Narra: So...how's the beta search going so far?

Charlie: (turns around) Are you smiling?

Narra: (stop smiling) No!

Charlie: Whatever. Still haven't got a beta.

Narra: You haven't done a character conversation in a long time.

Charlie: A what now?

Narra: Character conversation. You know, when you bring in someone from an anime or manga.

Charlie: That sounds good.

ALERT: Searching for beta far and wide! Whoever will take the job! Please at least be good at checking for errors!

Continuing The Marriage of a Mouse

When they came to the Mountain's place they stood there, and he asked: "Why are you standing at the door?"

They came in and the Mountain greeted them as is the custom.

"How are you? Did you bring good news? How are your cattle? How are your children?"

They answered him politely and then spoke of the beautiful mouse for whom they were looking for a wife. He listened thoughtfully while they talked, and when they were through he said: "Yes, it is right that such a creature should have the best for a wife. But it is not my family who can give him such a wife. There is another stronger than I. He digs at my foundations day and night. He makes holes in my sides, and causes me to crumble. His family is the most powerful."

"Ah, such a creature is powerful indeed!" the messengers said. "Where can we find him?"

The Mountain pointed out his house, and the messengers went to it. It was the home of a Mouse.

"Why do you stand before the door?" the Mouse said.

Once again they explained why they had come. The Mouse listened and said: "You have found a wife for your son! What a joy that our most exceptional families should be united!"

And in this way the beautiful white Mouse found a wife worthy of him.

The End


Thou Shalt Not Kill

By Charlie

Chapter Seven: My Luck


I woke up early the next morning and "borrowed" oji-san's car (again). I traced the streets from Kakashi's house to the school using the local map. I walked along it before school (parked the car somewhere near) and checked it out. Some rumors here and there, one in particular about a lady dropping her wallet in the middle of the street and almost became road kill. The guy who was driving the car drove her to work as an apology.

Kakashi isn't a liar after all, but he didn't need to explain himself to his student. I'm guessing he likes it, or that's the way he bonds.

Now it's all clear. For me, not for you guys.


I turn the corner, but quickly step back. Kakashi was having a private conversation with the Chicken about his father. I look down at my watch and silently groan. Such bad timing. I was a little more than late for class and the only other route is pass the soccer field. I have no intention of laying a foot onto any field for a long while. Sighing, I plug in my iPod and turned it up to full volume before going in. I did my best to ignore them and walk as fast as I can.

"Naruto." He probably shouted, but it was faint to my ears. I quicken my steps. A hand grabs my shoulder and I had to stop. I would've kept walking…if I had a good excuse for it. I turn around. Kakashi was smiling. Sasuke was scowling. I'm sensing danger. I turn off the iPod to hear what terrible things he has to say.

"Naruto, I have a favor." I don't do favors. "It's about the culture festival." Screw it. "Sasuke needs some help preparing for it." So? "Can you help him?" Can I kill him?

I came up with thirty reasons why I shouldn't do it, but then I thought, how in the world did their conversation go from 'daddy gives me no love' to 'festival goes boo boo'. Kakashi is really trending on hazardous territories.

"I'm sorry, but I have a load of work to do." I know it's a lie. I don't have any homework.

Is that a twinkle? Did Kakashi's eyes just fucking twinkle? "I'll speak with your teachers about it so they can limit your amount of homework."

"My oji-san-."

"I'm sure I can speak to him about it." I'm sure you already did. Chicken boy was looking at me full of curiosity again. He could probably sense that Kakashi was trying to push me into a corner. That raised eyebrow of his isn't there for nothing.

"But I don't want to," I said back with the stubbornness I was born with.

He tapped his chin, though he didn't look particularly worry. "But Naruto-kun," he said with a combination tone of Orochimaru and oji-san. Creepy, I know. "It's very important. It affects a lot of people's effort you know. I'm sure you don't want to disappoint them." Effort, grades. Disappoint, my ass is expelled. I'm very good at reading between lines.

I'm already dragging enough chains behind me. It doesn't help you one bit to clamp a boulder to it, Kakashi. "Oh man," I said, speaking to myself more than them. "Iruka is going to be so angry I ditched him at work. I told him I help."

You can see him racking his brain for a solution. Well he better hurry it up. My class is about to end and I need to get there before that happens.

"I heard you're uncle was hiring more workers." Damn. Big boobs and pouty face, that's his new plan. Promote more customers. Why don't you just open up a damn harem, perverted old man? "It's only on Saturday. But we might work Sunday too."

"I don't need help, Kakashi. "YEAH, GO CHICKEN BOY! YOU ARE THE MAN!

"I'll just ask Neji then."

"Fine." YOU ARE A DEAD MAN! He glanced at me slightly then quickly looks away. "I'll work with him." Hey, don't sound so grumpy. Trust me, it hurt me more than it did you. Both of them were looking at me for an answer. Yeah, that's really comforting. They look like I'm about to take off, which I would've done if I wasn't on a very important mission.

"There's more than five hundred students here. I'm sure you can find at least one of them to help you," I said and walked away.

I went on to my class, but I'm sure they're still looking at me. Probably Chicken boy. I opened the door to my class room and WHAM! My watch (including my entire body) flew toward the table and stuck to some kind of devil machine.

"And that class is called magnetic attraction." I'll show you some magnetic attraction alright: the sole of my shoe in your face. The good news was Yamato wasn't teaching us about plants today. Bad news, I missed it. Everyone laughed and finally class was dismissed. Yamato called me to stay behind and asked me why I was late.

I couldn't possibly tell him that I had to bail my oji-san out of jail. Jail! The idiot went and tried to break into his own car! I had to get him out before he became somebody's bitch. Though that was unlikely since he'll kill himself before he'll allow his body to turn gay. I made up some lie about being sick and left.


As I walked to my lunch table, I look for that kid. His name was…Sai, I think. Yeah, it was Sai. He was sitting at a table in the corner. A big fat kid was next to him. No wonder I didn't see him last time. I think I'm seeing him this time is because I'm actually looking for him. He was busy reading a book and the others didn't bother him. They just talked loudly among themselves. By 'they', I mean gangster looking kids. Chains, studs, leather pants etc. He didn't look the type to hang out with those kinds of people.

I heard that he is part of the school's newspaper committee. He takes pictures. That's such a coincidence since he looks exactly like the stalker type. There was nothing more. Get good grades, an almost perfect rep, and here's the thriller, Gaara, Neji, and the Chicken all hate his guts. Heard it being whisper around. That's the most wonderful news I've heard all day.

When I sat down, I heard Kiba telling the others what happened in Science class. I kicked him under the table. "Nobody needs to know," I hissed at him. He pouted and rubs his leg.

"You're mean, Naruto," he said in a whiny and surprisingly cute tone. Hinata giggled. That was cuter.

"Hey, do you know anything about Sai?" I asked Kiba immediately. He wasn't one to ask too many questions. It was one of his rare qualities.

"Not really. There were some rumors going around that he used to be best friend with Sasuke and all, but look at them. Those two are on completely different worlds." He was right on that one, but opposites tend to attract. I look at Chicken boy. I can tell he was annoyed with all those girls around him. Each was offering him something or trying to strike up a conversation with no success. It was weird. Not the girls, but rather that I wanted to go and talk to him. I had a feeling that I can make him smile.

Ew, that's a disgusting thought, but then again I didn't find it so disgusting. I don't really know either. Hmm, maybe I should take precaution for this. Sakura is one for revenge. And it might get even more serious since I've just been caught staring. Thank god it was Chicken boy though.

I averted my eyes and turn around only to meet Gaara's eyes. It could be assume to be just a coincidence. But his eyes weren't exactly on the book, however, even if it was I don't think he can read the book backwards. I looked sideways and met with another pair of evil eyes…from Neji. At my table, Kiba was looking at me with bug out eyes. It was saying 'holy crap, you're screw'. Yeah he's right.

I made a motion at Kiba as if to poke his eyes and he back away. It was fun for a while. "What about Neji?"

"What do you mean?" Oh lord, he really meant it.

"Sai and Neji. Their friendship. Details. Give me some juice."

"Oh. Right. The four of them were all friends."

"Four?"

"Gaara."

Hmm, they hate his guts and were his friends. Interesting. We'll leave it for another time.

'Uzumaki Naruto, please come to the office. Uzumaki Naruto, please come to the office.'

Oh no. I hope they're not that angry when Seikimatsu came on instead of the usual school bell.

……………………

As I entered the office, I saw Hatake Kakashi smiling at me. I really hope that he didn't do what I thought he did. In his hand was a piece of paper. He held it out for me and I hesitantly took it. As I read it, I can feel my vein throbbing against my neck.

Kakashi walked pass me and patted me on the back then said, "I'll see you on Saturday."

Oji-san just signed my soul to a psychopath.


Again I sat on the front steps of the school when everyone else was gone. I'm not doing it on purpose. Oji-san decided I need to be punished some more for stealing his car, his precious four hundred pound baby. So what does he do? He doesn't pick me up. The only good thing that happened today was when Kiba paraded to my side an hour before school to tell me that someone glued Kakashi to his chair.

But still…I was miles from home and without transportation. Oh, he'll pick me up…when it's dark and cold.

I could wait for oji-san…or I can steal another car, except…

these damn brats didn't bring their cars today.

As it turns out, you only show off your car on the first two days of school. The rest of the year, you ride in first class limos. The only cars were the teachers and the "cool" kids. Chicken boy, Gaara, Neji, Sakura, and Ino etc. They had club meetings, except for Sakura who only wanted to be there to watch the Chicken move around the room. I saw them while passing by. Talk about obsessive. But it wasn't really her fault. Sad Sakura. Hey, SS…like Secret Service or-.

"Waiting for your uncle again?"

Chicken boy, damn you.

"No, I'm waiting for my private helicopter to take me back to my million dollar mansion…which I stole." Ok, that didn't really made sense to his question. I could've answered yes, but I was cold and mosquitoes were sucking on me like a Happy Meal. Can you blame me? I could try asking him to leave me alone or something, but then he'll ask me why and give me a flat no.

"Hahaha, sorry I asked."

…huh? W-What…w-wait-t, I-I-I…WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? H-He…l-lau-oh I can't say it. It's the end of the world. Yeah, that's right. We're all waiting for Satan to take us away to Never Never Land. Who am I kidding? The guy just laughed and I freak. I smile at him. I don't know if it was a true smile or a fake one, but it felt good. Since a long time. Then right then and there I decided that I wanted to talk to him. I didn't care about Sakura or someone else seeing us talking and laughing.

It's funny. Wait, no it's not funny. I don't care what Sakura thinks, but I am not sitting here just to make him laugh. I don't even know the guy. Sure I know his specific height, shoe sizes, and entire profile, but I don't know know him. Get it? Alright I have a feeling of wanting to get to know him, but my mind is saying NO. If I become his best friend, his family problems will be weighted down on me and then his father's going to be involved. If that happens, my oji-san's business will also be involved. I've seen way too many dramas to get suck up in one myself.

I gave him the same kind of look that any person at this school would give him. It was guarantee to make him mad and possibly never speak to me again. And it worked. He glared at me so I pretended to look away frightened. Seriously though, his glare was a bit weak. Maybe that's another reason why Sakura's still hanging on to him. I'll just go with 'she's blind'.

I watch him drive away in his car. He glanced back in his rear view mirror a couple times before disappearing beyond the road.

I spot a car in the principal's VIP lot. Thinking about it for awhile, I got up and walk over to it.


"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKING CAR YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" It didn't sound like much of a question. I wasn't even on the phone and I heard it. Oji-san gave me a questioningly look and mouth to me, 'what the hell did you do this time?' When I mouth back that I had stole Tsunade's car and dangled her slim ball key chain as proof, he became petrified.

I could hear more and more shouting. Our employees, who are suppose to look up to us and fear us, are starting to giggle and I don't like giggling in my-I mean oji-san's business. I took the phone from him and spoke with a stern voice. "Shut up, Tsunade. Kakashi ruined my weekend so I'm stealing your car as payment. Stop calling and if I see one red light outside my window, I'll personally drag you to hell with me." And with that I hung up before she could respond with a whimper or however she shows fear.

I took my oji-san's speechless moment to my advantage by telling him I'm working at the bar tonight. He didn't sound too happy several minutes later when his jaw started working again.

As usual, Orochimaru was there, except he's got reinforcement. That means, whatever I'm giving him, he gives it to someone else first (usually a really ugly lady) before daring to sip it. On the positive side, he didn't, or rather can't, sue me. Who the hell sues the bartender for getting them drunk at a bar?

I place his drink on the stand and was pulling my hand back when he grabbed it. I got the knife ready for chopping when a third hand grabbed Orochimaru's wrist and squeezed it until he let me go. We both look to the body that the hand connected and was both shocked to find him.

"S-Sasuke-sama?" Hmm, he actually came at the right time. I felt kind of appreciated and wanted to say thank you, but everyone knows I rather have my tongue cut out then say those two words.

"I didn't know harassment was allowed here."

I smile and took away the drink. "It isn't, but you know…people," I emphasized heavily on people just to make it worse for Orochimaru. After a few awkward moments on Orochimaru's side, he left. Chicken boy sat down at his place. Hmph.

"Iruka, your turn!" I was getting ready to leave when he shoved a flyer at me. I guess I was supposed to read it, skipping the pictures of girls grinding against the poles.

S7

This is one in a million. If you find it, you get to have any one of the employees serve you till as long as you wish.

Closing Time: 2 AM

It was much longer, but I thought I save everyone the pain by just reading the necessary parts. Yeah, I forgot about that. Oji-san thought it is good advertisement and apparently he also thought that sticking it in my school will be good for business. It is rich and so not elite after all. Well, it's just one drink anyway, or twenty. He looks like a drinker.

Throwing the curse piece of paper behind the counter, I asked the usual question. "What would you like to have?"

"Anything is fine." At least he didn't talk much. That's a good sign. "Sorry about today." And like always, he ruins that special moment. I thought about today then it dawn on me.

….he came to make sure I was home safely.

"And what happened today?" He didn't say anything. I can feel his eyes on me as I mix something strong and pour it into a tiny little cup. Sliding it onto the counter, I waited for his next command. I scoffed, the scoff turn into somewhat of a laugh.

Sasuke just looked into the cup for drugs.

Oh please, like I was going to waste it on him.

He scowls at me and down the whole thing. I grin with satisfaction as he grimace in disgust. Guess he isn't much of a drinker. But after two hours of watching him chug everything down, I realized I probably should've added some cocaine. He looked as fit as a fiddle. It was around midnight before he decided to go home. But then BAM, that's when all the alcohol he consumed also decided to knock him out. Right there at my counter.

I thought about leaving him there, but then I felt bad since he did…sort of…kind of maybe helped me with the whole snake thing. So I carried him up to the second floor. Ugh, he should really cut back on the carps. A size one and you think he'll be a bit lighter. I threw him on the bed and walk out…except right when I was going on the stairs, the little voice in my head told me to look back. So I did and saw a pedophile trying to break in.

"Hey!" I shouted. He must've recognized me as the owner's nephew because he sure ran away pretty fast. Sighing, I carried the Chicken up to the third floor and dropped him in an empty guest room.

After taking a shower and prepared for bed, my eyes caught the sight of the camera on the shelf. I grinned and took it to Sasuke's room. I didn't bother trying to keep quiet since he was drunk. I raised it and was about to take the picture, but stop. His face was…captivating. Literally. It was absolutely…

SNAP! I took the picture before my mind can wonder off with thoughts.

I had some suggestive thoughts about changing his position and clothes, but all I did was take off his shirt, a quick flash, then put it back on. It was enough to get girls screaming. Good blackmail. Having had enough, I walk to the door. Ok, I'll admit I glanced back once…or twice, but then after that I left.


I had cash, equipment, and leverage. My plans were ready to be put into action. First, I am starting with Sakura and then whoever gets suck along. But I have to wait. Again. Why am I waiting and not just pound these suckers six feet into the ground? There are two reasons. One: Sakura's party isn't until three days later. Two: I need an army. Yeah I said it. At least twenty people.

I can do it, but it's not like they have a map of Sakura's house in the middle of the streets. Securities are tight in a rich person's big white mansion and thousand acre front yards, not like the broken down shit hole I'm use to breaking through.

Ok, this plan I have is wonderful, but takes a little bit of time. Alright it's forever long, but I needed to gather information. I'm not stupid like some people who only look into things after the ball is already half way down the hill. I am building a ramp here…with The Great Wall of China built in it's side so that the ball can go all the way down the hill without rolling off somewhere else.

Well, I bought two tickets to a horror movie and I put hot chilli pepper in oji-san's clothes. Bloody scene plus scared girl equals happy boy and I put hot chilli pepper in oji-san's clothes. I just hope Kiba isn't that much of a wimp when it came to it and oji-san how knows not to sign things without my consent. Sigh. I had given Hinata and Kiba the tickets with a promise to be there.

…promises aren't exactly my thing.

"…it shot him right between the eyes…" It was Kiba's morning chat.

I cut him off when he began describing detail by gruesome detail of something he saw once. "Kiba, have you ever listen to yourself talk?" He looked a little confused but shook his head no.

Before I can say anything to crush his spirit, Shikamaru called him over. My ears perk up at that. I look at Shikamaru and he gave me a blant look. That hasn't been the first time for that to happen. I meant the whole calling Kiba away when I'm about to explode.

Unbelievable. It's absolutely ridiculous. Shikamaru is helping Kiba. And he's actually listening with open ears to Kiba's every word. I-I feel lost. Am I missing something here? Shouldn't Kiba know that he's annoying? Shouldn't Kiba know that he should shut up? At least once in a while.

Kiba pounced back towards me with a silly grin on his face. Dumb people are really hard to figure out sometime. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" If it's about another movie with a dead white lady, I'm punching him.

He leaned in close and cups his hands over my ear. Thank god he doesn't spit when he talks. "I heard a rumor going around that at night you work as a stripper."

I spun around and look straight into his eyes to see if there was any humor or deceit. If looks could kill, well…whatever. "And do you believe that?" I must sound as angry as I look because he shudder his body away from me.

"N-Not t-the stripper part."

"Hmph," I turn away from him.

"Hey." Now that's definitely not Kiba's voice. This was deeper and anti-social.

"Hi," I said, calm, but my voice just a little bit too loud, causing whoever it was to wince.

The Chicken took a breath and shows me a bento box (Japanese lunch box). He was avoiding my eyes, a pink tint just barely visible on his cheeks. Oh, he's embarrassed. As usual, the second he had stepped into my circle of solitude; every eye shattered that circle and aimed it on me. I looked down at the wooden box and took it. I know who made it for me and I don't want him to say it in front of all the-.

"He told me to give it to you." Nevermind. Wait a minute there, he sounded angry. Oh no, what did oji-san do now?

Kiba was ready to jump out the window. I don't know why he's so scared. Is it because the Chicken's family has power? Then he doesn't need to worry about that because the Chicken's drowsy with a hangover right now.

Gasps and whispers filled the room like a sudden storm. Oh, but he didn't care though because he was the cool guy. He doesn't have any feelings. He went to go sit down while Kiba whispered/hissed at me with a bunch of questions.

"Hush," I told him in my serious tone. His lips closed, but his eyes were moving everywhere. I satisfied him with an 'I'll tell you later'. Yeah right.

Sakura didn't want a later, she wanted one now. She got her whiny ass over to the Chicken and…I don't know what she said, but he yelled at her. He used his "outside voice" and yelled.

He said, "Will you stop talking?" There definitely wasn't a question mark at the end of that sentence. "I am sick and tired of you!" The whole room became quiet and I was very aware of a pair of green eyes glaring at me.

I scratch my chin and turned the hell away. I learned one important thing about our cool guy.

He's a mean hangover drunk.

……………..

Our pink hair queen bee got a hold of me in between classes. I was against a wall with five girls surrounding me. I saw a scene like this on TV once, except it was five guys and a bear.

"What the fuck did you do?" Whoa, since when did little miss princess cuss? I guess when you're angry, you're angry.

I shrug my shoulders. "I didn't do anything." Her hand slammed right next to me face, next. If it had been at my face, she would not have been able to say her next sentence.

"Don't lie to me, scum!"

"It's middle class," I corrected.

"What?"

"I just wanted to clarify that I'm part of the middle class, not scum. Scums are the people you see in dumpsters."

"Do I look like I care?" Not at all, you look like that famous guy…Michael something…except with a more surgically enhanced forehead.

She was five inch from my face, five inch. That was enough for me to sniff out all the ingredients in her perfume. There's probably a "Tested on Animals" labelled on the bottle.

"Get near Sasuke-kun again and you'll regret it." I already did, but now you made me angry and so you're going to pay. Now my ramp has spikes and a blowtorch.

After she finished what she got to say, she struts off to her class. I got four bumps on the shoulders and her girls each got a bruise. Coincidentally at the same spot that they bumped me.


Ok, remember how I "borrowed" oji-san's car? I think the fact that I'm walking is obvious to what happened. But I wasn't going home right now. I had business to take care of. So I went to a voodoo shop on Mystic Road. I haven't been to it in a while. At the shop, I stood for a second to admire the name (Lend a Hand to Death), but scrunched my nose up in disgust. The place is very cool and deadly, but did they have to burn so many incenses? I took a last sniff of the outside world before stepping inside.

Upon entering, I found it dark. The atmosphere is very good. No stream of light would ever dare enter. I wish I could live here.

"Wait a second! I'm fixing the light!" There were a few noises then every bulb in the store lit up.

I shut my eyes quickly. This must be what dead people feel like when they enter heaven: blind. "It's a little bright!" The lights dimmed and a man stepped down onto the ladder. It's like waiting for god. When the man saw who I was, his fist attempted to bust my face. I quickly dodge and move away, keeping a distance between us. "Nice to see you too, Zabuza."

"Zabuza-san, are you alright?" Oh, the fist had slammed into the wall and a couple of picture frames fell, causing noise. And so enter….a pretty guy. He is the prettiness guy I know. There is not one girl that has surpassed him, except maybe Hinata, but she's more cute than pretty. Sad, yes I know. The Ultimate Woman is a dude.

I dodge again, this time from the pretty guy. He was much faster and I got nicked on the shoulder. A small one. Still hurt though. "…and Haku. Feisty as ever, eh?" They didn't say anything, choosing to glare at me. "May I ask why I'm being attack?" I think I already know.

"What the fuck do you want?" Zabuza said harshly.

My eyes narrowed at the word. "I know you're evil, but what's with the cussing? You certainly never did it before." He's more physical.

He didn't stop glaring, he never does. It's a 24/7 kind of thing. "It's only after that brat came." Notice that he is not talking about me.

"Zabuza-san!" scowled Haku. The man looked sorry. Amazing. How can someone glare and look sorry at the same time? Truly amazing. I would like to learn that. Be very confusing for oji-san, oh and Kiba. Two beautiful eyes turn their attention towards me. "Sorry about before, Naruto-kun. We were a bit upset."

Quirking an eyebrow, I pointed to the knife in his hand. "A bit?"

He blushed and put the knife away. "Would you like something to drink? Tea?"

I cross my arm and lean against a shelf. Good thing it's built into the ground. "No thanks. I'm just here to get the-." I almost jumped when a knife flew past my face and imbedded itself quote awkwardly in a doll beside me. "Tea sounds great."

……………..

As I was sitting there sipping my hot beverage, I thought back to the good old days. Then I realize there were no good old days. It was stressful. Like Zabuza and Haku for example. They're relatives, uncle and nephew kind of relationship. They're not exactly related by blood, but people still can't digest the truth that they're in love with each other. I've never been too judgemental of them, but there is definitely a 'no intimacy in front of Naruto' policy. That's why they're a feet from each other around me.

They were glaring at me, but Haku, who has never been able to completely mask his emotions like Zabuza, had some sympathy in his eyes. I know why they're angry. After all, I haven't come by here in a couple of years. There were the rare visits and occasional glimpse of my hair on the streets, but that was it. I don't know. I just don't like people showing me sympathy. I'm not a big egomaniac if that's what you're thinking

"So…" I might as well start something, right?

Zabuza gave me a suspicious look. I deserve that. "So…"

"I want to borrow the brat for a couple minutes."

SLAM! We both turn to Haku, who didn't look very happy. Maybe I should've bought him something before asking a favor.

"Four years. We barely see you in four years and you think you can just walk up in here asking for a favor. What is wrong with you?"

Oh, I can answer that. "There-."

"That wasn't a question."

"It sounded like a question," I said back. Since they know my true nature and everything, it's kind of hard not to argue. I roll my eyes. Haku was ready to cry. "Look, after the accident, everyone acted like I've turned into this freakin' China doll. The really fragile kind that you can't even touch, you have to wear these special gloves and walk as if you're stepping on broken glass. It's ridiculous."

He stood up, a menacing air around him. "Well, I'm sorry, but I was twelve!"

I stood up as well, not losing to him with the menacing air. "You could've been more emotionless! That would've helped!"

"How else was I supposed to act when my best friend's parents died?"

I ignored the stinging in my chest. It's just a sting. I can handle it. Nothing to worry about. Haku slump back on to the couch and all the while, Zabuza didn't say one word.

"Hey, what's going on?"

All three of us turn to the little kid that just walked out. He should be ten today, I think. Or I could be wrong and he turns out to be eight. Possibly seven. Whatever. The kid was plain, but I liked him, mostly because he didn't remember my parents' death enough to care too much. He cares, but it's one of those fleeting moment…child thing. The only uniqueness about him was his name. Man was it long.

Momochi Shiro Konohamaru.

"Mommy, are you ok?"

Snort. Yes, that is me out loud. "M-Mommy? That's very interesting, Konohamaru." I enjoy teasing Haku. Look at that, we bounced back.

"Naruto!"

I let out an undignified 'oof' sound when he jumped and landed on me. He continues hugging me and will not let go. "Ok, ok. Three second rule, remember?" He got off and proceeded to grin at me. Oh, charades. He's trying to…annoy me. No, wait I got it, he wants something! …why does he want something?

He stood up tippy toes and looked eagerly at my hands, which were behind me. "So? Whatcha' got?"

"Can you give me some hints as to what you're talking about?"

The grin fell from his little face and a mini frown came on. "You forgot again. It's my birthday, Naruto."

Again? Right. Those years where Haku would phone me up to remind me that it's Konohamaru's birthday and I would ship over a present. I really need to update my calendar. "Of course it's your birthday. That is why I'm here to take you out." I sure made that lie up pretty quick.

"Really?!" He was jumping up and down, looking at Haku for permission. "Can I, can I? Pleeeeeease!"

"Sure, but be safe and I want him home early, Naruto." He had this look in his eyes, but I pretend not to notice.

"Understood, mommy," I teased, watching in delight as he turned pink with Konohamaru not knowing what's going on. "Come on, kid." Ew, I had to hold his hands which brings his age down to six.

………………….

Nara Shikamaru was walking home alone, not aware of a pair of eyes following him. Why would he? I'm completely cloaked. I had bought the brat some ice cream and told him the plan. He should be right about-. Goody, they bumped into each other! Konohamaru was perfect. He had the letter and it was all set. I turned up the volume so I can hear their conversation.

The brat's eyes lit up as he recognized the person I described to him. "Mister, are you smart?" The voice is perfect! So innocent and naïve. One of the reasons I love kids.

"…I guess." Can his voice be anymore tired? It's like he just woke up from a coma. There's no energy at all.

He quickly held up the letter and asked eagerly, "Can you tell me where Santa Claus lives?" I could laugh! Wait, I am laughing!

"…sigh. Santa Claus doesn't exist." Do you know what is great about all this? The most critical moment of all?

"Gasp! W-What?" Konohamaru really does believe in Santa. "B-But h-he s-sends m-me gifts."

Shikamaru's face widens a millimetre from its lazy expression. He scratches his head in contemplation. The brat really does have the face of an angel…when he's sad. It's, like, all cool and stuff. One minute he's all plain, but once those tears start welling up in his big, puffy eyes, he's so adorable. He's like a live-action chibi.

"Uh…did you say Santa Claus?" The boy nodded. "Oh!" Shikamaru does not know how to look surprise. His face was kinda drowsy. "I thought you meant Santa...Floss."

"Huh?" What the kid said.

"He's a very…bad guy and he's so bad that people…umm…say he doesn't exist. So…you should never talk about him…ever. For the rest of your life."

Nice save, Shikamaru. Kind of stupid, but still a nice save.

"But you just talked about him."

"That's because I'm older than you. You can only talk about him if you're older than me."

"How old do I have to be then?"

"…130."

…………………

"That was some good communication," I told him. "What did he write?" He held out the envelope for me. The answer was good enough. I ruffle his hair in appreciation. "Good job. And do you remember what I said?"

He frowns with a pout, thinking. "If he asks I don't know you and you were asking for…directions?" He smiles when I nodded. He's a good kid. Easily manipulated. "…payment?"

"Hmm?"

He was still smiling with hands held up. "What about my payment?"

I knelt down beside him. "What payment?" I smile, knowing where this was leading to. Smart kid, eh?

"I helped you so you need to pay me," he said with a now evil smile. Almost identical to mine. "Because you know, I might just spill to the lazy-san. I don't know, it could "accidentally" slip."

"Hahahaha!" I wiped away the invisible tears from my eyes. "That is really good; however, you forgot one very important thing."

His curious face stares up at me. "What's that?"

I stood up and look away absentminded. "Because you know, I might just spill to Haku about your dirty little secret. I don't know, it could "accidentally" slip." I inwardly smirk when I heard him gasp with horror. I patted him on the head and lean down so we were eye to eye. "You're way too young to pull one me, Konohamaru-chan." He pouted so I poke his little cheeks until they deflated. I kicked him on the butt and quickly ran away. Of course I had to look back now and then to make sure he's still behind me. Kids run so slow these days. Uh-oh, that's a child molester behind him.


So after kicking some molester's ass and taking Konohamaru safely home, I wonder the streets of wherever the hell I am. There was a man on the streets, homeless. I know him. Well, I don't know know him, but he once asked me for money and somewhere along that, he told me his name was Sarutobi. He never did get the money. I ignored him as I walk by.

In an alleyway, there was a geek and three bullies ganging up on him for money. Is everything about money nowadays? It probably is. I ignored that too and kept walking. Dude need to toughen up.

………………..

I'll give you full detail of what happen when I came home.

Jiraiya, the man who calls himself my oji-san because he technically is, jumped when I slam the bento box on the table he was currently working. Two of his very shocked eyes stare at me then up at the box but then back at me again for some reason. "W-Wha-?"

"Don't 'w-wha-' me. Explain the box." Yes, I made it as simple as possible. His brain was working on a lie, one of the things he was bad at. "Just focus on the bento box. Wrap your mind around the box. Do not think anywhere except inside the box." Two of his brown pupils dilated around the whole room and focused on everything that I did not mention. I snap my finger and made him jump again.

"N-Naruto…I-I…."

"You know I don't eat lunch." The box held delicious food and I guess it was a surprise to most people that it was still full. Oji-san and probably Iruka are the only ones who know I don't eat lunch until lunch is officially over. It's a rule that we all know and yet why are they breaking it? I know I break rules, but mine isn't idiotic and it isn't for the whole world. It's a personal, self-given one.

"It's not your uncle's fault, Naruto. I told him too."

"And behold, the other idiot," I said, not looking at Iruka. I didn't have to; he walked around to glare at me. I would describe the man as a quarter. When he's angry, he's angry. When he's happy, he's happy. There's no second guessing that. "What? I have a right to be piss off." His eyes turned sympathetic. I never did like seeing him angry…at me. "Stop that. I don't need your pity and you're probably thinking I have a problem, but I don't. I just don't eat lunch. Get with the century, people."

Iruka, nor oji-san, approached me because when I say I don't need your pity, I really mean it. They didn't look at me and begin the awkward moment.

"I'm ok." I came to break someone's neck and say 'I'm ok'. How lame I am. Lunch and me, those words don't go together anymore. It'll probably seem nothing to others, but it's personal to me. So personal I would kill (literally) whoever shoved food down my throat at 12 A.M.

"What do you want us to say?" Oji-san was never one to say those kinds of things so it was probably Iruka. My mind is so dizzy with thoughts I can't think.

"…nothing." I gave them a few glances before going up to my room. Hmm, I'm gonna have to turn that photo on my nightstand down.


Charlie: I don't know who to pick. There's so many.

Narra: What character do you like?

Charlie: Since I'm doing a Naruto FF then I should probably get someone from there, but I want other characters too.

Narra: Then get both.

Charlie: Che, go watch a movie while I think. Oh, audience, I bring you a new attraction. It's the riddles! Just replacing quotes since I can't seem to find any at the moment and there just so maybe to be a lot of riddles laying around on my file.

Riddles:

"Why is an island like the letter T?"

"Pronounced as one letter,
And written with three,
Two letters there are,
And two only in me.
I'm double, I'm single,
I'm black, blue, and gray,
I'm read from both ends,
And the same either way.
What am I?"

"My life can be measured in hours,
I serve by being devoured.
Thin, I am quick
Fat, I am slow
Wind is my foe."

"What other letter fits in the following series: B C D E I K O X?"

"What is the next letter in the series: "B, C, D, E, G, ..."? And Why?"

"Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?"

"What has wheels and flies, but is not an aircraft?"