jeremy spoke in class today... (2x)
Jeremy spoke in, spoke in... (2x)
Jeremy spoke in class today...
Woo... (29x)
Woooooohhh...spoke in, spoke in...
Woooooohhh...uh huh, uh huh...
-Pearl Jam
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.
Xander crushed his eyes shut, and tried not to move. He scowled, then winced as
the asshole with the sledge hammer took another crack. Xander lay still. It
seemed that every time he moved, or especially tried to open his eyes, some guy
with a sledge smacked him over the head. Xander lay, with a dull throb in his
head, as still as he could. 'Where am I?' he wondered. The events of last night
were blurry. He remembered Spike singing a rather dirty version of 'God Save
the Queen' while throwing a bikie through a juke box, Faith winking coyly at
him, while breaking the arm of some guy who was trying to gut her with a switch
blade, the bloodied face of a gangster inches from his own, and finally an
incredibly obnoxious... elephant? Xander was, to say the least, confused. 'What
the FUCK is going on?' he agonised, not risking opening his eyes. Sir,
judging from your... festivities last night, I would believe that you are hung
over the whispery voice analysed I don't know where you are, you were
last conscience in the lower west end of LA (Author's note: I've never been
to LA, let alone the US so I have no idea of the geography: Locations are all
guess work!) Xander stifled a groan as he opened his eyes. It seemed that
Shoilin was right. At least, there wasn't any guy with a hammer that Xander
could see 'either that or the little shit's run off' Xander thought. Looking around,
Xander decided that he didn't know where he was. It certainly wasn't the bar he
had passed out in. The room was smallish, with a window covered by a heavy
curtain, a single bed, upon which he was lying, and a small side table next to
him. The floor was hardwood, no carpet, there was no wardrobe or cupboards, and
the only door was opposite where he lay. Xander sat up quickly, regretting it
instantly as he realised that the guy with the sledge was inside his head, and
was having a gay old time. 'Hey, I'm a demon, right?' Xander mused More or
less 'Well, don't I have, like, instant hang over cure?' Shoilin seemed to
pause. Well, if you were to revert to Spawn, the alcohol in your body would
be eliminated, along with the headaches. You'll still need to drink something
though Xander started to nod, before stopping in realisation, and instantly
changed into his armoured self. The pain and fog in his head cleared
immediately. 'Hell yeah! The Xand-Man has found the cure to hang overs!' Xander
cheered. A snort sounded within his head. Xander ignored it, and cautiously got
to his feet. He moved silently to the door, twisting the handle gently and
opening it. The door opened inwards, so Xander opened it a few inches, and
strained with his enhanced hearing.
"...Too bloody right." 'Spike' Xander thought with a hint of relief.
"Well, why bring Xander along? And Faith?" Xander wondered why that
voice sounded familiar, and leant closer to the door.
"I didn't bring the lad, he brought me'
"Spike..." 'Who is that?' Xander wondered in frustration.
"I'm serious, Angel..." 'Of all the fucking people in LA, it had to
be Dead Boy' Xander moaned in realisation, banging his head against the wall
with a light thump.
"The kid said he wanted to get away from Sunnyhell, asked me to come along
for the ride. Poor bloke got a raw deal if you ask me, those bloody Scooby's
kicked him out."
A door banged, and Xander heard the sound of footsteps
"Angel, I need your help to find... Spike?"
"Slayer! Couldn't live without me, huh?" 'Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh
shit Xander sat down, unable to believe his bad luck. Buffy was on the scene.
This was getting better and better. Xander slowly stood up and walked back to
the bed. It was time to do some heavy thinking, which was not Xander's strong
point. But hey! Maybe Shoilin could help Me? 'Yep' What could I
possibly do? Xander snorted 'You are an adviser, aren't
you?' Well, yeah Shoilin sounded uncertain. 'So, advise' Xander waited,
growing nervous as the muffled conversation ceased, and footsteps approached
the door. 'Shoilin?' Xander thought frantically as the door handle began to
turn 'A little help?' Bluff Shoilin advised finally 'Bluff!?' Trust
me 'Trust me, he says', Xander thought dryly, 'he's a voice in my head that
comes from hell and he wants me to trust him.' He could say the devil really
did make him do it, Xander realised with a half smirk, which was wiped off his
face as the door swung open, and Angel, closely followed by Buffy, Spike, and
Riley. Expecting an argument, Xander was more than slightly surprised when
Buffy, and Angel took up combat stances, and Riley pulled out a gun. Xander
took a step back, raising his hands placatingly "Whoa, guys! Relax, look,
maybe taking..."
"Spawn" Spike cut him off, with enough emphasis on the word to draw a
curious glance from Angel "What are you doing here?"
'Oh, shit' Thought Xander with shock, realising that he was still Spawn. The
situation was looking grim. He couldn't demask, without Buffy going ape shit,
and he couldn't just walk out of there, being in a room that Xander was
supposed to be in. 'Hell! They probably thought I killed him! Me!' Xander
realised in horror, "Who are you, and what have you done to Xander?"
Buffy demanded. Xander was touched by the concern in her voice, realising that
maybe she did, in fact, care. He was however more worried about the menace in
her voice, her obvious want to kick around tender parts of Spawn's body. 'What
do I do now?' Xander thought desperately. Repeat what I say Shoilin
commanded. Xander, shell shocked, simply agreed, and parroted Shoilin's words,
not really paying attention to what he was saying. "I am Spawn. Commander
of Hell's Army, Sword of Death, Judge of the Righteous." Xander was
impressed by that title. 'I'll have to write that down' he thought. "Are
we supposed to be impressed?" Angel asked tersely. Xander suppressed a
childish urge to stick his tongue out at Angel, realising with a shudder that
he would only lick the inside of his demon mask. "Angelous, I believe you
spent a few happy centuries of torture in my domain" Xander said. 'Wow!'
Xander thought enthusiastically, as Angel growled, shifting into game face, and
Spike spluttered, smothering a laugh, which turned into a coughing fit when
Buffy glared at him. 'That was really cool!' Angel took a step forward with
murder in his eye, before Buffy and Spike held him back 'Apart from the whole
'Deadboy wanting to kill me, thing' Xander added nervously. Quit your
babbling, and say as I say Xander sighed, and once again listened for
Shoilin's instructions. "Your... friend, Xander is... not with us
anymore." Three of the occupants in the room gasped at that revelation,
while Spike had another coughing fit, and Riley sniffed, leaning against the
door. 'Dude, what the hell are you doing?' Xander thought frantically, as Buffy
and Angel moved forward grimly 'You trying to get me killed?'
"If you hurt him..." Buffy began, before Xander cut her off with a
wave of his hand. "He is safe. I am here to give you a warning."
Angel and Buffy backed off a bit, while Riley safetied and holstered his
pistol. "What is it" Spike asked curiously
"As I said, I am the Commander of Hell's..."
"Army, Sword of Death, blah blah blah, do you have a point?" Buffy
asked.
Xander paused, before continuing "I was sent here" Buffy looked
unimpressed
"You were sent to LA? Got a part in a movie?"
"To Earth, fool. I was sent to Earth." Xander finished sharply. Buffy
still looked unimpressed, though realisation was dawning on the faces of the
vampires. "If that's supposed to mean something, could you clue me in?
Cause the whole 'mysterious guy' has been done..."
"Buffy" Angel interrupted, a slight fearful edge in his voice.
"Why would the leader of an army be sent somewhere?"
"To prepare for an..." Buffy trailed off, realisation and horror
dawning. "Armageddon" Spike whispered, concern on his face. The two
vampires and the slayer looked at each other with concern, and worry on their
face. "I am the catalyst" Xander softly confirmed.
Riley was still clueless. "Hey, guys, what's going on," He asked,
scratching his head, and drawing his pistol slowly "If he's the leader of
hell, maybe I should shoot him?" He asked, drawing a bead, and backing
away slowly towards the door. Maybe if he annoyed this 'Spawn' guy, and got the
hell out of there, he would kill two vampires, and Buffy, thus taking care of
his, Riley's problems. Riley grinned, and drew a bead on Spawn's chest.
Hopefully that armour could take a bullet shot, but if not, well, that was one
less demon to worry about.
Xander was freaking 'What the fuck are you talking about!' He mentally shouted
'I didn't sign on to destroy the world! And what's up with calling me a cow?!'
Shoilin sighed in Xander's head. There is no Armageddon. Well, not yet,
anyway, I said that to but you some time, and... Shoilin was cut off by a
loud gunshot. Xander felt a like Buffy had just hit him in the chest, and found
himself sprawling back against the side table, which smashed apart from impact,
and slid down the wall. Xander glanced down, to see a hole the width of his
finger on his chest plate, with a green glow emanating from it, and a trickle
of green blood going down. As Xander watched, the hole slowly closed, and the
pain faded to nothing. 'Holy Shit! Who da man!' Xander thought ecstatically and
stood up with a flourish, in a combat pose. Xander looked to see Buffy and
Angel looking slightly concerned at him, while Spike's eyes had relief that he
was okay. Xander moved forward, watching amused as Buffy and Angel retreated
slowly to the doorway. "Your weak American bullets have no effect on
me" Xander stated in a weak Cartman impersonation (Author's note: Nope,
don't own South Park, either.) "What do you want?" Buffy asked, a
hint of respect in her voice. "I want..." Xander paused "Out of here"
Spawn's cape appeared with a snap, covering most of the room, and chains
whipped out of his body, clamping into either side of the window. As the others
watched, dumb folded, Spawn threw himself at the window, using him chains like
a slingshot, launching him through the curtain, tangling him in it, smashing
through the glass and out into the daylight. "Well," Buffy said
finally, "I think I'd better talk to Giles." The three turned, about
to leave the room, when a fourth figure entered. "Hey, guys, what's going
on?"
Buffy gasped in shock, while Angel looked on worriedly. "Faith."
Buffy muttered viciously, swinging a hard right. Buffy wasn't surprised to see
that her punch was blocked. She was surprised to see that it was Spike that
blocked her. "Now look here..." Spike began, but was cut off by Buffy
kicking him to the face. Spike staggered back, while Angel looked on in shock,
and Faith stepped back, timidly. "Now look here, slayer..." Spike was
again cut off by Buffy, this time by a punch to the face. Spike growled, pissed
off "Right, that's it" Buffy swung at Spike, who blocked, and sucker
punched Buffy, knocking her back, though shocking her more than hurting her.
"But your chip..." Buffy stated, fear growing in her stomach. Spike
laughed "Old news. You didn't really think it would stop the Big Bad, did
you?" Buffy shaped up, but Spike, to the surprise of Angel and Buffy,
simply stepped back. "I've got no quarrel with you, slayer." Spike
stated, "Well, I do, but Xander would stake me if I killed you."
Spike reconsidered. "Then what is this about?" Buffy asked guardedly.
Spike stepped in front of Faith, who was standing, eyes lowered, hands
together. "This is about protecting my friends" Spike admitted
firmly. Buffy and Angel stood shocked, as Faith looked up, and smiled
gratefully at Spike, as they both walked out of the room, closing the door
behind them, leaving Buffy and Angel standing, stunned. Five minutes past
before either of them moved. "Could this day get any weirder?" Buffy
asked Angel, who slowly shook his head "I really don't think..."
Angel was cut off by the door banging open, and an excited Wesley and Cordelia
rushing in. "Angel, guess what?!" Cordelia asked joyfully.
"Cordelia, I don't have time for games..."
"Wes and I are getting married! Oh, hi Buffy! What did your hair ever do
to you?" Buffy had, however, for the first time in her life, fainted.
Xander managed to pull the curtain out of his face to realise that he was
flying! "Whoooaaaa!" He shouted, as he passed high-rise buildings,
missing them narrowly, swerving around the corners. He grinned at the
adrenaline rush that heightened the sensation, and guided himself past
buildings as past as he could. Whatever else, being bad was fun.
Pedestrians looked up in wonder at the sight of the figure passing overhead.
"What the fuck is that?" An off-duty cop asked. A guy walking past
looked up from behind a newspaper.
"Some new kind of stunt glider probably" He said, in a bored voice.
The cop looked slightly deflated. "Yeah, you're probably right" The
second guy waited until the cop was out of earshot, before reaching into a
pocket, and pulling out a cell phone. Pressing one on the speed dial, he waited
until the phone was answered.
"Wolfram and Hart, how can I direct your call?"
"This is Lindsey. I have some news for the senior partners."
The cop walked along the sidewalk, idly wondering about the amount of laws
broken by the glider. IF it was a glider. Which it probably wasn't. She grabbed
her own cell phone, and punched in a number.
"Angel's Investigations, we help the helpless, there's no one here right
now, but please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you"
"Angel, this is Kate. We have to talk."
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What do you think? Review please.
Sorry about the loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong wait, its not my fault! I had
to renegotiate a contract with 'Marvel Superhero Union' for
T W O W E E K S ! to get Spawn to appear in this chapter! See the amount of
trouble I will go to for your viewing pleasure?
Anyway, the lines are drawn, you should expect things to heat up rather quickly
in the next few chapters. Stay tuned, folks.
