Author's Note: You know, the funny thing is... this chapter has been done for seven months now. I actually have no idea why it wasn't up... I think I've been wanting to add something else to chapter, but after a friggin year, I can't remember what it was. So, after an unexpected yearlong hiatus, this story is back! I hope I still have some readers...

Disclaimer: Even after a year, I have failed to somehow get anything Harry Potter related in my possession...


Chapter Seven:

The Prison Blues

"If you start singing prison blues songs, I swear I will throw you against that wall," Hermione grumbled, slumped against the bars of their 'cell'. It was kind of hard to take it too seriously considering they were in 'mall jail'.

"Kinky," Draco said suggestively, his grin wolfish. "I like it."

"I don't know what you're so happy about," Hermione said, giving him a sharp glare. "Didn't you have a meeting you were supposed to attend?"

"See, now, if I was someone else, that reminder would probably damper my spirits. The thing is, Granger... I hate those meetings. I hate them so much. You know what I mean?" Draco smirked seeing the 'I-want-to-strangle-you' look on her face. "All we do is sit and talk about a whole bunch of things that don't matter. Nothing ever really gets done in these types of meetings. They're bloody boring."

"And getting caught by a mallcop because we were foolish enough to break into the security room and thrown into mall jail is your definition of fun?" Hermione asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Of course not. But, unlike in those meetings, I have a source of entertainment here," he commented, eyeing her pointedly.

"Glad to know you depend on me so much," she teased. "But, honestly, I don't understand how you can be so damn happy."

"Well, after getting all of my deep, dark secrets off my chest, I feel like a weight has been lifted."

"Ha ha. You should really think about becoming a comedian."

"I would, but my company is too important," Draco said seriously, though his lips threatened to curve upwards.

"I'm sure," she drawled in another one of her suspiciously accurate imitations of him.

"Do you spend your free time imitating the way I talk or something? I swear, the accuracy in which you mock me is disconcerting, to be honest."

"Nice, Malfoy. I hadn't realized your vocabulary was so extensive."

"Jealous? But, seriously Granger, do you practice being a Malfoy frequently? I mean, I'm flattered, but you're really going to have to give up on this fantasy of yours—"

"Oh, Merlin, kill me now," Hermione groaned, burying her head in her arms. She just couldn't understand how Malfoy could be so calm about all this. Come to think of it, he was like this the whole time—ever since they stepped out of the lift, really. She had spent all that time brooding and stressed while he sat there being a prat—and eating her food! At that thought, her stomach growled lowly. Thankfully, Malfoy was still going on about the "requirements for being the Lady of the Prestigious and Noble House of Malfoy", or something to that effect, so he didn't hear the starved cry of her stomach.

She wondered where that security guard had gone to this time. After he had brought them here, he merely locked the door and left without another word. She wasn't sure if she should be thankful or not. On one hand, if they slipped and said anything more about magic, no one would be there to hear it. She knew there were cameras in here too, but it didn't come with sound. She found that out herself when they were poking around for the lift tape. But, on the other hand, she was now alone with Malfoy. Again.

She wasn't sure what she had done to deserve such a long string of bad luck in such a short amount of time. She must have been a serial killer, or maybe even a tyrannical dictator in a past life. There was no other explanation for why she was now on the receiving end of this seemingly endless torture.

"Kill me," Hermione pleaded once again, looking at the sky in earnest, as if to make sure the Gods could hear her. Malfoy snickered at her, unphased by the hard glare shot at him.

"You know, I just noticed something," Draco said, his grin fading to make way for his signature smirk.

"Enlighten me," she responded dully.

"Well, ever since we've come back into contact with each other, it's like our personalities have switched! I mean, back in school, I was the temperamental brooder—don't snort Granger, at least I can admit it—while you were... Well, I'm not quite sure if you used to act as I do now, as I didn't know you well enough, but you certainly didn't sulk so much," he paused. "Yes, we've definitely been subject to some kind of brainwash."

Hermione snorted sardonically, rolling her eyes. "Don't be any more idiotic than I already thought you were, Malfoy. It's unbecoming."

"Oh, yeah?" he shot back, a perfect eyebrow raised, as if to challenge her. "Then, if I'm wrong, may your muggle God strike me down now."

"What?" she gaped at him incredulously.

"May He strike me down right now," he repeated slowly, holding his arms out at his side, waiting for said strike to come. After about a minute of nothing, he dropped his arms, crossing them over his chest, smirking victoriously at her.

"You knew as well as I did that obviously wasn't going to work!" she accused, pointing at his smug expression. She glared even more intensely at him, muttering to herself, "Cocky bastard."

"Couldn't agree more," stated a voice from behind her—the same one that had put Malfoy and herself into the cell they were in. Hermione jumped at his sudden appearance, turning her head slowly over her shoulder, watching him smirk in an eerily similar fashion that she just couldn't put her finger on...

"How do you keep doing that?" Hermione asked, a hand over her heart in an attempt to slow its erratic pace. "Keep sneaking up on us?"

The bald man looked on in amusement as the blonde laughed outright at the girl, causing her to lash her foot out at him, before he answered in a deadpan, "Magic," looking at them pointedly. He noticed how they both stiffened, a nervous glance passing between them. The girl opened her mouth, as if to speak, only to close it again, words escaping her. The blonde was not much better, clearly arguing with himself, trying to find an excuse for their careless chatter.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hermione said, trying to sound confident, despite the fact that her heart was hammering in her chest.

"Don't try that," the man retorted with a roll of his eyes, "I heard the whole conversation of yours. You're just lucky that I was the only one there to see. Now, why don't you tell me what that was really about before I get you the both of you sent to a comfy little padded cell in the nearest funny farm."

"Funny farm...?" Malfoy trailed off, his eyes narrowed as he tried to understand the reference.

"He means an insane asylum!" she hissed at him, bopping him on the head. She turned back to the man, racking her brain for something to say. "It's... an inside joke! Yes, we went to the same school and came up with it during our first year there."

"So you like to pretend that you both are witches and wizards?" he asked, looking at Malfoy to add, "And half elf, in your case?"

"House-elf," Hermione corrected out of habit.

"And that is why you both decided to break into the security room and erase the video?" he asked, an amused glint in his eyes. "Or where you just trying to score some free porn? Considering the video I caught you watching, I find your motives questionable."

Hermione's face turned a deep, nearly burgundy, red. She really didn't want to be reminded of that video. And to be accused of actually wanting to watch it? She shuddered. Then sputtered. So much so that she couldn't get a coherent thought out to deny the man's statement. She was completely speechless for the second time in one day.

Perhaps a first for the Gryffindor Princess.

"Fine, we'll tell you the truth," Malfoy said when it became apparent that Hermione wasn't going to say anything. She whipped her head around so face that there was an audible crack, but Malfoy only shook his head at her. "Relax," he whispered. "We'll just obliviate him afterwards." Hermione nodded, realizing there really was no better option.

They probably wouldn't be able to get out otherwise.

"Everything—about the magic, anyway—was real. It was all true," he paused. "Except the elf thing. I hope."

"So you expect me to believe, that you're supernatural creatures—"

"I'm a witch, he's a wizard."

"—went to a magical school in Sweden—"

"Scotland."

"—called Pigfarts—"

"Hogwarts."

"—learned to use magic by waving a few sticks in the air—"

"Wands."

"—while saying the magic words."

"Spells," Hermione corrected for what she hoped was the last time. She stared up at the man pleadingly, willing him to believe them. She really wanted out of the cell.

The man stared at them intensely, looking as if he were going to call that 'funny farm' he had mentioned earlier. His hand strayed to where his walkie-talkie was, only only for her to widen her eyes incredulously when he merely fished out a set of keys and unlocked their cell.

"Really?" Draco couldn't help but ask. "You're letting us go? Just like that?"

"You wanna be back in there?" the man asked curiously.

"No!" both Hermione and Draco answered at the same time, shaking their heads vehemently.

"Then, yes. I'm letting you go. Just like that."

"But why?" Draco insisted, causing Hermione to mentally smack herself. The saying, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" was something she needed to instill into the idiot's head.

The man smirked at them again—why was it so damn familiar?!—before replying, "Well I can't have both Hermione Granger, War Heroine, and Draco Malfoy, Head of Malfoy House, locked in malljail for too long could I? The Ministry would have my head!"


AN: Feel free to bitch about how long this took in a review XD