Jyushimatsu stared at them horrified, "Karamatsu-niisan is…gone?"
Everyone's eyes trailed to the floor in a deafening silence. No one dared to clarify him. But he saw him still asleep when he woke up, so that must've meant that Karamatsu had left just after him. Jyushimatsu shivered. "Does that mean that he's-he's," tears pooled in his eyes and spilled. It was too much for him bear.
Choromatsu came up to him and placed a hand on his shaking shoulders. "Don't say it like that, Jyushimatsu. He probably just wanted to be by himself for the moment, he'll come back." He may have attempted to reassure his brother, but the waver in his voice let everyone know that he didn't believe his own words.
"If he wanted to be by himself he would've told us; just like he always did," Ichimatsu hissed as he clutched his own arms against his stomach. "We knew that it wouldn't last for long so let's just face it. Shittymatsu is gone and he's never coming back. He's gone for-"
"NO!"
All eyes turned towards the youngest. Todomatsu was breathing heavily and his eyes held tears. He looked like he was about to break down and cry, but his defensive stance as he clenched his fists said so otherwise. "I refuse…" he murmured, staring hard at the floor with wide eyes, like he was trying to search for his words.
"Todomatsu?" Osomatsu called out.
The younger snapped his head back up, making them all jerk. His tears were still there trapped and threatening to spill and his lips wobbled but his eyes held determination. "No, I refuse to give up," he repeated louder, blinking away his tears. "I refuse to give up hope! Not now not ever!"
Before anyone could say or do anything, Todomatsu turned on his heels and dashed away out the house.
"Todomatsu wait!" Choromatsu yelled, but he never came back. He was about to go after him but Osomatsu stopped him by pulling his hoodie. "Osomatsu-niisan what are you…" he trailed off when he saw his older brother looking at him with furrowed brows.
Osomatsu looked conflicted. His gaze switched between Choromatsu and the others who were all waiting for him to say something. Giving a light squeeze on Choromatsu's hoodie, he swallowed. "I think Todomatsu has a point here…"
Ichimatsu stepped up aggressively, "What do you mean he has a point? He can't understand that-"
"Ichimatsu shut- just let me finish!" Osomatsu snapped, "I'm saying he has a point, because even if Karamatsu may really be g-gone, I still don't want to give up."
"Osomatsu-niisan, what do you propose we do then?" Choromatsu asked calmly. He took the other's hand off his clothes and held it in his own and squeezed them.
The older eyed him and nodded. "We'll search for Karamatsu."
Choromatsu brightened at the idea, and he was about to agree but another thought held him down. "How are we supposed to find him? How long do we even search for him?" He really wanted to find Karamatsu as soon as possible but if he was no longer around then that meant they would just be aimlessly searching for him. His thoughts were broken when he felt Osomatsu slip away from his grasp.
"We'll just have to look in every nook and cranny of this city until we find him. It's not much but it's all we can do," he said honestly. "I'm pretty sure that's what Todomatsu is doing right now."
Everyone became silent again and Osomatsu took that cue to start rushing out the house. "We'll meet back here when the sun sets," he gave one last final order before disappearing outside.
As quickly as that, a plan was made. Jyushimatsu and Choromatsu agreed without a doubt and were about to help out but Ichimatsu interrupted. "How…how can you all agree to this so easily? You're all trying so hard to find him, but if he's..." he couldn't finish his sentence when the possibility dawned upon him. What is even the point, it's too late.
"Ichimatsu-niisan"
He felt cloth wrap around his hand and when he looked up, Jyushimatsu lightly tugged him forward with his big smile still present. "Karamatsu-niisan wouldn't leave us without saying goodbye."
Ichimatsu chewed his lip. Of course he wouldn't, he realized. Shittymatsu would make sure all their eyes were on him as he would give some kind of flashy parting. Grabbing his brother's sleeve, Ichimatsu nodded in agreement and followed them out the house in search for Karamatsu.
He didn't know how long he had been running, but Todomatsu never stopped ever since he left the house. How dare they just accept he's gone when they haven't even tried, he furiously thought in between huffs. He didn't know where to start looking, but anywhere was better than nothing, and he hoped his brothers realized that too.
Rounding a corner in an alleyway he thought, like every other time he searched in a new area, that Karamatsu would be there. Sleeping on the floor or singing the same boring song over again, Todomatsu didn't care, as long as Karamatsu was there, to let him and the others know that he was still here on this earth.
But all he saw was a dark and empty dead end. No human, no ghost, no Karamatsu. He sighted a few stray cats surrounding a dumpster and that was it. Annoyance boiled through his blood and he kicked a nearby opened can in frustration. It landed where the cats were with a clink and they scrambled away in fright.
Just where could he be? For someone who loved attention why was he so hard to find? He felt like crying again as he turned the other way and ran out of the ally for a new location. He promised himself that he would cry no more, but as time went on and his ghostly brother was nowhere to be found, it became more and more difficult.
But still, even when it seemed like it was for the worst, Todomatsu kept running. He wasn't going to stop, not when there might still be a chance. A chance where Karamatsu must have forgotten to let them know his whereabouts and was resting at some park. The park? With that in mind, Todomatsu sucked in a breath and headed straight there.
He wasn't going to give up, not when they have come this far.
Choromatsu wheezed as he set his hand against a tree and leaned on it to catch his breath. He had already visited the places where Karamatsu would've most likely been at but there was still no sign of his older brother.
Scouting his surroundings, he noticed a wooden bench not too far away, and with a tired sigh, he dragged his feet over there and sat down. He was sweating, his legs ached, and the heat wasn't helping at all. When Karamatsu was with them, it had been raining and cloudy for a long time but now that he just suddenly vanished, the sun was now out.
Choromatsu grimaced. It was as if the weather was celebrating the disappearance of Karamatsu, and he didn't like that one bit. If his older brother was still here, which he desperately hoped so or else what they're doing would all be for nothing, what was he doing right now? Like with the others, Choromatsu figured he shouldn't worry about Karamatsu leaving the house unannounced. He probably must've forgot telling them, yeah, that should've been it.
But remembering how strange and distant Karamatsu had acted for almost a week alerted all of them that something was wrong, and him leaving this morning without a word must've been the breaking point.
Letting out a stressed huff, Choromatsu scratched his sweaty head. If there was something wrong with Karamatsu then why didn't he let them know about his problem? He was always the one for helping his brothers, like the time Choromatsu remembered Karamatsu helping him with his interview, but he never asked for help in return. It was somewhat sad really, to know that Karamatsu was that kind of a person.
Choromatsu thought, if they had known Karamatsu's problem and had tried to fix it, would he have just gone up and left? The question bothered the hell out of him, but he didn't have time to overthink on it any longer. Standing up, he looked in a direction of a place he hadn't tried searching yet.
He'll be sure to talk to Karamatsu once he found him.
"Umph!" Ichimatsu yelped in pain as he lost his footing, tripping and landing harshly on the sidewalk. With shaky arms, he picked himself up without complaint and stood on wobbly legs. He wasn't an athletic person by all means, so running for possibly hours sucked the life out of him and made him wheeze, but he wasn't going to stop.
Gritting his teeth, he staggered a few more steps before finding himself on the bridge. The spot Karamatsu considered his favorite for gazing or girl searching. Ichimatsu looked up and studied the sky. From observing and guessing, he figured that it was already the late afternoon since the last time he saw the sun it was on the other side.
"Where the hell is that bastard…" he mumbled irritated. He didn't know why Osomatsu said to be back at the house by sunset, nor did he not know why that since it was getting close to that time he was panicking slightly. Just because they couldn't find Karamatsu by sunset didn't mean that they failed. If this was Karamatsu's idea of playing hide and seek then Ichimatsu would admit that he was doing a damn fine job at it.
He felt a burning sensation on the palm of his right hand. Turning it towards his face, he saw blotches of blood forming. Ichimatsu narrowed his eyes. Great, he bitterly thought. His clumsy fall caused him to scrape his hand. Since there was nothing to do about it, he wiped the blood on his sweatpants and ignored the pain from the friction. The things I would go through for that bastard.
He could easily ignore the wound on his hand, but he couldn't ignore the pain swelling inside his chest. It exploded the moment he found out Karamatsu had died and even when he came back, the feeling never quite disappeared. It would probably stay there for the rest of his life and if they never find Karamatsu he assumed it would only get worse.
Eye's trailing to the river underneath the bridge, Ichimatsu clenched his fists. Karamatsu had told him he forgave him but it just wouldn't sit right with him. Ichimatsu tried hard to accept those words but he just couldn't, especially not when he saw how miserable Karamatsu looked for the past week. Just like the others, he was aware that something was up, that Karamatsu was hiding something but for whatever reason he wouldn't seek help from one of them, and that pulled his heart.
Why couldn't Karamatsu just be honest? Was it worth practically dying inside all over again? Again. The word echoed in Ichimatsu's mind like a bell. He'd seen Karamatsu like that before, back when he was still alive, but of course, he never gave a damn, so what right did he have to care now?
Ichimatsu abruptly slapped his cheeks between his hands. He wasn't going to question everything like the world was ending. He had a mission and that was to find his good for nothing brother that he desperately wanted to see again and tell him how stupid he was for running off like that. Turning on his heels, he darted off the bridge and continued his search. If he let Karamatsu go, then he would never forgive himself.
"Don't leave us. Don't leave me, Karamatsu-niisan…"
Osomatsu slowed down to a halt and rested his hands on his knees by a convenient store. He gasped for air as his chest was heaving and his breathing was ragged. He wanted to continue searching so badly but he wasn't able to keep up, and he assumed that it wasn't because he was out of shape but because the ache in his chest was weighing down on him.
He felt stupid for telling everyone to be back at the house by sunset. It gave the impression of 'if we can't find Karamatsu by then, then we know he's gone'. That time was coming soon so he'll have to tell everyone to keep searching all night. That is unless someone found Karamatsu, then they could just go out and celebrate with beer. He definitely needed a beer. It was better than reaching for a cigarette.
Life hadn't been the same nor completely healed when Karamatsu came back, but it was certainly better than before when they truly thought he was gone for good and left only his body in the coffin. The coffin, Osomatsu grimly thought. He supposed he could check the cemetery to see if Karamatsu was hiding there by his grave. It was a possibility. If Osomatsu were a ghost, he would want to at least see where his body was buried before he dis- no. He wasn't going to come to that conclusion, not yet. If his other brothers weren't giving up, or in Todomatsu's case- giving up hope, then he wouldn't either.
After gaining his breath, he straightened up and continued jogging through the city, in hopes that Karamatsu was somewhere, anywhere to let Osomatsu and the others know that he was still here on this world.
And when you crack, I promise I'll be there for you.
The night when they were out on the balcony sprung into his mind. He wiped the forming tears with the back of his hands and chuckled dryly. "It seems that time is now I guess…" he whispered.
So why aren't you here like you promised?
Jyushimatsu kept running even though his legs were screaming for him to stop. He had to keep going or else he might be too late. He had made a terrible mistake and he desperately wanted to be the one to find him and fix it- fix everything. He regretted taking Karamatsu with him to practice baseball and he deeply regretted for never confronting him about the change in behavior. Blinking his tears away, he kept shouting, "Karamatsu-niisan! Where are you?!" His throat was horse and dry but he wasn't going to give up. Not when everything was all his fault.
Jyushimatsu paused his running and looked up to see the sun finally breaking below the horizon. At any other moment, he would've been memorized but this sunset made him scrunch his face in disappointment and frustration. Osomatsu had told them to meet back at the house by the time the sun started setting, but he hadn't found Karamatsu yet. He wasn't anywhere close to finding Karamatsu.
Feeling utterly useless and pathetic, he cradled his arms against his chest and frowned at the ground. He could either go back and meet up with the rest or continue his search. Going back now would only waste more time, but if one of them had Karamatsu's whereabouts- or even Karamatsu with them- then maybe he could listen to Osomatsu and head back.
He sighed in defeat. Turning around, he dragged his feet down the path to their house. He could only hope that one of the others were able to find their missing brother, and if they did, Jyushimatsu would wail to Karamatsu about how terribly sorry he was. Sorry for not being a better brother, for not treating him better, for doing everything so wrong.
He felt the familiar feeling of his throating burning. He rarely showed his crying face to his brothers but maybe this time was an exception. He tried to make life seem normal ever since Karamatsu came back, but every day waking up to know he couldn't even touch him made it increasingly more difficult, and Karamatsu's sudden disappearance was the breaking point it seemed.
Letting out a cough, he let his eyes puff up as the tears slid down his cheeks. It rarely happened, but he was sure it wasn't going to be the last time.
If only things had been so different, then maybe they all wouldn't be suffering like this.
Instead of everyone meeting in front of the house, they met one by one along the street a few blocks from their house. Everyone exchanged looks with each other, in hopes that someone had information about Karamatsu, but with the tired and dejected eyes on everybody, no one had answers.
"Maybe he wanted to be out of the city for a while?" Todomatsu meekly suggested. His back was hunched and he had bags under his eyes.
Ichimatsu scoffed, "I highly doubt it."
Todomatsu glared at him. "Then what do you want us to think where he is then?" He bit back a snarl, but it still hinted for an argument.
"Guys- Guys!" Osomatsu barked, "Could we all calm down for a minute?" Rubbing his temples, he planned his next words, "We're not gonna doubt anything okay? Doing that limits our chances of finding him."
"Then what do you propose we do again, Osomatsu-niisan?" Choromatsu asked, almost begging.
Osomatsu pursed his lips and eyed the distance towards their home. There were basically two options: either keep searching or give up, and he definitely didn't want to do the latter. "We'll take a break. We're probably all exhausted from running literally everywhere around the city. So we'll head home, eat, sleep, do whatever to chill down. Then, if you're still up for it, we'll keep looking, or at least I will."
Everyone looked at him. Looks that varied from 'sounds like a plan' to 'that is ridiculous' that then mellowed down and turned away from Osomatsu. Choromatsu's frown deepened as he raised a brow at the older. "You're willing to search all night for him? What if you don't find him? What do we do then? Are you going to search every day for Karamatsu-niisan? Can't we wait-"
"Choromatsu, you're rambling."
"- a day to see if he comes home? We're probably just worrying for nothing. But if the worst comes to truth, then maybe Karamatsu really is-"
"Choromatsu!"
The younger stopped, his face forming from bewilderment to horror at his mistake. "S-Sorry Osomatsu-niisan, I didn't mean to-"
"It's alright," Osomatsu cut off again. He inhaled sharply and let go a long and loud exhale. He wasn't angry that Choromatsu thought of the worst possibility, he was angry that the possibility could be true. "Yes, I'll search tonight and maybe Karamatsu might come back tomorrow, but I'm not taking that chance, Choromatsu. If he never comes back, then I'll search every day for the rest of my life. It'll suck for sure I know that, but it's the price I'm willing to pay."
"… me too."
It was barely above a whisper, but everyone could hear it ringing through their ears. Turning towards the direction, the brothers eyed Jyushimatsu, who had been silently trailing behind all of them until now. The younger's eyes and nose were red, a sign that he had been crying, but no one commented because the look of resolution was there, burning like fire within. "I'm going with Osomatsu-niisan. I'll look again later on tonight, and if I still can't find him, I'll look every day until I die. Because…" Jyushimatsu tore his gaze and stared at the ground as he clenched his fists, "Because I have no right to quit, not after all the regrets I have…"
No one spoke. Everyone stood there silently as realization dawned upon them all. No one had ever admitted the truth about the feeling that had be antagonizing them for the past month, and Jyushimatsu was the first to speak. Maybe not just for himself, but for everyone else.
Osomatsu suddenly hooked an arm around Jyushimatsu's shoulder and grinned, "At least someone agrees with me." Turning his eyes to the rest, he spoke, "I'm not gonna tell you guys what to do since we're all adults here, but are you really okay with doing nothing while living like this? It's not okay for me and Jyushimatsu and I'm sure as hell it's not okay for you guys. But we all have a choice here so make what you want with it."
After giving one swift glance to everyone, Osomatsu unwrapped his arm around Jyushimatsu and continued walking without another word. The others quickly caught up to him and soon they were almost home.
"So Osomatsu-niisan," Todomatsu started, "How long should our break be before we start searching again?"
Rubbing his nose, Osomatsu tilted his head. "Hmmm, I'd say about two hours. Eat, nap, all that good stuff ehe."
Seeing the house in their sight, they all sighed in relief for making it, only upon closer inspection they found a small figure in front of the door on the steps. It wasn't clear to them yet and for a quick moment they believed it was Karamatsu sitting in front of their door, but after a few quick meters closer all their hopes instantly died out at the visitor.
"C-Chibita?" Todomatsu called.
The person in question stood up. Chibita looked exhausted when he hadn't noticed them, but now that he did he was up and awake in a heartbeat. "Ah, h-hello everyone."
"What are you doing here?" Todomatsu asked.
"Never mind that," Choromatsu dismissed before turning to Chibita, "Have you seen Kara-"
"Choromatsu," Osomatsu interrupted, "Remember? Chibita can't see him."
Looking horrified again from making another mistake Choromatsu apologized, "I'm sorry Chibita. You might think we're a bit insane…"
Chibita shook his head, "No, I don't think you're insane at all. I actually believe you."
Eyes widening, Jyushimatsu asked in hope, "Then- have you seen Karamatsu-niisan?"
Chibita stiffened at that. He bit his lip and broke eye contact and stared at the ground sorrowfully. "No…I haven't. I can't actually see him," he admitted.
Todomatsu threw his hands up in exasperation. "Chibita, I'm glad you believe us but you can't really help us if you can't see him you know."
"Y-Yeah I know but…" Chibita hesitated. He was sweating bullets and shaking. Everyone waited but when he didn't finish Ichimatsu was the first to snap.
Clicking his tongue, Ichimatsu broke the heavy silence, "Guys we are wasting our time here. Chibita can't even say what he wants to say and resting for two hours is pointless. We should just head back and keep looking for Karamatsu." Without waiting for a response, Ichimatsu was about to stomp past the house and Chibita but Osomatsu gripped his arm.
"Wait, Ichimatsu," Osomatsu said, "At least rest for a little bit. Like 20 minutes it doesn't matter. But don't even start and tell me to shut up because we can all see the dark rings under your eyes. I know we're all desperate but we're also tired and you're not any different." Ichimatsu yanked his arm away but Osomatsu didn't look the least bit phased. "Besides, let's hear what Chibita has to say. It might be important."
Ichimatsu mumbled curse words under his breath but otherwise didn't protest. He turned his attention back to Chibita and crossed his arms, "Alright, I'm listening."
Some of the tension disappeared from Chibita's shoulders, but he still stood shaken and terrified. His mouth repeatedly opened and closed without forming words and his eyes stayed glued to the ground, shifting between individual rocks as if his attention was towards them instead of the others.
"P-Please understand what I'm about to say," he finally started, growing antsier by the second. "I don't want to remember that moment ever again but- but it's something that I think you all deserve to know. So please, you might not like it but pleasetry to understand. I'm sure he would want the same- Karamatsu I mean."
Choromatsu stepped forward questionably, "Chibita, what are you trying to tell us?"
"I-" Chibita choked as he fell forward on his knees. Osomatsu ran up to him and kneeled by his side.
"Hey-hey, it's okay. What's wrong?" Osomatsu tried reassuring but by that time Chibita's face was already red and wet with tears.
Panting, Chibita looked like he was going into a panic attack. He let out a ragged breath as he hefted himself up and took a few steps away from everyone. "I've done some so t-terribly wrong," he hiccupped, "I-I…I watched him."
"You what?" Choromatsu said, face contorting into anxiousness.
"I watched Karamatsu!" Chibita sobbed. His little hands squeezed into fists as he exploded the truth, "I watched him die!"
Time seemed to stop moving for everyone. Growing wide eyes stayed onto Chibita as he swayed on his feet as if all his energy had been sucked away from speaking. It felt like an eternity of silence, and nobody moved, too scared to see what else Chibita would say. But when Chibita's lips quivered shut and he looked away dejectedly, only then it was a sign that he was finished.
Without warning, Ichimatsu grabbed Chibita by the collar of his shirt. He lifted him up and harshly slammed him against the door of their house, letting Chibita's legs dangle and few feet above the ground.
"What did you say?" Ichimatsu growled, teeth clenching as his eyes narrowed down on him, "You mean to tell us that you killed Karamatsu?"
"Wha- no!" Chibita screeched in terror, "I never said that! There's no way I would ever kill my best friend! I just- he just- I watchedhim die!"
Ichimatsu didn't seem the least bit convinced, instead he looked like he wanted to throttle him. Seething, he tightened his grip on Chibita's throat as the other squirmed.
"Please," Chibita begged, gasping for air, "He told me to be there with h-him when he killed himself so I-I could take his body and bury him. " He cried, "I tried to s-stop him, I really did! But Karamatsu was final with his decision…" His head felt like it was about to burst open from the lack of oxygen, but feeling weak, he believed he was going to die right there and then being strangled to death.
"Then why was his body found right here?!" Ichimatsu demanded, but his crushing grip kept Chibita from answering.
In the next second, Osomatsu came up behind them and shoved Ichimatsu away, letting Chibita slide down to the floor and coughing. "Ichimatsu that's enough," he ordered as he went to tackle Ichimatsu who sprung back up.
When Chibita regained his breath, he looked up to see the other three staring at him fearfully. "G-Guys…?" he rasped.
"Ne, Chibita," Osomatsu said, mellow toned. He wasn't looking at him. He kept his head down, fringes covering his eyes as he stayed hovering over a squirming Ichimatsu. "You should use these next 10 seconds to run far away right now."
Chibita didn't need to be told twice. Hoisting himself up, he immediately dashed away, letting his nimble legs carry him down the street and rounding a corner, disappearing from sight. I'm sorry, Chibita screamed in his mind, I'm so very sorry.
Reaching his own home, Chibita stumbled inside without even bothering to turn the lights on. He dragged himself through the living room and down the hallway and when he finally reached his bedroom he slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor by his bed. Pulling his legs up, he wrapped his arms around them and buried his face in his knees.
He felt worn out, cold, and hollow. His conversation with the Matsuno's didn't go as exactly well, but he knew it wouldn't ever go well. How could anyone take the news lightheartedly when someone witnessed the death of someone they loved? He deserved every right to be angry at. Now thinking about it, he wished Osomatsu hadn't intervened so Ichimatsu could've kill him right there. It would've been a slow and painful death, but he deserved it as punishment for keeping something so important from them for so long.
When Osomatsu first told him that he could see Karamatsu, Chibita had thought it was a joke. Ghosts aren't real, he had thought. However, as time flew by and Chibita had observed them talking to an empty space next to them he started think that maybe they were telling the truth. He couldn't see Karamatsu himself, which in his mind he wish he could so he could apologize to him, but he believed that Karamatsu might have gotten a second chance to be with his brothers and was actually there.
Sniffing, he lifted his head and stared up at the ceiling with glazed and blank eyes. He wondered how they were doing with the surprising news. They probably weren't taking it so well. He didn't blame them of course, now they found out how Karamatsu had died.
How Karamatsu had died…
Chibita bit his lip. Had he been more assertive, then maybe Karamatsu wouldn't have died. Chibita could have stopped him and argued with him about just how unreasonable and reckless he was being. But he didn't… he ended up giving in and agreeing like he couldn't do anything else. Chibita felt pathetic. Instead of letting Karamatsu go through his plan he could've helped him. Chibita could've locked him up somewhere to prevent him from going to that cliff or he could've told his brothers that 'hey, your brother is trying to kill himself, we should do something about it before it's too late.'
Well it's too late now, and Chibita never felt so remorseful in his life.
.
.
.
One month ago
It was almost closing time and Chibita was wiping his plates with a rag. The Matsuno's came by an hour ago to eat some oden. Chibita was delighted of course, but he hadn't seen Karamatsu with them again. It was like the fifth time Karamatsu wasn't with them and it had been days since he last saw him. He was growing slightly worried for the man. He knew that Karamatsu was struggling inside with something but Chibita wasn't exactly sure. But if Karamatsu ever sought help, Chibita would always be there for him.
Too busy scrubbing bits of food off the plate, he didn't notice a figure slip onto a stool in front of him. "Hey, Chibita…"
With that all too familiar low voice Chibita snapped his head up to see Karamatsu. Well speak of the devil. "Oh? How are you doing, ya idjit? I'm actually just about to close but…" Now observing his friend, Karamatsu didn't look all that well. He actually looked like hell. His sweater was wrinkled and his hair was unkempt. He looked like he hadn't showered in days and the dark bags under his eyes signified that he probably hadn't had much sleep. The disheveled appearance had Chibita growing increasingly concerned for his friend. "…you can eat for free tonight."
Karamatsu smiled, a wary smile that put Chibita on edge, but shook his head and declined. "Thank you for your generous offer, but I'm not hungry at the moment."
Chibita lowered the items in his hands and stared at Karamatsu perplexedly. "Alright, if that's so then why are you here? Is there something you need? Or something I can help you with?"
The smile on Karamatsu's face immediately vanished into a thin, pursed line. He hesitated and looked away for a moment but made eye contact with him again. "Is it alright if you could help me? Just this one time?" he asked.
Chibita was taken aback. "O-Of course I'll help you! I'm not some trashy friend." Had it been a month ago, Chibita probably would've flat out refused, thinking that it would've been something pointless and dumb, but now Karamatsu desperately looked like he needed help and Chibita felt joy swelling in him that he went to him first. "So, what do you need help with, ya idjit?"
"I'm going to end my life tomorrow."
There was a sudden crash and Chibita realized he had dropped his plate and rag onto the ground. But never mind that, he looked back up and stared at Karamatsu, aghast. "What?" he said.
"Tomorrow- or rather in a few hours because it will be at midnight- I will end my own life my jumping off the cliff by the ocean where Jyushimatsu practices his baseball." Karamatsu said. He didn't hesitate, in fact, he seemed confident with what he was saying.
Chibita was silent for a moment, taking in Karamatsu's answer, before letting out a boisterous laugh. "Oh my god, I sure hope you were joking because that was hilarious," he laughed while wiping a tear forming in his eyes.
Karamatsu scrunched his nose. "Chibita, I'm not-"
The loud smack from Chibita slamming his hands down on the table silenced him. "Bullshit," he yelled, "Stop screwing with me!"
Karamatsu didn't respond, but he had that look on his face that caused him to flinch. He had that smile again but it looked so weak and defeated that Chibita had tears welling in his eyes again. "You're serious," Chibita said disbelievingly, "Oh my god- Karamatsu if you're being serious I want you to stop right now."
"I can't," Karamatsu responded solemnly, "This is a decision I'm sticking with and I'm going to do it when midnight strikes."
Hundreds of thoughts raced through Chibita's mind. What's going on? Why is Karamatsu being so calm about this? Why in a few hours? "Why are you telling me this?" he managed to choke out without breaking down.
Karamatsu looked relieved to hear him asking that and Chibita found it harder not to cry. "10 minutes past midnight I should already be dead by then. If you could, come by the shore with your boat to search for my body and bury it in the forest behind the cliff."
"No," Chibita choked, "Because you're not going to die."
This time, it was Karamatsu's turn to abruptly stand up and slammed his hands down on the table, startling him. "Please Chibita," he was practically begging, "Please do this for me, I don't want my body being found by someone else and be on the news for the whole world to see and I can't ask anyone else to do it. So please…"
Chibita hesitated. Seeing Karamatsu break down for something like this was making him feel sick. "I-I can't, there's no way I could go through with this. Why can't you ask someone else like one of your brothers?"
"No," Karamatsu said instantly, "I could never ask my brothers. I don't want them to know about this. I rather have them think that I've just gone missing than know that I'm dead."
Chibita found it harder to see Karamatsu clearly from the tears he was holding in. "If not your brothers then why me?" he demanded, "Why me of all people?"
The smile Karamatsu had turned from weak to genuine and Chibita almost wept. "Because I always thought that you could be a friend I could always rely on."
And that was it. Chibita curled in on himself and sobbed his eyes out. He heard Karamatsu's footstep round his oden cart and soon he felt his arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace. Letting his head rest against Karamatsu's chest, Chibita scolded him through sobs, "You shouldn't be relying on me for reasons like that, you idjit."
"Yes Chibita I know, and I'm truly sorry," Karamatsu whispered.
It now showed 11:50pm on the clock and Chibita grew frantic. Karamatsu had told him to wait inside his house until 12:10am and then go out to search his body. But as the clock ticked by, Chibita's will to go out now and stop Karamatsu was weighing more on the scale than patiently waiting for the right time.
How could someone just determine the time and day for their death? What made Karamatsu come to this decision? Wasn't he scared of dying? The topic of death never really crossed Chibita's mind, let alone about his own death. The idea always terrified him so for Karamatsu to be completely fine with it and jump off a cliff out of all the ways to die, it must've took a lot for him to decide this.
11:51pm read on the clock and Chibita felt like the silence was swallowing him up. How would the brothers feel about Karamatsu never coming home? To think that he was just missing when actually he was dead? The thought of that ate at Chibita's heart. They'll have to know one day, and it'll have to be him to break the news to them.
It now read 11:52pm and Chibita bit his lip. Eight minutes. Eight more minutes and Karamatsu would be gone. Gone from this world and gone forever. Just what was Chibita doing? Would he be considered a criminal for letting Karamatsu die?
The clock read 11:53pm and Chibita was biting his thumb. If he went now, he could keep Karamatsu from jumping. But if he didn't, he would lose his best friend. In the end, it was Chibita who literally held Karamatsu's life in the palm of his hands. And to be going with the latter option it made him feel like the evilest person in the world, knowing his best friend was going to die and letting it happen.
11:54pm and Chibita came to a decision. He was going to let Karamatsu possibly die in a painful way. He was going to let Karamatsu's brothers search aimlessly wondering where he was. He was going to let his best friend take his own life.
11:55pm
To hell with the plan. Not bothering to change clothes or putting on shoes, Chibita darted out the house to the direction of the cliff. He didn't know what made Karamatsu decide what he's about to do but Chibita thought it was stupid. Karamatsu was being stupid and Chibita was going to make sure he was alive so he could get it through that thick skull of his.
Dashing through the street, Chibita wheezed. He didn't know the time now but every second was a second closer to Karamatsu jumping. His only regret was that he didn't stop Karamatsu when he last saw him hours ago.
His lungs were burning but by then he could spot the cliff a distance away. He desperately tried searching for a silhouette on top of it and he nearly cried in joy to see Karamatsu still there. That meant Chibita still had time, he could get his attention and talk it out with him. He knew Karamatsu wouldn't die in front of him, that was the last thing Karamatsu would want.
Chibita reached the beach and cursed at the sand making it harder for him to run. Karamatsu was in sight, but not close enough for him to hear if Chibita were to yell. Maybe just a few more meters. All he had to do was run a few more meters.
Eye's still locked on the figure at the top Chibita almost screamed. There Karamatsu was, shuffling closer to the edge every step. He looked worried, and Chibita desperately hoped that he was reconsidering his actions. Sucking in a breath, Chibita finally screeched.
But Karamatsu already jumped.
"Karamatsu!"
Chibita watched in horror as the body fell rapidly towards the ocean below. And before he could even blink, Karamatsu was gone.
Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no, Chibita internally screamed. All his tiredness seemed to disappear as he sped down the beach and into the ocean. He tore through the waters with his small and agile limbs and before he knew it, he saw Karamatsu's body floating there.
Oh god please be alive, Chibita thought as he got a hold of Karamatsu. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving so Chibita could only hope that he had only passed out. With enough strength, he managed to pull Karamatsu out of the water and onto the sand. Chibita panted, but he lifted Karamatsu's shirt and laid his ear over his heart.
It wasn't beating.
"Shit!" Chibita cursed, "Please…Karamatsu wake up. You can't leave like this…" he wailed, cradling his friend's face between his hands.
The deed was done. Karamatsu was dead.
What should he do now? Looking up, he spotted the trees just beyond the cliff. He didn't have his shovel with him. It was the middle of the night so no one would notice a body laying here if Chibita were to go back home and get one. But…but…
Burying him with no one knowing just didn't seem right.
What's going to happen from now on? If he buried Karamatsu and never told anyone… he couldn't do it. That just sounded unethical and wrong. Never telling the Matsuno's was like twisting a knife in his heart, he didn't have it in him to do it.
Before he knew it, tears were spilling down his cheeks. Chibita just lost his very best friend and he witnessed it.
He looked up at the sky. The city he lived in wasn't known for the night life so maybe he could do something else. It was probably a terrible idea, but it was better than leaving Karamatsu buried in a forest with nobody else knowing. If someone caught him, they'd most definitely think of him as a murderer. But after what happened, he would consider himself one too.
Using the last of his strength, Chibita picked Karamatsu up by the shoulders. Surprisingly, yet sadly, Karamatsu wasn't that heavy but he didn't want to think further on it any longer. He needed to get out of here.
It felt like forever, but eventually, after taking the hidden ways through the alleys, Chibita managed to drag Karamatsu's body up to the front of the Matsuno's house. He decided to stay here and explain to them the situation. Whether they believed him or not and possibly disembowel him it all didn't matter to him. He had to tell someone.
He could see the faint light through the windows, a sign that someone was still awake. With a shaky fist, he knocked a few times on the door. Chibita should've felt relieved, but dread seemed to increasingly spread. He was absolutely terrified. They were going to find him with Karamatsu's dead body next to him. They were probably going to lash out and Chibita was frightened.
His mind was racing as he heard footsteps and before he knew it, he dashed off, disappearing down an alley just in time for the door to open to hear Osomatsu's voice talking to Karamatsu as if he was passed out drunk.
Chibita's heart raced. He had done the worst thing possible and regretted it. He didn't have time to think on it any longer because now he heard screams. Clenching his teeth, Chibita blinked his tears away and ran towards his house, letting the screams fade out in the distance.
I'm so sorry for breaking your promise, Karamatsu…
It would be really great if you could leave a review! I really appreciate it :)
