CHAPTER SEVEN – CARE FOR ME

I know it's been a while and I"m really sorry! this chapter is kind of short, but i'll be getting back into my writing soon. thank you for sticking with the story!

Jace

When we finally made it too the Institute, the training room floor was spotless, not a trace of blood or Clary and when we entered her room, we found a lump curled under the covers with flaming red hair poking out of the top of the comforter. I sighed in relief, at least she was okay, but she'd have to face a lot of questions in the morning. Concern ached inside of me and I wished so much that I could go to her side and comfort her, make sure she was okay. Though knowing she needed rest, I stayed back; restraining myself wasn't exactly that hard because I knew it would be good for her, but still, tough.

I bowed my head, the last one in her doorway hovering for one last second before closing my eyes and leaving silently. Something was off, I didn't know what, but something was off.

Clary

She's going to have to face a lot of questions in the morning, I heard Jace's though vaguely as I lay as still as possible under the covers. Hearing them move around my room and murmur about me, thinking I was asleep was awkward. But I dealt and held still and waited for them to leave. Though, I knew Jace would be intent on my actions for the next while. Hmm, how annoying, I was strong and they should know that. But I'd been able to sense that I'd been watched after my episode and had quickly cleaned up everything before I quickly took cover in my room.

After they'd left I sighed and silently slipped out of bed and down to the library. Curling up in the large chair, Hodge had so often occupied, I stared out the window. I dreaded what would surely be coming the following morning.

"I am glad to see you are alright, Clary," a familiar voice said and I lifted my eyes slowly to see Arianna standing before me with crossed arms.

I shifted uncomfortably. "I…uh…err…yeah," I finally came up with lamely, looking away shamefully. "I…uh…suppose you were with Magnus when he tracked me?"

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. "You knew you'd been tracked?"

I nodded. "How do you think I got everything clean before they got here?" I averted my eyes. "I'm…sorry…"

She knelt in front of me, her long black hair swishing lightly around her. Arianna placed a hand on my shoulder and the other under my chin, titling my face towards hers so I would meet her gaze. "Well…that was exceptionally idiotic, but I do not think there is anything to apologize for. You wanted to prove yourself." She added almost offhandedly.

I glanced sharply at her. "Yes, but having that whole scene displayed in front of my mother…and Luke…this is not good. I will be grounded for life, never allowed out of their sight and they'll think I'm some stupid little girl who is unworthy of ever being a Shadowhunter." I was vaguely surprised at the venom in my tone.

Arianna raised both eyebrows at that. "Do you really think that they don't think you're worthy of being a Shadowhunter?" she asked carefully. "I'm sure that is not it, I have spoken with Jocelyn and Lucian…they are kind people and they both love you very much. I would not be so quick to dismiss their faith in you, Clary."

"Hmm…sure," I muttered sarcastically. "They would never think that I'm still a little girl, not because of my size, not because I've not had certain training as a Shadowhunter. Never, nope" I shook my head and stared hard at the fire. "They don't like it that I've been exposed to this, especially not my mother."

"You're mother loves you very much," Arianna said reasonably.

"Yeah, so she loves me; what about believing I am capable of things?" I glowered at Arianna. "I love my mom, but sometimes she needs to learn to give me a little room."

"Parents can be burdens at times," she nodded sagely, looking much too knowledgeable for her appearance.

I sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be snapping at you; I am tired."

"I would expect you to be, after this evening," Arianna remarked dryly, rocking back on her heels. "Fleeing through a large city, taking cover in your second home and destroying yourself – mentally and physically. You were very efficient in this activity, Clary; I'm quite eager to see the next."

I bowed my head. "Okay, okay," I admitted. "I know, I'm sorry and I won't do it again. It was stupid,"

"Yes, it was." Arianna knelt before me and put her hand under my chin. "Why did you do it?" she asked quietly.

I looked away from her and into the fire. "Because I'm not weak," I said blankly. "I'm not a child and I need them to know that I can take care of myself and I can fight."

Arianna sighed and I glanced down at her. "It worked the opposite way you hoped it would, Clary. You're parents, I think, are worried for your mental health now. As for your little boyfriend," she didn't save me the annoyed roll of her eyes. "How can you put up with him? He's rather annoying, but to give him credit, he was the first one moving to get to you."

I blinked and stared at her for a moment. "What are you talking about?" I sunk lower into the chair and avoided her intense gaze.

"We all watched you on Magnus's tracking globe and after Magnus and I argued slightly, that James boy was in his coat and gone. I was impressed, he cares for you deeply."

I glanced at her briefly and then away. "My romantic affairs are hardly any of your business, Arianna." I snapped, trying to hide my feelings.

She suddenly was leaning over the arm of my chair and in my face. "I am not merely your trainer, I am not someone you can dismiss so easily – Clary, I too, care about what happens to you. You do not need to hide from me, for I can see right through your facades." She put a finger under my chin and turned my face towards her. "Do not hide from me," she whispered.

I stood abruptly, moving away from her and across the room. I stared at her a moment, then sunk down onto my hunches to stare into the flames attentively. "Don't press me, Arianna," I warned in a low voice.

"You're growing stronger already, this may be a problem; but you must learn to trust me, you must learn to allow me passage into your conscious. You must allow yourself to let me in, past the walls you've put up against everyone else. Make me your exception, Clary."

Then she vanished and unlike before, she didn't linger, she just…left.

I sighed. "Good, God, she sounds like she wants to be my boyfriend." I snorted sarcastically and stared into the fire.

Jace

Lying awake in bed, something was tugging at the pit of my stomach. I wanted desperately to go to Clary, sneak into her room and hold her, make her feel safe and okay. I wanted to whisper that everything was going to be fine, that it didn't matter about what other people thought – I wanted to be her perfect boyfriend. But, really, there was no way I ever could accomplish that.

Jace Lightwood the Perfect Boyfriend? Please! It's impossible!

Thinking about this brought me the memory of a break up I'd had, not long before I'd met Clary.

"Melanie, I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore." I said, looking at the beautiful girl emotionlessly.

Tears streamed down her face as she looked at me, anger beginning to boil in the depths of her blue eyes. "Why not?" she demanded of me.

"Because," I answered shortly.

"BECAUSE?" she shouted. "THAT is your excuse? You're not even going to try the other ones that are used too much?"

I snorted, hoping to anger her more. "That would be called a CLICHÉ," Melanie hated it when I spoke down to her, which was an advantage. "You really couldn't understand this; I can't be with you anymore." I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms; this was going to take a while. I'd gotten closer to her than I should have.

"Jace," she practically moaned out my name, which, I had to admit, was always a turn on. "You can't do this to me, I love you."

What ever arousal that I'd had instantly vanished, leaving me stiff and cold and harder than ever. "No, you don't," I said sharply.

"Yes, Jace, yes, I do."

Why would you push this, little girl? I thought to myself. I don't want to hurt you too badly; I don't want to hurt you at all. I just have to, don't push me. Sadness tainted my mind, thinking back on all the girls that I'd been with and sometimes been happy with and then all the same girls that I'd made cry, made shout, made beg. I'd made them so unhappy and I'd broken their hearts and I was so unfair. "WHY do you think you…love…me, Melanie?" I had some trouble saying the 'L' word, but I always did. It wasn't something I did.

She looked at me sadly and sunk down onto the floor. We were in her house, in her bedroom. A bit too personally for a break up, but I would deal. "I love the way you laugh, the way you smile at me and make me feel like I'm the only one in the world, I love the way you ignore other girls when they try to flirt with you, I love the way you hold my hand, the way you play with my hair, the way you held me when I was upset." She looked up at me, emotion swirling in her eyes. "I love the way you kiss me with such passion, I love the way you're so intense, I love the way how you focus, how you notice everything. I love the way you act, I love YOU –"

I pushed off of the wall abruptly and glared at her. "You can't love me, you LUST for me and you do not love me. And lust is a sin, so YOU, my dear, are going to hell."

I turned on my heel, leaving her crying on her bedroom floor and let myself out of her house.

And you think SHE is going to hell? I thought to myself.

Sitting up in bed, I pushed my hair out of my eyes and stared into the dark. I got out of bed, thinking that I'd just go to the library. I'd always felt safe there. But that isn't where I feel safest, I thought wistfully. I always had and always will feel safest in Clary's arms; I always felt so…loved…when I was with her. So sure of security with her, because I knew, even if she hated me, Clary would protect me. I didn't like that though of being protected, but with Clary, it was…okay. It was more than okay, it was amazing and I never wanted it to end. Ever.

I found myself at the entrance of the library, which was open slightly and I saw the silhouette of a person drawn by fire-light. A silhouette I recognized so well, recognized from staring at from behind while she wasn't looking, from afar when she thought she was alone, from above while she was talking with other and where I most liked it from, right in front of her, staring into her green eyes.

Clary.

I didn't notice that I'd spoken aloud, but that relaxed silhouette stiffened and turned towards me and I saw her shadowy face. Her lips moved, but she did not speak aloud. She mouthed my name and it was as if I could feel her sorrow from that movement, the agony she was hiding.

I was at her side in an instant, holding her face in my hands. Now, close to her, I saw the tear tracks running down her face. "Clary, what is it?" I whispered to her, leaning my forehead against hers.

She shook her head vigorously, throwing tears into the air. "Just be here," she whispered and threw herself at me. I crushed her to my chest and stroked her hair. I held her as she cried silently into my chest, feeling the damp spots growing on my shirt, but I didn't mind.

Somehow, after a bit of time, we ended up on the ground and I was still holding her in my arms, but her tears had subsided. We were leaning against the stone mantle with Clary in my lap, our arms around each other. Her head was against my shoulder and I was content to sit there, no words at all being exchanged.

For the past few days, I'd been beginning to feel as if I was loosing her. Now I had her back.

And I never wanted to let her go.

Clary

In Jace's arms, I felt so happy. It was such a relief to let my walls down for a moment and just be with him. I didn't understand why he would love me, he was so perfect, so unflawed…and then there was me.

But I'm going to change that, I thought. I'm going to become a Shadowhunter and I'm going to fight and I'll be able to take care of myself and I won't be a burden.

I smiled into his shoulder and then turned my face into his neck, sighing contently. I tightened my arms around his waist and shifted my position so my legs were on either side of his hips. I looked up into his eyes and smiled slowly. "Thank you," I murmured very quietly.

"I'll always be here," he responded and his arms tightened around me, pulling me to his chest. I felt his lips in my hair and his breath tickled my ear as he whispered, "I love you."

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'd love some input and some suggestions on what you guys would like to see, or what you think might happen, i've got some things lined up but i love your guys' input !

Thanks so much for sticking with it!

Love ya,
Alice 3