-o-o-o- Blueberry Hill -o-o-o-
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I don't make any money from these writings.
A/N: Thank you for all the reviews, it means a world to me :3
-o-o-o-
Chapter 7: Brass Knuckles
-o-o-o-
It had been some weeks since the bullies had assaulted Naruto. During that time, Kiba and the gangers had settled mostly for verbal attacks. Every now and then, someone would purposely bump on the blond's shoulder as they passed by, but so far nothing more serious had happened. Naruto hadn't told teachers or any other authorities about the attack. The main reason to this was the enormous shame and humiliation he felt. The assault had been fueled into action because of his homosexuality. He didn't want to open up about it.
With eternal patience, Gaara had taught him how to properly defend himself. Because he was petite, it was important that he was quick and agile. After their training sessions he always felt like a ninja, and his boyish energy amused the redhead. "Careful now that you don't trip on your own feet," Gaara always said with humor, as he watched Naruto hop around in a cartoonish combat-style.
The blond had spent some nights at the redhead's place. The hungry glint in the jade eyes was almost ever-present. Gaara was eager to hug, to get close. Naruto wasn't sure if he wanted those hands to everywhere, at this point. He tried to make his subtle refusals as soft as possible. It was clear to him that those little rejections made the other's craving even more intense.
A part of Naruto wanted the contact just as badly. His teenage hormones tried to take over his brain every time the redhead kissed his lips, neck, and then chest… His body responded to the temptation, it begged for release in most prominent ways. He did want to give in. When he was honest with himself, he realized he wasn't as emotionally invested in this relationship as Gaara was. His thoughts often drifted off to Kankuro in the most inconvenient moments.
More than once had Naruto told himself that he would now fully concentrate on this thing, no more second-guessing. His feelings would eventually follow, just as Kankuro had told him. It didn't take more than a whiff of musk and vanilla and his feelings shot into the wrong target, again.
-o-o-o-
It was a sunny and cold winter's day. It had snowed during the night again and the coniferous trees were all covered in snow. As promised in the autumn, Kankuro had indeed bought skates for his friend. He had even plowed an ice skate rink on the nearby frozen pond.
"It's so beautiful in here," Naruto said in awe as they made their way through the forest.
Kankuro walked behind his friend and watched as the fluffy pompom of Naruto's bobble hat jiggled in the rhythm of his steps. The sight was beautiful, indeed. Inaudibly, he sighed to himself. An old fool like himself would never have a place in Naruto's heart in a romantic sense. Nevertheless, his stubborn heart had rooted these once feeble feelings and cherished them to steadily grow. In fear of rejection he hadn't dared to express his feelings to the boy. He kept his heart's desires hidden under his cool exterior. It would be better to suffer in silence than end up humiliated.
"Is this the place?" Naruto exclaimed happily and turned to look at the brunette.
"Yep, this is it," Kankuro said, smiling slightly, as they arrived at the self-made rink.
With his skates on, Naruto took a few wobbly, sliding steps on ice. Soon enough he found his rhythm and was gliding majestically like an eagle. This was fun. No one would tackle him here, unlike in P.E. class at school. He was free, and the only limits were the far-off, frozen shores. He wondered if birds felt like this when they were flying.
Not as graciously, but nevertheless steadily, Kankuro launched himself to the ice. The sky was clear and blue. Azure―he loved that color. Recently, he had painted the roof of his bedroom with that shade. It reminded him of carefreeness but he also associated it with Naruto's joyful eyes. The blond was far away, exploring the rigid hays that stuck out on the shore.
"Kankuro!" the boy shouted from the distance. In a nearby tree, a flock of birds took wing. "I bet you can't skate as fast as I can."
"You're probably right," the brunette chuckled.
"Let's have a race," Naruto suggested eagerly and stopped next to his friend.
"Yeah why not," Kankuro agreed. The boy's enthusiasm amused him.
"Okay, ready?" Naruto said, and placed himself on the imaginary starting line. Kankuro did the same.
"On three," the blond said, "One, two, three, GO!"
Like a lightning, Naruto sprinted ahead. Like a gust of wind he proceeded on the ice, leaving the wobbling brunette behind. With all his energy he skated to the opposite shore of the pond, thinking that his friend must be right behind him. When he turned around, he saw that Kankuro was still somewhere in the middle. With a boastful grin, he put his hands in the air. "I won!"
He saw the brunette clap his hands in the distance. Then the older man took off his imaginary hat, saluted the victor and bowed down. This earned a genuine giggle from the blond.
"And here is the first prize of winning this noble race," Kankuro said solemnly, and handed something for the blond. "You are hereby granted this priceless award for being the fastest person on this far-away pond."
"Thanks, man. This is the greatest prize I've ever won," Naruto laughed and with respect, he accepted the lopsided pinecone he was so ceremoniously offered.
Smiling rather mischievously, Kankuro patted the blond's head. Without warning, he yanked down the boy's hat so it covered his eyes and said, "Who's the first person on the opposite shore!"
"Hey that's not fair," Naruto yelled and lifted his hat to retrieve his vision. The brunette was half-way already! Angrily, he threw the pinecone away and sprung into movement.
On the finish line, Kankuro lifted his hands in the air in sign of victory. "Ha!" he barked and skated backwards, just to show off.
His flush of victory was not long lived, however, as the orange comet kept on nearing him at mad speed. The boy was not going to slow down, was he?
"You cheated!" Naruto exclaimed, and dashed straight against Kankuro. They almost fell over but the brunette managed to retain balance. A low chuckle escaped his lips as he looked down at the fuming blond.
"I won, take that," Kankuro said teasingly.
"Yeah but it was not a fair game," Naruto pointed out. "Only losers have to cheat."
"Are you calling me a loser?"
"Prove me otherwise and catch me," Naruto said and stuck his tongue out. Without further ado, he sprung into action once more and the race on the pond started again.
They competed against each other for a few rounds. Without exception, Naruto won every time. Like a real champion, he remembered to flaunt his victory each and every time. The brunette played annoyed but as soon as the blond chuckled cheerfully, a friendly smile came to Kankuro's face.
A little out of breath, Kankuro curved to the nearby stone. Adrenaline was still rushing in his veins. Naruto's vibrant enthusiasm was rubbing off on him, too. He felt so alive. When was the last time he had really felt like this? If he was a dead pine tree, Naruto was the enigmatic energy rushing inside his vessels that made him blossom.
"This was fun," Naruto said. His cheeks were red but he was not out of breath.
"Yeah," Kankuro said. "You get an old man like me breathless."
"Come on, you're not that breathless," the blond said cheerfully, "And you are certainly not old."
"I am, compared to you."
"It's not the age that counts, but the spirit," Naruto replied.
"You really think so?" Kankuro asked.
"Yeah."
They took their skates off. The lopsided pinecone was now secured in the pocket of Naruto's jacket. However silly, it was a cherished award to him. He wanted to always remember this day.
Naruto smiled faintly to himself. Had he ever had a more perfect day than this? Around Kankuro, he felt safe and appreciated. His friend never pressured him to any direction but let him be this lighthearted, happy-go-lucky person he was. It didn't matter what the man's real age was. Things like that were trivial to him. The norms of their society would undoubtedly doom even their friendship as something suspicious. What did they know, though? This special relationship of theirs was like a life-saver for Naruto, and he refused to feel bad about it.
Under the surface, Naruto was sure his friend felt otherwise, at least on some occasions. To him it seemed like Kankuro cared a big deal of what other people were thinking about him. Of course the brunette often acted cool, like he didn't give a damn but it didn't fool Naruto. If only he had a way of encouraging his friend to loosen up a bit. It was not important what people gossiped. There would be always someone who disapproved no matter what.
They were heading to Kankuro's cabin. It was getting dark already. These winter days were bright but short and dusk came early. After walking in silence for some time, Naruto suddenly stopped.
"Hey I know what we should do."
Kankuro halted, too, and raised his eyebrow.
"Let's make snow angels!" the blond suggested. The same untamed energy was bubbling inside him once again.
"Really?" Kankuro asked. He was not a fan of that. It was a children's thing.
"Yeah, come on," the blond told and lay down on the snow. He watched his friend do as he was told, albeit quite reluctantly. When they both lay on the snow, Naruto grinned encouragingly at the brunette. He moved his arms and legs, enjoying the snow and the stars that were lighting up on the sky, one by one. He glanced at his friend again, and noted the spiritless way Kankuro was participating in this thing.
Naruto rolled over at his friend's direction, not at all sorry that he was ruining his perfect snow angel. The brunette stopped his feeble movements for a moment. They were now next to each other, looking up at the sky.
"Do you know any constellations?" Naruto asked, giving a sideways glance to the brunette.
"Some."
"Can you show me?" Naruto asked.
"Sure," Kankuro smiled, and started to point out different stars. To Naruto, they all looked the same but he didn't care. What was important was that the brunette was genuinely interested in sharing this knowledge with him. The black eyes really shone like stars in the darkness. It was a beautiful sight.
"How come you know so much about stars?" Naruto asked.
"The stars are always visible around here at night. I guess I'm just so used to them," the brunette replied.
"Do you ever think that those stars must've seen every possible thing on earth? Nothing is new to them. Do you think they're bored with staring down on us?" the boy asked.
Kankuro chuckled softly. "I guess they are. Imagine living forever. That would be hell."
"Yeah," Naruto agreed. "But if every day was like this, I wouldn't mind being around for a thousand years."
"Me too," Kankuro said quietly, and looked at the grinning blond. Why couldn't life be like this every day?
They walked back home in mutual silence. To Kankuro it felt like they were constantly communicating, even though they didn't use words. To have this kind of friendship with someone was a true blessing. If only he could have the blond for himself, for always.
The red door of Kankuro's cabin looked homey and welcoming in the chilly weather. There were a few metallic lanterns on the porch. Something was missing, though, in Naruto's opinion.
"Go ahead, I'll stay here and make you a snow lantern," he promised.
Before Kankuro had any chance to decline, the blond was already down on his knees on the snow. That wide grin and that happiness in the blue eyes were really remarkable. The boy was rarely this concentrated on anything. Deciding it was better not to interrupt, the brunette went inside.
He made hot cocoa and ramen for them, Naruto's favorite. There was nothing wrong with spoiling the boy a little. The orphan led a life full of poverty and he wanted to offer him something better for a chance. He perceived himself as some sort of a safe adult, or even a role model. Because of this, it bothered him greatly that he also had romantic feelings for the boy.
Deep down, he wanted something more than just friendship. However, Kankuro feared that other people would see their relationship as something perverted or suspicious. He feared that Naruto would see him as a sick person. Of course he should date people of his age. His heart seemed to disagree, though.
Not long after Naruto rattled in the hallway. His face was red from the freeze. The tips of his hair, which were visible from under the hat, were frosted. None of this seemed to bother the happy blond who kept on smiling faintly as he took off his jacket. A welcoming scent of ramen encouraged him to hurry to the kitchen.
"My favorite!" he exclaimed as a bowl of pork ramen was set in front of him on the table. "Be careful not to spoil me too much, or I'll move in here or something. You won't get rid of me."
"Hah, that's just big talk. I know you won't carry out your threat," Kankuro replied. This was just silly banter but he couldn't prevent himself for imagining Naruto being here for always. "Besides, I think Gaara would not be a fan of the idea."
"Yeah, that too," Naruto said. "He has sometimes suggested we should move in together. I don't want to, not yet at least. Imagine the three of us living under the same roof. Boy, that would be something."
"It would be like matches and gasoline," Kankuro pointed out. "We don't get along perfectly, as you know."
"Why is that?"
"It goes along a long way back. We didn't have the best of parents and a lot of shit happened back then," the brunette opened up. He sighed. "I guess he is still bitter to me. I should've been a better brother but I wasn't. "
"I think you're doing alright now. Doesn't that count?"
"I guess it does. But the old wounds are still there," Kankuro said. He wanted to add that a life without shitty parents or troublesome relatives would've been so much easier. It just didn't feel like an appropriate thing to say to the orphan boy. Clearly the blond's fate was not the better of two evils.
Naruto looked at the pensive brunette. In a way it was hard to believe that those guys were really brothers. They were so different in their own ways. It felt weird feeling attracted to the both of them at the same time. From what he had gathered by now, someone else had been in this situation earlier, too. "Your brother mentioned me that you've seduced some of his girlfriends. Is that true?"
A shade of pink involuntarily appeared on Kankuro's cheeks as he looked at the boy. Briefly he wondered what other things Gaara had opened up about, too. "I didn't woo them. They came on to me."
"Oh."
"Tell me, does it bother him that we're friends," Kankuro suddenly changed the subject.
"No. A little."
"Why would that be?"
"I don't know," Naruto said. It was true. He did have some suspicions about the redhead's possessive personality traits but he didn't want to voice them out. "Maybe he just is like that."
"Do you think it's a good thing?" the brunette asked.
"Maybe," the boy answered and averted his gaze.
"Well does he know you're here?"
"No," the blond replied.
"Are you going to tell him?" Kankuro asked.
"No," Naruto replied. He was looking out of the window.
In silence, Kankuro collected the dirty bowls and cups and put them on the sink. He was well aware of Gaara's tendencies but it didn't feel morally right to voice out his opinions. It could very well be that Naruto and Gaara were a match made in heaven and everything would turn out perfectly. A tiny, suffocated part of Kankuro's brain wished the opposite.
In the meanwhile, Naruto was sitting on the sofa and channel surfing. He was a bit unnerved at their conversation. In the end it had felt like an interrogation. Was there something he should be aware of? The truth was, he wanted to have his independency and he didn't feel like sharing every part of his life with Gaara. Still, he felt guilty for not telling his boyfriend where he was. And now that his friend had found out about it, he felt even guiltier.
After washing the dishes, Kankuro sat down on the sofa, too. He noticed the absent-minded look in the blue eyes. The blueish glow of TV illuminated Naruto's tanned face, and he looked pale and ghost-like. The sight reminded him of that one time he had seen Naruto at Gaara's place, when the boy had been wearing gothic make-up. The sight had been beautiful back then, and it was still as alluring. He tried is best to dissolve the tempting thoughts.
"Naruto," he said gently. "What do you think would happen if you told him?"
The boy was now looking at him, fake-pale skin shining in the dim room. This felt like inquisition, again. "I guess he'd just ask why I hang around with you so much."
"And what would you answer to that?" Kankuro asked, looking at the TV, his attention not on the screen however.
"I'd say I like you."
The brunette turned his gaze to the boy. He smiled faintly. "I like you too."
"I hope you don't think I'm a bad person," Naruto said. "I would never hurt your brother."
"I don't think you'd ever be a bad person," the brunette replied. Naruto hurting Gaara was not what Kankuro was afraid of. He sighed and wrapped his arm around the boy. He was not sure if he should say something or just see how things would work out between the youngsters. The idea of offering Naruto a way out of the relationship popped up in his mind again. He was not doing alright on the 'good brother' section. If anyone, he was the bad person.
For a good while they watched an action movie that seemed to totally catch Naruto's attention. It had flaming helicopters, exploding cars and a whole lot of suspense. What was there not to like? The movie seemed to brighten up the boy's mood. His happiness was once again so contagious. That energy was like fire to Kankuro. It burned him yet somehow he was drawn in even more.
After the movie, Naruto yawned and stretched his arms. As crazy as it was, Kankuro hoped the boy would stay the night. At the same time, he wished he wouldn't. What had gotten into him? He looked at the digital thermometer on the windowsill. It had gotten a lot colder than it was around noon. And the bus stop was far away…
"If you want you can stay the night," he casually said, stretching his arms, too.
"I'd like to," Naruto agreed and grinned. Nothing else but pure innocence could be detected from him.
"You can take the bed," Kankuro offered.
"We could share it," the boy suggested.
"Why not," Kankuro heard himself say. WHAT. Where had those extra letters appeared around the NO?
Naruto noticed his friend looked quite flushed all of a sudden. "Don't worry, I won't try to hit on you even though I'm gay."
That was something Kankuro was not afraid of. It was the opposite. Technically, he was not gay. He only felt attraction to one male and no one else. The boy radiated such honesty and child-like innocence that he most likely was not onto something. In Kankuro's opinion, there was no way Naruto had any hidden thoughts that would risk their integrity. If only he could contain himself from acting upon his deepest desires, all would be fine.
Before going to bed, the brunette wanted to go check the lanterns. He explained that the candles had to be put out for safety reasons. He also wanted to see the snow lantern Naruto had made. A candle happily twinkled inside the pyramid of snowballs. In the night Kankuro mused that to him, the boy was like that flame. He was slowly but steadily melting him from the inside. How much longer would it take until his facade would collapse?
It was freezing and even the far-away stars looked colder now. Somewhere in the forest their lopsided snow angels were lying side by side, wings connected. And here in this cozy cabin, they were about to sleep next to each other, hopefully with a safe distance between them. He stood in the cold for some time, staring into the night. If only his emotions would freeze as well as his toes.
He was nervous as he lay down and pulled the covers over them both. He could not comprehend why he had been unable to say no to this. What was this boy doing to him? He kept a safe, natural distance between them. Hopefully it wouldn't change during the night.
"You don't have your walrus nightcap. Can you sleep without it?" Kankuro asked.
"It's quite chilly in here, I hope my head won't freeze," Naruto said and smiled jokingly.
For an answer, the brunette ruffled the blond's hair in a fatherly manner. When the blond had been assaulted by the bullies, it had not felt so awkward to lie next to the boy and comfort him. The boy had been wounded and needed comfort. Now, however, they were equals and that was why this situation was so confusing to Kankuro. Maybe in the darkness these conflicting emotions would be easier to handle.
"Good night," he said and turned off the night lamp.
"Night."
Not before long, the boy began to lightly snore. Kankuro lay awake. He wondered how far Naruto had already gone with Gaara. Had they done it, yet? The blond had mentioned their one-sided plans of moving in together. That meant they had to be pretty serious, or at least Gaara was. It worried him that the blond kept some things in secret from his boyfriend. He tried to interpret what was in between the lines. Should he intervene or not?
In his sleep, Naruto moved closer as if seeking for warmth and comfort. It was an adorable sight. It was really a shame that this innocent boy had to have such a hard life. Instinctively, Kankuro embraced the sleeping boy and placed his head under his chin.
When he inhaled, that titillating scent of cedar wafted into his nose. He loved it, yet he didn't want to think of it right now. He was well aware that their safe distance was now gone. It had not lasted longer than this and it both amused and scared him. The boy looked so fragile and helpless. Maybe it was okay to hold him like this, at least this one time now. He kissed the top of blond hair in a brotherly manner. It had no romantic idea behind it, he reassured himself.
A warm, breathing body next to him this house didn't feel so lonely, anymore. The boy's deep, even breaths blew life to these dead walls. He felt happy, like in some distant moment in his earlier life. He had been sure he'd never catch that carefree feeling ever again. Without him noticing it, he began to imitate the calm rhythm of Naruto's breathing. In some minutes, he too fell in a deep sleep.
He had been dreaming all night. For once, his dreams had been full of adventure and excitement. That ever-present, oppressing anxiety that usually inhabited his dreams was gone this time. He dreamt he was skating with Naruto. For some reason they were skating through the forest. Naruto threw a pinecone at him and when he turned around, the boy was suddenly in his arms. The next thing he knew was that Naruto was kissing him. The wintry forest scene vanished and was replaced by Naruto's apartment. Instinctively he wrapped his arms tightly around the petite boy, drowning into that marvelous kiss. Right then the boy started to push him away and the whole apartment was shaking like in an earthquake. He jolted up from his sleep, only to find Naruto was in his arms, looking panicked.
"Did you just kiss me?" Kankuro asked, the first thing his sleepy brain came up with.
"I'm sorry!"
"Did you think I was Gaara?" the drowsy brunette asked.
"Yes!" The boy's face was all red.
Kankuro freed the boy from his embrace. He rubbed his eyes and tried to come in terms with what had just happened. His lower regions were already awakened and in full capacity. He looked at the blond who was oddly quiet and flustered. He was blushing and looking at some distant point.
"It's okay, these things happen," Kankuro noticed himself say. It was kind of natural to mistake someone else as your boyfriend, wasn't it?
"Yeah," Naruto only replied.
To lighten up the heavy atmosphere, Kankuro decided to throw in some self-irony. "Besides, I'm equally handsome with Gaara so it's really hard to tell us apart."
"Yep," Naruto replied but not in a jokingly manner. It was more of a statement.
Kankuro didn't know what to think of that. Maybe the boy was still so ashamed that he had missed the joke. He felt like he needed to get out this room. A few thoughts about his naked father quickly dissolved the little problem he had downstairs. "Do you want some coffee?"
"Thanks," Naruto said and stayed in the bed.
Kankuro went to the kitchen. If he was honest, he had liked the kiss. It had felt so natural, so right. In his sleepy state back then, he had wanted to pin the boy down under himself. Thank god he had woken up before that! He had to be careful with his imagination, for he wasn't willing to think of his naked father too many times today.
They ate breakfast in comfortable silence. Naruto seemed to have calmed down and gotten over his silly mix-up.
"I can walk you to the bust stop," Kankuro offered.
"Thanks but you don't have to," the boy only said.
"But if I want to?"
"I'd rather go alone, thanks," Naruto said politely.
"As you wish," the brunette replied, wondering what this was all about. Maybe the boy just needed to be alone for a while, who knew. This house would be so lonely soon again. And what would he do to the scent of cedar still lingering on the bed sheets? He was sure that at the long hours of night it would remind him of these wonderful moments. And then, he would feel lonelier than ever before.
-o-o-o-
Naruto was sitting on the sofa. During his visits in Gaara's place, he had noticed that there was not even one picture of Kankuro on the walls. So many unfamiliar people were staring down at him from the photo frames. Had these all been Gaara's special someones before?
The redhead came to the living room. He instantly noticed the uneasy expression on Naruto's face.
"Do those pictures bother you?"
"A little," the blond admitted.
"Don't worry, they aren't all my exes. There are also friends and other important people," Gaara said gently. He sat down next to his boyfriend.
"There's no picture of your brother," Naruto pointed out.
"And there won't be," the redhead retorted curtly. He noticed the blond was about to say or ask something, so he cut in.
"Here, this is for you," he said and gave a little black box to his boyfriend.
"What is it?" Naruto asked in awe. It was small but larger than a ring box.
"Open it."
Carefully, Naruto opened the fancy box. The insides perplexed him a little bit. "You bought brass knuckles for me?"
"You are ready for it," Gaara grinned mischievously. He pulled Naruto into an embrace and kissed his cheek.
"I am?" the blond asked cautiously.
"Yes. I have planned a little surprise for your unsuspecting wrongdoer. Next Friday you can introduce this lovely piece of metal to him." There was no shade of warmth in the creepy grin Gaara was giving him. It unnerved the blond a bit.
"Wow. You really think this is a good idea?"
"The best," the redhead murmured.
Naruto gulped. Trying to lighten up the violent vibes he put on the brass knuckles and looked at it like it was an expensive wedding ring. In a joking voice he asked: "It's so pretty. Does this mean we're engaged now?"
"Absolutely," Gaara said in a serious tone of voice and kissed him. He toppled Naruto on the sofa and pinned him down under his body. The blue eyes were hazy and full of repressed need. God, it turned him on.
"I want you," he whispered.
"I know," the blond breathed.
"Don't you want me?" Gaara asked, and looked at the boy beneath him.
"I do," Naruto admitted. He just wasn't sure where this would lead and he was afraid he would give wrong signals. He was not sure yet where he wanted this to go.
"Maybe it's time to… you know," the redhead said in a velvety voice. "I can feel you want it, too."
Naruto blushed. He could feel Gaara's erection, too. Maybe it was indeed time for this, now. He would never get Kankuro. The man seemed to have been unaffected by their 'accidental' kiss on that one morning. That was because the brunette was not into guys, not to Naruto at least. Even though at times, Naruto was sure he felt something deeper running between them. Or maybe he just confused Kankuro's never ending friendliness into something that it was not?
Whenever he returned to that morning kiss in his memories, pleasant shivers ran up and down his spine. It had been a stupid thing to do given that his friend had woken up all of the sudden. He just hadn't been able to prevent himself for acting out his deepest desires. His friend had looked so irresistible asleep. With uttermost caution, he had kissed him and to his surprise, the sleeping brunette had responded to him. In no time the man's arms had locked him in place quite possessively. Only when Kankuro had begun to topple him and squish him under, he had started to push him back. And of course then the man had woken up.
After that, there had been no indication on the brunette's part that he had any feelings for Naruto whatsoever. He did not know who Kankuro had thought he was while still asleep. It seemed clear that the dreamy eagerness he had shown had just been an automatic response, not a genuine reaction just for him.
If it were Kankuro now pinning him down on this sofa, he would not hesitate to give in. He was afraid that if he and Gaara moved on to the next level, it would be really hard to break up if he changed his mind later. But whatever happened between the two of them, he would still have Kankuro as a friend, right?
"Let's do it," Naruto breathed. He was not sure if it was a wise thing to do but it felt like a logical continuum of their relationship.
Gaara kissed him again, and the sudden seriousness in his form alarmed Naruto. Before he could re-evaluate the situation, Gaara cupped his whiskered cheek. The touch felt cool yet an underlying tension was clearly detectable. The dark-rimmed eyes studied the blue ones calmly. A kiss on the neck made Naruto lose the breath he had been holding.
"Ah…" he gasped. There was so much unresolved tension in him. It felt like his head was exploding.
"Gaara…" Another kiss, another explosion. His senses were killing him. Suddenly this felt wrong. This man here was the target where his romantic feelings should've pointed at―but they weren't.
"I'll make you feel good, Naruto," the redhead whispered with a velvety voice. He wanted to break the defenses of this boy. He felt Naruto's soul shaking inside his body. The trembling was detectable on the tanned skin, and the wavering blue eyes hid no emotion at all. The boy was like an open book. He would find the points on this map that lead to the hidden treasure.
A warm breath hit Naruto's ear, then a gentle half-bite on his earlobe. Those previously eager hands were now very assertive, as one of them traveled down his side to his hip. He could clearly feel that Gaara was excited, too. He knew his neck was his weak spot. Another kiss-bite, hand on his hair, gentle dominance and the ache in his groin.
"Gaara…" he gasped. He wanted to explode. This felt shockingly good, yet was it wise to let this happen? He was ashamed to note his body wanted this, and was responding to the redhead. He had been an outcast his whole life and he was painfully accustomed to loneliness. Against all odds, Gaara wanted him and every time they were together, he made sure he felt special. Could he really say no to that? What if he would never ever find anyone else, again?
"I will never leave you . . . Naruto," Gaara whispered seductively to his ear, and he had a lingering feeling that those words were true in a very frightening sense. At the same time, he felt like those words were a question directed at him. Did the redhead anticipate his inner hesitation?
A kiss on his neck, oh god, that guy knew what he was doing. His hesitation was slowly melting away. His hormones were wild and one by one all the rational thoughts disappeared from his mind.
A kiss lead to another, gasps and whispered moans were their mutual language now. Clothes became unnecessary as they wobbled towards the bedroom. Naruto lay on his back and let the redhead take the lead. He knew what was about to come, they had talked about this. His skin was hot, he was aching for release, and the possessive kisses and gentle caresses drove him almost crazy.
It did hurt at first even though he knew to expect it. It was happening, he was about to lose his virginity! Gaara was on top of him, gently pushing inside. The pain was slowly subsiding, giving room to all the other mind-blowing sensations. He had never thought it would feel like this, or that it would happen like this. There was no escape now, as his hands were secured by the redhead. The ever-present hungry glow in the darkened jade depths only grew stronger the deeper he got.
There had never been a more beautiful sight than the blond underneath him. The quivering boy on the brink of losing it all would be carved into his sweet memories forever. He kissed him again on various sensitive places, just to hear those unrepressed moans one after another. He freed the blond's hands and they instantly gripped the satin sheets. It was absolutely arousing to see how easily Naruto responded to his touch. The blue eyes were hazy and unfocused. There was no restraint left in that collapsing shell of a human being.
Those expert pale hands really knew what they were doing. They found each and every weak spot Naruto had. When they wrapped around his pulsing penis and began to stroke it, he knew it was only a matter of time until he would shatter into million little pieces. The steady rhythm of their movement pushed him closer and closer to the gates of total annihilation. The way those green eyes devoured each and every uncontrolled movement of his was unnerving and arousing at the same time. All the pleasure was gathering into one spot in his body, and he arched his back, ready to go with the tide. A memory of that forbidden kiss flashed across his confused brain, and it was too much. In one white-hot moment it all erupted, and the waves of bliss shot throughout his entire body.
That sight of total surrender was like an aphrodisiac to Gaara. That wavering, incoherently moaning boy underneath him was in the aftermath of complete explosion. He could not take this much longer. He would always remember this sight: those unfocused blue eyes were devoid of resistance and that loosened grip on the sheets was a mark of total surrender. With increasing rhythm, he too fell over the edge, following Naruto into total completion.
As the hot waves of their release washed over their bodies in a decreasing pace, they just lay there next to each other. He had never seen Gaara so spent. The black eyes were calm and unfocused. His ivory complex shone in the dim lightning so ghostly. Those dark eyes and almost-black-looking red hair were an impressive sight. Gaara was not from this world. But neither was Naruto, an outcast. He inched closer and kissed him.
Later in the evening, they were in the kitchen. Naruto watched the redhead make supper for them, humming happily. In the pit of his stomach was a jab of pain. He mistook it first for hunger but realized afterwards that it was guilt. Two perfectly made sandwiches were brought to him. Two slices of cucumber cut into the shape of heart. He was making him feel so special, again. The knot in his gut only tightened.
"I adore you," Gaara murmured next to him, rubbing his arm.
To Naruto, the room felt suddenly smaller.
"So… you really don't want to move in with me?" the redhead asked, taking a bite of his food.
Naruto looked at the heart-shaped cucumbers. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I don't want us to rush," the redhead replied. "You can move in here later, it doesn't have to happen right now."
"Yeah," Naruto said, not really meaning it.
For some minutes, they just sat there in silence. Naruto tried to collect his thoughts and decide what he should feel about all of this. Why did he have to make everything so complicated? Why couldn't he just be happy with the way things were? Realistically thinking, there was no need for all this confusion.
"By the way," Gaara started between mouthfuls. "You weren't at home one night."
"Oh, how do you know?" Naruto asked casually.
"You didn't answer the door."
"Maybe I was in the shower," the blond thought aloud.
"I thought so, too. Until I tried the handle and the door was unlocked. There was no one in there. It was very late."
"Oh man, I left the door unlocked once again didn't I?" Naruto grinned and laughed. He hoped that his carefree attitude would end the conversation.
"You have to be more careful," Gaara said. "I was worried."
"You didn't need to," the blond replied, faking interest in the sports section of the newspaper.
"I just thought it would be nice if you'd notify me of your absence, so I wouldn't need to worry. I was sure that something horrible had happened to you," the redhead said. His tone of voice was calm but relentless.
To that, Naruto didn't say anything. That was not care but control. He was not going to inform his boyfriend each and every time he went out.
-o-o-o-
At night, Kankuro lay still awake. His insomnia had worsened again during the past week. Among many other things, the accidental kiss had kept on occupying his thoughts. Some pieces of the puzzle didn't fit in and it kept on bugging him to no end. For more than once, he had tried to wave his thoughts off, without succeeding much.
At first, he had come to the conclusion that his resilient, however unwanted, interest was sparked because of his own, repressed feelings for the boy. He kept on re-playing the incident in his mind, secretly rejoicing the memory of his own dream and the reality he had woken up to…
But each time his fantasies slowly dissolved, he was left with a gnawing feeling that everything was not right. There was something in that memory that alarmed his brain each and every time, some little detail that he couldn't put his finger to.
With a sigh, he stared at the azure ceiling, feeling more awake now than in the daytime. With Naruto by his side, he had not had any trouble with falling asleep. The boy had such phenomenal sleeping skills that it almost amused him. He smiled a little, recalling the boy's sleepy face.
Naruto was a heavy sleeper.
He could sleep through dozens of alarms, or so the boy had claimed.
And suddenly Kankuro could remember all those numerous times the boy had humored him with his stories of sleeping in and missing the school bus. A warm smile came to his lips at the memory of Naruto's animated way of describing these little incidents.
But that morning, Naruto hadn't appeared to be drowsy, at all.
In fact, if his memory served him right, the boy had been quite awake.
Kankuro looked at the ceiling and snorted dismissingly. He was being too caught up in his own thoughts, again. However, he could not dismiss the cold, unsure feeling that had begun to swirl in the pit of his stomach. In the darkness, he gulped and tried to calm himself down. The odd feeling only intensified.
Now that he thought about it…
…was it really true that the boy had actually mistaken him for Gaara?
Kankuro let out a shaky laugh into the night, rubbing his face forcefully. It did nothing to quiet down his thoughts, and the bubbling feeling inside of him only intensified. He didn't want to go through this train of emotions right now. This was just his insomnia messing up his head once again, yeah! He was making things up!
Or was he?
Back then, Naruto's blue eyes had been clear and sharp, no drowsiness in sight. The kiss had been an accident, he had said.
If it was not true, what did it mean?
His heart missed a beat as one suppressed possibility hit him. It could not be.
It could not be.
He rubbed his face with shaking hands, again, as if to sort out his tangled thoughts. When he allowed himself to fully consider this hypothetical possibility, the dread in the pit of his stomach spread all the way through his body.
He recalled Naruto telling him that age didn't matter. That he would like to live forever if all days were like that one, sunny winter day they had spent together. Also, to him it was once again odd that Naruto seemed to keep their friendship undercover for Gaara's sake. The boy had said that Gaara was not comfortable with them being together. Was there really some ground for that distrust?
Something warm was building up in his chest. He dared not to say it was hope. Not, it could not be that. He was too old already to have that cheery, springlike feeling. The warmth kept on rising until it reached his cheeks, burning him, like that little candle in the snow lantern.
The coldness in his stomach turned into butterflies and some unknown energy coursed through him. He wasn't sure if he was actually shaking or was it just his miserable little world shattering to pieces.
The sheer idea of Naruto actually liking him was scary.
It was scary, and titillating.
The butterflies fluttered even more vigorously.
In order to calm himself down, he took a few deep breaths and counted to ten. Now, he thought to himself, he had no actual proof that his wild conclusions were correct, at all. It could all be just a misunderstanding as well.
The butterflies did not seem to hear his thoughts, for their fluttering only increased, spreading that awful, frightening sense of hope into his drumming heart. With another shaky breath, he decided he would somehow try to find out if his instinct really was correct this time.
