Chapter 7.
Isabella Swan
Sleep. I was sleeping, right? I wouldn't feel so tense unless I was sleeping. But if I was sleeping why was there pain? So much pain. It hurt to even think about twitching a finger. It hurt whenever my body betrayed me and let in the air it craved. I would've stopped breathing all together if I could because the pain that surged through me every time my chest rose. Why was I in so much pain? Why am I asleep? I never sleep in this late.
"You will not leave me!"
Edward's voice rang shrill through my mind. Oh my god. How stupid was I? I tried to leave him and I know how Edward is. Was I still at home on the floor? I couldn't even open my eyes no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't even make my body do what I wanted as I swam through the darkness of my dreams. I had tried to leave. How could I do that to him? This was all my fault! Everything. He would be so mad with me when I woke up.
I tried to connect myself with my body again. I tried tirelessly to move my finger or my toe, anything, but it was like I couldn't do anything because I wasn't with my broken body anymore. So finally I just let myself relax in the dark shell of my body and soon, before I even knew what I was doing my eyes were opening.
There was a bright and obviously synthetic form of light coming from above me. As my eyes started to adjust I could make out what I was staring at. There were rectangles above my head now, and rectangular lights you would see in schools or cheap office buildings. Where am I? I moved my fingers, all of them, now, making sure I could do anything but as started to get cocky and tried to inhale a deep breath of sterile air I yelped in agony. Okay, no more deep breaths for Bella.
"Bella?" I heard a familiar, sweet voice call from beside me. I turned, half expecting to see Alice or rose, but instead I was greeted by my mother's soft, hazel eyes. Rene looked terrible, as if she hadn't slept in days. How did she get here? How long had I been out?
"M-mom?" I said her name gently as I began to feel the lump in my throat starting to appear now. I had missed my mother. The last time Edward had allowed me to go and visit my parents was a few Christmas's ago. I knew it wasn't fair and we were with his friends and family almost all the time but I loved him and would do and say anything if I could be with him. I guess I realized that I was being treated unfairly when I tried to leave that night. I realized a lot of things.
I realized my life was in danger by being in the type of relationship I was in with Edward. I realized that if we did get married one day and have kids, our kids could end up seeing us going at it like we did. I realized there were a lot of faults in Edward when I had thought that he was once so perfect. So many things had flooded through me and I know it was stupid not to tell Edward how I felt about everything but how could I talk to him and tell him I needed time when I knew he would just come after me like he always did. I had never tried to leave before I knew Edward had issues with that in his life…but I knew. I was stupid and I let this happen on accord of my own stupidity.
"Oh, sweetheart." Rene cooed with tears in her eyes now. She reached out a trembling hand and gently touched my hair as she leaned in carfully to kiss my head. I wondered why she was being so careful with me. She was touching and hold and kissing me as if I were glass or something.
"Is she awake?" Charlie's gruff voice cracked from the doorway. I looked up to see my father holding a couple of cups of coffee, with his face not shaven and wearing an old sweatshirt and jeans, what he would wear fishing or something. He never looked like this. My father had always been the one to hold it together in the family but when I saw him place the coffee's on a near by table and rush to my side, crying as well I didn't understand what was going on. Charlie took my cold hand in his clammy palms and I felt a few warm tears hit the back of my hand.
"Mom? Dad? Why are you guys here?" I asked as I noticed my voice was very horse. It was like I hadn't drank any water for days and I was parched. My mother reached beside me, on a small table next to her and saw she was pouring me a cup of water. I eagerly gripped the cup once she handed it to me and sighed as I felt the cold water run down my throat.
"Baby, don't you remember what happened?" Rene asked caressing my cheek as lightly as a feather touching my skin. I didn't want to talk about what I remembered so I just looked down and nibbled on the edge of the cup I held to my lips and shrugged my shoulders as if I didn't care. Charlie let out a frustrated sigh and shook his head at me.
"Well it doesn't matter. That boy isn't coming near you anymore, Bells." Charlie said retrieving the coffee's from the other end of the room and handing one to my mother as she leaned back in the chair she had been sitting in. Charlie stood next to my bed as he sipped the coffee and my eyes widened in realization.
"W-what do you mean? Where is Edward? Is he alright?" I asked concerned now. That's right! He had been taken away in a cop car after I was put in the ambulance. I looked up waiting for their answer and only saw both of them glaring at me as if I were totally nuts. Charlie was the first to speak up.
"Bella," he said in a gruff tone and slammed his coffee down on the table again. "You shouldn't think about him anymore." he said glancing over to my mother and she gave him a little nod and he continued. So he did.
"Bells, has Edward ever," Charlie said sitting next to me on the bed and sighed before closing his eyes and gripping my hand gently. He continued after a slight pause. "Has Edward ever hit you like this before?" Charlie finally asked and opened his eyes, fury obvious in his face and eyes. I sighed and decided I needed to spill it. Charlie would find out weather or not I told him and honestly I didn't care anymore, if I told them what happened maybe they would tell me where Edward was.
"It was never this bad, dad." I said looking away from my parents and set my eyes to look out the opened blinds over the window, showing Phoenix in all its glory during the night time. Charlie let out a loud growl and stood up off my bed and my mother let out a small sob.
"He has hit you before Bella?" Charlie asked in a louder tone now. I simply nodded and kept my eyes off the both of them, still looking out the window. "Why the hell didn't you come to me? Did you feel like we wouldn't let you come home? Bella we could've helped you, dammit!" Charlie yelled now and I flinched slightly. Charlie had never raised his voice at me before but I knew this would happen once I told them.
"Honey," my mother said through tears now and reached up to touch my hair. I leaned into her gentle touch and she continued. "You could have told me." she said sadly. I wanted to cry and I could even feel the tears forming a ball in my throat. I knew it would be coming out soon enough how much all of this had affected me and I hated it. I hated showing how much Edward had hurt me both physically and mentally because it was my choice to stay with him. I had done it because I loved him and I knew sooner or later he would get better and once it got better, he would touch me like my father touched my mother, with love and compassion, not anger and rage. He would kiss me the way Carlisle kissed Esme, with innocence and purity and not just lust or rough passion. But I loved all of those things as well, the roughness and anger all the time. I was a masochist, as I have said before and I enjoyed it sometimes, even. I needed compassion and tenderness too, though.
"Where is he?" I asked now looking up at Charlie. I was begging. I needed to know where Edward was. I needed to apologize and ask for his forgiveness. It was all my fault but I ignored my thoughts for the moment. Charlie was silent for a moment, panting heavily from his fit of rage. I waited for a moment then he spoke in defeat.
"Carlisle made a deal with some country club buddy of his that was going to be the judge for the incident and Edward was sent to Florida for a rehabilitation program or something." Charlie said with his back to me and waved his hand in the air as if it were nothing. I felt a huge weight lift off of my shoulders and I sighed. Edward wasn't in jail.
"Do you know when he will be coming back?" I pleaded again. This was stupid to ask but Charlie just chuckled darkly, knowing how stupid I was and sighed before speaking in a sad tone.
"Five or six months, I guess." Charlie said gripping his temple and resting his other hand on his waist. "He isn't allowed to see you. And if you decide on putting a restraining order on him, it is valid. He will never come near you again, Bells. And if he does…well, I haven't used my shot gun in a while." he said with a dark snicker. I felt my world start to spin a little at the thought of Edward being shot by my father but I put that aside for a moment. Edward was gone. He'd be gone for almost half a year and I wasn't allowed to even call him. This wasn't fair! Everything had been my fault! MINE!
"B-but it wasn't his fault dad! It was my fault! I made him mad!" I said through blurred vision. The tears were coming out now at the thought of Edward at some stupid rehab center and away from me and our home here in Phoenix. He didn't deserve anything that was coming to him, when it was all my fault. Charlie stared at me again as if I were crazy and then strode over to my side before gripping me gently by my face, both hands on either side of my face, forcing me to stare my father in the eyes.
"Isabella Marie Swan," Charlie never used my full name. "None of this was your fault. Don't you ever say that again young lady. That boy is messed up and needs help." Charlie said letting me go so I could cry into my mother's shoulder. Charlie was just trying to make me feel better. It WAS my fault. I knew that was the truth. "Rene may I see you outside, please?" Charlie asked her gruffly as my mother walked outside the room with him, leaving me there to lay down and sob endlessly.
"She is so broken. I don't know what to do, Rene. I can't get it through her head…" Charlie said in a whisper but I could hear the sadness and strain in his voice. My mother's gentle voice came out like gold to my ears.
"She just needs time to heal, Charlie. Some time apart may help them both. We need to take her to a therapist, that is for sure but it's inevitable. They both love each other and she will go back to him. So all we can do is pray that he gets the help he needs." Rene said as I heard my father sob. I had never seen my father break down before and I didn't need this at the moment. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sound with my hands covering my ears. A therapist? Time?
None of these things would help me. Nothing would heal me besides Edward…and he was gone.
