Hi guys! I'm happy to say I can now buckle down a little more and focus on I'm No Damsel. This is the story I want to do most so it's the one I'll be dedicated to.
NOTE: I have not read a single page of the manga, so events that weren't in the anime are unknown to me. I do hope to get it one day and read it.
Enjoy ~nya!
What the hell did I just do?! Yui mentally screamed to herself, rolling side to side on her bed while clutching at her head. Why wasn't I able to keep my damn mouth shut?! She never, ever told people what really happened to her in the past. But with Gareki, it felt so natural. Like he was there solely to listen to her problems without giving out advice she never asked for. She eventually sat up and brought her knees to her chest, burying her face in them.
Yui was never the type to flat out talk about herself to anyone she met, especially involving her years before Circus. Normally, when someone would ask about how she joined the organization as young as she did, she would put on her cutest face and smoothly lie, said lies making her seem like a narcissist with a superiority complex. In reality, that was the perfect description for Kiichi. She remembered how the blue-haired girl shouted how much she didn't like her from the very first day. She rambled on and on about becoming way better and she would never be less than, and she quoted, "a filthy half-animal". Although she was immediately scolded by Captain Tsukitachi and Captain Hirato, those words sparked a hatred that withstood the test of time. The blonde dug her nails into her skin just thinking about it. She wasn't an animal. She refused to become one. She'd kill herself before the transformation could ever fully take over.
Is that why she gravitated towards Gareki? He saw her at her very worst, but didn't flinch away from her once. Yes, he was shocked, but he wasn't afraid. That was certain. Then again, he saw some pretty crazy shit during his time with Circus. Even Tsukumo and Yogi flinched back from her for a few days when the Varuga within took over, but they accepted her with time. Either way, she felt she could trust the older male with her secrets, her truths, her everything. A blush staining her cheeks, Yui shook her head to rid those kinds of thoughts.
"I-I-It's not like that!" she cried to herself, she voice echoing of the walls of her room. "Ugh! Get it together Yui! You're going to die soon anyway, so why get attached…?" She whispered the last part, once again retreating into herself like she would many times in the past. Yui still remembered when Captain Hirato would often contradict her whenever she said she was a monster in and out…
A ten-year-old Yui stood in front of the full length mirror, her eyes showing no emotions. Tsukumo was passing by and asked Yui what she was doing, but got no reply. Figuring she was focusing on something important, she let Yui be and went to help the lamb robots. About half an hour later, Yogi was casually walking down the halls on his way to the control room to see what Yui was up to, but instead saw her in front of the mirror, opening her mouth wide with her fingers as if looking for something.
"Yui, whatcha doing?" he asked, but received no response. Yogi pouted at being ignored and marched up to his little sister figure, covering her eyes with his hands. He was shocked a bit when the little blonde tensed up and shoved him away, hiding her face the entire time.
"G-go away!" the little girl shouted and turned away from him. "Stop looking at me like that! I'm not a freak! Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!"
Instantly, Yogi realized she was possibly having another one of her breakdowns and rushed to get Captain Hirato. Once he found him, he explained the situation and pulled the older gentleman to the room. However, what they found there broke their hearts a little. Yui was crumpled to the ground on her knees in front of a shattered mirror, the bleeding scratches on her hands hard to ignore as they hid her face from the world. Captain Hirato carefully approached Yui and knelt down beside her.
"I'm a monster…" the little girl muttered, whimpering in the process. "Why am I even here…?"
The older man laid a hand a Yui's shoulder, causing her to jolt and look up at him, her rose-colored eyes brimmed with tears. "You are none of those things," he stated confidently. "You are a lovely girl who deserves all the good things life has to offer. Your heart is still pure despite the hardships you have faced so early on. Never let anyone tell you different." His gloved hand gently wiped her tears away, his tender touch much like a father's.
"Yeah!" Yogi couldn't help but chime in. "You're super cute! Kiichi was just jealous of you!" That caused a tiny smile to appear on Yui's face, finding a small sense of comfort in others seeing her at her weakest and not judging her. Maybe this once…she didn't need to act so strong…
Captain Hirato was the only one to really understand that she never had the chance to properly grow up given her circumstances. She always retreated into herself whenever she was reminded of those awful times. However, that didn't deter him or Yogi and Tsukumo from making an effort to make her life better. The captain brought her to the outside world on certain jobs and allowed her to explore when the job was done. That's how she discovered her love for music of all genres, finding a sense of calm when enveloped in each song. She learned how much she hated spicy foods and fell in love with strawberries or anything that used strawberry as an ingredient. Each discovery strengthened the bond between her and the members of Circus, seeing as they accompanied her on her little excursions after missions.
This also led up to the first time she felt she had become part of her family; her birthday. It was something she only told the captain when he asked about it, which caused him to realize that it was on her birthday her parents were killed and she'd rather not celebrate it. However, Captain Hirato ignored the request and threw her a little surprise party on airship two with Yogi and Tsukumo. She received headphones and a jacket that had Circus imprinted on the back. To top it all off, they made her a big strawberry shortcake to eat as much of as she wanted. That was the day she realized she could depend on others because they really did listen and care.
A sudden knock on her door brought her out of her thoughts, like always. "Yui," a voice on the other end that she instantly recognized as Dr. Akari said, "it's that time of day again."
She didn't have to be told twice. "I understand" The blonde got off her bed and opened the door with a shit-eating grin, a snarky remark already in her head. "Geez, I just got back. You can cut me a little slack. Then again, you must be glad to have your favorite guinea pig back."
Dr. Akari didn't give any sort of reaction. "We are simply looking out for your well-being for as long as you are a part of Circus."
"I know! I know! Take a joke once in a while~." Yui didn't always enjoy doing it, but she often put on a cheerful façade to bottle up whatever she was feeling, especially whenever she was reminded of her "condition". She followed behind the doctor on the way to the examination room, still unaware of eyes watching her; this time they were a shining blue.
Gareki didn't know what to make of Yui when they first met. She was like Tsubaki in a way; indistinguishable from the common mindset he had of categorizing people. She would've been considered an enemy when he first met her. She seemed like a predator more than the prey. However…he recalled their chat up on top of the ship. It was a moment she chose to show her vulnerability to him, someone who wasn't a member of Circus by any real means. She was similar to Yogi and Tsukumo in the sense that she didn't keep secrets from him. He was astonished by her absolute faith in Circus after they saved her from a living hell.
Out of the corner of his eye; he stopped two familiar faces; Dr. Akari followed by Yui. However, the latter had a blank expression on her face and her eyes lost their shine, completely different from every other encounter he's had with her. He couldn't help but grow curious of the situation. Slowly and quietly, he followed after them until they entered the medical room. Shaking his head slightly, he tried to think rationally again. What am I even doing? What she does isn't my business. Then again, would it have to do with what happened to her that night? She was acting as if something had suddenly taken over in her head.
Gareki stood in place for a good five minutes, debating internally whether to go in there and see her or not. Fuck it, he decided and made his way over to the medical room. As always, he entered without so much as a single knock, only to be slightly shocked at what he saw. The blonde was sitting up and reading a book that appeared to be about aerodynamics. But that wasn't what brought on the initial shock. It was the IV stuck into her arm, the package for which contained a pale blue liquid rather than the normally clear substance or blood IVs held.
Hearing his entry, she turned to the side and said a simple and detached, "Hey." Then, she returned to her book.
The dark-haired teenager didn't know how else to respond but say, "Hey" as well.
A long silence fell over the two as Gareki watched her flip through the pages as if she was the only one in the room. "I'm guessing you're curious," Yui suddenly piped up, somewhat relieving the tense atmosphere.
"No!" Gareki childishly protested, not using to someone reading him as well as she was, "I just—"
"Oi! What's going on here?!" a new voice boomed as its owner stormed into the room. Ayato crossed his arms as he glared at the other guy in the room. "I smelled Chichinashi's blood and I thought someone got here before me! Guess I was right!"
Yui sighed, seeing the redhead oujidere* in the room. "I forgot you guys were still here. Guess you don't have as much presence as you think. First of all, stop calling me that before I drop kick your ass into next Tuesday. Second, it was just time for my daily examination; no biggie."
"Examination…?" both Gareki and Ayato questioned.
"I know you were there Ayato. I don't know how much you heard, but I'll be damned if I act as the naïve little girl you think you know everything about and cough up everything about the real me." Her face and voice were back to being cold and calculating while looking at Ayato, only no one could tell there was effort going into keeping it up. "Gareki…I'd like you to stay for a while."
With those last words, Ayato gave an annoyed sound and marched out of the medical room, furious at being talked down to by who he always believed was his prey. Gareki watched the redhead leave with a cold gaze before turning back to the girl on the bed. He pulled up a chair nearby and sat down, waiting for her to speak.
Yui sighed once more as she looked up at Gareki, her eyes dull as if she couldn't see him even though he was sitting right there. "I'm turning into a Varuga," she bluntly stated, catching the listener completely off guard. "Those bastards shoved all their drugs down my throat and into my blood. Circus developed neutralizers to help slow down the process. And it's been working…but not completely. The Yui you saw that first night—I call her Kyouki—was only a glimpse of what I could become… But I intend to kill myself if I'm ever too far gone." She curled her fists tightly, leaving imprints of her nails on her palms.
"What?!" Gareki couldn't help but shout in disbelief, hearing a girl would even consider taking her own life. "You're insane!"
"I'd rather die than hurt people I care about!" she shouted back at him, instantly silencing him. She looked away, bangs covering her eyes so he wouldn't see the pain-filled expression in them. Slowly, she sat back down onto the bed, not realizing she had even stood up until the last minute. "I just..."
Gareki had a feeling she wanted to be left to herself at the moment. "I'll leave you to it." However, as he began to rise out of his seat, something tightly gripped his sleeve.
"Wait!" He was shocked once more by this girl as her tough personality melted away and she seemed like a scared child needing a hand to hold. "Don't go… Please…"
Giving in, slightly because she reminded him of Nai and his innocence at that moment, Gareki sat down on the bed as Yui gripped onto his sleeve tightly. He wondered at that moment what had frightened her to be like this. As he sat there for a good few minutes, a slight pressure on his shoulder made him turn to find the small blonde fast asleep on his shoulder. Deciding not to move and risk waking her, he stayed put for the rest of the day, slowly falling asleep and leaning his head against the wall.
Wow! I think that's the longest chapter for this story that I've written. I'm sorry for the long hiatus, but I started college a couple months ago and work has been piling up. Also, as some of you who have followed me and my stories know, I tend to get inspired for something new and hop around from story to story. But I've actually been writing more than one chapter, so when I do put these stories up, they'll be much less wait time for the next chapter than what I've been providing. So look forward to that for both some current and new content.
*Oujidere = a "-dere" architype exclusive to males that want to be treated like princes, even if they are not royalty
Until next time, I'm out!
